"So, how is the girlfriend?" Lynda whispered, seated next to me as she pulled off her soccer shoes. One after one, the rest of the team enters the locker room loudly and drenched in water and mud. The floor seems to have a new color now, poor cleaning people.
"She is fine, and get those wet stink shoes away from me" I pushed her hand away as I rolled my eyes. Those could kill someone. I love soccer, but I hate playing in the rain. Clothes get sticky; shoes tend to smell bad, and I have to listen to my teammates complain about the cold.
"It's been four months, Wilder, am I ever going actually meet her like probably?" She asked, and I furrowed my brows as I put on a new shirt.
"You want to meet her?" I asked, surprised, and she gave me an offended glare as she placed her hands on her waist.
"Are you serious?" She raised her eyebrows.
"I have only talked to her twice when I asked her to take you home from the bonfire and when I had to pull her out of that party. It would be nice to get to know her," She shrugged.
"I think we can do that. I'll talk to her," I smiled; I didn't realize that Lynda wanted to meet her, which is nice, though.
"Good, Ewen and I broke up," She said out of the blue as she threw her socks in her bag.
"I'm sorry," I told her, but she only shrugged.
"It's fine. I was kind of the one that ended it, but he agreed, so no worries," She smiled, at least tried to.
"Then why do I get the feeling there is something off?" I pointed out, I'm not that bright, but there was something there.
"Because," She sighed.
"He reacted in such a way that it annoyed me," She explained as I changed into pants.
"What?" I said, not following whatsoever.
"I thought when I broke up with him, he would a be a little sad," Lynda said, and I am not sure if I should laugh or be concerned right now.
"Why would he be sad?" I wondered, which I realized was a stupid question because I understood what she meant now. Wouldn't it sadden me if Nico broke up with me? Of course, it would, perhaps, even painful. I shook myself of the thought, and Lynda watched me weirdly.
"I just got what you said," I explained, and she nodded as she put the beanie on her head.
"I think you are the slowest person I have ever met," She said, stunned.
"My brain process things in hundredth different ways, there isn't always one answer to one question, and my brain will simply find all the answers before I can figure out the right one," I argued, and she burst into laughter.
"What? I need to make sure I have the right answer before I put it out in the open; isn't that how it works?" I asked, and she kept on laughing, holding onto her belly.
"I just say the first thing that comes to mind," She shrugged as I finished dressing and packing my bag.
"Then how do you know that was the right thing to say?" I wondered, bewildered.
"Because, unlike you, Wilder, I'm not all too worried about what people think about the things I say," She explained, placing her hand on my back as we stepped into the hallway.
Scratching the back of my head, I wonder if I am the only one who has a mind which functions like this. Nico seems to say things straight out, and many other people I have met seem to act that way as well. I know I'm a huge introvert and prefer to be alone most of the time, but not for Nico. I would rather have her company than my own.
"See you later," Abby said behind us, and we both turned around, seeing Abby, Anna, and Lucy. But froze as buckets of water were poured over us, and I reached for air as the cold took over. We turned to face a bunch of laughing girls with a blue sweatshirt underneath their open jackets.
"You pieces of shits!" Abby shouted almost on the way to run after them, but I grabbed her before she could go anywhere.
"Don't," I shivered and let her go to hide my hands in the sleeves, but that's not going to help anyway. Everything is soaked in water from top to toe.
"I'll talk to Warren," She said and marched back inside, not even letting me say a word.
"I'm so cold," Anna said, jumping up and down.
"Let's go home," Lucy brought her along.
"Did you know about this?" Lynda asked as she followed after me.
"No, why would I?" I question, annoyed.
"Well, maybe because your girlfriend is the captain of the team, and it looked like almost most of them were here," She raised her voice, which made me stop and glare at her.
"Oh, so you are just going to ignore me," She said as I opened the door to my pickup and threw in my wet jacket.
"I'm not ignoring you; I'm calming myself down," I explained as I took a deep breath, letting my mind wander, but then I brought the phone out of my bag, hoping I might have missed a call or even a text from her before I left the locker room, but nothing. The fact that there is not one notification at all makes it even weird.
"What's with the face?" Lynda asked as I placed the phone back in the bag and chucked it into the truck as well.
"Nothing," I said, shaking my head.
"She didn't say anything to you, did she?" She wondered, perhaps she didn't know, but that wouldn't make sense. She is the captain, so she would. Maybe she tried to stop them, but they didn't listen, or she knew, yet she didn't tell me anything.
