Cas woke up alone the next morning, feeling unreal. He wandered out to the kitchen and found Dean leaning against the counter, his back to the window and a mug of coffee in his hands.
'Good morning,' Cas smiled, going over to him.
Dean looked up and put down his coffee, gazing at Cas.
Cas slid his arms around Dean's waist and kissed him softly, making him sigh contentedly. 'This feels right,' he murmured between kisses.
'That's good.'
Cas deepened the kiss, then mischievousness crept up on him, and he deftly undid the tie on Dean's robe.
'What are you doing?' Dean laughed.
'If you think about it, we have a lot of catching up to do,' Cas said, voice low.
'Hmm, well, you're not wrong.'
Cas chuckled and kissed him more, fiddling with the waistband of his pajama bottoms.
Just then, the kitchen door burst open.
'Oh my God, you guys!'
'Jody!' Dean exclaimed, hurriedly closing his robe, spinning Cas around, and holding him tightly from behind.
'I saw you through the window, I can't believe it!' She stopped and looked at their awkward expressions. 'What are you guys doing?'
'Nothing,' they both said.
She paused, then screwed up her face. 'Ew, you're in the kitchen, come on.'
'You walked into a house that isn't yours,' Dean protested, flushing bright red.
Jody shook it off, then beamed at them. 'Aw, I want to hug you both.'
'I wouldn't,' Dean said, stepping away slightly, pulling Cas with him.
'Yeah, maybe later,' Jody agreed.
'So, uh, why - why are you here, Jody?'
'I came to see Cas about the bees, but I can come back later.'
'Yeah, come back later, Jody, bye.'
She scooted back out of the door, and Dean turned Cas back around to kiss him.
'Is she gone?' Dean asked, and Cas watched Jody retreat up the driveway.
'She's gone.'
Dean let out a breath and laughed. 'You wanna go somewhere that's not in front of a window?'
'I don't know about that,' Cas said, undressing him again.
'Ooh, risky. I like it.' He pulled at Cas's pajamas. 'Oh, by the way, Sam and Jess are bringing the baby over later.'
'You're going to talk about your brother now?'
'Uh-huh, and I'm gonna tell you I've got some interviews for nurses lined up too.'
'I can't tell you how hot that is.'
Dean laughed, and Cas suddenly stopped.
'Hold on a minute, how long have you been awake?' Cas asked. 'How long have I been sleeping?'
'Let's just say I really wore you out,' Dean said with a wink.
'You're ridiculous.'
'Yeah, well you're hot, so stop talking.'
'Got it,' Cas murmured into Dean's mouth.
Dean sat in the dining room, looking through some files spread out on the table.
Cas was trying to focus on his latest painting, but kept gazing at Dean instead.
Dean glanced up at him. 'What are you staring at?'
Cas tilted his head to get a better look at Dean's face; the freckles, the way his green eyes lit up in the sun, and the tiny frown between his eyebrows that formed whenever he wanted to read something on his own.
'I feel strange.'
'In what way?' Dean said, putting down the file he was holding.
'I don't know,' Cas said, twirling a brush in his hand. 'It's because of what we did.'
'That's not very reassuring for me,' Dean said nervously.
'No, not in a bad way either. It's hard to describe.'
'So you're just leaving me with: you feel weird because we had sex? That's no fun, Cas.'
Cas rolled his eyes. 'This may not make sense, but it's like - it's like I missed you, and now I feel better, but I didn't even know I missed you, so it's hitting me as well. Do you understand?'
'Kind of?'
Cas sighed. 'I really don't know how to describe it, Dean.'
'So paint it, like you always do.'
Cas nodded and started a fresh canvas. 'Maybe I'm feeling more like myself,' he mused.
'What do you mean?'
'Like all the pieces are coming together... although...' He looked down at one of the paintings of the beach. 'Still missing a few...'
Dean was still looking through nurse files when Sam and Jess arrived.
'Hey, guys,' Sam smiled, holding Mary on his hip.
'Hey,' said Dean, without looking up.
Jess sat down with a her Starbucks. 'New painting?' she asked Cas.
'Yes. I'm trying to figure something out.'
Sam didn't say anything, but looked at them both suspiciously. 'What are you doing?' he said, looking at the files on the table. 'You don't read.'
