· 。ﾟ☆: *.☽
▎ 𝑭 𝑨 𝑹 𝑭 𝑹 𝑶 𝑴 𝑵 𝑶 𝑹 𝑴 𝑨 𝑳 ▎
𝐅𝐈𝐅𝐓𝐄𝐄𝐍 ━━ LET DOWN AGAIN.
࿔·ﾟ*ೃ࿐ ࿔* 🎸🥁🎤🎶
i will remember and 𝗿𝗲𝗰𝗼𝘃𝗲𝗿,
but not forgive and forget
･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ.･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ.
WHEN the dance had eventually fallen into full swing - with Flynn behind the DJ booth and smashing it - the unsettling feeling which was bubbling inside of Ashley still hadn't left and it was becoming stronger as the night progressed.
Ashley had come to the dance with Flynn while Julie went home to sort a few things and grab the new hologram machine, and when she had arrived with the new piece of tech - the hologram machine they didn't really need - she was smiling, but Ashley could tell she was nervous as Flynn motioned for her to go side stage where Ashley was bouncing around on the soles of her feet.
Maybe it was the side of the stage? Maybe it was all the people? There was a factor of things that could've been contributing to her unsettling feeling and the panic rising in her chest and one of them didn't have to be the fact that the guys still weren't with them yet. They would be there. The boys would be there.
They had to be.
"Oh my gosh, you look amazing!" Flynn had snapped Ashley from her feverish worry by squealing when Julie came into view properly - she was wearing one of her mom's old rainbow jumpers, Ashley remembered seeing her wear it once.
"Thanks!" Julie chuckled softly as she pulled Flynn into a hug and copied the action with Ashley. The blonde prayed that Julie wouldn't be able to feel the beating of her heart. "It's my mom's. I finally went through her stuff."
"She would've loved that you wore that." Ashley nudged Julie with her elbow.
Flynn nodded in agreement before she started looking around wistfully at the empty air. Ashley knew what - or more like who - she was looking for.
"Are the guys here?" She chuckled nervously and Ashley smiled.
"No, but they will be." Julie smiled. "They know how important this is to us."
Julie brushed her fingers across Ashley's shoulder softly.
"I don't know why I'm staring wistfully into space for them." Flynn chuckled, throwing her hands into the air. "One of them is Ashley's brother and he's gay, so there's that, one of them only has eyes for Julie and the other one is in the processes of falling over his own feet for Ashley. That leaves me nothing."
Ashley shoved her friend by her shoulder, flushing brightly.
"Always the straight-forward one Flynn." Julie was smiling but she was flushing too, the same bright colour as Ashley. What were they both like?
"You know me!" Flynn smiled before nodding towards her DJ table and muttering something about having to get back. Ashley watched her go and jumped when she felt a hand on her arm. She turned to see Julie looking at her, a look in her eyes which screamed, "I know there's something wrong."
"You're thinking too much," Julie said it as she looked Ashley in the eyes.
"How do you know?" Ashley wasn't going to deny it. Julie knew better.
"Your hands." Julie lifted one of Ashley's hands up so she could see them.
Ashley barely ever noticed herself trembling nowadays but Julie always noticed it. Ashley's hands were dithering lightly and the girl balled her hands into fists to try and hide it. It didn't take much to set her off and that frustrated her.
"Ash Attack, they'll be here." Ashley never much got flashbacks these days, but when Julie called her by her nickname, Ashley's mind flashed back to the night of her sophomore year talent show when Julie had called her by the nickname for the first time. "It won't happen again. They know how important this is to us."
"But what if they're not?" Ashley's voice was soft as she spoke against the music, tone laced with panic and worry. "What if it happens again? What if they don't show up? They know how important this is to you and-"
Julie cut Ashley off by placing both of her hands on her wrists.
"Don't think like that." Julie was looking at her still. "They will be here."
Julie sounded so determined that Ashley had to believe her.
"Is everybody fired up for Julie and the Phantoms!" Flynn's voice burst from the mic on stage and Ashley almost flinched because she hadn't been expecting it. She had been so far away. "Great, keep that fire 'cause that's later. We're a bit behind schedule but don't worry, just enjoy these mind-blowing beats."
Julie and the Phantoms. What a helluva name, Flynn.
Flynn took her headphones off as she bounced towards the girls again.
"Julie and the Phantoms?" Julie was looking at Flynn, a small smile on her face. "What about Ashley? Did you forget that she's apart of the living too?"
"Jules, don't fret." Ashley was smiling now, still seriously impressed with that band name, so much so that the unsettling feeling in her gut had vanished momentarily. "If I have to pretend to be a phantom and sacrifice the chance to have my name in the band title for that to be our band name, I'll do it.
