Áine (on-ye/awn-ye) Richards || Ney
"I promise this will be good for you Ney". My mother, Angel stated, briefly glancing at me
"Hmm". I felt my frown deepened, slouching further into the car seat and folding my arms on my chest.
"Áine you have to do it for yourself. You need help".
"Geez, thanks mama". I sarcastically said as if i didn't know that already. I know I wasn't fine but she didn't have to attack me like that.
"I just want you to be better. I need my daughter back". My mother sadly stated but I could care less. I was too broken to get back to the old me.
"Well good luck with that because she's long gone. She's never coming back ". I couldn't help but harshly say that to her.
"You haven't given it a try".
"I don't want to do this. You know this isn't something for people like us ". I informed my mother. I saw her frowning, clearly, not liking the words I was saying to her.
"I know you are hurting; my baby and I want to do everything in my power to help you. I never had the help I wanted because I grew up in a place that didn't believe in going to therapy. I want you to have that and if it doesn't work then I will leave it alone". Angel told Áine and left the conversation alone.
We drove in silence until we pulled up at the white building with see through doors up in the front. There was a few cars parked around the parking lot and then us just a few yards away from them.
"We here!". Angel happily stated, cutting the ignition off.
"You not going in, are you?". I asked with my brows furrowed, unbuckling the belt. I didn't want her there either way.
"No but I'm happy you decided to do this". Angel told me.
"Okay mama". I softly chuckled, shaking my head. I grabbed my purse and sliding the squared framed glasses over my eyes. I got out my mother's black Range Rover and walked towards the white building.
I opened the door and saw the reception on my right. I made my way towards her who looked at me with a warm smile.
"Good morning, welcome to Grace Family Counseling. How can I help you ?". I noticed her bright smile and lightly scoffed. I couldn't help but notice how happy she was while i was wailing in my problems.
Must be nice, I thought.
"Hey, I'm here for my ten am appointment with doctor Celine?". I uncertainly said with a tight smile on my lips.
"You must be Ah-ne Richards?". The receptionist looked back up at me, pronouncing my name wrong.
"Awn-ye". I corrected, slightly rolling my eyes. I hated it when people did that. Shit annoying as fuck. She didn't even try.
"Oh sorry about that Áine". She said, pronouncing it right this time. I nodded.
"Head up to the third floor and turn on your right, the last door on the floor is Doctor Celine's office". She told me. I turned on my heels and walked to the elevator. I pulled out my sanitizer out my purse and spritzed a little on the palm of my hand.
I rubbed my hands together and then gently pressed the button going up. I waited for a few minutes. It was a good thing that the elevator was just coming down from the second floor.
The doors opened, and a ding sounded, nobody wasn't in. I stepped in and was met with reflection of myself. Luckily these big, framed glasses covered my red, dull eyes I didn't want staring back at me.
I noticed the tremendous weight I had lost in the past few weeks. The black pants I wore used to be fitted on my waist down but now they were snugly fitted. My brown skin tone wasn't as radiant as I remember. I licked my dry lips and pulled my purse closer to my side.
The ding of the elevator snapped me out of my thoughts. I turned on my heels and I followed the directions to doctor Celine's room, not noticing the waiting area and the other doors on the floor.
My feet heavy with each step I took. Even the white air forces on my feet made no difference. I took a deep breathe as I saw the door in my vision, slowing down as well.
I lifted my hand and gently knocked. I heard a soft come in from the other side of the door. I took hold of the door handle, turning the knob. The door opened and I stepped in.
The first thing I noticed was the big, floor to ceiling windows which were bringing light into the room. I had noticed the other side of the building which had a park across the street.
The warmth of the room slapped me in my face. I closed the door and did a quick scan of the room. It had light brown walls with bookshelves and books all around the room. A few green plants scattered across the room. Two couches adjacent each other and a couch against the wall, with a black chair just behind it.
"Hello, you must be Áine ". The first thing I noticed was her red hair tied in a high bun and her edges slicked neatly. Her light skinned was blemish free but a few beauty spot were scattered across her face. Her teeth white and straight. And smile? Beautiful as hell. Luckily she couldn't see me eyeing her in my shades.
I blinked one. Twice. Thrice, seeing her slim thick body walking towards me. Her expensive perfume filled up my nostrils and the room. I inhaled the scent, getting a fruity but sultry smell at the same time.
