3 chapters left...
One month later...
Dominique's POV
Zakari and I finally have the time to get stuff done together and I couldn't be more thankful for it. It's also the first time I've seen him for more than twenty minutes in an entire week and a half. Our schedules have been stacked with of course the remaining semester of school, our jobs and then we've just been too tired to just get up from our beds to see each other.
I've switched over to online learning because I just can't be in a school atmosphere heavily pregnant like this and because it's just less tiring for me and allows me to go at my own pace. I've finished so many assignments and projects that I probably won't be assigned anything else for another two to three weeks.
After school, I get ready for work because I absolutely refuse to go on maternity leave. The center is my safe space and I love seeing the people and kids there---I couldn't bear staying at home missing it. I just sit at the desk and walk around sometimes but it's enough for me.
Then by the time I come home, it'll be around eight and I knock out. If I'm lucky, I can catch Zakari before he goes to work overnight and we can FaceTime.
I can't express how proud of him I am. I was always proud of him but he's really showing me how great of a father he'll be in the near future. He's also been heavy on the school stuff, been getting acceptance letters and he's still continuing to be on his grind. Always working so he can provide our child and space for us to live even though I have enough money to do that myself.
He has all these goals for himself and that's exactly what I want in a man. My man is out here on his money grind shit.
But our relationship is not all good as every relationship isn't---can't be. We have our downs and we've been rocky for a little bit and I know that's partial, if not all my fault. I have been a hardass on him and I've been out of control of my emotions, taking stuff out on him.
Now people will say it's just the hormones and it'll go away but I can't use that as an excuse. I'm still in control of myself and all my actions, sure I may have a little slip up with my attitude but I shouldn't be downright disrespectful talking out the side of my neck.
And I've been doing that. I haven't been controlling myself and I let myself get by with it. Zakari puts up with me too and for that, I am so fed up with myself. Zakari hates talking loud with me and arguing---he always regrets raising his voice at me although I do need to chill out.
I'll start an argument or say some annoying shit and he'll try to calm me down with massages, taking me out, sitting there and taking my bullshit, or simply walking out the room to give me some space.
I feel like a bitch and I am for how I treat him because he doesn't deserve it. Yeah, he annoys me sometimes but that doesn't give me a reason to be a pain in his ass 24/7. I really should be knocked in my shit for how my mouth be chattering.
I just hope he knows I love him, seriously. I need to get my shit together for real and think about why I'm always lashing out at him.
It was Saturday and we had a scheduled showing for some apartments since we were moving out of our parent's house over the summer. We'll be in our place with the baby and it'll be in between his college campus and the new high school I'll be transferring to.
It sucks that I won't be with my friends and family for my senior year but I'm still gonna show up and show out at all their events like they were my own.
Zakari got accepted to a number of schools, some being out of state and across the country but he made the decision of staying in New York but it's fine because he's going to a good ass school as far as I know. He's attending Berkeley and I'm excited for him because he's gonna major in health services to become a physician or therapist.
He chose to not take the football scholarships from other schools and to put his focus on his main goal. He wants to help people and he's gonna do just that.
Right now, I was going to pick him up though, and even stopped to get us some food because a bitch is hungry as a mug. I just got us some shrimp chipotle and mofongo bowls and went ahead to pick him up from his friend's house.
Now, this was something to get upset about because I'm driving around in all types of area codes. We live in Queens---I specifically live in Forest Hills---and I have to go up to Woodside which is about twenty minutes to pick him up. Then the apartments we're looking at are in Midtown Manhattan so that's about another twenty minutes depending on if I take the tunnel or not. Then I gotta carry my ass back home after all of this which is a twenty-five-minute ride...his black ass is staying at my house too cause I ain't going to Ridgewood.
Then there's traffic and it's around 2 something. Imma lose my mind being out here. My feet and back aching too so my mood is generally not the best but I'm gonna keep it together as best as I can.
It wasn't too long before I came up on his friend Trey's house and I knew I was gonna have to get out and go in. Every time I come over here with him, he gets on that game and the whole world is shut out. He doesn't hear a word and I know he won't answer his phone so I have to get out.
I got out carefully locking my doors before I waddled to the door. My waddle is so damn cute. Ara recorded it one day when I was getting something from the front of the class and I looked so cute. It was a good outfit and skin day for me too so I was glowing.
I knocked on the door seeing one of their other friends open up the door, Jakobe. I'm assuming the whole group is here then.
