Author: What is one thing you would tell everyone in the world if you had the chance?
Faith: It doesn't matter what you've been through or how painful it was, all that matters is that you keep your head hung high. That's the only way we can survive in this cruel world.
~Faith Jennings
••
I could state a million and one reasons why crying was a solution.
As depressing as that sounded, it was. I hadn't cried in years, six years to be precise. The last time I had cried was when Mom and Dad were getting a divorce.
And when Lacey was put into the picture.
But now my reasons to cry were overwhelming, I was so used to smiling and making everyone that cried smile that it almost felt odd to me.
No one was picking up my calls. Not Sabrina, not Jessica, not Liv and not Georgia. I had tried calling Lacey but she was stuck at a meeting and had promised to call me back. And I couldn't find my half brother, Garrett.
I had no idea where he was and it was driving me crazy, the last time I saw him was yesterday when he was threatening Jacob with a butter knife.
I had even called his girlfriend Casey and I hadn't gotten my desired response.
For the first time in my life, I felt alone, there was no one there, my friends weren't picking up my calls, my Stepmom was busy and my brother was nowhere to be found.
I had all the reasons in the world to cry. I could remember that glimmer of hope I got when I remembered I could call Jacob, but then after what I remembered yesterday for the fifth time that day I chickened out and cried even harder. My boyfriend wasn't and had never been there for me. I was just a time-kill and I never thought it would hurt me as much as it did.
Calling Dad was an option thrown out of the window, I knew he would be fast asleep, he had been working for days and only just got back.
Mom. . . I missed her. I should have called her, I knew she'd pick up at the first ring but I couldn't.
How could you tell your mother, the social butterfly, your inspiration, the woman that was always surrounded by people that genuinely cared about her that you were alone? And that your half brother wasn't there like he always was?
I couldn't bring myself to do it.
So when I saw a familiar pair of green eyes glaring at me I wasn't sure how to act. I should have felt violated, upset and even angry but I didn't.
I felt like a little kid getting lectured about why stealing is wrong.
The moment my eyes met hers I knew her sudden anger and frustration wasn't at me. She looked upset, disturbed and her green eyes looked like they had a turmoil of negative emotions going through them.
But I didn't care about any of that. She could shout at me, scream at me. I would rather have her, a total stranger, lecture me for hours than feel this loneliness again.
So I wiped my tears with my hands as quickly as I could, almost like she'd disappear if I wasn't quick enough. I blinked and looked up at her, again.
She looked tense and for a moment - confused. Like she didn't know what she was doing. Her wavy platinum blonde hair looked a few shades lighter under the sun, her olive skin seemed to shine but I didn't miss her eyes that rimmed red.
I could remember her. I had run away, scared. Scared that looking at her would make it seem real, make Jacob's unfaithfulness seem real. I didn't want to hurt myself. So I ran away even when I saw her looking at me.
Yesterday she looked perfect, she looked innocent, angelic, she still did. All her features remained the same except for the clenched jaw that made her look scary.
I guess she wasn't as perfect as I thought she was.
I gulped and slowly stood up from the mat. "I'm sorry, you're right," I nodded trying to get on her good side.
Please don't leave.
Her face scrunched up in disgust. "Why are you apologising?"
I stopped playing with the hem of my dress. "I-I don't know. I just thought—"
"You don't apologise until you're wrong." She said bluntly then turned around to walk away from me, I felt my heartbeat speed up.
"Um, wait!" I called for her as loud as I could. She stopped walking away from me but didn't look back. I took that as my opportunity to speak. "You can sit with me?" I offered. "You don't have to go just yet."
I didn't know what I was doing. I had never met her before - if yesterday was not included - but from the look in her eyes when she turned to look at me I knew she remembered me. She looked amused.
"I don't hang out with strangers," she said and I found a smile tugging at the corner of my lips. I walked towards her and I stopped when she kept her distance from me and kept on backing away.
She had trust issues. It was as clear as day.
The last thing I wanted to do was make her uncomfortable but I didn't want to be left alone either. I just needed company. "You don't hang out with strangers but you give random people lectures about how strangers should live?" I questioned her. She didn't look as bothered as I thought she'd be. Now, she looked curious, I didn't know why.
