This song. ❤
Samayra POV
I look at Tarun completely flabbergasted, as he stands up from the sofa and walks towards me.
"Hey muffin.. How are you?" he says, his voice sending whispers down my spine, and comes closer to me.
Ambar's stance stiffens and before he could react and I looked at him, giving a warning glare, my nails digging in his arm. He stops right where he was.
"Hi Tarun.. I am great. How are you?" I say, trying my best to not break down crying right here, and not let dad get suspicious as he had extended his arms to hug me but I just took his hand for a quick handshake.
I would be lying if I said his touch that didn't affect me.
You can't spend 21 years of your life with someone and forget them in 3 years. That's just not possible.
"I'm fine.. You look.. good.. so different.. Never imagined you to be wearing... that.." he says pointing to my outfit with a very heavy embroidery and an even heavier jewelry.
Yes, he was right. This wasn't me. I was a jeans and t-shirt kind of girl, who wore plain suits if I had to on any religious occasion.
And now, I was wearing an outfit that weighed nearly 5 kgs. This wasn't me. But this was expected of me. I just guess this was me growing up.
Living for others, instead of just myself. Thinking of others, before me. Instead of my 'No fuck given' attitude before.
"Thank you.. I guess.." I say as Sabina clears her throat.
"How about you sit down, Tarun? Gina wants to serve tea." Sabina says and Tarun had to take a step back and get seated, but his eyes never left me.
"Excuse me.. I just.. need something in my room." I say and run up the stairs, closing the door shut and break down on the floor crying.
Muffin..
He called me muffin..
Like he didn't see the wedding bangles in my arms and as if he doesn't have a daughter.
As if we were still toddlers, and he would happily give me his toys. Or Teens where he would sneak in video games and 18+ movies, so we could enjoy them together. Or even as college students in a long distance relationship.
We weren't. We were two grown ups, having our own families.
"Ayra.. Open the door.." I hear Ambar say, trying to push the door open and I don't respond.
"Sammy, it took you 2 years of therapy to get rid of your suicidal tendencies. I swear if you try anything I'll kill you with my bare hands.." Sabina says banging her hand on the door.
I chuckle amongst the sobs. This is sisterly love, I guess.
"What.. Are you kidding me?" Ambar says as I slowly stand up from the ground and wipe my tears.
He wasn't supposed to know, how weak I have been. Sabina shouldn't have said that.
"You are a cop. Shut up and tell me ways to break this door." Sabina says as I unbolt and open the door.
"No need.." I say as few tears stream down my eyes.
"You're okay.." Ambar says and immediately pulls me in a tight hug.
"I tried to send him away when he showed up at the door, but mom heard his voice and recognized it. So Of course, she is not going to let him leave until she makes something special for him. She was getting the batter of Dhokla ready, I suppose when you arrived." Sabina says and enters the room plopping on the bed.
"Why is he here?" I ask still in Ambar's arms.
"His wife, who was pregnant with a baby boy died in a car accident. He wanted to come home with his daughter, among people he loves. Change of place and stuff." Sabina tells me before turning to Ambar and continues..
"And you.. Mr. Son-in-law.. Stop supporting her when she's upset about that spineless moron. She's a fool to still feel like this and she knows this.." Sabina says and gets up walking out.
"Oh and also, If she starts crying in her sleep, call me. I'll love to slap the shit out of her. For old times sakes.. and keep an eye on her. I'll handle the douche." She says and goes away.
"Is your sister an undercover agent or what?" Ambar asks.
"No.. why?" I ask.
"I get this vibe that she has been undercover with some Mafia or something and the character somehow stuck." He says and I laugh amongst tears.
"You are an idiot." I say as he wipes my tears and smiles.
"Smile suits your ugly face.." he says.
"Excuse me.. How dare you? You are no Mr. World or anything.." I say getting angry and pushing him away.
"Okay. Fine. Sorry. I know you're beautiful. I was just teasing you." He says and I frown.
"I should go wash my face and meet him properly, now that the shock has subsided." I say and he holds my wrist.
"Are you sure? You don't have to." he asks looking at me as I look down on the floor.
"His wife died.. The least I can do is not hide in my room."
"You don't have to, if that affects your mental health.. Remember what you told Chetan? No one is worth your Mental peace." He says and I nod.
"I'm fine. Go down. I'll join you in a second." I say and he nods.
"Don't do anything stupid in my absence. I'm starting to get scared of your sister." He says and I laugh pushing him out.
I wash my face, getting rid of the headgear (tikka) and pat dry my face and neck with a towel before going downstairs.
I took those ten minutes of selfcare, alone to put my thoughts in place. I wasn't sure If I was doing the right thing. But I knew this was me, being an adult.
"Crime is a lot less in developed countries and walking on the street late at night, is so much safer compared to here." Tarun says.
"Yes, I agree. But Crime is more because of the leaders we elect that make up the constitution, which doesn't entail stricter laws. It's not because police is inefficient in India. We catch criminals and sometimes they leave the court unscathed due to their links. We need better leaders, not brains." Ambar says proving his passion for his work.
