I'm shaking as I walk out of the restaurant, leaving my years of hard work behind.
Zeynep insists on taking me out to get some pick me up food after the whole ordeal. I acquiesce, needing some fries and a distraction.
I'm in a daze as we drive to the diner down the street. The memories of the past few minutes refuse to leave me. I have never made such a huge scene in my life. Not even close. But, I'm grateful to have Zeynep here. If anyone knows how hard I have worked – and what I just threw away – it's her.
When we arrive, Zeynep leads me to the diner counter to place our order. Ferit is standing behind us, holding a sleeping Bulut. The poor baby fell asleep in the car after all the commotion and confusion.
While Zeynep is relaying our order to the cashier, I send a quick text to Yasmin letting her know I am okay and text Ozan to meet me at my place later. I presume my use of emojis will prompt him to bring the correct amount of alcohol.
We settle into a booth to wait for our food, the red vinyl seats hissing as I scooch in. Ferit slides in next to me, Bulut on his lap. His little body is slumped so adorably against his uncle that I cannot help but smile. Zeynep and Amir take their seats across the table.
"Sejal, I am so sorry" Zeynep begins, her guilt clear in her eyes. "We shouldn't have let Bulut—"
"No, it wasn't Bulut's fault," I insist. "This has been a long time coming." The waiter brings over our food, briefly pausing the conversation. I immediately stuff a few fries in my mouth.
"What do you mean?" Zeynep prompts. I let out a long sigh before launching into my explanation of the ongoing fights with my boss, the pattern of micromanagement, and occasional straight misogyny. The emotion of being dismissed and treated as incompetent threatens to bubble up, but I try to control my tears, not wanting to be so vulnerable in this crowd.
I can feel Ferit's gaze on me as he listens quietly, but I refuse to look his way. I've always looked forward to my sporadic glimpses of him over the years, doing my best to cultivate a certain confident, breezy, flirty air. I try not to think about how all of that has been ruined by my shrieking meltdown.
But, he is just Zeynep's brother, I remind myself. He was never a viable option for a casual fling. His opinion of me doesn't matter.
When I've finished my monologue, Zeynep regards me carefully, clearly ready to begin giving me advice, but torn as to where to start. "Sejal, I am so grateful to you for defending Bulut."
I wave my hand dismissively at her gratitude. Of course, I was going to defend that sweet angel.
"Really, Sejal. Thank you." Ferit adds, speaking for the first time since we left the restaurant. I finally glance at him and am touched by the sincerity in his eyes. He seems genuinely moved that I care so much about his nephew. I suppose to someone who has not seen me with Bulut much, this could be a shock. But Zeynep knows I consider Bulut to be family.
"Have you thought more about finally opening your own place, Sejal?" Zeynep has been asking me this for years, confused as to why I have been so risk averse when I am clearly capable of running the kitchen of a successful restaurant. She doesn't understand the burden I feel to be financially secure for my sister ever since the loss of our parents left us in years of tumult. Of course, my sister is grown now and has a sufficient inheritance. But, I'm still the sole provider while she pursues her doctorate. Starting my own business feels like too large a gamble.
I don't tell her any of this, though. I provide her with a different excuse. "I would love to Zeynep. But I just don't have the capital to do something like that on my own." Before Zeynep can chime in to offer her riches, I continue, "And I would want to do this on my own or with a business partner I can trust. I can't have friends betting their money on me." Zeynep sighs, admitting defeat for the moment. But, I can sense her plotting her strategy to get me to agree.
Amir glances at Bulut, still comfortably asleep against Ferit's chest. I know he's concerned that they are out past Bulut's bed time, but doesn't want to interrupt our conversation. "I think it's time for both Bulut and I to go to bed." I say, trying to lighten the mood. Zeynep protests, insisting that they can stay longer if I want to talk, but I refuse. I don't have the energy to fight off her best intentions right now. "Get the baby to bed, I'm fine Zeynep."
She finally agrees and we rise to leave. Ferit and I are both still parked at the restaurant, a fifteen minute walk down the road. I convince Zeynep and Amir to leave directly, assuring them I can walk back to the restaurant on my own. They only agree when Ferit promises to walk with me. I roll my eyes at the idea of needing a male protector, but don't argue any further. Only Ferit catches my annoyance and smirks slightly.
With Bulut safely in the car, Zeynep and Amir hug me and promise to call me in a few days to check in. I wave goodbye to them as they get in the car and drive home.
"Shall we go?" Ferit asks, putting his hands in his pockets.
