Rachel pushed Katherine's wheelchair through the warehouse's side door and onto the concrete work yard while Becca and Thomas accompanied the fairies around the island, learning his responsibilities as its steward.
"Some shit." Rachel murmured.
"It's not exactly the future I imagined." Katherine agreed reluctantly. It wasn't just the compulsion to support the man she'd chosen. Whatever magic sent a thrill up her spine every time he looked at her also covered the scars of her shame, and she wouldn't give that up easily. She shifted in her seat and winced at the knifing pain beneath the bandages.
"You okay?" Rachel's hollow voice made her wish she could hide the physical pain as easily.
"Better by the hour," she said. "I'm more concerned about you, to be honest."
"Give that shit up, I said I'm fine."
"You don't lie as well as you think you do."
"If you don't like it, stop asking."
"I forgive you."
"So you said."
Katherine knew when to back off. Rachel's required space more than kindness while she dismantled her emotions to reach the rational mind beneath them.
It was strange that Thomas' influence hadn't muted those feelings the way it stripped away her own need to feel pain. She thought acting them out would give her the catharsis she craved but it didn't make any difference. She'd even forced herself to imagine him with the new girl, their bodies entwined, grinding together in passionate embraces while she watched. It made her heart race, just not with anger, and that was worse. As far as she could see there was only one way to avoid becoming some damned cuckqueen, and after Thomas had to kiss Rachel to save her life, it was no longer a choice.
That didn't mean it would be easy.
Katherine peered across the river, trying to discern some sign of the city beyond its high wooded banks. "It's weird that you can't hear any traffic."
"I guess." Rachel agreed in her soulless monotone. "Can't really hear anything except the water and wind."
"And voices," Katherine's eyes sought out the quartet. They had stopped, watching a sleek, black shape break the surface of the river. "Are you and Thomas going to be okay?"
"I should be asking you." Rachel's answer was a gruff, a self-inflicted wound.
"You're my best friend, Rachel. If sharing him is what it takes to keep you around it's a small price."
"What about her?"
"Becca?"
"You don't even know her. You're okay with her tonguing your man?"
Katherine sighed. "Stop trying to piss me off, I'm not mad at you and I don't hate her. Don't pretend you're any different."
Rachel closed her eyes and angled her face toward the sun. "Yeah, I guess. Just after he— but he's not my boyfriend."
"I'm not sure what we are now."
"Cut the bullshit, Kath, if there's such a thing as soulmates the pair of you are walking advertisements. I couldn't get in your way if I tried."
Katherine laid a hand on her friend's arm. "I didn't mean it that way. I'm not giving up on him, but I'm not stupid either. I need to adjust my expectations. So do you."
"Maybe later, we've got company."
Katherine turned to see Becca jogging across the field toward them. She was taller, more awkward, but in many ways a reflection of the girl she had bullied in high school. If she could reconcile herself with Becca she might find a way to finally forgive herself. That would be one hell of a silver lining.
"Hi!" the girl said brightly, pushing her huge glasses up the bridge of her nose. "They wanted me to tell you we're leaving at five."
"Is that it?" Rachel asked, her tone sharp and surly and Becca flinched as if she'd been physically attacked. Katherine jabbed Rachel in the thigh with her elbow.
"Don't mind her. She's wondering if they told you anything about what they're planning. The renovations?"
"Oh!" Becca said, perking up. "No more than what they said last night. We have to get out of the way so they can build the things we need to move in permanently. Toilets and a place to cook food, I guess. Stuff like that."
"Anything would be better than another bag of fries."
"Oh, about that," Becca's wide eyes brightened further. "Tom said he wasn't dealing very well with the greasy food so we're going to have a barbecue. Miss Finn said it'll be easier here than at the campsite."
They stood together another few seconds while Becca's eyes trailed off in awkward silence. She really was a sweet girl, and though Katherine still wanted to feel at least a hint of jealousy her heart melted before the girl's innocent kindness.
"Um," Becca said, finally backing away. "Ok then. That's it." Then she turned and skipped back to Thomas and the Fae.
Rachel helped Katherine out of her chair and they walked a lap around the island. Her strength waned quickly and she leaned on her friend through most of it, every step reminding her that she'd taken a bullet to the gut. It still wasn't as bad as it should have been. The pain resembled the sharp ache of a pulled muscle more than a fatal injury.
