Tom,
If this is love I do not want it. I'm dead but I'm not. I want to fucking die again but I'm not alive. Tom, I need you.
You drove me insane. Devoured by my mind. My thoughts crawling around like maggots through the pores and crevices in my brain. I'm insane now.
I don't recognize myself.
I look at my hands and at my skin and at my hair and I'm starting to forget myself. Do you know what nothingness looks like? First all I saw was black black black black black.
Now it's turned into madness, suspended between the layers of dead cells on my skin and the world around me.
There's a river of gasoline comprised of sheer noise but all I can hear is a ringing void. My body seizes with a grief that bleeds from my bones, but I am not composed of limbs or tissues or veins. There is no skeleton for my mind to inhabit. Still, my body shakes.
When I'm counting, time dwindles into an infinity. My thoughts a ghost town of paper dolls, like embers in a graveyard from the inferno of actuality.
The nothingness is a nightmare. The same way I used to be terrified of the monster under the bed. I quivered before it. All this time there was another one sleeping right above it. With the same wrathful grin etched into her face, jagged lines carved out to draw blood. She smiles red and I look in the mirror and my teeth are a row of tombstones stained with crimson blood.
How I lied lied lied. I don't feel nothing. I feel all the wrong things and it's consuming me.