"F Money, you've impressed me again."
"I always do." Flynn was grinning smugly. "I had some free time in French class. Jules, you'd better like it because Ashley does and she's one half of the living of this band. I've registered it on Insta, Snapchat, Twitter..."
"No, I love it." Julie placed a hand on Flynn's arm. "Just as long as Ash is completely okay with it, that's all. She has the power to make the decisions too."
"JuJu, trust me." Ashley shook her friend lightly. "I'm completely fine with it. So much so, look, my hands have stopped trembling since I heard the name."
Ashley lifted her hands to show Julie that the trembling had settled.
"Well, in that case, I definitely love it." Julie smiled as he bumped Ashley's shoulder with hers. "But I'd love it more if the actual Phantoms were here."
Ashley had noticed that too, that it had been a while and the boys still weren't around. She hoped there was a good reason for their absence.
"Hey, you know what this band name means?" Ashley was trying to break the sudden tension which had surrounded them all. "I can start calling my brother a phantom and he can't tell me to stop because it's in the band name."
Both Ashley and Flynn chuckled at that comment.
Suddenly, Flynn's eyes widened as she spun her finger, signalling for the two of them to turn around and low and behold, there was Nick. Julie started blushing like a madman as Flynn skipped away from them quickly.
She wasn't getting involved.
"Nick!" Julie looked at him and then at Ashley who was backing away towards the curtains, not wanting to get involved either. "Look guys, it's Nick!"
Ashley hid a chuckle behind a cough.
The blonde stood away as the two of them started conversing, not wanting to get in between anything important. Ashley saw Nick pointing at her one or two times and figured he must be talking about the band, and she tried to use Julie and Nick conversing as a distraction tactic to stop herself from panicking again.
It wasn't working very well. After the break she had gotten from the impressive name Flynn had come up with, her hands had started trembling again, and worse this time. She could feel the panic building in her chest as she thought about what it could mean for her and Julie if the boys really didn't show up.
But they would show up. They had to.
Ashley swallowed hard as she peered at the bright phone screen the boy was holding out to her. There, on the screen, in an iMessage group chat, was a picture of Luca and Eden, which had been sent just two minutes before, in Luca's bedroom. The two of them were wrapped tightly in an embrace, closer than Ashley had ever seen them, and Eden was kissing Luca's cheek.
Ashley shook herself, trying to rid the memory from her mind. That had been over a year ago. Eden didn't even go to the same school anymore and Luca kept his distance, knowing what was good for him. It had been over a year.
It wouldn't happen again. It wouldn't.
"I can't tell if the crowd is getting restless or bored." There was a voice Ashley recognised all too well, and a voice she really didn't want to hear right now as Carrie pushed back the curtains and flounced towards Nick and Julie.
"Never a good sign."
She shot Ashley a brief look.
"Oh, hi, Julie!" There was that peppy voice again. "Got a new bag?"
"Actually, it's our hologram projector. Just did a little upgrade."
"Oh. So... simple." Carrie wasn't smiling and Ashley grimaced. "You know, I was expecting something a little more... sophisticated."
"It's what's on the inside that counts."
"Yeah, that's what a lot of people have to tell themselves." Carrie chuckled but Ashley could see that it was forced. She hated that about her. "Come on, Nick."
Carrie turned on her heel, not even looking to see if her boyfriend was following as she stopped just in front of Ashley, who was still trying to use the curtains to hide herself, not turning to look at her but speaking regardless.
"I'm getting de ja vu." Her voice was felt like ice and the blonde resisted the urge to shiver. "Let's hope history doesn't repeat itself, shall we?"
Ashley didn't even get the chance to stick up for herself before Carrie had walked away, Nick following not too far behind, looking like a lost puppy. The junior had always wondered why Nick would always crawl back to Carrie after every breakup, even though she was awful to him and everyone else. There was so much drama involved with them, for both of them, and Ashley wondered how much healthier it would be for both parties if they just went their separate ways.
Ashley went to stand beside Julie again, still trembling, as the girl pulled out her phone. The time read 9:15 pm. The boys were only fifteen minutes late.
They would be there. Right?
ASHLEY had been right the whole time.
The unsettling feeling had only grown as it got later and later into the evening and by eleven o'clock when the boys still weren't there, a feeling of doubt had begun to fester inside her chest too. This was bad. This was very bad.
Nick had appeared side stage for a second time while Julie had sat on the floor, fiddling with the hologram projector mournfully, as if it would magically make the boys appear. The boy had sat down on the floor with her to help her 'fix' it - she was using the excuse that she couldn't get it to work as an excuse for them not going on stage - while Ashley stood back and watched.
