Days pass me by and life seems to be going back to normal. Whatever that means now. I am deep in my "pretend I never met Tom Felton" phase by the time I realize that months have now passed since that one day.
I have been using my time to get to know myself through the book. Answering all the questions as fair and as truthfully as I can. I go through a bunch of small realizations and 'aha' moments. I realize I am too hard on myself and I need to let go. I realize that I have a hard time accepting that good-things would happen to me. I start feeling a little bit more deserving every day and feel better about myself. I realize that my job is no longer making me happy so I slowly start looking for a new one. I am one by one taking small actions to improve my life.
It's almost been one year since I hung out with Tom and I feel alright about it. Not raw, or regretful about the what-ifs. Mostly happy that it happened. This convinces me it's time to revisit the whole experience by telling my best friend about it.
I invite her over for drinks and dinner and lay it all on her. Every single small detail and to her credit she doesn't interrupt me once.
When I am done with the entire story she looks dumbfounded.
"Alice?" I ask, worried about her lack of reaction.
"Ok, first of all, let me just say that I did not expect this. HOLY SHIT CHARLI!!! This was amazing, like some movie plot. I can't believe it! I also CANNOT BELIEVE YOU DIDN'T SAY ONE SINGLE THING FOR ALMOST ONE YEAR!"
"I am sorry."
"No, I am sorry. That must have been hard. But I get it, I think. As much as I can wrap my mind around something like this."
"Yea, I wasn't hiding it from you. I think I was mostly hiding it from myself. But now I think it's a lovely story and I can share it."
She smiles, "So you have been working on answering the questions?"
"Yes, it honestly was the perfect gift."
"It sure was. Did you ever send him his book?"
"What?"
"Well, you said you got him a book too. Did you send it?"
"No! Of course not, where would I send it? Also, I wouldn't call him just for sending him a book," I say a little too defensively.
"You could send it to like a fan mailbox or something?"
I give her an incredulous look, "You think it will actually get to him?"
"Does it matter? You will send it and you can move on from this. If that is what you truly want that is..."
Alice does have a point. After obsessively thinking about it overnight, by morning time, I have decided I will send it to the address posted on his website.
I finish getting ready for work and sit down trying to figure out what I will write in the note to Tom. I close my eyes and let myself remember. Remember how my skin prickled with excitement when he hugged me in the coffee shop. "Hiiii...darling," he said and my heart jumped in my neck. I let myself remember the banter back on forth over the silliest questions. How it felt when he hugged me after I went on a, little too personal, rant about his life. How safe it felt engulfed in his arms. I let myself remember how scared he looked after I rescued Peaches and how he kissed the top of my head to comfort me. I let myself remember how my top lip felt being grazed by his lips and how his breath tickled my bottom lip for what seemed like ages before we kissed and my world changed. How after being mugged and scared to death he still managed to make me feel like a princess by creating the most magical night. I remember New York City night lights and feeling like we were the only two people in the world.
I look down at my book and I feel a little silly. Compared with his choice, my book gift doesn't feel as unique. But then I remember that Tom is always open to new adventures and is always seeking to recapture his childhood. So I open the book and I read the author's opening quote:
"To die will be an awfully big adventure." - J.M. Barrie, Peter Pan
I cross 'die' and replace it with 'love.'
Underneath it, I add:
"Meeting you has been my biggest adventure yet.
With love, your New York City guide, Charli xo"
Before I lose my courage I walk myself to the post office and send the book on its own little adventure to London.
A couple of days later, while at work, my phone starts ringing. Alice. I send it to voicemail at first, and text her:
"Hey, still at work, what's up?"
She doesn't answer and she calls again.
I pick up concerned that something bad has happened.
"Alice? Are you ok?"
"CHARLI OPENTIKTOKRIGHTNOW!" she says without taking a breath.
"What?"
"After you told me the story of you and Tom, I followed him and...please don't be mad. But I kept commenting on his posts and his lives, asking him to check his fan mail. I never thought he would actually see it, but you know me, I am a romantic. Anyway, I guess he saw it cause today he went live on TikTok and showed everyone all the cool stuff his fans sent him. One of the boxes he opened had your book to him!"
I feel like I need to sit down, or scream, or throw myself out the window. All at the same time.
"He was still live when I called you, but he opened it and read the dedication and looked so....moved or something. Anyway, he looked at the camera and said it was a gift from someone he holds dear in his heart. OPEN TIKTOK!"
