The sun was rising behind your thin curtains, casting a glow across your room. There were birds chirping in the distance and on your bed, you and Kylo were tangled up in each other, moaning.
"I love when you fuck me in the morning." You sighed, your fingers running over Kylo's back and your voice wavering with each thrust of his hips, moving at a lazy pace inside of you.
Kylo's lips moved from your collarbone so that he could mutter against your skin, "It's the same as fucking you at night, princess."
You rolled your eyes, then moaned at the way he sucked on the sensitive skin of your neck. "No, it's different." You argued, "When we have sex at night we're always drinking or fighting but..." You gasped, finger nails digging into his back at the way he started speeding up his movements, "Oh god, whenever we have sex in the morning, it feels like you- Like you're fucking me just because you like me, not because you want to own me."
Kylo grunted at that, thinking about it. He understood. Right when he woke up in the morning his guard was always down and he wanted to be inside of you just to be close to you. He wasn't sure what making love felt like but this was a lot closer to it then when he'd spank you or call you a slut. "I do like you." He admitted quietly, swallowing hard.
Your heart skipped a beat. It was such a small statement, immature even. But hearing it come from him meant so much, you knew how hard it was for him to admit something like that, even to himself.
"Well, I'd hope so." You deflected, smirking. It was helpful that you automatically reacted to humor in most serious situations. If you would've said you liked him too or praised him for admitting it to you, Kylo would've shut down. It would've felt too real and too sentimental. This was much easier for him.
"Shut up." Kylo said, groaning at how tight you were getting around him. "Fuck, your pussy is perfect." He complimented you, lips still against your neck as he did so.
Your back started arching, moaning.
Then, your phone went off, signaling that you got a text.
"Ignore it." You sighed, noticing the way that Kylo's eyes went straight to your screen. Of course, he had to see who was getting a hold of you. He was so nosey when it came to you.
"It's Hux." He told you which caused you make a nose of frustration.
"Don't say his name." You requested, hands going up to plug your ears in case he brought him up again. Before you could actually put your fingers in your ears, Kylo's hands went to yours and he easily grabbed both with just one of his hands while his other hand reached out to your phone. He pressed your hands down above your head while unlocking your screen. He didn't stop rolling his hips that entire time, fucking you throughout all of it.
"You know my password?" You asked breathlessly, concerned.
Kylo chuckled then moaned at the look on your face, "I know everything, sweetheart."
You froze underneath him, your mind wandering to the flash drive that was sitting in your nightstand's drawer, just a few feet away from the two of you. He didn't know about that. He never would, you decided. You forgot that it was in there but now that you were remembering you knew you had to destroy it when you got the chance, make sure it couldn't be traced back to you.
Your mind had been so wrapped up in that, that you didn't notice the way that Kylo was reading Hux's text that he sent to you. He smirked and let out a small laugh while still thrusting inside of you and holding your hands over your head. "Hux is reminding you that he's picking you up at three for that wedding, I told him 'okay' and used that dumb smile thing you like with the halo."
You sighed, shutting your eyes as if to shut him out. You ignored the way he didn't know the word for 'emoji'. "Don't talk about him, I'll never be able to cum." You tried not to think about the way that Kylo had texted him back for you, the thought of it was too nerve wracking.
Kylo chuckled at that, leaning down to kiss you. "I'm going to the wedding too." He shared, breathing shallow. "I want you to wear that red dress I bought you and I'm going to fuck you in it when we get home."
If you had been losing your desire at the topic of your fake boyfriend, you were back to being turned on from the words Kylo just said to you. "If I have to keep the dress on, you have to keep your suit on too." You told him with a whimper at the thought of it.
Kylo squeezed your wrists, "There's my dirty girl." He hummed with a smirk.
Kylo was standing behind you, zipping up your red dress, hands running all over your waist and back as he did so. He leaned down and kissed your bare shoulder, "There you go." He told you, then smacked you playfully on your ass.
He was ready for the wedding, in his suit. He stopped by around two to help you get ready, aka: he sat in your bathroom and watched you get changed and do your hair and makeup.
"Thanks." You told him. You were nervous, knowing that you were going to have to spend the night with Hux and Kylo and other various mob members. Hux had invited you as his date months ago to this wedding for one of the trooper's sons, you thought? You couldn't exactly remember who was getting married. It didn't really matter, anyways, you wouldn't know them.
"I can't keep doing this." You sighed while running mascara through your eyelashes, leaning against the counter in your bathroom to get a closer look in the mirror.
"Your make up?" Kylo asked, smirking at the way you were bent over the counter, enjoying the view, "It looks done anyways." He was being a smart ass. He knew exactly what you meant. You couldn't keep pretending to be with Hux. It was getting too difficult.
"Kylo." You sent him an irritated look and he gave you a grin back in response. You didn't find it funny, setting the make up down and turning to look at him.