Katherine gladly resigned herself once again to the wheelchair while a familiar, white van crossed the bridge. As she watched, they unloaded a pair of portable grills, bags of charcoal, plastic containers with potato salad and baked beans, and plenty of hamburger and bratwurst. She grinned through the preparation, shaking her head as a pair of magical beings assembled the most American meal imaginable. The only thing they were missing was—
"The apple pie is still frozen," Finn announced and set aside a large box bearing the logo of a local bakery. "It's the best we could do on short notice. The big trucks are already on their way, so get to eating. If you're still hungry by the time they get here it's your own damn fault."
The driver, a short, stocky man with dark stains on his fingers and around his mouth lingered beyond the range of Thomas' ability. The rest sat on the ground talking quietly in pairs. Becca and Finn watched the grills while Rachel hovered protectively over Katherine, and Thomas earnestly questioned Miss Gold—with little success, judging by his expression.
Katherine's hunger had increased since returning from the fairy clinic and she finished a whole brat with ketchup and relish along with generous side dishes. Her body would need the extra energy, they had said, and as much sleep as she could get. She had other things on her mind, though, just as important as her health. Maybe more. There was an unexplained urgency in her thoughts, as though she was speeding toward a deadline that she dared not miss. Some of it was surely supernatural, but mostly...
She watched Thomas' posture slump and tried not to grin at his obvious frustration. It wasn't his angst that made her smile, it was knowing he'd keep trying no matter how discouraged he became. He never got to know himself the way she did, clouded as he had been by medication and a severe dissociative disorder.
Just last spring, they they had been half way through a sixteen hour drive in his beat-up car, on their way to visit her parents, when they passed a minivan on the side of the road. Thomas pulled over before the thought occurred to her. He haggled for twenty minutes with his own insurance company to get help for the stranded family and refused to accept compensation when that help was offered. He waited with them (after asking Katherine if she'd mind the delay), joking with the kids, sharing the bottles of water they'd brought for the trip, and waving goodbye with a friendly smile once they'd been rescued. He never told them the insurance company had refused, that he had paid for the tow out of his own pocket.
Thomas had attended an expensive university on a scholarship that barely covered his needs, struggled through the ups and downs of his medication, and practically lived on scraps. If anyone had the right to refuse charity, it would have been him. It never even crossed his mind.
She almost ended it after that. She'd spent years working on herself, deconstructing her selfish tendencies, and the audacity of his benevolence was like a slap in the face. But he was everything she wanted, a man of strength and character who gave her both courage and hope. He praised her as though she deserved it while humbling her by his example, and his only baggage, the sickness he had vanquished through the force of his will, only made him more desirable. Rather than break up with him for his own sake, she tightened her grip—a self-sanctioned act of emotional greed that she had never regretted. And that was before the fairy dust.
When they had finished eating, the grills were emptied and stashed back in the van, the bags packed up, and the trash collected, and all Katherine could do was watch. They were joined by a black sedan, the kind driven by federal agents if Hollywood could be believed.
"Can you at least tell us where we're going?" Thomas asked Finn as he guided Katherine's chair.
"Do you want coordinates?" the little Fae answered with a grin. "We've picked a remote spot on public land, deep in the woods but close enough to an existing campground. It won't look suspicious from above and we won't be bothered by curious property owners."
"And it's just for the night?" Katherine asked. She wanted to be appreciative, but the closest she ever came to a 'fun' camping trip was sleeping in her parents back yard when she was ten.
Finn nodded. "I wasn't prepared for a construction job like this and more than half of my resources are committed to other projects. For now we can only cover the basics, and half a day is enough for that."
The copper haired Fae led them to the back of the van. "You're in here, I'm afraid," Finn said. "Cuthbert's driving the others and we don't want your peculiarities to rile him up."
"Who's Cuthbert?"
"My second in command. Redcaps are generally misunderstood, but they can be dangerous if they're provoked, and you're a bit of a provocateur."
"How dangerous are we talking about?" Thomas shot a quick look at the tinted windows of the sedan.
"Their teeth are serrated, like a shark's, and they carry a venom that paralyzes their prey. He won't use it on you if you don't give him a reason, but the fact that they need to eat their food while its still alive is enough to give them a bad reputation."
"Alive?" Katherine gasped. The bemusement she had felt toward the Fae began to waver.
Finn ignored her, yanked open the doors, and lowered the accessibility ramp. "In you go," she said. A dim light clicked on overhead.
"Are you sure this is necessary?" Thomas asked, fretting over Katherine's condition as he wheeled her inside and anchored her chair using tie-downs that had been provided for that purpose.
