❃°⊱✧⁎⋆*۵'•༄'
Neil's POV
"Darling?"
I say as I knock the door of her dorm.
"Hey, I don't know if you are in there, Y/n, but, I really need to talk to you. I need to see you..."
I continue and knock on the door once more. As I do it, I hear a soft sob and then the door opens, revealing a crying Y/n. Before I know it, before I even get the chance to ask her what's wrong, she wraps her arms around my neck and pulls me into a hug.
"I fucking love you more than anything else in this world. Please tell me you will never let me go. Please."
"Hey, hey! Honey, what is this about? What is it?"
I ask, scared and worried, waiting for her reply. She pulls away and I wipe her tears away, leaving my hands on her cheeks.
"I was thinking... Something happened. Something terrible. I am an awful person, Neil. I don't deserve you. I love you. I just want to be with you. I can't. I am scared. You will hate me..."
She cries out and she puts her hands on mine.
"Y/n, I could never hate you, never. What happened?"
"It's Todd... He didn't do anything wrong. He just... He is just confused. And I- I don't know..."
"What does Todd have to do with us? What did he do? Did he hurt you?"
"No... I mean, kind of... I was the one who hurt him. Look, Neil, I feel so bad. I don't know what to do."
Is Todd the reason she has been acting like that lately? Is she falling for him? No. Wait, no, Neil you are going crazy. What did he do? What did she do? I can't keep making scenes without being aware of what happened. God, what is this?
"Baby, tell me what happened..."
"He... Uh... Well, he kissed me. But, I kissed him back... I mean, I didn't exactly kiss him back. It just happened. And I feel awful."
"Wait... He kissed you!? And you... You kissed him back!?"
"No, Neil, I-"
"Why would you do that?"
I calmly say, feeling the blood inside my veins boiling. I knew it.
"Neil, I didn't want to. I didn't mean to. I explained to him that I didn't want that. I still don't want this. It's not my fault. But it's not his either. Trust me, please."
"How do I know that this is the truth? How do I know that it won't happen again."
"I know. I don't want it to happen again. It shouldn't have happened in the first place. But, Neil, please trust me. I love you. I really do. Don't you know that?"
She says and I look back at all the memories I have with her. She wipes the tears I was trying to hold back and I just pull away.
"So... This is a lie, right?"
"No, don't say this..."
"How can I not say this? How can I not?"
I yell and she looks at the floor.
"I gave you all of me. Every part of myself... And what did you do? You kissed Todd... My best friend and my... Well, the love of my fucking life. I can't believe this. Wasn't I enough? You just thaught me to love someone with every part of me just to let me go after? What did you do? And stop looking at me with those beautiful eyes of yours like that! It won't happen this time. I won't fall for this lie again."
I yell and she walks backwards, slowly.
"No, Neil, look... It's not-"
"Just stop! It's all my fault. I should have been aware of the fact that a girl like you would love me. I should have
known that you could never love me like I did. Like I do. And you know what? I know that you will never love me like I love you. So just go out there and fuck around with whoever you want. Because, one day you will realise like I love you like noone else has ever loved and will ever love you. Keep in mind that there is someone who loves you with his whole heart, someone who will forever love you from the bottom of their soul, and you just broke them with the best way you could. Go on... Have fun."
"Neil."
"No! Just stop, okay!"
I yell and move towards her. She flinches her eyes and puts her arms in front of her face, covering it, as she hits the wall with her back.
I stand there, in shock. I take a few breaths in and she looks at me. I look into her eyes and here it is. The little, adorable spark of hope is gone. She is scared. Scared of me. I fucked up.
"Y/n?"
I quietly say and she nods.
"What did you do?"
I ask and she stands up, slowly.
"I thought you would hit me..."
She confesses and I feel cold air hitting my back. I am terrible.
"I would never do that."
I say and she looks at me.
"I could never..."
I whisper and grab her hand, pulling her into a hug.
"I love you."
I softly say and take a deep breath.
"I am sorry. I am so sorry, really."
I apologise and she hugs me back.
I am slowly becoming like my father. Oh my god, no. This is awful...
"I am sorry for reacting like that. I just couldn't stand the thought of you and Todd. I love you Y/n, and I can't just let you go. You had been slipping away from me and I just got scared. I felt like you were taking me for granted. Consider what we have hot, because I can never take you for granted. And I know you don't do that too. I am so in love you, still. And, you know, love is so blind when you feel it. I trust you. And I know that you won't let it happen again. I am so sorry."
I kiss her forehead and she pulls away from the hug.
"You shouldn't be the one apologising."
She whispers and kisses my cheek.
God, she gets me addicted every time.
"I love you."
"I love you too."
End of Neil's POV
"I just want to lay right by your side. And you know what? We don't even got to love each other right. Since I met you, all the messed up days, just shine a bit more brightly. And sometimes, I think if there is another "us" on this whole planet. We just got to make it through the night, I suggest. Because, if you ever decide to go, I know for a fact that the sound of your voice, your touch, all of our favourite songs and all of our favourite books will just be bittersweet wounds. Bittersweet lullabies. I want to pass out on the floor with you. I want to see the sunrise and the sunset through the window. I want you to turn a sunset kiss into a sunrise one through the night. By the way you move, look at me, I know that you want me to show you all the rules, we both have been searching for, since our very first lives. I want you to give me all your clues, all your love, in order to guide me through your body. Because I want it pressed up against mine. I want it pressed up against my heart. I want your hands to reach my skin, lingering over my thoughts and the curves of my passions, spreading through my perceptions, grabbing all my hopes and gripping my desires, stroking my needs and cupping my fantasizes. I want to feel your soul breathing against my collarbones, heavily. I want your perceptions, thoughts nibbling on my ears, your opinions hard under my hands, your desires pressed up against my lips, your hopes naked on my skin. I want your passions moaning heavily against my soul. I want you, every piece of you. Please, don't blow out the fire when darkness meets the light of our hearts. There are so many things I could do to make you stay to life, when our hands are collided together, fingers intertwined and hopes so high. I can see there is no more time. My fingers are coming loose and so are my desires. You are those, and I want you to loosen up against me. I love you. I need you. Only you. Because, all the chills that I am used to, they are nothing without you. Noone else matters. You give me goosebumps. Always. You are all that I see. I am so lost in this paradise. I am lost in you, a diamond. I need you to shine bright. And when everything is complicated, just stay with me in the dark. And then, I will be a nostalgic afterthought, staying in the limelight. And just know, that if forever exists, I want you to be it. I want you to be it for me... Please..."