He frowned and moved towards you, putting his hands on either side of the counter behind you so that the could lean down towards you. "You have to." He said in a gentle voice. He felt for you. He didn't like seeing you with Hux either, it was getting really annoying to know that you still technically had a boyfriend in everyone else's eyes.
"Why?" You asked. Your fingers moved to run along his tie, feeling the soft material under your finger tips. "I'm not getting any information from him, it's just torture."
"If you break up with him and he finds out you're with me, he'll kill you." Kylo explained, fingers tapping against the marble under his hands.
You let out a laugh at that, "You're saying you couldn't protect me against him?" You asked, raising an eyebrow at him. Kylo was so much more powerful than him.
Kylo didn't laugh, his mouth set in a serious straight line. "I could protect you against Hux." He explained, "But I can only do so much to protect you from Snoke."
You froze with the way that you were playing with his tie, moving your gaze up to his eyes. "Snoke?" You repeated, trying to understand.
He gave you a short nod. "He really wants to kill you." He explained. He noticed the way that you tried to hide your fear at those words. He leaned down and kissed your forehead to try to soothe you. "Right now he's only keeping you around because it's like a game to him. He wants to see how it'll play out. It's funny to him, the way you have me and Hux wrapped around your finger...The minute he loses his interest..." He trailed off.
Kylo didn't need to finish that thought because you understood. If you broke up with Hux, Snoke would see no need for you. You would only be around to make his top man, Kylo, softer. Plus, Hux would probably encourage him to kill you, you wouldn't stand a chance.
"Can't we just kill Hux?" You asked in a far off voice, unable to even believe the words left your mouth.
Kylo pushed off from the counter, looking down at you in surprise. He didn't think you'd ever say those words out loud either. A slow grin formed on his lips as he realized you were being serious. "You're such a bad girl, aren't you?" He teased you, satisfied with your thought process.
You rolled your eyes. You had been serious. You were so fed up that you were pushed to the point where you would murder the man you'd been together with for over a year just to be with Kylo.
Kylo realized how frustrated you were becoming with his jokes and he sighed, getting serious again. "I would love to blow Hux's brains out. But he's planning something and I need to find out what it is. If he dies now, I'll never find out and I might have traitors working for me. I can't have that. You get that, don't you?" He said to you.
You shrugged, gazing down at his shoes.
He took your hand, interlocking his long fingers with yours. "One day, this will all be over. I swear."
You swallowed hard, shifting your eyes up to him, "It's just all so unfair."
Kylo had a smirk in his eyes, "It's the mafia, princess, none of this will ever be fair."
You didn't say anything for a while as you let this sink in. This entire world of the mob was about power levels and scheming and manipulation. Even at the top, it wasn't fair, there was so much pressure.
"I just..." You bit your lip. You weren't sure if you wanted to share your feelings, you didn't want to make him uncomfortable.
Kylo didn't say anything, letting you process how you wanted to express yourself.
"I want to be able to be yours. No matter who's around." You admitted. At those words, Kylo squeezed your hand, he understood. "Tonight I want to be able to walk into the wedding with you, sit with you, laugh with you, dance with you..." You sighed, he got the point.
"Dance with me?" He laughed, surprised.
"Yes." You frowned defensively. "Dance with you, just like all the other couples will be doing."
Kylo knew what you meant, you wanted to be able to act normal with him. But the idea of him dancing was amusing to him, he wasn't sure if he ever really had done it. "One day." He repeated, assuring you.
You nodded, untangling your fingers from his. You were disappointed but didn't want to show it. There was nothing he could do for you right now to fix things. It was all so complicated.
"You should get going, I need to leave soon." You told him, moving away from him so that you could open a drawer, pulling out some perfume from it, needing to finish getting ready.
Kylo grabbed your arm, pulling you back in towards him. He didn't want to leave you just yet but he knew he needed to. "You look beautiful." He said to you sincerely. "You are so beautiful." He repeated, causing butterflies to gather in your stomach.
You tried not to grin, biting the inside of your cheek. It felt lame to only say thank you, it meant so much more to you. But at the same time it was just a compliment. So, instead you stood on your toes, kissing him.
"See you soon." He hummed against your lips, kissing you one more time briefly before pulling away and making his way out of the bathroom. As he got to the door, he sent a quick glance at you over his shoulder, checking you out again with a smirk before he exited.
To say that being alone with Hux was awkward, was the understatement of the year. The two of you hadn't spoken to each other since the night he stormed out of your apartment, besides to arrange plans on how to get the wedding.
"We have a lot to talk about but now isn't the time." Hux had said to you when you got into the backseat of his driver's car with him. "Just don't embarrass me tonight, okay?" It felt like he had been scolding you, like you were a kid who got in trouble rather than a girlfriend who hurt her boyfriend's feelings.
It was so typical of him to just pretend fights never took place. It was a reminder of how little he actually cared about you. He just wanted to put on a show for everyone else who would be at the wedding, wanted them to think that you two were happily in love.
It was so ironic that you had to fake your relationship with Hux while you were in public and at the same time, you had to hide your relationship with Kylo when you were in public. The thought of that made you sigh, this was all so frustrating.