She couldn't believe this was happening again.
Julie had placed so much trust in the guys, and so had she, and after they were both so trusting and warm towards them, they weren't even going to show up?
What was with that?
Ashley was distracted from her panicking by a blur of movement and she looked up hopefully - maybe the boys had actually arrived? - but her hope was dropped when she realised it was Nick getting to his feet and pulling Julie up.
There was a sudden flower of extra painful panic that bloomed in Ashley's chest as Nick suddenly disappeared from side stage and bounded towards the DJ table where Flynn was still playing music to try and stall the restless crowd of students. Julie tried to call back for him, but he was too far away to hear her.
"Hey, everyone!" He had taken the mic from Flynn and Julie and Ashley watched, constantly sparing each other worried glances as they watched Nick on stage. "We fixed the hologram thing! Who wants to see a show?!"
The whole gymnasium of people started to cheer as Julie stuck her head around the side of the curtain, watching with wide eyes as she realised what was happening and the gravity of the situation officially hit her hard.
Nick introduced the band to the stage and started beckoning for Julie and Ashley to go and join him. Ashley balled her hands into fists at her side, praying that they would stop trembling for one damn minute until Julie started making her way onto the stage and Ashley knew she had no choice but to follow her.
Hey, at least she had gotten further than the talent show.
Nick handed Julie the mic, rubbing Ashley's shoulder gently before he bounced off towards side stage, an excited smile on his face. Julie looked at Ashley and the girl shrugged, not too sure what to do. What were they supposed to do? Perform alone? Flynn had suggested it and Julie had shut her down immediately, but what if that was their only option at this point?
"Uh... hi." Julie waved awkwardly at the crowd as they chuckled at her. "So, here's the thing. Even though we got the machine fixed... thanks to Nick-" the crowd started cheering for the boy who had appeared at the foot of the stage now- "we can't seem to link up with the guys. Wi-Fi, am I right?"
Julie stopped talking for a moment as there was a scatter of mumbles across the crowd. Despite the tremble in her hands, Ashley reached to take one of Julie's hands from the mic so she could hold it, giving it a reassuring squeeze. If they were going to do this, they were going to do it together. No going back.
With Ashley's small boost of confidence, Julie spoke again.
"I'm sorry but-" Julie paused as Ashley rubbed her thumb across the girls knuckles softly, leaning into her a little- "we're gonna have to cancel."
There was a burst of disapproving noises from the crowd and Ashley wanted to flinch away - she hadn't gotten this far into the talent show, but she couldn't have imagined if this had been the reaction the crowd might've given her.
Carrie was climbing the stairs ahead of them and Ashley spotted her when it was too late to try and stop her or pull Julie far enough away from her.
"Um, anybody know the Heimlich? Julie's choking."
The students in the room began to laugh at Carrie's comment and through the panic and the terror bubbling in Ashley's chest, there was a flash of rage mixed in there too. If she could prove these students wrong...
"Only one way to save this dance." Carrie continued to walk over to the DJ table where she took the mic from Julie. "Who wants to see Dirty Candy?"
The crowd cheered but before Carrie could put any kind of music for herself on, Flynn reached forwards and twisted the music deck knob in the wrong direction and Ashley watched it snap. Flynn met her eyes briefly.
"Oops. Knobs broken." She didn't sound too upset about.
"Okay." Carrie was glaring at Flynn, fire burning in her eyes. "Two can play at this game." The girl addressed the crowd again. "Party at my house!"
The crowd cheered more as they started to make their way out of the gym.
Carrie dropped the mic onto the DJ board as it made an echoing thump and looked as if she was going to walk away - maybe Ashley had dodged a bullet? - but when she reached the blonde she made sure to bump her shoulder so she was separated from Julie and Carrie was stood between them.
"Seen this before." Carrie was smirking. "What are you gonna do? Run?"
Ashley sucked in a breath, swallowing hard.
"They couldn't even put your name in the title." Carrie was beginning to walk away now, but her eyes were still on Ashley. "What does that say about how much you really mean to this band? I know what I think it means."
Ashley felt words crawling up her throat - not good or kind ones either - but she never got the chance to speak them aloud as Flynn was in front of Ashley before she knew what was happening, shooting Carrie daggers.
"Carrie, just go." Flynn nodded her head towards Nick who was frowning at the foot of the stage. "Don't you have a house party to get to or something?"
