The last 5 years that I have spent in Mumbai have taught me that talent is not enough to make dreams come true. I came to Mumbai when I had just graduated from college in order to pursue my dreams of being a singer. I was young and overconfident about my skill; the world was on my feet and I thought nothing was impossible.
As if...
Now when I think of that time, I only laugh at my younger self and my never say never attitude.
My parents are conservative Punjabis and were against me going to live in Mumbai alone. But I was young and naive, so I fought with them and ran away from home to come to the City of dreams. My friend Siya gave me a place to stay and I thought I was going to be the next big thing in Bollywood. But my ambitions could never become a reality. I struggled and struggled and struggled but nothing happened. I didn't become the next big thing in Bollywood but did end up working part-time as a singer at a restaurant. My week was spent taking care of Siya's two adorable kids when she was at work and then singing in the restaurant on alternate nights.
The restaurant's manager Ayan and Siya have been my support systems for a long time. Their constant backing is the reason that I was able to survive in Mumbai for the last 5 years. Siya and her husband loved me like their own and never made me feel like a burden. But yesterday, they told me that they are moving back home to Delhi to take care of their old parents and their family business.
I felt numb at that time and told them that I will be okay. I reassured them the best that I could but Siya knows me in and out.
She came into my room late at night and I just wept in front of her. I couldn't control my tears.
"Sssh, shh", cooed Siya as she wrapped her arms around me. This wasn't my first break down.
"I can't handle this anymore, Siya. I have not been anything but a disappointment ever since I've come here. I couldn't become what I wanted to. I ran away for fucking nothing, Siya. All dreams are not meant to come true. I am and always will be a failure."
"You tried your best Shehnaaz and no one knows that better than me. You have struggled and worked harder than any person I have ever met. Your time is yet to come. Don't be so hard on yourself. I will always be there for you no matter what happens.", said Siya while softly caressing my hair.
"You and Abhi have done nothing but help me for the last 5 years without asking for anything in return. And now I am crying because after you leave, I will have nowhere to go. I'll be more alone than before.", I said clinging harder to her.
She put my head on her chest and rocked me back and forth like a little kid.
"As long as I am alive, you will never be alone.", she said.
"And I know you will need a place to stay after we leave, so I decided to make some arrangements", said Siya.
"No please. You have done enough; I will look for a room. Don't worry.", I said trying to reassure her.
"Shut up. Don't forget that you are like family to me. And listen carefully, you have an interview tomorrow." said Siya.
"Is the landlord some hotshot? Why does he need to interview me?", I asked all confused.
Siya giggled and said, "No, you idiot. My friend Sania who works at Mum Care Agency told me that they have a client that needs a stay at home nanny for his 4-year-old son. His partner died 3 months ago and since then he has been struggling with his son and his work. So, I recommended your name to her and said that you'll be perfect for the job because kids love you and you are perfectly capable to take care of them. This will also save your rent expenses and help you make some good money until you get a good singing opportunity."
I stared at my friend astonished and said, "I can't believe you did that." I was happy and angry at the same time. I didn't want to trouble her more but I was ecstatic on the other hand for this very much needed job. Surviving in Mumbai wasn't easy especially if you don't have a permanent place to stay and this job promised both free lodgings and an income.
And being a nanny couldn't be that difficult because I totally adored kids and could spend the whole day with them. It was the ideal job for a struggler like me. Some people might take offence to work like this but not me because I knew how valuable work was and Siya knew this.
I hugged my best friend and said, "I don't know if I can ever pay you back for all that you've done for me. You have been a guardian angel for me. I will owe you forever." I felt tears coating my cheeks as I hugged her harder.
"You never owe family. I love you so much", said Siya and kissed my forehead putting me to sleep. Siya babied me to no end. I loved her for it. She gave me the love that I craved as a child and that was the reason that I was deeply attached to her. I needed her unshakable support to feel complete in this world.
I feel teardrops on my hand as I remembered last night. Today is the interview and I have to try my level best and get the job. I don a pair of faded blue jeans and a simple white shirt with a pair of sports shoes.