"Are we on the bride or groom's side?" You whispered to Hux as you two made your way into the ceremony, trying to find somewhere to sit. You honestly couldn't remember who was getting married, why you were even invited. A mob member or someone's daughter, maybe? He had told you earlier but it went in one ear and out of the other.
Hux paused, having to think about it too. "Groom's." He answered, voice unsure. You thought it was sad that half the people there probably had never spoken to the couple getting married. It was all so phony, it made your skin crawl.
It was in an old but beautiful church. It was decorated well, everything in the correct place, soft orchestral music playing in the background. You felt like you were in the middle of a romance movie.
He put a hand on your lower back as he guided you towards an empty row, close to the back. You heard how he was greeting people on the way, shaking a few hands. You felt many pairs of eyes on the two of you, it was always like this when you were with someone in the mafia. It was something that made you nervous before Kylo came around, he helped you embrace it.
For the next several minutes, you sat in silence as you observed everyone around you. Hux was talking to some men in the row a few behind you, yelling over the people in between. He was distracted from the fact that Kylo had just walked into the venue but your eyes went to him right away.
You couldn't stop staring at him as you watched Kylo command the attention from almost everyone around him. He looked like a god in his suit, he was so tall and handsome and charming. He easily spoke with the people he passed and you watched the way they were in awe of him, just as much as you were.
Once Kylo said hello to everyone he recognized, his eyes scanned the room, searching. When he noticed you, his jaw clenched to stop himself from grinning. Everyone was looking at him, wanting his attention and yet, all he cared about was finding you. His dirty little secret.
You tensed as you made eye contact with him. It didn't matter how many times he'd been inside of you or slept in the same bed as you or even cried in front of you. There would always be a small part of him that made you nervous, you couldn't help it.
You turned back around, facing forward, pretending to be interested in something else. You could feel eyes on your back and you knew the stare most likely still belonged to Kylo.
Then, when you noticed some commotion to your side, you were far from surprised to see Kylo moving down the row you were sitting in, making his way to the empty seat beside you.
Hux groaned when he saw this, pinching the bridge of his nose in frustration. He would've loved to spend just one night without thinking about Kylo fucking Ren.
Kylo paused next to you, holding his hand out in Hux's direction. It was the polite thing to do, it was what all the other men were doing as they took their seats. Hux was supposed to stand up and shake his hand.
But, Hux didn't budge, glaring up at the dark haired man to your side. Then he glanced around and noticed how there were people staring. He didn't want them to think anything was going on so he sighed and stood up.
Kylo's hand was right in front of your face and soon Hux's joined it, shaking each other a little too violently. You could almost see how hard they were gripping each other, veins popping, trying to assert dominance through the handshake.
Then, the two were sitting back down, on either side of you. You were in the middle of an angry mob boss sandwich. And it was very uncomfortable.
You were thankful that the two men broke off into different conversations with the people around them and you were able to just sit there and pretend to be anywhere else but the current moment. You spaced out and imagined that you were back in your apartment. If you didn't have to go to this wedding you probably would've spent your day in bed...in pajamas...with Kylo's face between your thighs-
When the image of that popped into your head, you jumped slightly, glancing over at Kylo, as if he had been able to read your thoughts.
"Are you alright?" Kylo asked with an amused smile on his face. He couldn't tell what happened but judging the look on your face he had an idea. You always got that glint in your eye when you were turned on.
"Yes." You said, averting your eyes, trying to get him to drop it.
"What's wrong? What did you do to her?" Hux interjected himself, glaring at Kylo, hearing the conversation even if he hadn't seen the reaction that caused Kylo question you in the first place.
"Why are you assuming it was me?" Kylo asked, his tone offended but his eyes were satisfied.
"It's always you, somehow." Hux snapped, disgusted.
"Okay, fuck, stop it you two." You sighed, physically putting your hands up in front of their faces as if to separate their eyes away from each other.
Hux rolled his eyes and backed off, turning his seat so that he could talk to someone who had just taken a spot behind him. He hated the way that you and Kylo were becoming with each other. It was something he needed to talk to you about but tonight wasn't the right time. There were too may people around.
"We're in a church, you aren't supposed to cuss." Kylo said to you in a low voice, teasing you.
You looked at him, raising an eyebrow. "Fuck off." You repeated.
Kylo grinned at that. His hand tensed, having to remind himself not to reach forward and grab your knee like he almost instinctively did. As much as he understood your sentiment earlier that day, about wanting to be able to be open with the relationship the two of you had, it gave him a rush to know what he was doing to you behind closed doors and how the two of you were keeping it hidden.
Soon, the orchestral music became louder and the doors to the back of the church opened, indicating that the ceremony was about to start.
"I hate weddings." You sighed softly.
"Me too." Kylo frowned, agreeing with you, his voice irritated.
An older woman in the row in front of you, glanced behind and gave you a dirty look. She must've heard what you said about hating weddings. You had meant it to be quiet.