Her red skirt outlined her beautiful curves and long brown, smooth legs. Her white blouse cupped her breast. She held out her manicured hand causing me to fist fully cover mine in shame. I hadn't had a manicure in so long.
"Áine?", I snapped out of my daze as she called out my name once again and looked at her stretched out hand.
"D-doctor Celine?". I cleared my throat, feeling embarrassed for stuttering like that. We shook hands.
"Yes that's me, please take a seat". Her hand felt so smooth and soft. She walked in fully inside the room. I took a seat on the black suede couch and felt my body relaxing.
Bitch what the fuck are you relaxing for?
The question rang in my head. I shook my head and sat up, pulled out my hand sanitizer, pouring a small amount on my hand. A habit I developed over the past few months.
I looked up and saw Doctor Celine staring at me, at my actions. I raised my brow in question.
"You can relax". She told me but I shook my head. My body didn't allow me to relax the way I wanted. And even if I wanted to, I didn't know how to.
"Don't be afraid, go on". She cooed further. Her voice was sweet and so mellow. She was gently but stern at the same time. I sighed and leaned back with my arms folded over my chest. I was protecting myself.
"Now unfold your arms". She instructed me. I furrowed my brows in confusion. She chuckled, I guess noticing the face I made.
"You got to be gently with yourself ". She told me and that kind of tugged at my heart strings. To have someone who cared about my wellbeing.
"What do you mean?". I asked, feeling my words coming out harshly than I intended. She simply smiled.
"Close your eyes and lean back". She said to me. I kept looking at her but I eventually followed her instructions. I leaned back and closed my eyes.
Suddenly I smelled some essence being burnt. It's vanilla and coco butter scent danced on my nostrils. I heard soft blues being played in the background. I was relaxed.
"Now placed your hands besides you". She softly instructed. I couldn't help but do as I was told without protesting.
"Now imagine yourself at your dream destination, probably at the beach, or in your bed". She started.
"Is it warm or raining? Are you alone or with a partner? Just imagine that for a few moments". She told me. The music didn't help but take me there.
My mind took me to my happy place which was currently my apartment. I noticed everything was the same as the way I had left it when I left this morning.
I noticed the gloomy weather from my high ceiling windows. I noticed a lot of baby stuff scattered across the room.
"What are you feeling while you are standing right there and seeing what you are seeing?". Doctor Celine asked me. The vanilla essence filled the room making me miss a particular person.
I saw a baby boy crawling towards me. His gummy smile was bright and radiant.
"I-I". I got all choked up with my eyes still closed. I noticed the baby slowly fading away as I reached towards him. I saw blood pooling at the spot he was just in.
"Just relax." Celine's soft voice consoled me, but I felt my cheeks wet. I was crying, something I didn't want to do. I was glad I didn't take off these shades but still, I felt embarrassed.
"I don't want to be here anymore ". I said, sobbing with my eyes still closed. I could still see myself standing in my apartment in that pool of blood.
"Breath in and out". Celine coached me. I luckily wasn't a loud crier. I breathed heavily feeling my body slightly shake.
The music got cut off and I stayed in the position I was in for a while. Thirty minutes perhaps.
"How are you feeling?". Celine asked me. I changed my position and sat up straight.
"Like shit ". I croaked out. She held out a tissue. I grabbed it and dabbed my eyes and cheeks.
"You will be fine. Just stop holding on to that hurt. I didn't want to push you further but next session, we will". Celine softly smiled but all she got from me was a scoff.
"There is no next session ". I nonchalantly stated because I hated the way I just cried in front of her.
"Okay whatever you want". Celine said. I raised my brows in question. She didn't even try to convince me to come back.
This must be a joke . I thought looking at her.
"Why you ain't begging for me to come back ? Usually y'all be trying to convince us how therapy is good for us". I questioned.
"Because you will be back. Willingly". Celine confidently said. I liked her confidence but too bad, I wasn't coming back any time soon.
"Well I will be heading out now". I stood up and grabbed my purse.
"See you soon Áine". One thing I was glad about is, that she could say my name right without being correct.
"I hope not". I flashed her smile and walked out.
Now to drink my problems away, I thought with a smile gracing my face.
So do we like the narrative in first person or third person?