"No," I sighed as I seated myself in the truck.
"I'll talk to her later. I need to get out of these clothes and think for a little while," I explained, and she nodded.
"Okay, I text you later," She smiled this time.
"Yeah, thank you," I said and shut my door.
I sighed as I saw Nico's car parked in the driveway at home, and I stopped next to hers. She peeked through the window, and only by looking at her face, I found the answer to the question that I have asked myself for fifteen minutes now. Bringing my bag along with me, I got out.
"Wilder," Nico called out my name as she exited her car. I ignored her as I find my way to the door.
"Please talk to me," She begged when I unlocked the door. I took a deep breath as I kicked off my soaked shoes. Nico kept following me up the stairs, and my socks kept making squeaking sounds as I went into my bedroom. Throwing my bag into the bathroom, I turned to Nico.
"I'm sorry," She said.
"So you knew, huh?" I asked, and she nodded lightly.
"You couldn't have just texted me or called me to warn me?" I wondered.
"If I did and you had avoided it, then they might have figured someone would have told you guys, and I couldn't take that risk," She explained, taking a step towards me, but I held up my hand to stop her.
"Fine, I will accept that, but you knew Nico. You could have stopped them," I raised my voice this time as I tried to pull off the sticky sweatshirt that is glued to me.
"I tried, but they didn't listen to me," She told me as I finally got the sweatshirt off me. It felt like I could breathe again.
"You are their captain. You are supposed to make them listen to you, or you could have gone to your coach explained the situation. I would have done that. I don't care if they would have hated me for it. Because this is the kind of crap that could make you suspended from the team in the upper leagues!" I shouted, and she avoided my gaze the entire time. Rubbing my forehead, I entered the bathroom and shut it behind me.
After struggling to pull off my pants and taking a long, thoughtful shower, I still can't find a way to keep myself calm. I just can't get my head around it. This is a first; I don't usually get this angry, nor do I show it. I tend to shut myself down, and there it will stay. Perhaps it was the cold and the uncomfortableness of the clothes being all stuck to me. It sounded like I'm making excuses for myself now.
Do I have a right to be mad? I'm not sure now. I think I am; why do I always do this. I always overthink; it's my specialty, apparently. But I feel bad for shouting at her. She didn't deserve that. It's something I never do, and now I did, but I don't understand why.
I rolled my eyes at myself as I got dressed, realizing I might have the answer to my question. It can be the fact that she is the last person I expected to make me feel this way, angry and possibly a little hurt.
I took a long, deep breath before I opened the door. Nico sat up on the bed quietly as she is waiting on me to say something, but as I opened my mouth, I heard the door downstairs shut close.
"Wilder," I heard my mother's voice, and I clenched my jaw as the anger that I thought I had left behind me came rising back to the roof.
"Who is that?" Nico asked calmly and worriedly as she stood up slowly. I breathe quickly in and out of my nose as my so-called mother keeps calling out my name.
"That is my mother," I said through gritted teeth.
"It's okay," Nico told me lightly and went over to me, but I took a step back. Everything is turning upside down today, and I can't say I like it one bit. I'm sick and tired of my mother's games. Her demanding money from my dad, who can barely pay the bills as it is, and then she leaves not long after whether she gets it or not.
"Wilder!" Nico shouted once more, and that was the last straw.
"No, Wilder, stop," Nico told me as I went out of the bedroom and down the stairs.
"Oh, there you are," My mother smiled art first, but it faded quickly as I stepped into the hallway.
"Is your father at work?" She wondered.
"Get out," I said and she furrowed her eyebrows.
"What?" She asked, astonished.
"Get out," I repeated, but she only took a step back.
"Wilder, what's up with you?" She asked.
"I'm sick of this crap you pull each time you come here. I'm not stupid. I know why you are here, and the answer is no, so get the hell away from here!" I shouted, and she placed her hand on the door handle.
"I came here to talk to your dad," She said, and it kind of felt like a slap in the face.
"Yeah, I know. I never mattered to you, so I'll make it easier for you; get out!" I yelled, taking a few steps forward, but a pull on my shirt keeps me in place.
"I just,"
"I don't care," I went forward, and even with the hold on the back of my shirt, I managed to get ahead, but arms wrapped around my upper body kept me at bay.
"Calm down," Nico whispered firmly into my ear as my mother finally went out the door.
"It's okay, just breath," She said, and I closed my eyes, doing what she told me to do, repeatedly until I have lost a piece of the anger.