I hang up the phone and open the app. Immediately my For You Page is filled with the latest Tom Felton clips from his live.
And there it is. I see Tom opening City of Ghosts, looking a little confused and then I see his face softening and his eyes opening a little wider like he can't believe what he is reading. He then looks at the camera trying to read the multitude of comments coming in. A bunch of them ask what the book is. He shows the cover to the camera and then says: "This is an unexpected one. A gift, from a girl close to my heart." I cover my mouth and watch in absolute unexpected numbness as he looks a little rattled by it. Or maybe I am projecting. He recovers fairly quickly and opens a couple more stuffed animals and drawings of Draco before the video ends with him thanking his fans for the gifts.
I watch the video a couple more times just to make sure I didn't imagine it all. After my eleventh view I refresh the page. And then the guessing begins.
The clip of Tom saying "A girl close to my heart" is everywhere. With TikTokers asking who she is? Some are speculating is some celebrity or another. Some are jealous of this new potential girl in Tom's life.
I close the app and call Alice back.
"I can't believe it," I manage to say.
"Oh my God, this is going to become a thing. You know the fans. They won't let him make a comment like that and not give more details."
"I don't know...maybe."
"Don't worry I will keep an eye on it, I am already too involved," Alice replies.
"Ok good, cause I don't want to get sucked into it just yet."
The next couple of days pass by slowly and I find myself tempted to check TikTok. But I know nothing good will come of it. Alice tells me people keep asking Tom who the girl is but that he never answers them.
I am returning from a work trip one Thursday afternoon when my phone rings.
"Hello?"
"Hey, where are you?" Alice says ignoring any kind of niceties.
"Getting into a cab at JFK? Why?"
"He answered it! Charlie...I almost died. I tried calling you but I guess you were on the plane or something. He was doing a live again and people were obsessively asking. So he told everyone that he met this wonderful girl in New York and that they rescued a dog together. He didn't give all the details but he said that sadly he hasn't seen her in a year but that he thinks of her every day. You HAVE to call him."
"Are you serious? I can't believe he did that. This is going to blow up," I say worriedly.
"So? Just call him! You haven't been able to stop thinking about him and he clearly hasn't been able to stop thinking about you. Charli, come on..." Alice pleads.
"I don't know. I have to think about this. Let me call you back later."
We hang up and I spent the entire cab ride back thinking this is insane. What am I supposed to do? Call him and say: "Hey saw your TikTok and thought this might be a good time to call?" That's insane. Also, I know we had sparks but it's been a year...we barely know each other. I am not sure I am ready to give this a shot and more importantly I am not sure I want to make this attempt at a relationship as public as it looks like it might have to be.
When I get home I call Alice back.
"So????"
"I don't think so, Alice. It's been a year, this is crazy. Giving this a shot would be insane. My entire life would change. The publicity of it all is too much for me. Imagine having your life scrutinized by social media. Also, he lives in California, I live in New York, this would be crazy to attempt. Not to mention that I don't think I would survive the heartbreak of it all. We had a nice day and I cherish the memory of it. Plus, we barely know each other. We spent a day that could hardly be considered common, together. We answered some questions back and forth but not sure that makes a relationship..."
Alice considers what I said for a couple of seconds:
"I think you are afraid. Afraid of this succeeding and of you finally having everything you wanted. A man that you connected with immediately is not an anomaly, it's the holy grail. You work in tech, you think you can't get a job in California? Or maybe he would get a gig closer to New York. Why are you creating problems where there are none"
"Alice..."
"Ok listen, it's not my business and not my life. I just want you to be happy and I think this man could be it for you. But I get that you are not ready for this."
"Thanks..."
"Charli, I love you, I want you to be happy. And I will do everything I can to make sure you are."
"I love you too, Alice."
I consider this forgotten, as much as I can for the next couple of days until...I see a trending hashtag on Twitter.
#TomsGirl
I click on it and my eyes are overwhelmed with tens of posts trying to guess who the New York girl is. A bunch of them are sharing the video of Tom and Peaches with captions like:
"This was the day Tom was in New York."
"Do you guys see her? Was she there?"
I keep scrolling and I am a little entertained at all the sleuthing going on. There are girls that are pretending it's them (nobody seems to believe them) but people are having some fun with it at least.
One of the tweets says:
"I want to find this girl. Tom deserves to be happy and if this girl will make him happy then let's find her."