"We shall." I say, mocking his formality with a warm smile. We turn to head down the road to my restaurant. The tension between us feels awkward, but I am not particularly motivated to break the silence. Ferit makes no attempt at conversation either.
It's been over a year since I last saw him, which was longer than usual. At every one of Zeynep's huge parties, we would usually end up hiding in a corner together, sipping our drinks and avoiding small talk like a plague. But the last time, I had been bolder than ever before, unable to stop myself from raising up on my tip toes to give him a kiss on the cheek in parting. Sometimes I still think about the feel of his beard against my lips, the way he cupped his cheek in shock just before I turned to saunter away.
I'm trying to play it cool, but I can't stop myself from peeking at him through the corner of my eye. He's tall, but sturdily built. Not the long and lean type I usually go for. His beard is short, just slightly longer than what might be considered stubble. His side profile is nearly perfect – strong forehead, long lashes, a long defined nose, full lips, and a sharp jaw line.
I search for something to say that could earn me one of his smiles. If he ever smiled at me like he did at Bulut, I would give him anything he wanted. His face transforms when he smiles, dimples popping, eyes crinkling. His entire demeanor softens giving him a childlike glow.
Unfortunately right now he's too sexy and put together, a complete contrast from my current embarrassed and unemployed state. I'm too aware of the magnetic attraction I feel towards him, especially now that we are completely alone for the first time.
We reach my car without having said another word to each other. I reach into my purse to dig for my keys, rummaging through all the trash I have thrown in there over time. "I really need to clean this thing out." I mumble awkwardly.
"Sejal, thank you again for what you did for Bulut." Ferit says, interrupting my search.
Uncomfortable with the intense earnestness in his voice, I try to laugh off the praise. "It gave me a good excuse to yell at that idiot, really."
He holds eye contact, a small smile on his lips. "You and Bulut really love each other." Ferit remarks, stepping a little closer.
"It's not hard to love Bulut." I say, returning his smile, every inch of me aware of the shrinking amount of distance between us.
He nods acknowledging the truth of that, looking down. "Well, goodnight." He says almost reluctantly, before looking back up. We lock eyes for a moment too long before I force myself to look down into my purse again. I pull my keys out quickly this time and grasp them triumphantly.
The ever present pull towards him grips me, his gaze making me flush. "Should I escort you to your car?" I joke, trying to break the tension that has formed. "I can be chivalrous too."
He lets out a small chuckle, looking a little sheepish. "That's okay, I think I'll be safe walking a couple feet." He assures me, pointing to where his car was.
I nod at him, ready to end this conversation and retreat into my car. "Goodnight." I tell him, giving him an awkward wave.
With a final nod and quick smile, he turns away to walk to his car. I watch him walk away for a moment, trying to understand what I find so unnerving about this man. It wasn't as if I had never seen a handsome man before and it was usually easy enough to enjoy them while keeping them at a distance.
I tear my eyes away to check my phone and see Ozan has replied to my SOS message with a bunch of concerned texts, but lets me know he will meet me at my place with a bottle of whiskey. Thank the lord for good friends.
***********
The ring of the doorbell wakes me up. I crack my eye open, confused as to where I am for a moment. But then everything comes back to me, namely, the vast amounts of alcohol I downed with Ozan last night. I wonder if he even went home or if he's passed out in the guest bedroom.
The doorbell rings again. I groan and turn my head to look at my clock. It's not even 9 AM! Who in the world could be ringing my doorbell twice at this hour on a Sunday. My head hurts too much to deal with this.
I stumble out of bed, throw a long t-shirt on, unable to bother with pants, and walk towards the door. I am probably a mess, eyeliner smeared, hair crazy, whiskey wafting out my pores. For the umpteenth time, I decide I am too old to keep drinking like this.
I open the door, rubbing my eyes, yawning, ready to give the person on the other side hell.
"Ferit?!" I exclaim in complete shock.
"Good morning, Sejal" he says, cold and professional, but with a tint of amusement in his eyes at my state of disaster.
"Uh, morning." Is it possible that I am still dreaming? I stare at him blankly, waiting for my brain to catch up.
Maybe I should have put pants on after all. How is it fair that he looks this good, this early. Also, what in the heck is he doing here.
"Can I come in?"
"Um. Sure?" My mind is whirring trying to come up with possible explanations. "Let me just go...put more clothes on. You can go through there and sit down, I'll be right back."
He nods, entering. "Shoes off?"