"Taking you off the island now is risky, but it would be worse for you to stay. If half of what I suspect is true, you definitely want to keep your distance from the firbolgs."
She smirked and shut the door, leaving them alone in the windowless interior. Thomas settled himself on the wheel well across from Katherine with a look of helpless concern and the van lurched into motion a moment later.
"I wonder what she meant," Katherine mused.
"About what?"
"Half of what she suspects."
Thomas shrugged, "She might be making stuff up. Miss Gold said there's no precedent for what's going on with me. I've been thinking about it a lot, trying to piece it together, but it's still just pheromones and dancing lights."
"You mean fairy dust."
"Don't you start with me."
Katherine giggled. "Oh come on, tell me you didn't laugh when you found out Miss Gold was a Fae."
"Why would I laugh?"
"Thomas, you have a fairy godmother."
He groaned dramatically into his open palms and Katherine had to stop herself from laughing harder, only partly to avoid the ache beneath her ribs.
"God help me," he said. "Please don't mention that to Rachel."
"Too late."
They sat in silence for a while, listening to the road rumble beneath them while a fault in the wiring caused the overhead light to flicker.
"How are you feeling?" Thomas asked.
"Better than I should be after two days. It doesn't hurt at all if I don't move around too much."
"Finn said you'd be back to normal soon."
Katherine nodded. "It's hard to believe. The doctor said I wouldn't even have a scar."
"There go your bragging rights."
"Maybe, but I'll still be able to wear a bikini."
"Do you even own one?"
Katherine enjoyed afternoons at the beach, but she hadn't been swimming since moving to the dormitory. "Back home, sure, but there aren't a lot of opportunities out here and I wouldn't wear it for kicks like Penny. Though I could be persuaded," she added with an alluring smile.
"You'd be gorgeous in snow pants and a parka," Thomas countered.
"Maybe the parka, if there wasn't anything under it." Her heart beat faster as she imagined exposing herself to him, his hungry leer crawling over her skin... but Thomas closed his eyes and sighed.
"This is going to be a long trip," he said.
As much as she enjoyed feeding that primal appetite, magically induced or not, she silently berated herself for giving in. Thomas had been forced to repress his sexuality for half his life. It would take time for him to adapt, and it wasn't her job to set that pace.
"Poor Thomas," she said sincerely. "Sexy is going to be part of the conversation from now on. I don't expect you to give in, but you're going to have to get used to it."
"I'm trying."
The pain in his eyes told her more than he was willing to disclose. The desire was there, but it was being crowded out by fear. Fear of hurting her. Fear of giving free rein to his feelings. Fear of letting himself be happy. Katherine almost swallowed the words she'd been debating since the horned doctor told her about Rachel.
"It's not just me, you know," she said, her voice now quiet and hesitant.
"What do you mean?"
"When the others get comfortable with you, you'll have to deal with innuendo from all sides. I can't speak for Becca, but you know how Rachel is. There's no way we'll be able to avoid sexualizing the conversation, probably more than you'll ever be comfortable with. We're only human, and the urges are very real."
He looked up, his eyes destitute, but then they fell involuntarily to her chest (eliciting another hot, tingle of pleasure, as if his gaze alone could tease her nipples erect) before returning to the floor.
"I'm trying not to think about it," he sighed.
"It's happening whether you're ready for it or not. I don't think there's any way we can avoid getting physical."
"I'm not turning you into a sex zombie."
His new mantra brought her as close as she could come to anger, but she let none of it show. "You don't know that will happen. Besides, I'm not just talking about sex. There's a whole lot between holding hands and penetration, and you need to decide where your boundaries are, or one of us will do it for you."
"How am I supposed to do that?" he asked, genuinely bewildered.
"Just make the choice," Katherine had her answer ready, "but I want you to consider something else when you're thinking about it. Whatever limits you place on me, even if I accept them, I'll push for more."
"Great pep talk, Kath, thanks."
"I'm just being realistic. You have industrial grade mojo now." He chuckled and that encouraged her to continue. "Rachel and Becca are eventually going to see me as a limiting agent. I don't think they'll try to cross any lines that you set for me, because Rachel's my best friend and Becca's just too nice, but they'll get as close to it as they can."
"Is this how you plan to conduct your therapy sessions?" His crooked grin told her it was just banter, their mutual happy place, but she was trying to be serious and didn't know if she'd have the courage to follow through if she let him distract her.