'I'm not reading, I'm looking at pictures of hot nurses, see?' He turned over the file for Sam to look at.
Cas sniggered, and Sam squinted at them.
'Something's different,' Sam said. He looked at them, sitting a little too closely together, the beginnings of a portrait of Dean on Cas's canvas, and the way Cas's eyes darted around Dean's face, and lingered on his lips every so often.
'What do you mean?' Dean asked innocently.
'You're not so tense... and less... red?'
'Yeah, he's way less antsy than usual,' Jess added, sipping her coffee.
'When did this turn into "interrogate Dean day"?'
'We're not interrogating you,' said Sam. 'Why? Have you got something to hide?'
'What? No,' Dean laughed nervously. He glanced at Cas, and Sam gasped loudly.
'Oh my God, you guys had sex!'
'Sam!' Jess exclaimed, reaching over and covering Mary's ears.
'Dude!'
'Don't deny it, I can tell by the look on your face. I just haven't seen it in a while.'
'Do I want to know why you know what your brother's post-sex face looks like?' Jess asked, hands still over Mary's ears.
'That's an excellent question,' Cas said, putting his brushes away.
'What are you doing, why are you covering her ears?' Sam asked, pulling Mary away from Jess's hands.
'She's like this close to talking, Sam, I don't want s-e-x to be her first word.'
'Come on, babies can't say that, not even the ones that can talk.'
Just then, Mary pushed herself away from Sam and reached across the table, making an insistent babbling sound that sounded almost like ' Cas!'
All three of them stared at her.
'You see!' Jess said.
Sam grinned. 'Looks like she wants to see her Uncle Cas,' he laughed, putting her down in Cas's lap.
'Hello, my little angel,' Cas murmured. 'Look at you, so big.'
Mary giggled.
'So what is this, are you guys back together?' Sam asked excitedly.
Cas and Dean looked at each other.
'Uh...'
'Oh, look at that, Sam, I don't think they've talked about it,' Jess said brightly. 'So how about we stop being weird about it?'
'Wait a minute, you haven't talked about it? How recent was this?'
'Well... last night... and this morning,' Dean said, awkwardly. 'Can we stop talking about it now?'
'You're right, you're right,' Sam said. 'We'll leave that to you guys.'
'Anybody want anything to drink,' Dean said loudly, getting out of his seat.
'Tea, please,' Cas said, bouncing Mary on his knee.
Mary grabbed one of the brushes Cas still had out with her chubby hand, and waved it around.
'Are you going to be an artist when you grow up?'
Mary screeched happily and wiggled around on Cas's lap.
Dean brought drinks in for everyone and sat back down.
'So, Cas, I have something for you,' Sam said, grabbing a box from his bag. 'Scrabble! You wanna play?'
'Are you serious right now?' Dean said.
'Yes. Scrabble is good for the brain, and I want to play with Cas.'
'Okay, can I play?'
'Dean, you don't know how to spell anything.'
'I was thinking we play by my rules, but whatever.'
'That's okay, Dean, I don't really want to play either,' said Jess.
'Oh, sweet, you can help me with these nurses.' Dean got up and switched places with Cas and Mary.
'I didn't realise I was so popular,' Cas smiled.
'Oh yeah, you've always been popular,' Dean said. 'In fact, I always thought you two had a thing on the side.'
Cas eyed up Sam and nodded. 'I can see it. You're an attractive man, Sam.'
Sam rolled his eyes.
'Yeah, you're right, you guys would have made a great couple,' Jess added, picking up a file. 'Oh, this one's hot.'
'Are we looking at nurses for me, or eye-candy for Dean?' Cas said, helping Sam set up the Scrabble board.
'Come on, we all know I already have that.'
Sam and Cas played until Cas's head started to hurt.
'Yeah, you guys should get going, we've got interviews this afternoon.'
'All right, well, Cas, I was thinking I could stop by sometime in the week? You know, just me and Mary.'
'That sounds great, Sam,' Cas smiled. 'I'll see you soon.' He kissed Mary goodbye, and sat heavily back down once they were all gone.
'You okay?' Dean asked.
'A little tired,' Cas said. 'Is it weird to be embarrassed that the game was hard for me?'
'Nah. I suck at that game.' Dean drained his coffee. 'Are you ready for these interviews, or do you need a minute?'