"Sorry." You said quickly, apologetic. "This one's beautiful though." You tried to correct yourself, embarrassed.
The woman rolled her eyes in response and it made Kylo chuckle. You almost laughed too but then you felt Hux's hand on yours, interlocking your hands together. You froze at his touch but tried not to show it, there were too many eyes on the two of you and you couldn't blow your cover.
You swallowed hard at the way that Hux's thumb was against the back of your hand, it made you feel sick. Just a moment ago you had been imagining Kylo eating you out and now you were holding Hux's hand.
Kylo's eyes wandered behind him, to the way the two of you were touching and he felt the same sickness creep up inside of him, thinking about how a few hours ago his own hands had been tangled in yours.
You were in a church but this felt like the farthest thing from holy.
The wedding party made their way down the aisle in pairs, following behind the groom. You recognized a few people just from being at so many mob parties but you weren't able to recall their names. It was funny that the mob ruled your life but you were such a tiny piece in the giant puzzle that was the mafia.
As the bride entered the room, everyone stood up as was the protocol.
"Think about how beautiful you'd look in a dress like that." Hux whispered to you, his arm around your waist so that he could pull you in against him.
You didn't like what his comment was insinuating, that he'd like to see you in a wedding dress. "You know I don't wear white." You replied, trying to deflect.
Hux quietly chuckled behind you and you noticed the way that Kylo glanced over his shoulder for a brief moment, as if on instinct, to find out what you two were talking about.
"You would on your wedding day, though." Hux said, lips close to your ear so that he wouldn't disrupt anyone around the two of you with his talking.
"Am I getting married?" You whispered, not liking where this conversation was going.
Hux frowned at the tone of your voice, "I mean, eventually..." Were the two of you really about to discuss something as important as marriage in the middle of this? He knew better, after the stunt you pulled in your apartment with Kylo, he wasn't sure if he trusted you not to cause trouble. "Forget it." He added, letting go of your waist.
You were thankful that everyone was getting seated now that the bride at the altar because you were at a loss, unsure of how to respond to Hux. The thought of you getting married in general was scary enough but the idea of marrying Hux...you shuddered slightly, glancing between him and Kylo.
The majority of the ceremony was uneventful, at least for you since you didn't even know the couple getting married, but you couldn't help the way your ears perked up when the bride starting saying her vows.
She was explaining that her relationship with the groom has never been stereotypically perfect. They've been through a lot together and the only thing that has kept them strong together as a couple was their feelings for each other. You bit your lip as you thought about it, how close to home that her words were hitting you. You were very aware of Kylo sitting next to you as you listened to the bride speak.
"I remember the moment I realized I was in love with you," The bride said, reading off of the paper in her hands, "You were sitting next to me and we weren't even talking to each other but I looked over at you and just had this overwhelming feeling...I knew I could never lose you. I knew I loved you then."
Mirroring her words, you and Kylo found yourselves looking over at each other. The bride's vows echoed in your mind as you stared into his eyes...you knew you could never lose him.
Then, an other thought hit you, almost smacking you in the face. Were you in love with Kylo?
You were suddenly emotional by the realization, turning your head away from him to look back ahead, your heart thumping out of your chest.
Kylo's thoughts were similar to yours. Falling in love was never an option for him...it wasn't something he ever thought of as even a possibility. But staring down at you...he wondered if it was already happening...Did he love you?
He was thankful that you averted your eyes. He wasn't sure how much more he could handle if you hadn't. He swallowed hard, jaw clenching. He had no idea how love was supposed to feel. Was this it?
When the ceremony wrapped up, Kylo was on his feet and practically rushing out of the door the second that people started exiting. He felt naked, even in his designer suit, after the thoughts that he had been having about you. He needed to get out of there and be alone.
You watched after him, stomach sinking. You hadn't done anything, you had literally just sat there but you couldn't help but feel like you did something wrong...You felt guilty for loving him, if that's what this was.
"I'm ready for a drink." Hux sighed, oblivious, patting your knee before standing up from his seat.
"No shit." You replied, joining him on your feet and ignoring the look he was giving you for saying something like as that as loud as you had in a church.
He placed a hand on your forearm, squeezing a little, "We'll have fun tonight, won't we?" He asked you, pleading. You knew what he meant when he asked you that. He was asking if you were going to embarrass him tonight or not.
"Of course." You said to him with a strained smile. You tried to ignore the sinking feeling you had as your mind wandered back to Kylo, where he might be and what he might be thinking about.
At the reception, Kylo's assigned spot was at a different table from you and Hux. You knew you should've been thankful for that, it meant that there were less opportunities for things to go wrong, but not having Kylo with you disappointed you, especially because of the intense silent moment the two of you had shared and the way he reacted to it.
He was at the table next to yours and from the seats you both had taken, you were able to keep your eyes on each other without making it obvious to anyone else. Throughout dinner and while listening to the speeches from the wedding party, you two couldn't keep your eyes off of each other, like a magnet was being pulled between your gazes.
