"So, how's the whole living together situation?" Danica asked, chewing on her salad as we sat by one of the tables at the coffee shop just outside our dorms. I sip on my milkshake and thought about the right answer.
"It's been great. I mean I never thought I'd be staying there half my time. The place is heaven," I laughed. It is heaven.
"If it is so good then why don't you just move in?" She asked rightfully and I freeze.
We've spoken about it, Matteo and I but we never really got into an agreement because of my situation. We would spend dinners together talking about just moving in together but then the idea of my parents suddenly coming over and finding out that their goody-two-shoes of a daughter is living with the troublesome boy from Italy.
"Well, we kinda thought that if we do then it would make things seem a little faster than we'd like." I lied. The world doesn't need to find out our troubles as a couple, not even close friends. Some things are better off not being said.
"So have you told him about Henry then?" She squinted, avoiding the sunlight that pierced her eyes. I roll my jaw at the memory of how Henry and I left things but I didn't want to get too caught up that my mind loses itself.
"No, I haven't." I smiled faintly.
"He'll find out too you know?"
"Well, he can do that on his own. It's not like Henry can do much." I replied confidently. Contrary to what they believe, Matteo isn't the same person he was a few months ago. He's better and I like it that way. We're happier this way and I've got no reason to believe that he would turn back around and get his knuckles bloody.
"You're too confident about that Evie."
"It's because I know him, Dani," I snapped but caught myself. It seems as if lately I've been on edge but especially today.
After seeing Matteo's brother suddenly popping up out of nowhere and noticing how stressed and silent he was, I couldn't shake off the feeling that something was wrong. Even this morning when I drove here my trepidation got the best of me and I almost swerved a car.
"I know him well now," I repeated trying to tell myself the same thing. Though, after this morning, I feel like there's something else I have yet to find out.
"Of course you do. We all do. We think we know someone but there's always gonna be that little thing that you two will never talk about. I mean girl, you surely have some things you haven't told him." She raises her brows and I frowned trying to formulate a defense yet my phone beat me to it.
I jumped at the buzzing and fished for my phone in my bag. I read the name and sighed when I saw Matteo with two hearts and a wave beside it.
Danica scoffs and I shake my head with a laugh before answering.
"Hey," I said with a giddy laugh.
"Hey, are you on your way over?" His tone was serious and dead like the day I met him. Though on this one there was no cockiness or an uproar of ego. It was deep, breathy, and stressed.
I swallow my smile and looked at Danica who evidently noticed my sudden surge. Her eyes glimmered for a second with a look of suspicion but I disregard it.
"N—no, I'm having a snack with—"
"Will you be able to come over now? Or soon?" He cuts me off and I gulped as many ideas swirled around my head of what has happened.
Could he have destroyed the place like he did the frat house? Did he invite Jocelyn over again? His brother, did he hurt him?
"Yeah, I can come over now, what's wrong?" I was fazed by panic and my words were laced with it as I grabbed my things faster than a robber.
Danica stood in shock too knowing that what has happened must be serious. I gave her a look of apology and she nods in understanding.
"Just come over quickly. We need to talk." He hung up leaving me with my heart in my throat and my gut twisting into knots. I sighed throwing my phone back into my bag and turning to Danica with sudden fear.
"What happened?"
"I need to go, Dani, it's something about talking and he doesn't sound so good," I tell her in the lightest way probable not to comfort her but to comfort me. Suddenly all the things I said seemed like a lie and I hated that.
"Ok, ok, call me and let me know," she said as we both rushed outside the cafe. I heading to my car and her watching me walk away before the front door.
My heart pumped like the beat of the drum in a quiet room. I didn't know what else to think but everything that could've gone wrong. He's never sounded like that before and the last time he ever did was after that frat house incident. All of it came rushing back the moment I sped out into the highway with nothing but my hopes of it being better than what my mind comprehended.
As I passed by what seemed like a few hundred cars, images of Matteo as guilty as he was climbed into my mind like a vine in a derelict home. Like the love, I suddenly forgot. Fear is what replaced it. I fight the tears that threatened to come and repeated a mantra that it isn't that bad and it will all be alright just to let me down slowly but all of that disperse into thin air.
I arrived outside the estate as frazzled as I can be. There I stood outside the front door and suddenly I stopped by the window of the office. I found three members of the house staff sweeping the floors and a stack of glass on the corner. The epiphany for the worst of the worst came to fruition and my heart drops. He did again, he broke things again after so long.
My fears only continued when I opened the door and a whiff of tobacco entered my system. I could've gasped if it weren't for the sight I saw next.