Cas sipped his drink. 'I'll be fine.'
Dean stood up and started tidying the paperwork. 'Do you want to talk about it?' he asked casually. 'What this means for us?'
Cas hesitated. 'I don't know what it means,' he said. 'I feel... strongly. But I don't want to put a label on it yet. Is that okay?'
To his surprise, Dean smiled widely.
'Yeah, that's fine,' he said.
'I just think that I've already been taking it as slowly as a person can take it, so why change the pace now?'
Dean nodded. 'Fine by me.'
'I thought you'd be more upset by that.'
Dean smiled again. 'No, this is what you did the first time too.'
'I did?'
'Yeah. You get scared of your own feelings, it's okay. It just means we're on the right path.'
'As long as you're all right with it.'
'Sure I am.'
Then, there was a knock at the door for their first interview.
The first couple of nurses were lacklustre, and Cas was getting more and more crabby.
'This is the last one, okay?' Dean said, holding his hand. 'Hang in there.'
'I shouldn't have played with Sam,' Cas mumbled, holding his pounding head.
'You got this.' Dean smiled, kissing him, then going to answer the door.
Cas had his eyes closed when they came back in.
'Hi, Castiel,' said a woman's voice. 'Are you sure you're up for this? I can come back.'
Cas lifted his head and looked at the woman's scrubs and short black hair. 'It's all right, please sit down.'
'My name is Tessa. It's very nice to meet you. Do you prefer Cas or Castiel?'
'Cas is fine,' he said, pulling himself together.
'How are you feeling right now?'
'My head hurts, and I'm tired.'
'You've had a few interviews today?'
Cas nodded.
'Don't worry, I'll try not to take up too much of your time.'
Dean passed a glass of water over to Cas and sat down. 'So, we'll just get right into it. Do you have much experience with patients like Cas?'
'I have spent time with a lot of patients that have memory problems. I read through the file you sent me, and I think that we would get along really well.'
'What about epilepsy patients?'
'Not a problem. With your service dog, I'm sure I can pick up on your cues, and we can work together as a team to minimise your seizure activity.'
Dean then checked her credentials, and asked about her references. 'All right, that all seems great to me. Anything you want to add?'
'I actually had a couple of questions myself, if you don't mind?'
'Shoot.'
'So, Cas, what are the methods that help you most with your memory?'
Cas started, having almost fallen asleep by that point. 'Uh... The whiteboards in the kitchen help me the most. They have our schedules on them, and I need to stick to a routine as much as possible. I have memory clinics as well, which are good for my brain function.'
'All right. I read in your file that you do some art therapy. Is your mental health something that you need help with as well?'
'It's under control at the moment. I have a therapist for that, so it's not something you should need to deal with.'
'Okay. So walk me through exactly what it is that you need. I get the schedules and the routines, do you have trouble sticking to it?'
'Dean sets everything up for me in the mornings, but I find it hard to keep up with it in the afternoons. I lose track of time easily.'
'Right. And as far as your seizures go, do you get any sort of an aura? How long does your fog tend to last?'
'Someone's done their research,' Dean smiled.
'Absolutely.'
'I don't really get auras. Sometimes my mouth tastes like metal, and my head feels like it's vibrating, but nothing other than that. That's why I have to rely on Hoagie. Um, what - what was your other question?'
'How long does your fog after a seizure last?'
'I don't really know... Dean?'
'Anywhere between thirty minutes and a few hours. It depends on the severity of the seizure. If it happens in his sleep, that might knock him out for the whole day.'
Tessa nodded. 'Okay, well I think that's everything I need for now. You've got my references?'
'Got 'em,' Dean said. 'Thanks for coming today, it was nice to meet you.'
'Likewise.'
Tessa left and Cas rested his head against the table.
'What do you think?' Dean asked once she was gone. 'Any of them seem right, or do you want to schedule some more interviews?'
'No more interviews,' Cas groaned. 'I liked that last one. She asked me questions, instead of talking to you about me like I wasn't here, like the other ones did.'
'Yeah, I liked that too. Is she the one, then?'
'I think so.'
'Good. I'll call her tomorrow and let her know. You should go lie down.'
'In a minute. I'm a little dizzy.'
Dean put a hand on his shoulder. 'You are? That doesn't sound right.'