And I couldn't help but speak up.
"Where walking on the street at night is concerned, Police won't do what a good bringing up can. Countries abroad teach their sons to respect woman, better than we do. And we are trapped in a game of victim-blaming. A girl is responsible for everything. No matter what. They'll always find a fault in her." I say and walk to sit by Ambar's side leaning on him a little, but keeping enough distance to acknowledge mom-dad's presence.
"Spoken like a true policeman's wife.." dad says and mom laughs.
"And She was saying that she'll marry anyone except a cop, when she had first met him." Mom says and I look up at Ambar, who was giving me a cheeky smile.
"Are you okay.. You left suddenly." Tarun asks with a worried look on his face.
Ofcourse he knows me well.
"Yeah.. I just.. That.. Tarun, I heard about your wife."I say looking up at him.
"I'm sorry for your loss. I never knew her.. But I'm sure she was an amazing woman." I say and he nods his head.
"She was amazing, indeed.." he says as we hear running and screaming of kids as Danish runs out from his play room, followed by a little girl around two years old.
Her messy braids and sky blue frock with white shoes making her look like a doll.
"Daddyy..." she says and runs immediately jumping in Tarun's arms.
"Hey Princess, what's wrong?" he asks picking her up and placing her in his lap. She sits down and hugs him.
"Tum tum, hungry.." she says rubbing her stomach.
"What does princess want? We'll get it on the way back home." He says.
"Meher wants Ice-rim.." she says and I was taken aback for a moment.
He named his daughter, Meher.
So many names and he decides to name her that.
Meher.
Meher means blessing and has Persian origin and it was the name I always wanted to give my daughter, if I ever had one and Tarun knew this. Of course, we were the cliché teenage couple, and we discussed kid's name and planned our futures together.
He named his daughter after a name, I had chosen for our kid.
I wanted to be angry, but the fact that his wife left him to take care of this little blessing all alone, hurt a little.
And I couldn't help but feel pity.
"How about something more yummy?" my mother says and puts forward a dish of dhokla.
"Aunty, you didn't have to." Tarun says.
"Remember how you would always want this for lunch and then you both would fight for the leftovers after playing badminton in the evening." mom says and I just nod, leaning further into Ambar, trying to not remember the simpler times and he supports me.
"Maasi.. She's so cute.." Danish says and I smile picking him up.
"Yes, I agree. Meher, you are very cute." I say and she blushes hiding her face in her dad's shirt.
"Princess say Thank you to Aunt Samayra.." Tarun says and she shyly looks up at me.
"Thank you, Aunty." She says and I nod.
Mom takes Meher to feed her dhokla and Danish jumps from my lap following them.
"Does she miss her?" I ask referring to his wife.
"It's been over a month and she's slowly adapting. She sometimes wakes up crying and just wants her.. It's hard. I didn't remove her photographs or anything. I wanted her to always remember her mother and look up to her. But It didn't work. So we shifted back. Here she has mom-dad and my younger sister Tara." He says and dad speaks up.
"She's always welcome here. With Samayra married, we'll be alone and bored. And Now Sabina says she's transferring to a different city. We'll miss Danish too." Dad says and Tarun appears a little hesitant.
I make a mental note to talk to my sister about this 'Transfer' thing. Why don't I know?
"You were never hesitating to come here and now that you are a father, this house doesn't meet your safety standards or what?" I ask teasingly and he smiles.
"Nothing like that. I'll try to bring her here as much as possible." He says and I nod.
It wasn't bad talking to him.Honestly, I never agreed that lovers could go back to being friends.
Yes, there was a pain in my heart that Meher wasn't my daughter and we never got a fair chance but I could feel Ambar beside me and I knew that there was finally someone, I got a chance with and blowing it away wouldn't be fair.
He is a nice guy. Stupid and always being a creepy detective but still nice.
Worth spending a life with.
But there were answers I wanted. Answers I deserved.
I honestly wanted to make peace with my past.
Be done with it and leave it behind.
I want a fresh start with Ambar and Tarun is my past. Not my future.
I have a very loving in-laws family and very supportive parents. I don't want to blow this away. I've lived 3 years without him. I can continue to do so.
My thoughts were distracted with my husband clearing his throat.
"Uhmm.. Not that I mind, but you are creepily staring at my face." He says and I realize I had lost track of their conversation.
"Yeah.. I... Sorry.." I say as my dad gets up and excuses himself to his bedroom and Ambar subtly points to my neck.
"What.. what's wrong?" I ask checking if the necklace was still in place.
"You washed your face.. and.. umm.. the concealer.. came off." He says in a low voice with my mom in the kitchen.
Shit.. The hickeys.. My hand immediately flies to my neck.
How did he notice that? Where they talking about it?
"Excuse me.." I say and run up the stairs. I apply a thick layer of concealer and foundation and then come down again after 5 minutes.
I look at Tarun scrolling on his phone as Ambar's place was empty, just like the whole living room.