I never realized how many best friends Zakari had until I saw them all together. It's like five of them in addition to Zakari. A group of six who are all hell when they're together.
It's Zakari of course, Jakobe, Demarco, Kione, Kesean, and Isaiah.
"Hey baby mama, you come to see me?", Jakobe hugged me as I chuckled playfully slapping the back of his head. Jakobe was the goofiest next to Isaiah who was a fool by himself. He and Zakari have known each other the longest and if Zakari wasn't protective over me, it was him. They had each other's backs and anybody who was family to him was family to them all. I was the baby of the group too so they are protective of me anyway.
"Ain't nobody come to see you, where's Kari at?"
"Everybody down in the lounge, you need some help?", he offered to help me downstairs as I accepted carefully taking small steps. I'm heavy top as fuck right now, I can't wait to get back on my full-body workout routine. This whole yoga and walking thing ain't enough for me.
I came to see all the boys were in fact either playing the game or arguing over who was cheating or not. Looking on, I smiled at how hyped Kari was at the fact he was winning against Kione. Everybody can beat him because he's ass at every game there is but we don't tell him that. We have to let him win sometimes cause he's a sore loser---at twenty years old---but it's whatever.
I walked over rubbing the back of his head as he took his away from the screen for a second smiling at me. He took my hand bringing me around the couch as I sat on his lap. I tilted his head up giving him a small kiss as he nipped my bottom lip invoking a small quirk from me.
"Don't start with y'all shit," Demarco said from across the room as I snickered.
"Where your girl at Marco? She ain't around today," I have some differences with that bitch. Her name was Tiana and she was a hoe too. I'm not just saying that either because I spite and don't like her---she's been around the block too many times and Demarco acts like he's okay with that.
I may not have known him long but I know he shouldn't be treated like dogshit by a bitch who doesn't give a fuck about him. See, Demarco has money too and I'm betting that's why she's with him. Always asking him for money and then going on her way. He still likes her though which is sad cause he won't face the fact she's a gold digger because of his strong feelings for her.
"She's at home," tuh! That's what he thinks? He is sorely mistaken.
"That's crazy cause I just saw her doing some suspicious shit. Betta accept your girl is an h-o-e, she been around these streets," I put bluntly as he narrowed his eyes.
"Doing some shit where?"
"I saw her on Broadway on my way over here. I'm sorry but she was with two dudes running her mouth being all smiley and shit. If you want, I can always get that hoe jumped---"
"Nah, ain't no need for all that. I'm bout to go handle this---I'm tired of her shit man," he got up with a sigh as he ran upstairs. We heard the front door open and close and then everybody suddenly turned their eyes to me.
"What the fuck y'all looking at?"
"Man, we been told that man to drop her goofy ass for months and he just suddenly listen to you. This some shit," Kesean announced as everybody groaned and went back to what they were doing. However, it was time for Zakari and me to go.
We wasted enough time and I was ready to go see if we'll be able to get us a place in the next few months.
Right now, I was beyond pissed. I was keeping it together, for the sake of not being so hard on him but this situation is a lot to deal with.
We were talking about the expenses of the household and the baby necessities and all and it just went left. I completely want Zakari to focus on school and of course, being there for us but to not worry so much about us and mainly me being home to take care of the baby when he's not there.
He's gonna be occupied with schoolwork like no other and me being me, I want to take the stress off him and stay with the baby for a good while at home doing online school. I want to take care of most of the expenses of the house and is that really so wrong? It's important for him to keep track of the money he owes to the school and save up and if I have the money, what's the problem with me taking care of the bills?
Zakari feels as if he's stripping my life from me and that he seriously messed up the course of my life since he got me pregnant. It's like all these negative thoughts were setting in as we were looking for a place. He's blaming himself for all the new adjustments to our life that he thinks is gonna prohibit me from growing up and being a free young person. Like I won't be able to do all the things I want.
And while that may be somewhat true, I don't care. Whatever happens, happens for a reason and I don't regret the course of events that have happened so far. I'm gonna be happy with my baby and him so it shouldn't matter.
Paying the bills, balancing school, a newborn baby on our hands while also maintaining a job is what he thinks he's gonna do. He's set his mind to it and he thinks he has to do all this because he got me pregnant and therefore that equates to him treating me like I'm some damn child.