Carie shot Ashley one more look, a look that was so full of poison she almost flinched away before trotting down the stairs of the stage, taking Nick's hands as she did. The crowd cheered for her again as she walked through the gym and Ashley felt her insides turn over. Well, that was embarrassing.
"Ash, are you okay?" It was Julie speaking to her now, having come and stood where Flynn was still stood in front of the blonde, almost like a protective wall.
Ashley hated never being able to stand up for herself. The words were there but she could never speak them. She had never stood up to anyone before, not even her father when they argued, so how was she supposed to stick up to Carrie? Ashley hated having to be rescued by her younger best friends all the time.
"Yeah, I'm okay." Ashley nodded, but even to her own ears, she didn't sound convinced. "I'm fine, I just- I was expecting her to say something. I mean-"
The stuttering was all Julie needed to know the truth.
The dance had been ruined.
Flynn wrapped her arms around both girls' as they walked to the edge of the stage, watching the crowd of students leaving with frowns on their faces.
"Well, that kinda backfired." Flynn grimaced. "Oh, I mean, the whole night wasn't a bust." She was pointing towards the new music program student and a young girl Julie had never seen before as the two of them held hands in the middle of the dance floor. "The new guy found someone."
The sight of the two of them dancing in an empty gym with no music and just flashing lights was enough to bring a small smile onto Ashley's face, even if her heart was heavy with hurt and betrayal. There was just something about seeing other people happy that boosted her mood just that little bit.
"Little man has game!" Flynn had noticed them dancing as Julie and Ashley chuckled at her reaction. Julie leaned her head down on Flynn's shoulder and Flynn, noticing that even though Ashley was smiling, she seemed further and further away as each second passed, pulled her best friend tight to her side.
Ashley couldn't believe she had trusted a bunch of ghosts.
How could she have been so stupid?
"I CAN never show my face at this school again." Julie sighed as she stuck a pin into a balloon. Ashley stayed silent, sticking her own pin into a balloon.
It was the most fun she had had all night, popping balloons with her best friends. What was better to get out your anger that bursting a couple of balloons?
"That's what we get for depending on boys." Flynn looked between them both.
"I don't know if we should be mad or worried." Julie rubbed a hand across her face. "They're ghosts! I don't know what kind of trouble they can get into."
"They wanted to get back at Bobby. Or Trevor? Or whatever his name is, I don't know," Ashley mumbled the first words she had spoken since Carrie had taken everyone from the gym. "Maybe something happened?"
There was a brief pause as Julie and Ashley weighed their options.
"Which of you amazing girlies wants ice-cream from the cafeteria?" Flynn spoke up to break the silence between them, not happy with how both of her best friends looked completely defeated. "Fools gave me the keys."
Flynn pulled herself up from the ground.
"We can crash at my place and forget about this whole nightmare."
Julie chuckled as Flynn popped another balloon for emphasis, chuckling.
"Get me two-" Julie paused, thinking about it- "of everything."
"And Ash is getting vanilla because she's plain but also silent." Flynn raised her eyebrows at the blonde who had had her eyes trained to the floor. "It's a good job I know her well enough to know which ice-cream flavour she likes."
This comment made Ashley look up to meet Flynn's eyes and she chuckled.
Julie watched Flynn leave the gym before she shuffled along the floor to be closer to Ashley, taking the blonde girls hand in hers, shooting her a gentle smile.
"Whatcha thinking about, Ash Attack?" Ashley looked up to meet Julie's eyes. "You've been really quiet since the gym emptied. Even popping balloons."
"You know, the first night you ever called me Ash Attack was the night that Eden and Luca ditched me at the talent show." Ashley was trailing a broken balloon across the gyms floor aimlessly, needing something to do with the hand that Julie wasn't holding to stop it from trembling. "It only makes sense that it be the same thing you call me the night that history repeats itself."
Julie wrapped her arm across Ashley's shoulder, pulling her close.
"I'm sorry this has happened again. You don't deserve this."
"I'm sorry too." Ashley gave Julie a look. "After everything you've been through with your mom and music, this was supposed to be your fresh start."
"I know, but this is your brother." Ashley tensed at the mention of Alex and Julie noticed, rubbing her shoulder. "You had so much faith in him and he let you down. I'm sorry things didn't turn out the way they were supposed to tonight. And after what you've already been through? This same situation? I'm sorry performing in front of people never works out positively in your favour.
"You deserve so much more than this."
"We both deserve better," Ashley whispered into the gym and Julie agreed with a nod. Balloon popping abandoned, the two of them sat in each other's embrace for a while longer - Ashley, once more, didn't realise she was crying silently until Julie reached up to brush the tears away with the ball of her hand.