This was far from the first time that Kylo was witnessing you and Hux together but he noted how much different it felt for him tonight. Before, it was always a game between the two of you. You'd hang on Hux's arm or whisper in his ear and it was with the intention to make Kylo jealous. But tonight, the way it was making Kylo feel to see that...it was worse.
It made him sad. And angry. And it made him feel weak and helpless.
He could see the pained look in your eyes as you pretended to laugh at Hux's jokes or lean into his touch when you knew you were supposed to. Kylo felt something that was rare for him, he was empathetic towards you and his heart was hurting for you, that you were being forced to do this for him.
His mind was buzzing back to the realization he had been to coming to during the ceremony. These strong feelings he had for you, this urge to protect you and keep you safe...was that was love was?
Your eyes locked with his, his stare was powerful on you.
Whatever he was feeling for you...it was too late to stop it.
"You said you hate weddings?" Hux said to you, recalling what you had said earlier. No one was really dancing or drinking yet, just socializing at their respective tables.
"I do." You agreed with him, "I mean, I don't hate marriage...I don't think. But the idea of all of this," You motioned around at the spectacle, "Seems like such a waste. Think about how much money this must've been and all the effort...I don't know, I'd rather just elope somewhere romantic."
Hux frowned. "This is what you have to do, though, you're supposed to have a wedding like this."
Your expression matched his. "According to who?"
He thought it over, humming under his breath in contemplation. He supposed no one had to have a big elaborate wedding but it was what was expected of someone like him in the mob, so his mind was finding it hard to process anything besides that.
The two of you were so different from each other. It became clearer every day.
"Got one of these with your name on it, Armitage." A man approached your table and held out a cigar towards Hux. "Come outside with us." He added, nodding towards the set of glass doors that lead to a balcony.
Hux glanced at you. "I'll be back, okay, honey?" He asked you and kissed you briefly before standing up and taking the cigar from the man's hands, joining him as they walked to the doors.
You sighed loudly, glancing around the room. You were alone now, which was typical at events like this. Usually you had no problem entertaining yourself, mob parties were great for people watching, But your thoughts were scattered all over the place, you were uneasy.
Kylo was across the room, leaning against the bar, when he saw that you were sitting by yourself. He also noticed the way that Hux was standing outside, kissing some trooper's asses to get on their good side, smoking with them. He narrowed his eyes at that. Were those troopers on Hux's side or Kylo's, he wondered.
Looking back at you, he excused himself from the conversation he was currently in and made his way over. He needed to be alone with you, he felt so out of place in this busy room without you by his side.
You squirmed in your seat, watching him walk towards you. When he was close enough, he leaned down so that his mouth was close to your ear, allowing him to speak softly.
"You see that hallway over there?" Kylo nodded towards the far wall in the room. When you indicated you saw it, he continued, "There's a room, second one on the right. Meet me there in a few minutes."
You frowned, eyebrows raising. "Is something wrong?"
His face was serious but he said nothing, instead, he pushed away from the table. Then, without glancing back at you, he made his way towards the hallway he had just referenced, with long and purposeful strides.
You took a deep breath, downing the rest of your drink in a single sip. You watched the time on your phone, giving yourself a full two minutes before you stood up yourself and started making your way to the same hallway. You glanced around, no one was looking at you. Without a mob boss by your side you weren't the center of attention.
'Second on the right' You repeated in your mind, stopping when you reached the door. You hesitated, awkward, unsure if you should knock. You decided to instead just turn the knob and were surprised to see that it easily opened, unable to be locked.
Your eyes scanned the room's perimeters and you could make out the fact that it was a dimly lit storage room. There were folding chairs, tables, and various items of decor that were put away for the time being. There was a small space in the middle that was empty and that's where Kylo was standing, arms folded across his chest.
"Hi." You said uncomfortably, shutting the door behind you slowly as if to make the least amount of noise.
"Come here." His voice rang out. He was commanding, as always, but there was some tenderness there that you were able to detect, maybe even some sadness.
You listened to him, knowing better than to disagree.
"Do you hear it?" Kylo asked as you got closer to him, as if you would understand what exactly he was referencing.
You stopped your movements, ending the sound of your heels tapping against the ground while you listened, trying to pick up on what he was talking about. "I hear the wedding." You said, confused.
"Do you hear the music?" He asked simply.
You nodded, "Kind of... Yeah, I guess I do."
"Good." Kylo replied and when you were close enough, he reached out and pulled you in to him. He interlocked his fingers with one of your hands while the other went to your waist.
"What are we doing?" You asked him, eyes curious as you looked up at him.
"I'm going to dance with you." Kylo said, moving so that you were closer to him, "That's what you wanted, right?" You noticed how he seemed nervous.
In reality, he was extremely uncomfortable. He wasn't sure if he could remember a time he ever danced, he didn't really know how to, but he was also just uncomfortable with the fact that he felt the need to give you this.