"Yes, please" I reply, dashing back to my room. I scan my memory of last night, but still cannot make sense of this. Maybe I should have asked him before I let him into my house. I pull on some sweats and take a quick look in the mirror. As I suspected, I look like a train wreck, but I don't really care enough to fix it. It's too late anyway.
I head to the kitchen, tying my hair up. Some of my more stubborn curls fall out of my ponytail immediately, but I don't bother retying it. I start to make my espresso, needing something to jumpstart my brain if I'm going to communicate like a human being. "Do you want anything to drink?" I call to him.
"No, thank you." He replies, watching me from his spot on the sofa. He's in a full suit, I realize. On a Sunday. This man must be insane.
I turn the machine on and try to discretely peek down the hallway. Still no sign of Ozan, so either he has not awoken from the noise or he isn't here. I'll figure that out later.
"I'm sorry to intrude, but I had a proposal for you." He begins as I walk over with my coffee.
Now I'm really confused.
"Proposal?"
"Yes. That is, a business proposal. I would like to go into business with you. Be your partner for the new restaurant you want to open."
I almost drop my coffee, sure I must have misheard him. He watches me coolly as if we are having this meeting in a boardroom.
"Since you need capital and I am looking for new investment opportunities I thought it would be a good fit." He continues when I don't say anything.
Did Zeynep put him up to this? My head hurts.
"I'm sorry, Ferit. My brain...is not comprehending anything right now. Honestly, I'm too hungover to really process words." I exhale, my expression revealing the breath of my confusion.
His mouth twitches as he does his best to hide a smile. The amusement in his eyes, however, is obvious. His distant exterior seems to crack, revealing hints of the warm man that I find irresistible.
"We can discuss the details more another time, but I thought I would float the idea. I think you are a very capable chef and I would be very interested in being involved with your next venture."
I wish I could understand why he was speaking so formally while he was sitting on my couch on a Sunday morning.
"Unfortunately," he continues, "I do need to move fast because our fiscal year is coming to a close and I need to spend this money before then. We will need to have a more formal meeting later this week to sign a contract."
"If I accept." I remind him, raising my eyebrow.
"Yes," he replies, giving me a crooked grin. "If you accept." I should be more annoyed that the prospect of rejection hasn't even occurred to him. But, his dimples are just unfairly distracting.
I down the remainder of my coffee. "Did Zeynep ask you to do this for me?" That was the only plausible explanation I was capable of at the moment.
"No, of course not." he replies quickly, smirking at the idea that his sister had any influence over his decisions. He leans forward slightly, his eyes kind. "I just think this could be a mutually beneficial partnership. I want to help you." he adds softly.
Well, now I am really speechless. All that is left of me is a melted pool of pleasant feelings, extreme confusion, and some light nausea. I can't stand to look at him anymore, his eyes, voice, and sincerity are too much for my fragile, hungover state. I look down at my lap, fingering the handle of my empty cup.
A part of me is all too happy to enter any kind of relationship that means I will see this gorgeous man regularly.
Ozan chooses that moment to make his grand entrance, sauntering into the room shirtless, clearly unaware that I am not alone. "Sejal. Everything hurts." He groans, rubbing his face. His long brown hair is sticking up in every direction, his light eyes bloodshot.
Ferit hardens at the sight of him, his soft eyes immediately transforming back into his cold, professional face. I'm almost relieved – the robot I can handle. "Think about it" he says, rising to leave. I follow him as he heads to the door and puts his shoes back on.
Ozan shoots me a quizzical look, having realized that there is a man in my apartment. I wave my hand at him, indicating I will explain later. He yawns, unconcerned, and walks around the half wall to enter the kitchen while I join Ferit at the doorway.
"I'll have a contract drawn up tomorrow so we can discuss details."
"Okay." I reply, still not fully able to think about his "proposal". I lean against the doorframe after he exits, enjoying the temporary salvation of having a surface to rest my aching head. "Talk to you later." I say to his back.
He turns to nod at me rigidly, before disappearing down the stairs. I'm trying to decide if I hallucinated his prior kindness as I admire the fit of his suit jacket. His mood changed so rapidly, it is hard to keep up.
I close the door behind him and trudge over to the bar stool. I take a seat and lean my pulsing forehead on the cold granite top of the kitchen island, letting out a loud, dramatic moan. Ozan laughs at my pain as he makes his coffee, his back to me. He turns around to give me a look of exaggerated confusion.
"What just happened?" he asks leaning against the opposite counter and crossing his arms.
I look up, letting my bewilderment show on my face. "I have no idea."