"I'm not kidding, Thomas. You know I don't reach any conclusions without thinking them through, and no matter how many times I go over our situation in my head it always ends up in the same place." She took a deep breath, covering her own anxiety. "If any of us are going to get through this without going insane, we have to accept what's inevitable."
"What, sex?"
"Yes," Katherine replied. "I don't think you'd take advantage of me or cheat on our relationship, but we're all under the same kind of pressure, and if there's no way to back out, you'll eventually have to go forward. Remember how Becca reacted the first time you touched her? You said you didn't affect her the same way."
"Yeah."
"You were wrong. You just didn't see it because in her own way she's as repressed as you are. She wants you, badly, but even when she's following you around she's not demanding anything. She's one of the nicest people I've ever met, and she's completely smitten."
"Kath..."
"And Rachel has had a crush on you for months," Katherine continued before she could lose her momentum. "She thinks I don't know, but she's not as good at hiding her feelings as she wants to believe."
Thomas scoffed, "I doubt that."
"She had been seeing someone for almost a year, then about a month after we started dating, all she ever did was complain about him. Then he disappeared completely. She's been single since then, though I could name a dozen decent guys who'd go out with her in a heartbeat. She just hasn't found anyone who can measure up to you."
Thomas didn't seem to hear, or if he did, he wasn't connecting the dots. He sat, shaking his head slowly from side to side. "It's not that simple, and you know it."
"No, it's not, but like it or not, it's our new reality. The ball is in your court for now. If you don't manage expectations it won't stay that way. Eventually, all the talk will turn into flirting, then seduction, and if that doesn't work who knows? Tricks? You keep telling me how you have to fight temptation around me, but Becca is adorable and Rachel's just plain hot. How do you plan to hold out against all three of us constantly nagging you to satisfy the desires that are building up inside?"
"We've done okay so far," he said, but it lacked conviction and she pressed her attack.
"No, we haven't. I know you too well, Thomas. Once you really understand what we're dealing with you'll do anything to take that burden away, even if it hurts you, and nobody wants that so we stay on our guard. That won't last forever. I'm not strong enough, and I don't think they are either."
He hung his head again as she put words to feelings he had tried to deny. She wanted to spare him but she was afraid she'd falter if she didn't go on.
"You can't be casual with sex, I know that, but that won't stop it from happening. It just means it'll take longer for you to break, and then you'll never stop blaming yourself. Maybe if we did it you could put off the others for a while, but they'd keep getting worse. The only way I can help you is to give my permission."
It was easier to say than she'd expected. Whether soothed by the arcane chemistry they shared or a newly developed desire for close kinship, it felt more like opening her home to good friends than an emotional or moral compromise. Thomas, of course, couldn't see it that way.
"No!" he said firmly, "I don't want that."
"I know," she said and reached for him. He crossed the van and sat next to her, taking her hand in his while she stroked his hair. "If I could have my way I wouldn't want it either, but I don't want to be miserable trying to hold on to something I can't have, especially when it hurts the people I care about."
He turned his head hopelessly toward her. "Why does it sound like you're breaking up with me?"
"Please don't say that," she admonished. The thought alone summoned a deep, desperate sorrow. "We can hold on to everything we have now and more. I just want one thing that keeps what we have separate. Special."
"What's that?"
"I want you first."
"Katherine..."
"No, just listen. I'm not asking you to do it with me in the back of this van, but I don't want circumstances to take that away from me either. I don't know what will happen except it'll make us closer than ever and we won't be able to turn back from it. Other than that, I don't care."
A tense silence followed her speech and they sat still in the flickering darkness, just holding hands. Turbulence in her mind tried to confuse her thoughts, but she remained quiet, giving him time to process what she just told him. Slowly, whether from his touch or some deeper connection she couldn't define, a kind of serenity settled around her like a sigh and she found that she didn't need an answer. Not yet.
"You're a virgin, aren't you?" She asked instead.
"You know the answer or you wouldn't have asked that way." He acted annoyed, but the droll smile he returned was relieved at the subtle change in direction.
"I suppose I do," she answered. "I'm not."
"I figured."
"Excuse me?" Katherine gasped, a little too dramatically to be convincing. "Do you want to rephrase that?"
"You know what I meant," he said. "It's just that you must have had guys chasing you your whole life."
Fair enough, she thought. She had just insisted he wouldn't be able to eternally shun the advances of pretty girls, and her high school boyfriend had been tenacious. He hadn't been a creep about it, but at the time she believed it was expected. She had believed she wanted it too.