"Perfect Nanny outfit", I say while checking myself out in the mirror. I want to make a good first impression and look like a complete professional. The interview would be taken by Siya's friend's client and I don't want him to regret giving me this chance.
I dash out of the house, kissing Siya's kids and shouting a hasty goodbye to her. I soon reach Mum Care Agency where Siya's friend works. I am entering the elevator when I see a beautiful little boy with an old woman. The woman is trying to make the child talk but he's quiet and sad. I feel awful seeing a small child so sad.
"Yash, listen to dadi. Dad has important work today and that's why he can't stay with you but we are going to spend the whole day together and have lots of fun.", the old woman said trying to cheer the kid up but he remained silent.
"Yash darling, come on. I love you. I will even take you to your favourite ice cream shop after this.", said the woman.
"Okay Dadi"
I couldn't take it anymore and sat on the elevator floor and turned towards the young boy. Both of them were surprised seeing me on the floor. I pushed my hand forward and introduced myself.
"Hi, I am Sana. I just heard that you're missing your dad."
Yash looked at me as if he was unable to understand me. He shook my hand and said, "I am Yash and you are weird."
I let out a soft giggle and sweetly pull his cheeks. "You are very smart Yash. Not many people have been able to guess that on first sight."
An involuntary smile makes its way on his face but he tries his best to hide it. "My dad has told me not to talk to strangers."
"Your dad seems like a smart guy. Even my dad was like that. He used to teach me all kinds of things and always protect me.", I say and a sudden vision of my dad hugging my younger self comes in front of me.
"But your dad can't be better than mine. My dad is huge and very strong. He can lift me and cousins with just one hand and also my dad never loses. He's very intelligent and knows everything.", replies Yash trying to make his dad sound super cool. His eyes are glinting with happiness showing exactly how much he loves his dad.
"Smart, huge and intelligent. Your dad sounds like a real-life hulk.", I say and the biggest grin takes over Yash's face.
"Yes, he is my favourite." He leans forward and softly whispers in my ears, "I call him the hulk in front of my friends and when he is not around."
I smile softly seeing his face lit up like a Christmas tree and this is exactly why I love kids so much. The doors of the elevator open and we all come out. The woman smiles at me as we make our way towards the waiting area.
"Are you here to meet someone?", asks the old woman.
I grin and tell her that I am here for an interview for the position of a caretaker. Understanding fills her face and she cups my face and says that I shouldn't be worried because I am a natural. I smile at her gratefully and sit down on the waiting couch. Yash sits next to me and stares at me as if trying to figure me out. I am giving him a bop on his nose when the door opens and Mr. Piyush Gupta walks in. He's tall and strict looking which makes me feel nervous because I suck at interviews. I scold myself for being ignorant towards studying when I was young because it surely would have helped me in this situation.
I stand up to greet him but he's not looking at me. I follow his line of sight and see him gazing at Yash. He takes him in his arms and he squeals. Both are smiling as they look at me.
"You must be Shehnaaz"
I nod and smile at them.
"Why are you so quiet now? I couldn't make you shut up earlier.", says Yash and I feel embarrassed. Piyush is confused and Yash leans forward and explains to him how we met in the lift earlier. He looks genuinely happy hearing that and puts a hand on my shoulder.
"You've already met the person you are supposed to take care of and with what I am hearing he approves of you", Piyush says.
I am surprised and happy at the same time because I already feel a connection with Yash.
"Let's not make it formal and have lunch together. What do you say Rima aunty?", asks Piyush.
"I think that will be perfect." the old woman replies and I am sure that this job will be mine because I have already won them over.
The lunch goes extremely well and I already love their family a lot. I can't wait to meet Yash's father; he sounds like a genuinely good guy and I hope we get along well because I really badly need this job.
It's my last chance to prove that I can fulfil my dreams and become what I came to Mumbai five years ago for.
This time I am notgoing to give up and show everyone just how strong Shehnaaz Gill is.