'Maybe you really did wear me out.'
'I don't know if this is something to joke about, Cas.'
Cas shrugged. 'Help me up?'
Dean lifted Cas up and held him there for a moment.
Cas couldn't seem to find his feet, and held tightly onto Dean and the table.
'Cas, are you sure you're all right?'
Cas took a deep breath through the nose, but it somehow made him even dizzier, and his head was still pounding. 'I think maybe we should go to the hospital.'
'Okay, I'll go get your chair.'
'No, no.' Cas squeezed his eyes shut, and sat back down. 'This feels weird, and bad. My head.'
'Squeeze my hand.'
'I think you should call an ambulance.'
'I'm on it. Try and drink some water, it might help.'
Cas groaned and slipped out of his chair.
When he next woke up, he was in the back of an ambulance. His head hurt, but Dean was still holding his hand.
'Hang in there,' Dean said.
His eyes closed again. He didn't know how long he was out for, but he eventually came around lying in a hospital bed.
Dean was still holding his hand, and Cas heard him sniff.
'Dean...'
'Hey!' Dean said, wiping his eyes. 'You're okay!'
'What happened?' He tried to sit up, but winced.
'Just stay still, okay?'
Cas did as he Dean said, but couldn't stop the panic rising in his chest. 'Dean, am I okay?'
'Of course you are,' Dean said, his voice cracking. 'It's all going to be fine.'
'What's happening?'
'It's uh... subdural haematoma. A little - a little bleed on your brain. Only a small one.'
'What? But - but how?'
'The doctor said it could have been anything. People with pre-existing brain injuries are more susceptible. And people with epilepsy. He said that - he said that -' Dean cut himself off with a small sob.
'Don't cry, Dean, you'll make me cry, and it'll hurt my head.'
'Sorry. He said that you could have hit your head during a seizure, or rattled your brain around too much while you were exercising. Something like that.'
'So - so, how can we fix it?'
Dean bit his lip, doing his best to hold back his tears. 'You have to have some surgery. They gotta make another hole and drain it.'
'That doesn't sound so small if I need surgery.'
Dean pressed his lips together. 'You've done this before, and you were just fine. You're just gonna - lose some hair...' He reached up and very carefully stroked Cas's hair. 'And you won't be able to go to the gym for a little while, okay?'
'Okay, Dean.'
Dean kissed Cas's hand. 'You're going to be fine. We just have to be more careful in the future.'
'It's a good thing we're getting a nurse then.'
'Yeah. They're gonna start prepping you in a minute, and I want you to know that I love you, so much. Don't be scared. I'll be waiting right here for you.'
Cas nodded, and a porter came to take him away. 'I'll be back soon.'
He had part of his head shaved, IVs attached, and finally put to sleep for his surgery.
He was slow to come around, and the first thing he knew was pain in the back of his head. The second was a voice, which he eventually recognised as Dean's. He was singing, wavering often and sniffing.
Cas didn't feel much like doing anything, so he just listened for a while, until he wanted to see Dean. He slowly opened his eyes and turned towards Dean's voice.
Dean saw his eyes open and let out a deep, shuddering sob.
'I'm okay,' he whispered.
'I was so scared,' Dean wept. 'You had some seizures during the surgery - I thought that - I thought -'
'I'm not going anywhere.'
'You bet your ass you're not going anywhere.' Dean gripped his hand tightly.
'Aside from the seizures, it went well?'
'Yeah, they're gonna keep you for monitoring for a few days, but they say they stopped the bleeding.'
Cas took in his surroundings, the machines attached to him, the nurses hurrying around, and Dean. Dean with his calloused fingers, his bloodshot green eyes, and his beautiful voice. He cleared his throat. 'Dean, I think life's too short to be afraid of your own feelings.'
'You don't need to talk now, just get some rest.'
'No, I need to say it. Today could have been a lot worse, and if anything had happened, then I wouldn't have - and we wouldn't have-' he stopped for a breath. 'I want to be with you. I feel strongly about it, but I don't think I should wait for an exact definition any more. And I want to tell Sam that we're back together.'
'Really?'
'Yes. It's what I want.'
Dean leaned over and kissed Cas. 'Get some rest now. And remember, I love you.'
Cas closed his eyes again, but didn't let go of Dean's hand.