He couldn't stop thinking about your words before you two left for the wedding, how you wished you could be his no matter who was around. It was impossible for him to give you that right now, but he could at least give you this. Even if it was in a dark cramped storage room, he could give you a dance if that's what you needed.
"This is perfect, Kylo." You responded, agreeing, a look of affection in your eyes.
This wasn't exactly what you wanted. What you had meant was that you wanted to be able to do anything that other normal couples could do. But the fact that Kylo had listened to you and took your request so literally made you almost swoon. You told him you wanted to dance with him and although that was the last thing he wanted to do, here he was, pulling you into a back room just to make sure you were happy.
"Okay, princess." Kylo said, voice strained with the awkwardness that he was feeling.
It took a few moments to get into the rhythm of it but soon, you and Kylo were moving together to the soft music you that you were able to hear from the speakers in the main room. You placed your head against his chest, taking a deep breath and focusing on the way you could feel his breath rising and falling.
You felt like the two of you were in the only people in the world, dancing together to a muffled slow song, hearts beating out of your chests at the intimacy of it.
"Are you okay?" You found yourself asking him in a quiet voice.
He said nothing for a while but you felt the way his movements became stiffer. "I don't know." He mumbled.
You weren't sure what to say to that. You were once again hit with this feeling of guilt but you hadn't done anything, you hadn't meant to anyways. "Is it my fault?" You asked him, continuing to gently sway to the music.
Kylo thought about this, his thumb rubbing in a gentle motion on your waist. "Yes."
You stopped dancing, suddenly scared. He was upset with you and you were alone in this secluded room, it was dangerous. As much as you wanted to trust him, you weren't sure if you ever fully could.
"But I'm not angry with you." Kylo added, feeling you go rigid against him. He continued to move his feet to the song and you snapped out of your initial fear, shuffling with him again. "I don't know how I feel...But I'm not mad." He swallowed hard, "I've never felt this way before."
You didn't say anything for a while, understanding what he was trying to communicate now. He was having the same thoughts you had earlier...about love.
"Are you...upset about how you feel?" You asked, trying to find the right way to word it.
Kylo thought about it, sighing. "I don't know." He repeated.
You glanced up at him and saw that he was already staring down at you, but his eyes were far away. He was deep in thought.
"I feel the same way you do." You said to him cautiously. You could've been completely off but you knew how you felt earlier, the realization that hit you, your feelings for him. You felt a strong enough connection to Kylo that you were sure felt it too, even a fraction of it.
Kylo's face fell even farther at that, "I know you do." He squeezed your hand. He wasn't articulate right now, he didn't know how to communicate what he was thinking or feeling. He felt stupid and scared and he hated it. "Sometimes I wish you didn't."
Your stomach dropped, this felt too familiar. "Don't pull this shit again, Kylo, don't try to push me away." You warned him. You couldn't handle him trying to push you away like he had before. You stopped dancing with him, unlocking your fingers from him and moving so that you could look up at him,
Kylo didn't respond, instead he put his hands in his pockets, looking down at his shoes. "I don't want to but I feel like I have to." He said in response. "I want so badly to own you but...." He trailed off, his gaze falling back onto you. "If you stay with me....I know what will happen to you. I don't know if I can let that happen."
"What will happen to me?" You asked him quickly, you felt frustration bubbling inside of you. You hated when he flip flopped like this.
"We keep talking about how you're turning into me and if you let yourself feel this..." He clenched, not able to say the word 'love' out loud, "This feeling for me, you're going to reach a point where you can't turn back. You will turn into me and you'll hate it, just like I do." His voice faltered at that admission, it was something he never admitted out loud before.
You sighed, "Kylo, stop. You were just begging me not to leave you the other day and now you're talking like this again....I don't know what you want from me."
Kylo was feeling the same frustration now. He was battling so much in his mind and he didn't know how you explain it to you. He reached forward and grabbed your shoulders, "I don't want you to leave me. But I know you should." His hands were shaky on you.
You tried to shrug his hands off but you couldn't, "I'm not leaving you, Kylo. I don't care what you say to me, I'm here, I'm staying here." You noticed the way his eyes widened, he suddenly looked so small, in awe of what you were saying to him. "I know what this life is like and I'm choosing it, I want it. I want you."
Kylo was silent, his grip loosening on you. He ran those words over and over again in his mind. You knew how fucked up he was and you wanted it, you wanted him regardless of his faults. He had never heard someone say something like that to him before.
Everyone wanted to change him for the better or wanted to pull him farther into the darkness. But not you. You wanted him for who he was now. You accepted him for who he was, you didn't push him into becoming who he had been in the past or who he had the potential to be in the future.
You wanted Kylo and you didn't give a fuck about what you had to sacrifice to have him.
You saw the way that you were getting through to him and you continued, pushing your luck. "Earlier at the wedding...I looked over at you and I realized something."
Kylo said your name softly and shook his head, "Careful." He warned you. He knew where this was going and he wasn't sure if he wanted you to say it out loud.