"I was a different person a few years ago," she said. "There wasn't anyone else after I changed schools because I had a lot of baggage to work through, but I wish I hadn't thrown it away so casually. It should have meant more. I wish I had saved my first time for you."
Thomas gripped her hand harder as he cast off his own concerns for her sake.
"I'm not interested in your body count."
"I hope you're still talking about dance partners." She blew smoke from the barrel of an imaginary gun, and he barked a short laugh.
"I mean I don't need details because your past doesn't matter to me as much as our future. Whoever it was back then didn't have this version of you, and maybe I'm biased but I think I've got the best one. I wouldn't trade places with him for anything."
Katherine returned his smile softly. "It's been almost six years, and you're my first boyfriend since. I know it's not the same, but it would be a kind of first. If I have to share you I can at least have that." She stopped momentarily, fearing she'd crossed that line again too soon, but he didn't turn away. "You're mine, Thomas, and I won't let this power, this thing, whatever it is, take you away from me, even if I can't keep you all to myself."
He nodded slowly, understanding but unable to approve. "I just don't want to let you down."
"You won't." Katherine kissed the tips of his fingers, then her smile slipped as a new resolve, something she should have addressed long ago, took hold.
"What's wrong?" Thomas asked.
"Do you remember telling me that love should come somewhere between Netflix and nudity?"
He chuckled faintly. "You caught me off guard, it was the first thing that came to mind."
"I waited so long for you to say it."
"What?"
"I love you."
Thomas' jaw fell open, but he didn't speak. He searched her face, as if inscribing every last detail, creating a picture to go with the memory of those words.
"I love you," Katherine said again. "I've known it for a while, but I didn't want to scare you off. I'm pretty sure you love me too, but it doesn't matter. It wouldn't change anything. If we hadn't worked out I'd have gone on with my life. I'd have been okay. But I wouldn't have stopped loving you."
He started to speak, but she cut him off.
"Be quiet, you had your chance. You're my first true love, the first since I understood what that word really means. But I wanted to do it right, so I waited, then all of this happened and it was too late for me. You'll always wonder if it's real if I say it, so I hoped you'd get there first.
"I'm tired of waiting. I love you, and it's not because of some bullshit you inherited from your dad. The drugs your body put into mine—they're strong, stronger than I am. They can force me to want you, and they can make me need you, but they can't make me love you. I did that on my own."
She maintained her facade, the calm dignity she almost never felt, while she endured his silence. It had never been about sex for her, that was just a complication. It was about keeping something precious as pure and as clean as their lives would allow. Then the love of Katherine's life shook his head, shoulders sagging, and his dismay nearly tore her in two.
"It's my turn to be nervous," he said, and then she understood that his disappointment hadn't been directed at her. He knelt at her side, fully facing her to give his words more weight, and smiled.
"That day at the lake, the first time we spoke, I felt like you could see through me and it scared me a little. Most people couldn't look at me without pity once they find out how messed up I was. You can tell by the eyes. They'll simper and pretend you're not an inconvenience until they can come up with an excuse to leave. Even doctors can be like that."
He opened his mouth to continue, then abruptly changed course.
"One of the first things my therapist taught me was to keep an anchor in my thoughts, something I could hold on to when the medication wasn't enough to choke the storms in my head. For years it was just a candle. In some ways that image became my best friend, calming me when I had nobody else. That changed the first time you smiled at me with those eyes.
"You saw me, made me feel real. I can't explain it better than that. From that moment and every second since you've been at the center of my thoughts. You're my anchor, Katherine, and without you I would be lost."
Tears streaked Katherine's cheeks, caught between sobbing and laughter, and the weakness of her flesh betrayed her further as her nose began to run. Thomas pulled a crumpled tissue from his pocket and passed it to her.
"Sorry," he said.
Laughter won out for a moment. "No, no it's fine," she sniffed. "Keep going, you're doing great."
He reached out and pushed a stubborn lock of hair behind her ear. "I've been in love with you from the beginning. You're part of me." He gently kissed her forehead. "If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to be without you."
She laughed again and brushed away her tears, then pulled him in for a kiss.
"Thomas?" She said.
"Yeah?"
"That's from Winnie the Pooh."
"I know, I was hoping you hadn't read it."
"It's okay," she assured him. "If you had to steal a line, that was a pretty good one."
AUTHOR'S NOTE FOR WATTPAD READERS: This chapter's POV has been recently changed due to very positive feedback I received from a similar one near the end of this book. That doesn't mean this is a good idea, or that it works. If it seems off to you as you read it, please let me know in the comments.