"I only advised you because I saw you yesterday," she paused. "You looked upset and frustrated, I just- I just didn't want you to deal with it on your own. Even if you are a dumb and helpless stranger." A full smile appeared on my lips.
"You shouldn't insult strangers," I said in a matter of fact tone. "And I'm not dumb or helpless I'm perfectly fine, thank you very much," she scoffed and pushed a few strands of her hair behind her shoulder, reminding her of yesterday, she had done that too. "My name is Hope, what's yours?" I asked her hoping she'd give it to me
I wouldn't blame her if she didn't though.
She crossed her arms and her eyes shone in amusement. It looked better on her than when she frowned or glared, it looked more natural on her.
"I don't give strangers my name. You shouldn't either," she told me as if scolding me.
"The stranger excuse is getting quite outdated, isn't it?" Her lips pulled into a thin line. And her fist clenched, for the first time I took a look at it. It was a hideous shade of purple decorated with bruises and looked like they needed to be cleaned up urgently before they got infected. It looked like it hurt a lot.
I took my eyes off her hand when I noticed her silence. Looking at her it looked like she was fighting an internal battle, for a moment I felt guilty. I didn't want her obligated to tell me anything about her. "You don't have to—"
She narrowed her eyes at me. "Oh shut up," she shook her head. "It's Faith."
••
"Hope, I am so sorry I forgot to tell you," Lacey apologised, again.
I sighed. "It's fine, Lacey," sincerely, it was fine. Yes, Garrett should have told me he was staying with his Uncle's house for the week and there wouldn't be any signal for a while, but it was his personal life. I didn't want to meddle in it.
Lacey and my Dad had met in college. Back then he was engaged to my Mom, Veronica.
After an argument they both had, he had gone over to Lacey's. One thing had led to another and Lacey got pregnant with Garrett. If I was sincere I had hated Lacey when she first arrived after my parents divorced. I felt like she was the cause but to be honest Mom knew about Lacey's pregnancy and still went on with the marriage.
Anytime I asked her about it now she would say it was a stupid mistake. She was young and thought that his infidelity wasn't something big enough to destroy their marriage. A year after Lacey had Garrett I was born. Mom said my birth had made her realise she couldn't put up with my Dad and Lacey. She wasn't one to share and he wasn't going to choose between his wife and side chick, so divorce was the only solution.
I sipped the coffee that Lacey had gotten me. Just as she had promised she had called me after her meeting and had offered me a ride home. I tried convincing Faith to stay but she said she had things to take care of and left.
I wished she could have stayed. Or given me her phone number. When I asked for it she had said;
“Trust is earned, not given. So what makes you think I'll give it to you?”
She's just a darling now isn't she?
Lacey groaned but didn't say anything, I knew she was worked up and frustrated. And thinking she had in a way hurt me had only added more problems on her heavy plate.
None of us bothered saying anything until we pulled up in front of the house when she asked about Dad. She shouldn't feel guilty, if anyone was to feel guilty it should be Garrett.
••
"I was thinking of throwing a party. In or out?" Liv asked through the line.
I played with my brown hair. Liv and the girls had been at her cousins' baseball game when I called, it explained partially why they didn't pick up. She explained how she couldn't excuse herself since she was her cousins' main cheerleader and the girls were backing her up.
They had promised to call me after the game. And they did.
And they didn't invite you to come with them? Or even tell you about the game?
Shut up, Sherlock.
They were busy. If I was busy I wouldn't have picked!
True, but you would have sent a text.
If only my mind was physical, there were a lot of things I really wouldn't mind doing to it.
They were just busy. I told myself again when I tucked myself in for bed, ready to fall asleep.
Do you know what they say? If you keep on faking it you'll learn to believe it!
The voice in my head chanted and I stuffed my face in a pillow. Fantastic, this is going to be a long night.
I closed my eyes to sleep once my comforters covered my shoulders. I wasn't mad at Garrett, a bit hurt that he didn't tell me? Yes.
Mad? No
I mean, I have spent half of my life telling him to keep his nose out of my personal life. And I am certainly not a hypocrite.
Once sleep started to take over I suddenly felt comfortable and a thought popped into my mind before I fell asleep.
Long wavy blonde hair.