He wants to take on too much responsibility and I won't let him do that. He's so fucking stubborn and so am I so it turned into a screaming match instead of a conversation.
"Why don't you get you're not ruining my life Zakari? You got me pregnant and so what that changed things in our life, in my life?! It's not gonna make my life a negative!", I slammed my door behind me as he sat down on the bed.
We've been arguing the whole car ride from Manhattan. We came in the house screaming and everyone just stared. Everybody knew not to mess with us at this time.
"But it can be! Baby, you don't know what can happen once you're at home for so long. Feelings and perception change and you could feel stuck and all because of me...because I wasn't careful and safe."
"Don't---stop blaming this shit on yourself! My nigga, it takes two people to have sex and it definitely takes two people to make a baby! It doesn't matter how safe we were or how careful you may have been, there is always a possibility of me getting pregnant every time we fucking make love Zakari! Do you understand that?", I turned towards him as I took off my outer layer clothes and he sighed putting his head in his hands.
"I do but you know how I feel about this. I can't help but take full responsibility for this---I want to take care of you so just let me!"
"No, I can take care of my damn self! You're putting too much on your plate, handling responsibilities that are supposed to be between the both of us."
"You say that and then also want to take care of every bill and expense that comes with the house, necessities, and everything the baby needs like I'm gonna let you do that. I don't give a fuck if you got money or not! If it's responsibilities that are split between us, why you handling all that shit by yourself like you're the only one dealing with this shit!", he got up and got in my face as I pointed at his.
"Don't flip this on me cause if you wanna go there then I can definitely go there."
"Nah, it's the same thing Nique. Why you feel like you gotta handle all that by yourself and presume it's right---is it not the same problem you have with me and what I wanna do? Having money ain't shit, we supposed to be in this together."
"We in this together but you feel so damn guilty about our life now and you take on more than you could possibly handle, with no regard to my feelings," I stated as I stepped around him stepping out of my clothes. This nigga got me so upset, I'm sweating myself out.
"Really? That's how you think I feel---like I'm ashamed of our situation like it's a crime yet I have to face this as a punishment cause it's my child or something?"
"I don't know Zakari, you tell me. You feeling like our baby and our whole situation is some type of mistake or misfortune that you got to make up for? Cause that's what it feels like to me."
"I'm not even gonna waste my breath with you," he scoffed laughing as I turned towards him with wide eyes and got up from the bed with wide eyes as I got in his face.
"You not gon waste your breath---say something nigga! You had all the mouth and nerve on the car ride here, you was mad disrespectful then! Say that shit and watch how you get yo shit rocked in this bitch---fuck wrong with you?", I pushed his head to the side as he gripped my wrist bringing me closer by my waist.
"Watch your fucking mouth cause I'm sick of you already! You ain't rocking shit and you need to sit your ass down before you really fuck around and get your ass busted! Keep yo fucking hands to yourself and the same respect you give me is the same respect you gon get. You got a filthy ass mouth and therefore you gon hear all my bullshit, you understand me?", he gripped my face as I rolled my eyes trying to get away from him.
I tried to move out of his arms as he held me trying to get my attention. I don't even wanna hear it, man, I just want him outta my face.
"Stop because we ain't gon be doing this shit all the time. I love you but you be acting like you have the right to step outta line and I'm supposed to take all this from you. I'm done with it. We about to fix that shit and fix it fast," he hissed in my ear as I moved away pushing on his chest.
"We ain't doing shit Zakari and I swear if you don't get your hands off me---"
"You gon what? What you gonna do Nique?"
I turned my head and remained silent as he spoke on the side of my face before he turned me back. I stared at him with furrowed eyebrows as he shook his head, "That's what I thought. Stop playing with me and yourself. I love you and you need to stop acting like this."
He leaned in and kissed my cheek, planting small little kisses on the left side of my face as he rubbed my bump. I couldn't help the tears as they rolled down my face as he held me in his arms rubbing my back.
"You make me so mad and I can't help but get like that...I don't want to act like that but it's like you try to provoke me. Why can't we just act---", I was heaving in breaths as he stopped me wiping my face.
"Calm down baby, it's bad enough I got you upset like this. So angry that I wasn't thinking about the baby. We gotta both calm down and just lay off for a bit," he shushed me as I wrapped my arms around him and let him rock us.
I wanted to be off this whole thing.
I felt a little uncomfortable but I let him ease his way inside of me as I gripped onto my pillow. He gave an experimental thrust from behind as I gently moaned.