Julie Molina was nothing if not gentle.
It was silent before the side doors of the gym crashed open and there was a loud voice which echoed around the empty room like white noise.
"Julie! Ashley!" Ashley's insides rolled over as she recognised the voice. "We are ready to rock this dance... which is clearly over."
Ashley didn't even want to look in their direction, but she lifted her eyes just enough to see Alex hit Luke on the chest when he spotted the two girls sitting by the balloons. Julie was the first to stand, holding out her hand to Ashley - there was a look in her eyes which said, "Take it, but only if you want to."
Ashley didn't hesitate.
If they were going to go down, they would go down together.
"Look, we are so... so, so sorry that we bailed on you guys." Luke was the first to speak directly to them as Alex caught his sisters gaze. It was interesting for Ashley to see his expression twist when he noticed that she was crying.
"Yeah, I mean, the night really got away from us." Alex looked at Julie.
"And the twins."
Luke shot Reggie a sharp look as she whacked him on the arm.
"Just please tell me it had nothing to do with you getting back at Carrie's dad." Julie sighed, looking at each boy in turn. Each of them let out a noise, trying their best to act confused, but neither Ashley nor Julie were buying it. Lie better, boys.
"Seriously? You're lying to us?" Ashley's voice came out choked and she had forgotten Julie was still holding her hand until she gave it a comforting squeeze.
There was a pause until Alex spoke up, trying to explain their actions to the two girls but nothing he could say was going to sway either of them.
This wasn't just going to go away.
"But we'll do whatever it takes. We'll play the next school-"
"What?" Julie's voice came out sharp and Ashley wanted to jump. "Another dance where you can bail on us and make us look like fools? Save it."
Ashley took a deep, shaky breath.
"You know what sucks?" Julie had tilted her head to stare Luke in the eyes. "Our songs were good. And all three of you knew what I'd been through and how tough it's been for me to play, and then you do this?" Julie's voice was choked now and it was Ashley's turn to squeeze her hand.
"And Ashley? You guys know what this meant to her, to finally have her brother back in her life, to know the band that helped her kick off her music, and you do this to her? After she's already been through something like this before? Bands don't do that to each other. Friends don't do that to each other."
Ashley could feel the tears burning her eyes again and she swiped the back of her hand across her face, hoping to hide them from the boys in front of her.
"This was a mistake."
"You mean the school dance, right?" Luke looked lost.
"No." Ashley spoke up, her voice trembling.
"She means joining a band with you guys. And so do I."
Julie looked up to meet Ashley's eyes and nodded, once, just to let her know she was coming in a moment, as Julie took off out of the gym, leaving Ashley standing with the boys. Luke called after her but Julie wasn't for coming back.
Ashley met eyes with her brother once more and he stepped forwards as if to reach out to her, but she took a huge step back, putting her hands up.
"Don't." Ashley shook her head, her trembling voice a whisper. "You guys are idiots, you know that, don't you? How could you do this to us? To Julie? To me."
Luke made to speak but Ashley put her hand up.
"No, you don't get to talk. You lost that right when you ditched us to complete a twenty-five year old grudge." Ashley could feel tears burning her face but she ignored them this time. Added emphasis, she guessed. "Julie has been through so much to get where she is right now and the moment she thinks she finally has it all worked out, you guys come along and step all over it like it was nothing. You knew what she had been through yet you still let time rule over your decisions.
"Alex? You're my brother. This? Ditching your little sister on one of the most important nights of her music adventure? That's not what big brothers do. After everything I told you, how I opened up to you about how you and the boys are the sole reason I got into music, you throw away the opportunity to play with me for someone you haven't seen or heard from in twenty-five years?"
Panic was building in Ashley's chest but she pushed it down.
"And you." Ashley pointed at Reggie now, who had been silent the whole time. "You knew that performing in front of people was one of my biggest fears. I told you that. And yet this is what you do on a night where we were to perform in front of a huge crowd of people. Tonight was supposed to be the night that I closed that book but now its even wider open for the whole world to see."
The boys all looked forlorn.
"Ashley-" Luke reached out as if to touch her but she stepped away from him.
"No, Luke. Don't." Ashley shook her head again, wiping a tear frustratedly from her face. "Julie was right. Joining a band with you guys was a mistake."
Ashley brushed past Reggie, accidentally catching his shoulder as she went right through him and she felt the chill run up her spine as she ran away from the boys, in the same direction Julie had run. She could hear the boys calling back for her, all except Reggie, who was still silent, but she didn't turn around.
Ashley turned her back on the only thing that had been keeping her afloat.
And it felt awful.