"I know you realized it too, I could tell." You argued, voice rising. "So stop trying to push me away, it's not going to work. I'm here, I'm not going anywhere." You said, moving close to him again.
Kylo's lip slightly quivered as this washed over him. Deep down, this was what he always secretly wanted. Someone who understood him and accepted him. He didn't think it was possible because he viewed himself as such a monster, he didn't think he was worthy of anyone, especially not someone like you.
You saw the look in his eyes and felt brave. You reached up and put a hand on his cheek. "Kylo, I...." You trailed off, feeling scared to say it. You needed to tell him. You needed to tell Kylo that you love him.
Kylo was stiff underneath you, jaw clenched and staring at you in concentration.
"I-"
You were cut off by light flooding the dark room and the sound of someone saying: 'Oh'.
Both of your heads snapped towards the now open door.
Standing there was one of the groomsmen, a trooper that you had vaguely recognized when he walked down the aisle.
The man stared at the way that you and Kylo were pressed against each other, your hand on his cheek. "Shit. Sorry....I didn't see anything, I swear." He was fully aware that you were dating Hux and seeing you and Kylo together was a mistake for him.
You quickly moved away from Kylo, smoothing your dress awkwardly, trying to look anywhere but the man across from you. Your heart was beating so fast, you had been caught. You hoped Kylo could handle this because if he couldn't, you were in serious danger.
"Shut that fucking door." Kylo growled. He was irritated that he had to deal with this but he was also irritated that you hadn't been able to finish your sentence. He wasn't worried, he'd take care of this but it was a nuisance.
The man looked like he was a deer in headlights, eyes wide with fear as he reached behind him to shut the door. It was never a good thing to be alone in a room with Kylo Ren after seeing something that you shouldn't have.
Once the door was shut, Kylo pulled a gun out from his suit jacket. "Sit down." He told him, motioning towards one of the folded up chairs.
You watched as the trooper moved over to one, grabbing it and unfolding it clumsily. When he had it set up and had taken a seat, Kylo moved over to him, the weapon trained carefully on his forehead.
"You have any weapons on you?" Kylo asked in a voice you hardly recognized.
You shifted on your high heels. You wished you could walk out, you didn't want to see this.
The man was whimpering in fear. He nodded towards his jacket, "A gun, the inside pocket." He said. "I swear I can just pretend I didn't see anything. I was just coming in here to find a place to hook up with this girl."
Kylo grunted in response, keeping the gun pointed at the man while his other hand ran along his jacket, trying to find exactly where the gun was. When he found it, Kylo pulled it out and put it in his own pocket, taking it away from him.
"You aren't gonna fucking move, got it?" Kylo said to him, knocking the barrel of the gun against the man's head as if to remind him what would happen if he did. Then, Kylo took out a cellphone, a burner phone, and dialed a number while not taking his eyes off the man seated below him.
"Kylo..."You started to say, wanting to ask if you could leave but he held up his hand with his phone in it to quiet you. It worked, you quickly shut your mouth, not wanting to piss him off when he was like this.
Kylo called called Vicrul, needing his Knight's help to pull this off. After Kylo told him to call him back on a throwaway phone, he began giving him instructions. He told Vicrul to bring a few other Knights and bring supplies to clean 'things up' which caused the man with the gun against his head to panic.
"What's your name?" Kylo asked the trooper, his voice casual, as if he were just asking how his day was going, as if he wasn't threatening him.
The man was at a loss of words, why did his name matter? He couldn't speak for a few seconds but then worked up the courage, "D-Dennis."
Kylo chuckled darkly and nodded, "It's Dennis." He said on the phone, letting Vicrul know. Then to explain, "My Knights were just curious to know the name of the man who's body they'd be chopping up later."
You bit your lip to hold back your gasp at that, quickly looking away. No matter how many times you saw this side of Kylo, it would always shock you. How could this person be the same person you were just about to admit your love to?
"Send a car too." Kylo said on the phone.
Vicrul asked if the car was for you and Kylo responded with, "Yeah, have someone take her home and stay with her until I get there."
He briefly glanced at you over his shoulder, "Tell Hux you're leaving, someone will let you know when the driver's here for you." He was taking control, making sure you did what you were supposed to.
You were frozen, accidentally making eye contact with the man sitting down in front of Kylo. His eyes pleaded with you, begging for you to help him. You didn't have any intention of actually doing so but the guilt you were feeling made you pause.
"Now." Kylo added in a low threatening tone.
You shivered and rushed to the door, wanting to just do whatever he told you to. As you shut it behind you, you heard the man, Dennis?, start begging Kylo to let him leave.
You took a deep breath, trembling as you made your way back into the reception. You were responsible for yet another person's death.
The reception was a direct contrast to what was going on in the storage room that you had just left. Out here everyone was laughing, dancing and, drinking. Back where Kylo was, the only sounds that were taking place were the man's crying and begging.
You felt like you were going to puke as your eyes scanned around the room. You saw Hux still standing outside on the balcony. He was smiling and smoking cigars with a few of the troopers, completely oblivious to everything that had just taken place.