This is what it came down to, I wasn't expecting it but then again I wasn't gonna reject it either.
We were laying on our sides in the spooning position since it was really the only position that didn't cause me to have lower back problems. Zakari and I rubbed over my bump as he softly pressed into me, kissing over my shoulder as I shuddered.
"I love you," he whispered in my ear as I turned my head back kissing him as his tongue purged into my mouth, overpowering my senses as it sent trembles down my nerves before I was shocked back to reality by his length suddenly sinking deeper in me.
I moaned sharply resting my head on his shoulder as I lifted my leg up to feel him even more in me. As my pregnancy has gone along, I've gotten more sensitive over the course of time and now I feel so desperate to feel that intensity as I have been.
He gripped my leg as well keeping it up as he moved a little faster in me making me clench my hand in my pillow gasping out. It felt like he was plunging into me even at a normal pace---it was overbearing but it felt too good to just stop.
He cursed in my ear as I reached back rubbing his head and ear as he always liked that. It was my way of showing that I got him and that he's alright. I loved how vocal he was and how engaged he was whenever we have sex. Sometimes he'll get so into it that he forgets about our surroundings a bit so I rub his ears to bring him back down a little. Knowing how pleasured he feels makes me even more needy for him, seriously stimulated.
He completely pressed himself against my back as I arched a bit before coming down at the little shock that radiated through my legs and stomach. It was a warm and surprising feeling once he fully put himself in and I wanted to cry out from how good it was.
"Fuck baby, you're so fucking wet," I whimpered as he gently lowered my leg, fully wrapping himself around me, pressing kisses into my face as I was on cloud nine. I don't know if it's the heightened hormones or just my neediness but this position is the fucking bomb. I feel like I'm floating on a cloud of dick and burning satisfaction---whatever he's doing, he's doing it right.
"I love you, fuck me right there," I whined as he pulled me on top of him. I inhaled dramatically as I sat fully on him. I rested my hands on his legs as I thrust back on him, moaning loudly at the new pressure against my prostate. I grabbed my dick stroking along to the fluid motions I had as my energy was on a thousand.
Zakari seemed like he was having the time of his life as he kept moaning and gripping my hips tightly bringing me back, speeding up a bit.
I felt that familiar aching, yet tender feeling settling into me as I quickly tried to move back against him to get it as a rush came through me and I nearly lost balance before Zakari sat up and held me. I cried and shuddered in his arms as I felt his legs shake beneath me with his hard breaths hitting against my back.
He came in me as I rested back against him.
I suddenly thought back on how we got here and we're going bad. And I don't want to go down that road with him. I definitely don't want to be apart from him but how we are right now is...it's not okay.
I was brought back to reality as Kari started rubbing my bump and I felt a lot of small kicks.
"I think we woke her up," he chuckled as I joined in before breaking off into a sniffle.
"What's wrong Dominique?", he held me tighter as I rubbed along his palm in my hand.
"We can't do this. How did we go from screaming into each other's faces to being so infatuated with each other? You know that's not healthy, we both know it isn't."
It was silent for a while before he spoke up, "I think we need some time to figure some things out for ourselves. To think about the pace we're going at and just how we act. We're both at fault and it makes no sense for us to keep on dragging on these arguments and conflicts. We need to learn how to be more mature about these things but it starts with us individually."
"Agreed, but this is not us breaking up. We're taking a step back just to address stuff with ourselves and get our thoughts together. I don't want to completely be away from you."
"And you aren't ever gonna be. I'm here no matter what I am to you. You're still mine and no one else too. Nobody else is coming into the picture."
"I'm forever committed to you l'amor. Shit, I'm still feeling those aftershocks," I twitched a little bit as he laughed carefully taking himself out as I groaned crawling off the bed. He helped me into the shower and stayed there with me as we just held each other, making small conversation about some of our silly ass thoughts.
I'm a little bummed that we're in this shaky position in our relationship but I'm still happy there is one. In a lot of relationships, after you have some hard conversations and suddenly things shift from too good to some bad I don't think I can handle, they end.
Luckily, we know that we just need to chill out for a bit and get it together because it's something we can handle yet is not easy to face head-on.
All I know is that he's mine, I'm his, and we're gonna do the best thing for our child.
That's all that matters.
There's three chapters left, any predictions?
How do we feel with everything going on now?
Dominique?
Zakari?
❣️