The next day, Rena has to go to work. Ordinarily, Jacob would go to Alice's for the day, but I offer to take care of him; it saves Alice a job, plus I'd love to spend some one-to-one time with my nephew.
"You'll call me if there are any problems at all?" Rena checks for the ten billionth time.
"Yes," I reassure her.
"Okay, my phone will be on silent during the actual wedding ceremony of course, but aside from that, call whenever and I'll answer right away."
"I will do."
"I'll try to be back no later than 11. I wrote down everything you need to know," she explains, pointing to a piece of paper on the kitchen counter, "I also left some cash if you need anything and I left Alice's number aswell."
"Rena relax! We'll be fine," I assure her before looking to Jacob who is balanced in my arms, "Won't we?"
Jacob laughs when I tickle him under his arm and waves at his mom.
"Sorry," Rena laughs, "I get so paranoid. Come here honey." I pass Jacob to her and she gives him and a hug and a kiss before handing him back to me.
"I'll see you later."
"See ya."
Jacob and I spend most of the day playing games and playing with his toys. He holds on to his stroller and tries to walk, which he's getting increasingly good at, although he's still quite unsteady. He eats lunch and dinner and snacks without any problems and he naps twice during the day, giving me time to get on with some schoolwork and to tidy up around the house.
By the time Rena gets back, Jacob is fast asleep in bed and I'm doing homework in the living room. Rena is relieved when I tell her that Jacob was perfectly behaved and that there were no problems. She talks about the wedding and we chat for a while about photography.
"So is photography definitely something you'd like to go into?" she asks.
"Ideally. Like you said, it's tricky but I love photography so much and I'd really like to make a career out of it."
"I'll tell you what; I've got another wedding tomorrow, so how about I see whether you could come along and act as a second photographer?"
"Would you be able to do that?"
"I should think so. It's a bonus for them; they'll get more photos of their big day. I know it's last minute but I'll be working from home Tuesday and Wednesday, so this might be the only chance before you go home."
"What would the plan be exactly?"
"The wedding's about an hour from here so we'd have to leave around nine, but then you can shadow me, maybe during the lunch and the reception you can go take some photos of your own. I've only met the couple a handful of times but they seem lovely. I'm sure they'd be happy to have an extra photographer with how many guests they've got coming."
"Okay, I'm in!" I decide, "Thank you!"
"Awesome, I'm excited to do business with you," she teases.
We chat for a while longer before going to bed just before midnight. I decide to finally charge my phone which has been dead for the past 24 hours. The battery ran out on the journey down here, but, anticipating nothing but calls from my father to yell at me and Charlie to whinge at me, I wasn't tempted to charge it.
When my phone restarts, I'm surprised, but relieved, to see that there are no missed calls or messages from my father. As much as it proves my point he doesn't actually give a shit about me, it does save an argument. I do, however, have five missed calls from Charlie and a text saying 'ANSWER YOUR GODDAMN PHONE.' I laugh a little, not understanding how Charlie can possibly maintain the belief that he's not demanding. He's just as bad as all the girls he claims to hate.
I change for bed and make a mental note to call Charlie back in the morning, too tired to string a sentence together right now.
---
The next day, I'm woken by the sound of movement in the hall. I glance at the clock to see that it is 7am; it must be Rena getting up. I crawl out of bed, put on my sweater and go into the living room. Rena greets me with her usual warm smile and we make breakfast together. Then Jacob wakes and the three of us eat in front of the television, a giggling Jacob nestled in Rena's lap. I can't help but feel completely at peace, brimming with a new sense of hope. True, the situation is far from conventional, but paradoxically, I feel a degree of normalcy. I'm not taking care of sick people or attempting to reason with drug addicts. Rena's made this life for herself and Jacob that is everything I aspire to, and I feel privileged to be able to share a piece of it.
Austin may be gone and that's a wound that will never fully heal, but I still have a family. I have the brightest most adorable nephew, who at not even a year old has a wicked sense of humour and the kindest of hearts. I have Rena who may not be related to me by blood, but she's shown me more warmth and support than some of the people who are, so I regard her as family nonetheless. She's confident and determined and knows exactly what she wants and how to achieve it. Having spent just a few days with her, I am already inspired by her pragmatism and dedication, and it makes me truly believe that I can create for myself whatever life I wish.
All the things that have happened in the past are exactly that – things that happened in the past. I'm not saying they don't matter, I'm just saying they're not controlling my life for once. I feel stronger than ever and more hopeful than usual. I never thought I'd see myself come to terms with my brother's tragic passing, but finally, I feel like I'm ready to move on.
We don't get home from the wedding until late, having had an extremely hectic but interesting day. Everything went so well and it's made me remember why I was so passionate about photography. I've never photographed a wedding before so I learnt a lot from Rena, and I also managed to get some nice shots of my own that Rena was happy with. That, to me, is the ultimate seal of approval.
We unpack all of the equipment onto the kitchen counter and Rena, upon noticing the light flashing on the landline phone, dials voicemail. While Rena listens to her messages, I quietly put the cameras we used on charge and look through some of the shots from the day.
"Anything interesting?" I ask Rena once she's put the phone down.
"A couple of people wanting me to do some work for them, and a missed call from a number I don't recognise," she explains, nodding her head towards the piece of paper she jotted down the messages on. I instantly recognise the last number written down as Charlie's.
