At night
When I close my eyes
I think about the one I like
And then
Inevitably
I think of you
And while I think of you
I think about pain
About a deep knife cut
A broken bone
A black eye
Appendicitis
And then I think of you
And I know that pain
Real, heart breaking pain
Is missing someone
And worrying in your heart
That you'll never see them again
Because every time
I go back there
To my home town
No
Our home town
I tell my parents
"See you in a while"
And then I walk
To that little old street
Whose name itself
Seems to indicate magic
And I see the trees
The old houses
The young children
Now older
And then I stop
For just a moment
And I gaze
At your house
And memories
God
The memories
They flood back
Just pictures and clips
Snow forts
Snow men
Swimming
Climbing Trees
Catching frogs
Mud wars
Skiing
Exploring
And then comes more
So many more
About odd and wonderful creatures
That we had created
That we had become
That we had lived as
And I want to cross the road
I want to walk up to the door
And then if I did
You would awnser
And you'd look down
Because you were always so tall
So damn tall
And then you'd gasp
And smile
And fiercely hug me
And then you'd laugh
And I'd laugh
And you look me over
And touch my hair
And caress my face
And look into my eyes
And say
"Mel,
Oh Mel
You've changed so much
Your eyes are sad
Your hair is knotted with dreams
And your lovely face is hard
It's worn
It's broken
And I can't help but feel
That it's my fault"
And then with that last
I'd look away
I'd grab my heart
This bruised little thing
And I'd choke out
A few words
That hurt to say
But would hurt to here
"It is"
And then you'd look at me
With your soft brown eyes
Your golden nutty skin pale
And realise
That it's true
And you'd see my memories
Remember the last time
I was here
You'd remember asking me to leave
And promising you'd call
And you'd remember the hurt
The agonized look
On my face
When I said
"Alright"
And you'd remember how I looked out
The back window
And stared at you
Standing there
Watching me leave
And then you'd remember
How I'd stay for 4 days
And yet
You'd never call
And I did
I went away for one
And then I stayed home
To wait
And I everyone kept calling
And I said
"I can't
He's going to call me
Sometime soon
And I have to be here
When he does
He is, after all
My best friend"
And so I waited
For my best friend
Who'd been there for me
Since I was 4
And on the last day
I died
My breath stopped
Because I knew
It was too late
He didn't call
He never called
And standing in his doorway
He'd grab me
He'd pull me into his arms
And apologize
And I'd cry
And we'd melt
Forgiveness of being forgotten
Forgivness of forgetting
And everything would change
I'd call my parents
And say
I'd be late
And we'd talk
About love
About friends
About everything
And then I'd go back home
To the dismal town
And I'd laugh at their cruelty
And smile at their ignorance
And for once
I'd wouldn't care
Because I'd remember him
I'd remember that day
But
I wouldn't
I wouldn't knock on that door
I wouldn't cross the street
Because as much as I want to
As much as I miss him
I truly think I'd die
If I knocked
And he awnsered
And he looked at me
With indifference
He'd ask me what I wanted
And I'd say
"Jamie....
I missed you
I know I've changed
But
It's Mel"
And he'd shrug
And look at me
With those brown eyes
And shrug
And say
"Sorry
I can't remember any Mels"
And close the door
On my broken face
So Instead
I just keep walking
And then I get to my home
My beautiful home
Which had protected me for so many years
And I'd long to return
But I wouldn't
I'd turn around
And walk back
And then look once more
At his house
And see in the window
His mother
Who'd look at me
Puzzeled
Wondering
"Who's that girl
Why is she familiar"
But then I'd keep walking
And she'd just shrug
And go back to her life
And then I'd come back
To this dismal town
And I'd cringe at the cruelty
Frown at their ignorance
I'd hate who they've made me
And miss the person
I was
When I was with you
That crazy
Wild
Fun-loving
Frog-catching
Dreamer
I'd miss how I always went and climed
No matter how hard
To the top of the tree
With my little red ribbon
And tie it up
So high
And look back down
To see you
And know if I'd fall
You'd be there
But now
When I fall
I hit the ground
The cold ground
And reality sinks in
So I try to forget you
At least during the day
But at night
When I'm alone
I think of the guy I like
And then think of you
Of us
And just before I fall asleep
A tear runs down my cheek
And hits the blanket
You gave me