2 weeks later
The surgery didn't go well. It didn't work at all actually, it was a bust. I haven't told anyone, Lex, Luke, no one. Only my mom knows and it's gonna stay that way for a long time. I hated myself because I knew I was going to die within this year. My mom hasn't acted the same since she found out the surgery didn't work. She's positive and happy about everything. She always sees the positive. Me and Luke have been talking non-stop. I only Facetimed him once because I didn't want to see him without my hair. The whole time we Facetimed I had the camera not facing me. He was going to see me soon anyways, so what was the point? Oh shit. I was gonna see Luke soon, like very very soon.
"Julia, Luke and the boys are here!" My mom shouted
Your joking. Of course as soon as I think of them they happen to come. I grab a beanie and put it over my head. I looked like crap, sweatpants and Luke's shirt. I sighed and began to go downstairs. Luke and the boys were on my living room couch watching my mom.
"Hi." I mumbled to them and looked down at my feet, I heard the couch creek as someone got up. Luke pulled my chin up to look at him.
"Hey beautiful."
I grumbled as he said the last part. I wasn't beautiful, no where near it. I was sick, and ugly. I gained at least 20 pounds in the month and a half that Luke has seen me. He probably can't even pick me up on his back anymore. He hugged me tight, I didn't put to much effort into hugging him though. I wasn't in the mood for love. I was dying, what's the point? He looked at me and frowned. Michael came over and hugged me tight, Ashton after him. As for Calum, he just stood on the couch and watched me, my every move. He knew exactly how I was feeling. That's how Calum is, he's that good of a friend that he knew I didn't want to be loved at this moment. He got up after a few moment gave me a quick hug and stood by the other boys. My mom said we should watch a movie so we made our way downstairs. I haven't taken off my beanie since they've been here. I already looked like crap, why make it worst? Mike and Cal decided on some stupid comedy. I sat at the end of the couch, next to Luke. During the movie he grabbed my hand and kissed it.
"I miss you." He whispered
"I missed you too."
"I'm here now."
"Not for long."
He got up looking at me frustrated.
"Why Julia?! Why do you do that?? I'm really trying here, okay?" He was raising his voice. I just shrugged. Everyone had stopped talking and laughing now, all eyes were on me.
"Why are you being like this? Do you not want me here or something?!" He shouted, I sighed and got up.
"No Luke I don't want you here. I told you that, multiple times. You decided to come here not me. Don't expect me to be myself when all your doing is being a complete asshole. I'm fucking dying, okay? I'm not going to act like I was. I'm sad and lonely and really pissed off at myself. Because I dragged all of you in my life. Actually you know what, to make this easier on both of us; let's break up. I'm breaking up with you Luke. Now please go back to wherever you were because I don't need you. We're done. Go home. All of you."
His eyes dropped then. He looked at me, sadly.
"Julia I need-"
"Stop! Stop fucking pitying me, God damn. I don't need you!! And you sure as hell don't need me. Find another girl, that's healthy, and skinny, and pretty, and that will be with you for a long time." I yelled, I was balling my eyes out now. I couldn't even hold it back anymore. The boys looked genuinely sad for me and Luke. I grabbed my beanie and ripped it off my head.
"I'm fucking ugly!!! Look at me!!" I shouted and fell to the ground, crying.
"I am looking at you. And your the most beautiful girl I know. Julia, just because you don't have hair, and because you gained a little weight, none of that matters to me. I've never met anyone like you. My heart beats an extra mile for you baby. Your the only person that can calm me down during a night terror. When I'm pissed off or sad, I only go to you. You help me so much, and now it's my turn to help you. I'm here for you. I'll always be here for you."
"I hate you for making me feel this way." I sighed
"What way?"
"I love you, idiot."
"No!!" I looked at him
"I'm suppose to say it!! I love you Julia. HA!"
"I said it first." I stuck my tongue out at him. He chuckled and grabbed my face, kissing it. He stopped after a minute, he kept our foreheads against each other.
My phone buzzed. Lexi was calling.
J: Hey Lex
L: JULIA! I'm COMING OVER YOU DIDNT TELL ME MICHAEL WAS THERE!!
J: Oh shit, sorry I forgot. Where are you?
L: Outside your door.
J: Haha come in and come downstairs.
L: On my way!
I hung up.
"Who was that?" Luke asked
"Lexi. She wants to see you Mike."
"SHE'S COMING?? YESSSS!!!! I MISSED HER SO MUCH OH MY GOsh I-"
He got inturupted by Lexi running down the stairs and jumping in his arms. I smiled at them. They are all here, all of my best friends plus my first love. I sighed, I needed to tell them. Not right now though, I didn't want to bust the mood. I just thought about how happy Ashton was, and to make him even more happier, I texted Maggie and invited her over.
"Ashton, guess what?"
He smiled at me.
"What?"
"Maggie's coming over." I smiled really wide at him. His smile got so much wider.
"Really?!"
"Yeah."
"Ohmygosh! Ohmygosh? OH MY GOSHHH!!!!!" He came over and hugged me so tight. As we were hugging I noticed how happy everyone was. Calum even, he was laughing at something Lexi said. Mikey's hand was around Lexi's waist, Calum was laughing. Luke was watching me and Ash. Ash was freaking out because of Maggie. I dunno everyone was happy, including me. Ash stopped hugging me as my mom called down, telling me Maggie was coming down. I squealed for Ashton. He blushed as he saw Maggie for the first time. She stopped once she saw him.
"Ash?!"
"Hi Maggie."
She ran from the stairs into his arms. She was kissing his cheek and blushing so much. She grabbed me and pulled me into a hug.
"I'm sorry I didn't say Hi to you first. How are you? I've missed you like crazy."
"It's okay, I've missed you too, Mags."
I smiled at her and walked over to Luke. I see everyone has a drink so I go grab one. Cal comes over.
"Hey Ju."
"Hi Cal." Finally I hugged him.
"God I've missed you." I hugged him tighter.
"I missed you to Ju."
"How are you Cal?"
"How am I? How are you."
"I'm okay Cal. You?"
"I'm okay."
I smiled at him.
"You needa girl too? I got one."
"Yeah get someone to distract me."
"From?"
"I don't like you anymore don't worry.." He whispered and trailed off
"Then from what?"
"Your pain."
He sighed.
"Don't please."
"Look, I know you Julia. I know your lying to everyone. And I sure as hell know that there's something your not telling us. Probably involving your surgery. I happen to figure it out when you told Luke that you wanted nothing to do with him. You can't hide this anymore Julia. You can't smile and pretend everything's okay, because it's not. You have to tell everyone. I worry about you, okay?"
"Cal why do you know me so well?"
"Because I've been in your situation."
AN: holy shit don't hate me for the late update. im sorry im gonna double update rn okay bye love you. enjoyyyy :)))))) xx