"Shit, that's Charlie," I mutter, "He's been trying to get hold of me but I forgot to ring him back. How'd he get your number?"
"It's online. Probably got it through my Instagram or the company website," she suggests, "Best ring your boyfriend back since he's clearly missing you." I smile and shake my head, taking out my mobile and calling Charlie, figuring it's best to do it now before I forget again. He answers after the first ring.
"About fucking time," Charlie greets, "Care to explain why you've been completely AWOL?"
"Charlie, I'm so sorry. I was going to ring you back but I got caught up. I've been so busy."
"What could possibly be more important than me?"
"Nothing. How could anything be more important than you are Charlie?" I tease, and Rena shoots me a knowing look, winking as she leaves the room.
"Los Angeles clearly is," Charlie answers.
"Yeah, how did you know I was here?"
"Interesting story actually," he remarks, pronouncing every letter of the last word.
"What happened?"
"I was walking past your house with Stan last night and your dad had just got home."
"Oh god," I groan.
"He took me by surprise to be honest. I didn't think he'd even speak to me since I gather he's not my biggest fan."
"What'd he say?"
"He was asking about you, like where you were and stuff, acting as though I was holding you hostage or something. Scared the shit out of me because I thought you were at home. Do me a favour in future and let me know where the fuck you are," he barks aggressively.
"Charlie, I'm fine," I assure, "I'm with Rena."
"Yeah well you could have given me a heads up," he protests.
"Okay dad," I scoff.
"Oh fuck off then, I'm only looking out for you," he mutters bitterly and I laugh. He turns into such a baby whenever he doesn't get his way.
"Don't be such a drama queen. What happened with my dad?"
"Nothing much, really. I just asked where you'd gone and he said you'd walked out the door claiming you were going to Los Angeles, so I figured you'd be with Rena. How long are you there for?"
"I came here on Saturday and I'll be back in time for New Year."
"Noelle," he whines, drawing out the last syllable.
"What?"
"That's ages."
"I'm sure you can cope just fine without me."
"I can't," he complains, and I smile because I know he's not like this with other girls and it makes me feel like maybe he does care about me as much as I care about him.
"Charlie," I laugh, blushing, "I'll be back soon and I promise I'll see you right away."
"You better." Rena comes back into the room, now ready for bed. She shoots me a quizzical look and I stick my tongue out at her, still embarrassed now that she knows how I feel about Charlie.
"Right, I'm going to bed," I tell Charlie.
"Noelle, what the fuck? You've ignored me for days and now you don't even want to talk to me."
"When did you become so needy?" I mutter, before adding seriously, "Look, I'm sorry. Things have been manic, I'll call you when I get some time. I'm just exhausted right now."
"Noelle," he pleads.
"Charlie," I warn, standing my ground for once.
"Fine, have fun in LA probably making a new best friend." I can just tell from the tone of his voice that he's pouting like a spoilt child throwing a tantrum. The thought makes me laugh inwardly. To think that he says girls are clingy.
"Stop being a wet wipe. You're still my best friend. I love you, okay?"
"I love you more!" he shouts childishly before I hang up the phone.
"You guys make me want to puke," Rena grumbles as she pours herself a glass of water. I laugh and rub the temples of my head, thinking about Charlie and considering the possibility that he does have feelings for me too. What would it mean if he did? Is entering into a relationship with him the wisest idea if his addictions are spiralling out of control?
"What are you thinking hon?" Rena asks, noting my pensive expression.
"I'm thinking about Charlie," I admit, "Why do I have to fall for someone that's so toxic?"
"Is it him that's toxic or his addiction?"
"Does it make a difference?"
"Yes," she surmises, before rationalising, "Look, I wish I could give you some advice on this, but ultimately it's down to you. My time with your brother was tumultuous because of our addictions, but he made me feel like I've never felt in my life. I wasn't able to save his from his demons but through him I had Jacob who saved me from mine. The thing you've gotta be mindful of is that you're still coming to terms with losing your brother. I'd hate to see you have to go through something like that again."
"That's what I'm worried about," I confess, "But I also think I'm in too deep already. If I lost him now, I'd be just as distraught as if I were in a relationship with him."
"Then maybe it's worth a shot. I just don't want you to go into it with the false belief that you can save him, and then torture yourself if you find you're not able to do that. You could give him the world, but he may still not decide to tackle his issues, and that won't be your fault. But unfortunately, you'd still suffer as if it was."
I am quiet, my brain struggling to absorb the information, even though I know it's true.
"I can talk to him if you'd like. Maybe he'd listen," Rena suggests.
"I think it's worth a shot," I support, "I imagine it's harder for addicts to take advice from someone who's never been in that situation, so maybe he'll take more notice if it comes from you."
"We'll sort something out," she promises, "In the meantime, just know you have my support whatever you choose to do. I think he really cares for you but you have to know your own boundaries of what you will and won't tolerate in a relationship. I can't make the decision for you but I'll be on your side whatever you."
"Thank you Rena," I say, wishing more than ever that I could call Charlie mine.
A/N - What do you think Noelle should do? Next chapter is going to be emotional but sweet, it's maybe my favourite chapter, so keep your eyes peeled and PLEASE vote if you're enjoying this!!
Ella x