For once, you were jealous of him for that.
Your apartment was dark and quiet but you hardly noticed, your mind was loud, buzzing.
As you laid in bed your thoughts wandered back to the way you had started your day, having sex with Kylo in bed, it seemed like so long ago... You glanced at his spot where he usually slept and it was currently empty. You knew you should be asleep yourself but you were worried. He said he'd stop by after everything was taken care of but that should've been hours ago, if you had to guess.
You were able to see into your living room from your open bedroom door, where Ushar was currently asleep on your couch snoring softly. The light from the TV was flashing throughout the room, the only light source in the entire apartment. He was there to watch over you until Kylo got back but he wasn't currently doing any watching, which was fine with you.
Not only were you worried about whether Kylo was safe or not, or if everything went okay with that man who had witnessed the two of you together, you were also anxious about what you had almost admitted to him.
You had been so close to saying it: 'I love you, Kylo'.
If it weren't for the trooper who barged in and interrupted you, you would've done it.
You were glad that you hadn't, the thought of admitting that out loud now was too intimidating to you. You had no idea how he would've reacted to hear that...
The sound of your front door opening, made both you and Ushar sit up abruptly.
"Oh shit, hey, how's it going?" Ushar yawned, rubbing his eyes, pretending as if he had been awake the whole time.
"How diligent." He said sarcastically, noticing the Knight had been fast asleep. "You can leave now." You weren't able to see him but you could clearly hear that it was Kylo's voice.
"Sweet." Ushar replied, gathering up his phone and jacket that he'd placed on your coffee table while he standing up. "She's asleep in there." He told Kylo, as if to prove that he had been doing his job of being a watch dog.
You were able to see Kylo glance into your open door and he rolled his eyes when he saw you sitting up in bed, "No she's not."
"I just woke up." You called out, not wanting Kylo to get upset with Ushar for slacking.
In the dark room you could see Ushar giving you a wave and wink of 'thanks' behind Kylo's back, for covering for him, before heading towards the door.
As Kylo walked into your room, you leaned over and turned a lamp on. You could tell that he must've stopped by his apartment first, he had on pajamas and his hair was wet signaling that he must've taken a shower before coming over.
"I've been so worried, was everything okay?" You asked, pulling your blanket up to your chest.
Kylo ran a hand through his hair, collapsing into bed next to you with a yawn. He stared up at the ceiling and when he shifted slightly you were able to see a bandage where his shirt had ridden up, on his side.
"What's that?" You asked, quickly lifting up the side of the shirt so you could see it better. "You're hurt." You added, noticing the blood that was stained on the cloth of the bandage, panicking at the sight of it.
"No." Kylo sighed, "I have an injury, it doesn't hurt." He corrected you bitterly, as if there was a big difference.
"What happened?" You asked. You were far more concerned about it than he was.
Kylo ignored you, grabbing your arm gently and pulling you down so that you were laying with him instead of sitting up looking down at him. Then he moved you and himself so that he was spooning you from behind, his wound facing up so that it wasn't pressed against anything.
"I took care of it." Kylo said softly. You could feel his nose running against the skin in the crook of your neck, "I took care of everything, okay? No one will ever know, there's no way that guy will tell anyone what he saw." He was assuring you. He sounded so tired.
You took his hand that was draped around you and pulled it tighter around you, pulling him in closer. You tried not to think about what could've happened that would've caused him to get hurt, what had taken so long, etc. Kylo was here in bed with you and he was alive and that's all you needed right now.
You two were silent and you felt his chest moving at an even pace, you wondered if he was asleep already. You realized that he could've easily just passed out in his bed but instead he walked down the hall, even as tired as he was and it made your heart pound.
"Kylo..." You started. You were thinking about what you almost admitted to him earlier. It was so clear to you again in this moment, with his arms around you and his guard down... you loved him.
"Hm?" He murmured, his lips brushing against your collarbone as he did so.
You could say it now. You had been interrupted before but it was just the two of you now, no distractions. You opened your mouth to speak, your pulse quickening.
But then a visual popped into your head. Kylo with his gun to that trooper's forehead, mocking him. You remembered what you saw in that basement before, the sadistic grin on his face as he made those men beg and cry...
You couldn't do it. You couldn't bring yourself to say you loved him. You were too scared.
"This will all be over eventually, right? Sneaking around like this?" You asked him instead, cautiously, correcting your close mistake.
Kylo yawned, "One day. I promise, one day this will all make sense."
You were silent for a while then, thinking it over. You couldn't imagine it, as much as you wanted to.
"Goodnight." You said to him in a slightly trembling voice, your hand squeezing his.
He was half asleep already, he was ignorant to the torment you were putting yourself through internally.
"Sweet dreams, princess." Kylo said in a soft voice, placing a kiss to your skin before he let himself doze off.
As you stared off into the darkness, sweet dreams were the farthest thing from your mind.
You felt like you were in a nightmare.