Sometimes social media surprises me. I open TikTok for the first time in a while and the first video has a black screen and it reads: "I think I met Tom's girl." Oh God.
A voiceover starts talking:
"I work at a hotel in Chelsea and a year ago Tom Felton and this girl walked in hiding from something or someone. I didn't realize it was him at first. When I did recognize him, he took a video with me."
The video of Tom and Christina from the Selina hotel plays and I am transported back to a year ago. God he's gorgeous.
The voice continues:
"Tom introduced her to me as his friend, but I can't remember her name. It started with a C, I think, but I didn't remember it because I was so shocked I had just met Tom Felton."
Oh thank God.
I scroll through the comments and everyone is trying to guess the name but I see no mentions of Charli.
I keep scrolling and I find a bunch of other videos with people repeating the whole: Tom posted this, and then this and he was in New York on this date and then this picture etc.
Good lord, this has taken a life of its own.
I feel nervous and full of dread at the same time. I am unsure about what to do. I spend the rest of the day wondering if maybe Alice was right. I should call him...what am I so afraid of anyway?
I guess I do know the answer to that. I am afraid that I am not good enough. My self-esteem has come a long way in the past year but not that long that I can actually believe Tom Felton would want to date me.
I text Alice about all my doubts and instead of her usual long paragraphs she just replies:
"I found a way to help you figure out what to do. Give me a couple of days."
"What?"
"I think you will have an answer in a couple of days. Just wait."
"Sounds ominous," I reply now even more worried than I was.
I missed Tom's last couple of live videos so now I am obsessively checking. I am not sure what I am expecting him to say but it gives me something to do every day. It's not very healthy as far as adult behaviors go, but it's better than the alternative. The alternative being me taking a chance and calling him. So since I am a chicken, I continue checking TikTok.
A week passes and I am scrolling on TikTok when I get a notification that Tom is going live. I tap it while my stomach somersaults in my throat.
"Gooooood morning ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, wizards and witches. How are you all doing? I hope good, it's a wonderful day here in California. Willow and I wanted to check in and say we hope you are having a brilliant day, don't we Willow?" he says and pans the camera to Willow running towards him.
He has his guitar as per usual and starts playing a little:
"Any requests?" he squints and tries to read the comments.
All of the comments are asking about the mystery girl:
"@tommalfoy109: did you find mystery NYC girl?"
"@dracossshot: what's her name?"
"@emileeharts: she has to be on TikTok or social media, let's keep trending this!!"
"@dracodeservedbetter1x1: Tom! Do you love her?"
And they keep on going so fast it's almost impossible to read them all.
He takes a deep breath and puts his guitar away.
"I see there is still a lot of interest in this person I met when I was in New York," he smiles sadly. "I will only say this about it and then I don't want to keep pushing it. She deserves her privacy and I don't want to disrupt her life. She was somebody who I met on one of my days off in New York. We didn't know each other before. Meeting her and getting to know her was...amazing, mates. I was in a weird place and it felt like a breath of fresh air. She was unassuming, kind, and full of empathy like you don't see anymore these days. But...we didn't stay in touch for whatever reason and I respect her decision to stay away. As I would like all of you to do as well. I shouldn't have mentioned her in my videos but I was surprised when she sent me a book and I guess I didn't think it through at the time. Ok? Ok...now let's play some music," he says and starts singing "All About You" by McFly.
My heart either is beating so fast that I can't hear it anymore or has stopped completely. I am not sure what is happening, but I find myself heading to my closet and taking out my luggage. I pull out my phone and book myself a ticket to California for tonight. I am not sure this is smart but logic be damned I need to see him again. I don't know if it will work out, or if the spark will still be there when we see each other. But I don't care anymore, I just have to see him again and for the first time in a year, this feels like the right thing to do. The moment I take that decision the second-guessing myself ends immediately.
By the time I get my things together and get to the airport I realize I haven't gotten a chance to talk to Alice about it. Before I board my flight I send her a quick text:
"I am going to Venice, CA. I am going to call him and see him. You were right: I was scared. But not anymore."
The plane ride is long and I am surprised that worry or anxiety are completely gone. I don't regret my decision to travel across the country to meet a man that I met for one day. It makes complete sense to me now. I do stress out about what I am going to say. And how? Does he still have the same phone number he put in my address book a year ago? Oh God...I am so excited I could hug the stranger sitting next to me on the plane.
When I finally land I decide I need to call him now. I can't wait because the longer I wait the crazier I feel.