In the lounge were the brothers. They sat opposite, one had an ankle over a leg and the other was smoking with a bottle of whiskey in front of him. I scowled at the savage state I found these two. When they turned, Matteo's eyes were blank but the little freckles of tears on the corner of his eyes tell me almost all the things I need to know; almost.
I take a cautious step as Matteo turned to his brother before uttering lifelessly, "can you give us a second?"
Alejandro looks between Matteo and eye and his death stare turned sympathetic and that way it's almost scarier. He nods anyway and straightens himself out before heading into the backyard where he stood by the pool.
I reverted my attention to Matteo who squashed his cigarette into the ashtray as he stood. He was too close to me and as if a sign of betrayal I sensed, I took a step back.
He notices and his jaw clenched. Looking away as though he tried to forget what I just did.
"What is going on Matteo? You almost gave me a heart attack," I tried not to tell but it came out as croaks from my tight throat.
He runs his hand through his hair before looking at me with a befitted gaze. I frowned again and this time I started to think it was permanent.
"I think you need to sit down for this," he said like a doctor in his office about to announce someone's death. His eyes flickered with ache and I say,
"Just spit it out, Matteo. No amount of comfort will make this feeling any better anyway." I can tell that my tone surprised him when his mouth fell, stuck open like words he wanted to say but couldn't.
"So?" I crossed my arms. "What the hell is going on? You're drinking, smoking one day I was gone?"
"Because whatever the hell I'm about to tell you— I don't think I'll ever want to hear your answer sober." He choked and I felt the pain from his tongue. I tried to measure up to his pain but mine was different.
"What?" I shook.
"The reason my brother came here is to let me know that I need to go back to Italy." He spat out like he just wanted to get it over with. I stare at him for a moment until an involuntary chuckle conjured itself out of me.
"That's what you were so afraid to tell me?" I said in awe. I expected his eyes to glimmer with home again, or with the love, I so missed this morning. Nothing. They were the same and if possible— worse.
"Permanently."
My heart sunk to my stomach. I felt the same couch on my skin as I fell and I heard sniffling from the strong man I once knew. He stayed standing while I tried to convince myself that there was nothing wrong with that— but there is.
"But you won't, right?" I said not even being able to look him in the eye.
He slowly falls on one knee in front of me, grabbing both my hands and caressing my cheek to try and comfort us. "Look, Evie, my father's company is in jeopardy, and unfortunately I have to step in since I was the name written down by my father to take over. I don't have a choice."
"Couldn't your brother do...do it?" I shivered feeling defeated while I let a few tears spill out.
"Look, babe, it doesn't mean I will leave you...you can...you can come with me, stay in Italy. Isn't that what you want? Away from your family—"
"From my life?!" I let myself go, the sudden crisis in my head making its rounds like it hasn't done already. "Matteo you are asking me to run away, leave all the things I've built behind I— I mean my parents will kill me I tell you. They put all their money on me and you think I don't feel any guilt for leaving thag behind?"
"Evie without them you don't have to feel guilty about any—"
"When do you have to leave?" I concluded, shutting him up and he swallows his words. The limp in my throat only grew as we both cried. Weak as we are I needed to know. Then his eyes fall until he muttered the answer.
"Matteo...that...that's less than a month," I tried to laugh but they were replaced with sobs ripping through my hollow heart. I wanted to tell but I don't even have the strength to say another word.
"I know—"
"You expect me to decide that in two weeks!" I finally yelled, shooting up from my seat and leaving him on his knees. I didn't care that my voice could be heard throughout the house because all I care about is the fact that I'm not angry at him.
I'm angry with me.
"I know, I know, I'm sorry. I— I should've told you sooner, I just didn't know-how and—"
"You've known for longer? Oh my god!" I bit my lip, putting both my hands on my head as it felt as though it were about to explode.
"Evie, please calm down, we can settle something," he pleads, not getting up and grabbing on my legs to try and keep me standing.
"No, no, Matteo. You had every chance to tell me that tou had to do this. That you still have a life in Italy that could take you back at any moment. You didn't think for one second that out of everyone you knew there was one person you could be leaving. The...the one person who leans on you for the hell of it? Just once did you ever think that a sane human would not just drop everything for you?" My anger gets the best of me and I struggled to contain the sobs that rip out at every word.
He cried, and cried, sobbing. I've never heard him like that before and it broke my heart. We stayed like that for a few moments. Crying until the only thing we heard was the croaks of our pain.
"I...I can't do this right now," I said, prying myself out of his strong arms.
"What? No, Evie..." He grabs a hold of me again and I bite my tongue to stop the tears for another surge. I dare not turn around and instead groaned my way out of his hands.
When I did, I wasted no time walking out of that place knowing that I would not want to see him for a while.