"Are you okay?" She asked.
"I'm fine," I responded flatly, feeling nothing but hollowness.
"You don't sound fine," She let me go, and I turned to face her, concerned is written all over her face.
"I'm fine," I repeated myself as I walked past her to go up the stairs and laid down into the bed, pulling the duvet over my head to hideaway. The anger flowing through me brings out the tears. What have I done?
"Wilder," Nico said, and I felt her sit down on the bed.
"Talk to me please," She begged as I dried away the tear that went down my cheek. A pull on the duvet brought it off me, and Nico pressed her lips together as she laid down beside me.
"Wild, look at me," She placed her hand onto my cheek.
"I'm sorry about everything. I should have done more to stop them, and I'm sorry about your mom. I didn't know that you carried so much anger for her. You never talked about her and didn't even mention her to me," She took a deep breath.
"It's okay," I answered.
"Please talk to me," She begged, but I only shrugged. I don't feel the need to talk; silence seems to be a nice thing right now.
"Okay, you want me to go or stay?" She wondered, and I clenched my jaw as I thought about my answer. I reminded silent as I grabbed her shirt and pulled myself closer to her, hiding my cheek in her chest.
"I'll stay then," She whispered, holding me in her arms as I breathe in her scent that has become natural to me. How can someone enter your life and turn out to be so important to you? It's incredible how easy it is. A hand on the back of my neck brushes her skin; the light touch is soothing. I close my eyes, regretting everything I said and everything I did, with a slight hope that maybe this won't come back to haunt me.
***
The loss of Nico's presence caused me to wake up. She must have sneaked out of bed without me realizing it. After I stretched out and got my head back on track, I went over to the bathroom door. It was unlocked, so I went in, but she wasn't there.
Scratching the back of my head, I found my way downstairs and heard voices in the kitchen, so I followed that.
"Hi," Nico smiled, seated at the table across from my father.
"Hi," I replied unsurely as I leaned onto the doorframe.
"Are you okay?" My father asked, and I only nodded.
"Your mother came to me this afternoon," Oh no, this can't be good.
"She said you shouted at her to go away," He said as I gaze onto the floor, avoiding eye contact. I do not want to talk about this.
"Nico also explained to me what happened. I get it, Wilder, you are angry, and I don't blame you for it. Honestly, I'm angry as well," He shrugged.
"First time your mother left us, she didn't even say anything. The school called, and I had to get grandad to pick you up, and when I came home, all our saving were gone and,"
"What?" I said, crossing my arms over my chest; I didn't know anything about this. Dad closed his eyes with a loud sigh.
"She took all of your savings?" I asked, and he nodded.
"Yes, she got into gambling without me knowing it until I did, and I confronted her about it because we were missing money, and the next day she was gone with the money I had left," He explained, and the fury that I had earlier today came flying back as I gritted my teeth.
"Every time she came back home, I hoped finally maybe she had changed and would stay, because of you. But clearly, it was also selfish of me to let this keep on going as it was hurting you more every time she left," Dad said sadly, and I understand his intentions, but as it said, it hurts each time.
"I don't want her here," I admitted, which felt wrong to say, but it's the truth. Every time I see her, it's a reminder of how much she didn't want me and how she chooses everything besides her family.
"I know, and I told your mother to either stay or leave," He said, and I looked at Nico, who smiled lightly at me. I hope she doesn't think I'm still mad at her about what happened today. It was wrong of me to shout at her in that way.
"What did she say?"I wondered, and dad took a deep, thoughtful breath.
"She didn't really say anything, seemed like she understood it this time and then left. I don't know if she is coming back or not. Time will tell, I guess," He shrugged.
"Okay," I nodded, not sure if I am happy or disappointed, maybe both.
"Get some sleep, and we see what happens okay," He smiled.
"Yeah, I guess," I answered as Nico off the chair and followed me back upstairs.
"I'm sorry, I left you, but I got hungry, and your dad came home, and we talked,"
"It's fine," I sat down on the bed, still feeling tired even though I slept for a couple of hours.
"There is nothing to apologize for," I yawned as she placed herself next to me.
"But I'm sorry for shouting at you and that I was so angry," I said, but she shook her head.
"You have every right to be angry with me. I should have done something more, and I thought about what you said, and I will talk to my coach on Monday," She said, which felt like a relief.
"That sounds like a good idea," I smiled.
"Yeah, well, it was wrong, and they shouldn't have done it," She shrugged.