I go into one of the restrooms and change my outfit. I put on the dress and the heels I had that night on the Grand Banks. Why not? I apply some light makeup and take out my phone to call him.
When I finally look at my phone I notice all the notifications I missed because I had my phone still on Airplane mode.
Texts from Alice and a bunch of notifications from TikTok. Some say "Tom Felton is live streaming" and then what appears like hundreds of people following me on TikTok.
What on earth is happening?
I open Alice's texts first:
"Charli! Please don't be mad. I did a thing. I didn't realize it would blow up."
"I wanted to talk to Tom but I couldn't get through his thousands of DMs and comments so I requested a Cameo."
"In the Cameo I told him who I was and then told him that he should make a video addressed to you if he wanted to see you again. Told him you were on the fence because you worried you didn't know each other very well and didn't know if he felt something for you."
"In my defense, I did this before he posted that video asking the fans to respect your privacy."
"He took my advice and did the Cameo...but also posted it on his profile."
"I used my username cause I thought it was sneakier than my name. But then....it's the same as my TikTok username and people found me....and then I guess they found you."
I freeze and don't read her other messages but go to TikTok immediately. I search for him and I tap on his last video:
"Hi everyone," he waves a little uneasy at the camera. "So this isn't my usual type of video but I did a Cameo I wanted to share with all of you. Hoping that posting this here will get this video to the right person in time." Then his video pops up:
"Hi @alixicecream," he says reading her username. "I...am at a loss. I am so happy you reached out to me but by golly what a turn this story has taken," he blushes. "Of course I remember meeting you...err friend in New York. I read your note about how she worries about our connection and so I have a couple of things to say to her." He looks intensely at the camera and smiles. "Hi C," he says being mindful of not revealing my full name. "I hope you are well, and I honestly hope with my whole heart that you have had a great year. I miss you. I know that sounds like bollocks because we spent so little time together. But I do. You opened up a part of my soul that had been hidden for so long. A part of my soul that was craving adventure and happiness and sun but was hiding for fear of being hurt. And even though we only spent a day together, I learned more about myself in one day than I have in years. And everything I learned about you in that one day I have folded and kept safe inside here," he says and he taps his heart.
"I know your favorite sport is basketball, I know your favorite movie is Walk the Line, which I watched because it made me feel closer to you. Loved it," he smiles. "I know your favorite word is 'sneaky' because the word itself sounds sneaky," he winks and a tear escapes my eye and streams down my face. "I know that you could pick up things about me with such immaculate perception that it scared me a little. I also know your favorite thing in the world is snow and that you think you are bad at dancing. But I don't think so. When we danced together I felt in sync and connected so much so that for the first time ever I actually enjoyed dancing. So...if you feel the same or even if you don't," he adds and lets out a Tom Felton characteristic giggle. "Call me."
"And TikTok? Do your thing! Share this so she can see it! I am counting on you! Thank you, you are all the best! Kisses!"
I tap on my profile that now seems to have 19,673 new followers. My one video of some cute dogs I saw once at a park has over 100,000 views and thousands of comments. People asking me to call him and telling me how lucky I am. At the top with the most likes is a comment from Alice:
"Guys, she knows. She's on her way to LAX now."
People are ecstatic and I can't help but smile at everything. Then I see the top reply to Alice's comments has even more likes. It's a comment from Tom:
"On my way."
OH my GOD. What?!
I open Alice's text messages again to see if she mentioned anything about this.
"Charli, he messaged me and I told him you were on your way. I told him what time you left and I think he figured out the flight. Or maybe not? I don't know but PLEASE CALL ME WHEN YOU LAND."
I take a deep breath and look in the mirror. Looking back at me is a reflection of a Charli I haven't seen in a year. Happy, radiating joy and smiling like she hasn't in a while. I am still insanely nervous but I know that's a good thing.
I walk out of the restroom and exit the security area. As soon as I make it to the area where people are greeted by their friends and family I spot two girls pointing at a guy.
"It's him! I am telling you it's him! All of TikTok says he's at LAX waiting for Charli!"
I smile at the full circle my life has quite literally done over the past year.
He sees me and our eyes lock across the room. I leave my bag where it is and start running towards him. He catches me midrun and lifts me up in his arms while we both spin. He kisses me passionately and I respond. As our lips connect it feels like the world explodes and new colors that I have never seen before are surrounding us. He puts me down and looks at me while our foreheads touch.
"Hi darling," he whispers. "I missed you."