"Where's he?" I ask and walk down. He looks up and notices my neck. I think they were talking about it. I'll ask Ambar later.
"He got a call and he said to tell you that, he's off to the precinct and he'll be back before dinner."
I just nod and remember that we both missed lunch as well, because we got late in the bedroom.
"You act normal, so I guess it happens often?" he asks and I nod sitting on the opposite couch. We had talked in the car on the way to my parents about our professions and our roles on our respective jobs.
"He's working on some really time-consuming case and he has to answer to the press. They can be a real pain." I say.
"He takes a case being the S.P? Like he can just sit in his office and order everyone around." Tarun says and I shake my head.
"He's a lot like dad in that respect." I say and continue, "Where's Meher?" I say and look around.
"You're mom is with her and Danish, in the lawn. They are playing. I was waiting for you." He says and I feel something weird.
Why was he waiting for me?
"Me?" I ask trying to sound confident but all that came out was a squeak. I clear my throat.
"Yes.. We left things at.. a weird place." He says and I feel a lump form in my throat.
You know that feeling when you want to cry out loud, but can't. Instead you have to pretend everything's okay.
There's this inexplicable ache in your heart, which will be better if you just cry but you have to hold it inside.
"Tarun. I got married. I have a very supportive husband and loving in-laws. Just because you are single again I can't.."
"Muffin, listen to me before you make any conclusions. I'm not asking you out. I respect my late wife and I respect your marriage. What I did was.. " he drifted off as Sabina walked downstairs and spoke.
"Heinous, cowardly, unmanly, careless, foolish, selfish and treacherous." She says walking to stand between us.
"Sab.. You are.." Tarun starts to speak and she punches him in the face.
"What the.." Tarun exclaims.
"THIS is for everytime she wanted to end her life.." she says and then punches him again on the cheek as he falls back on the sofa, his hands covering his face.
"This is for two and half years of Insomnia and sleeping pills she took.." she says and I run to hold her hand.
"Sab.. Stop it.." I say and she just throws 4-5 punches back to back on his face before I finally pull her away.
"This is for the lose of her cheerful personality and instead she would just stay lost in her own thoughts for all these years, and then another punch for years of therapy and also because she barely qualified for her graduation instead of topping the country in her field of work, because she lost focus. She put a pause on her dream to pursue Masters and instead got a job because she didn't qualify.. Just because of your stupid ass pushing her into clinical depression.." Sabina says and I stand between both of them.
"Sab.. Stop.. Just because you know things, doesn't mean you can keep announcing them. Go out.. Play with Danish. Cool down a little.." I say louder but not loud enough to reach dad's room, my posture serious. She takes a step back and just walks out, furiously.
"I'm sorry.." I say and turn to look at him and then notice Gina standing in the kitchen doorway.
"Don't tell anyone and just get me an icepack.." I say and she runs getting it.
None of us speak for a while, lost in our own thoughts, still comprehending the situation.
Gina brings the ice pack handing it to me. I put it up ready to apply on his face, like numerous times after his Sunday football practice but then the clattering of my wedding bangles making me pause. They make me realize of my loyalty to someone.
Applying icepack on his face won't be wrong. Leading him on, will be.
"Here.." I say and hand it to him.
"Your dad did teach both of you some really good self-defense moves and tactics. You always bragged but I never saw it first hand." He says jokingly and I chuckle.
"I couldn't hurt you in my dreams.." I say and immediately regret as he smiles pressing the ice-pack to his bruising eye.
"What about your husband, you didn't mind when he hurt you.." he says referring to my hickeys, with a mischievous glint.
"He can get wild.. sometimes.. but let's not talk about it." I say and shrug.
"Awkward?" he asks.
"Yeah.." I say and look away, unable to meet his eye.
"Does he know?" Tarun asks and I wasn't sure what he was talking about.
I shake my head in warning before speaking in a low voice.
"Let's not talk about that here.." I say and he nods.
"Let's meet up in a different setting then. I'll like to see you.. for lunch maybe.. in café.. How about the one on Den 4 street, near our maths class. I heard it's still there."
"I can't, Tarun."
"Muffin, It's not a date.. Just two friends catching up." He says shrugging his shoulder, trying his best to sound casual.
But this wasn't casual. We couldn't be casual.
"I don't know.. I'll think about it." I say and he laughs sarcastically.
"Never thought I would see a day when you'll be asking for someone's permission." He says.
"Excuse me. I never said I'll ask anyone." I say frankly irritated.
"Muffin.. Once you, told me that 'I'll think about it' is the Indian's politer version of 'I'll discuss it with someone' which in your case is surely not your parents, because they never say NO to you. So, it's obvious. Ambar is already controlling your actions." He says and I get up from the couch.
"I'm Dr. Samayra Gill, daughter of Jeet Gill.. I am not controlled by anyone, nor I ever will be. And even if I am. It's none of your business." I say and turn my back to him.
"And don't ever call me Muffin, again." I say and walk up the stairs to Sabina's room, knowing he won't follow me there.