I sat there for the longest time. I almost forgot my cousin was with me, even though I am glad he is here. The support he gives me just by sticking around and not rushing me to leave is more than I could even ask for right now.
I have no clue what time it is, or just how long I have sat here on this dock, looking out into space. I assume it has been at least an hour or two for the orange colored rays are starting to peek up from the horizon.
"Hey Zayn?" I ask, my voice hoarse from not speaking in such a long time.
"Yeah" He asks, stretching slightly and looking over at me. I can tell he is tired from the bags that are prominent on his eyes, the dim light coming from the sunrise helping me see just how lucky I am to have someone in my family that cares, the only one that gives a shit about me that is still alive.
"Why is it so hard to do the right thing?" I ask.
"What do you mean Harry?" Zayn almost whispers beside me.
"Why can't you choose who you fall in love with?" I ask, trying my hardest to hold back my emotions, but I fail when my voice cracks. I can tell Zayn noticed by his slow, but steady breath he takes, probably thinking about how he can pity me without starting yet another breakdown.
"I... Harry... I don't know how to answer that. I can't answer that because I have wondered the same thing. I may not be in your situation, but I have wondered the same thing and I wish I could answer that, but I can't. I can't answer that because I do not know." He says sadly.
I feel a hand rest on my shoulder, and I can't help but let a tear fall. I hate crying. I shouldn't cry, I am too strong for that. I have gone through hell, I shouldn't be crying because of some girl.
"Harry, if Avery makes your happy, why don't you try and make it work?"
"I can't damage her more. I can't be there for her, and then hurt her. I have to protect her, it's something I have promised myself and Avery herself, that I would do. But it's so hard Zayn. It's so hard to not fall into the trap. I just wish I was stronger, I wish I didn't give into what I wanted last night. I shouldn't have let my guard down the way I did. I just... I miss her Zayn. I miss my mum." I finish the last sentence in a strained voice as I fight for strength; however I lose it when I feel Zayn pull me into a hug. I feel like I'm choking, not from Zayn's hug, but from my ribs contracting and expanding as I try and break my pathetic sobs.
"I knew this was coming." Zayn whispers. "I knew you were breaking. I could tell. Your nightmares were becoming more frequent, your guard was being let down more. Your inner battle with Avery is taking a toll on you, Harry. You are not the same man that moved here."
"It's so fucking hard man. It's so hard not having a parent figure in your life. Why the fuck did my mom get taken away like that? It should have been him in that damn plane, not her. He should have been lost at sea, not her."
"Harry-"
"NO!.. it... it should have been him." I feel defeated, weak, broken, and I hate it.
"I know its hard Harry, but you know despite everything that has happened, your mom would be proud of you. She would be proud because you protected your sister; you did what you had to do, and you were strong through the whole thing, and she would be proud of you."
Zayn's POV
This whole situation is so messed up, so unfair, so heartbreaking. Few people and I mean few people have seen Harry Styles cry. Mostly because he puts up such a strong mask, and hides it better than a dog would hide its favorite bone. I praise him for being so strong. I praise him because I am well aware that I am nowhere near like him. I'm not as strong as him, and I would have probably lost it a long time ago if I have gone through even half the shit that he has gone through.
As I finish my little speech I am definitely aware that this whole thing was a big storm brewing, waiting for the day to finally strike and cause a hurricane.
I know my cousins past, maybe that's the reason I am so understanding to him, maybe it's the reason I have gotten up without any complaint when I am woken up in the middle of the night by his screams, or maybe it's the reason I have been sitting here this early in the morning on a dock for almost 2 ½ hours. Whatever it is, I am here for him. I feel bad really. I feel bad because I feel that Avery could be good for him. Maybe she could help him get past this heartbreak. However she doesn't know about his past, and I am not sure how she would take it if it were to get reveled.
That's the thing about Harry. He has to many secrets, to many secrets that are kept a secret for a reason.
The world is a judgmental place. People judge other people all the time because of what they wear, how they act, their skills, or even sexuality or race. It sickens me that this world has gone to that. We know how the world is with these every day issues, but what about severe issues?
Harry is a great guy, he is strong, caring, and will help you in any way he can. His secrets are kept secret for a reason, that reason is to protect himself against the cruel world. People would judge, and even though I don't think of Avery as the type of person to do that, she is human, and in his situation, any human that did not know Harry back then, would be the one to judge. I don't think Harry would be able to handle knowing that Avery thought of him like he thinks of himself.
"Harry man, come on lets head back, I'll send someone after my bike later on today." I coax, trying to get him stable enough to head back.
"Everything hurts like a bitch." He mumbles, attempting to dry his face and sound tougher. I can't help but smile a little as I help him stand up and move towards Louis' truck.
"I would imagine, breaking doctor's orders by running off at such an hour does not make things better you know." I say, opening the door.
"Fuck you, Malik." Harry says, a small smile forming on his mouth as I help him in and shut the door.
"Ow" "Fuck" "Dammit." "Shit."
Are just some of the colorful words that was said the whole way back to the paved road from the pond. I roll my eyes at him as he curses every little pothole that I can't dodge.
"Sorry, I'll get you some pain killers when we get back." I say, somewhat annoyed by his whining when he is the dumb ass that ran off with a broken arm, cut open head, and broken ribs.
I am getting slightly annoyed as he continues to grumble the whole way back, the angry, rude Harry obviously is back, and I just hope Avery doesn't expect him to have the same attitude that he had last night.
"I don't care if he hates me, just please make sure he is safe."
Her words play over and over again in my head, and it hurts to hear her say that. Mostly because I know that Harry could never hate her, in fact, I know he thinks the complete opposite. But deep down, I just know he is going to be an ass to her, and I know it's useless to try and get him to act any different.
Time I pull in the yard, Louis bursts through the door, concern written all over his face as he rushes out.
"Holy shit where was you guys? Are you okay? Why did it take you 100 years to get back? It's almost daylight for crying out loud!?" He yells as a frightened looking Avery peeks around the door behind him.
Harry lets out a painful groan as I help him out. Louis' eyes go wide as he rushes down the steps and over to the truck to help. We each take an arm, ignoring Harry's protests and false assurance that he is fine, and help him to the couch.
Harry looks pissed by the time he is settled on the couch. I have been around him enough to know that he is more upset with how weak he is than actually mad, but to other people, they would think he would want to cut their throat.
I hand him his pain medication and water and he takes them without a word. I don't say anything; I just head back into the kitchen where Louis has helped himself to making pancakes for everyone.
I sit on the stool by the counter and watch Louis, making small talk and what happened this morning, leaving out Harry's personal breakdown of course. Our conversation was cut short when we overheard Harry in the other room, both of us became silent when his voice roared, followed by breaking of glass.
"Dammit just drop it! I'm fine! I'm perfectly fine and I don't need your fucking pity parade to help me! Bad dream, big fucking deal! I'm old enough to take care of myself! Do me a favor and back the hell off okay!"
Louis and I are at the door in an instant. Avery looks like she is about to break down into tears and Harry looks like he could explode. The glass of water he had is shattered on the ground, and I can almost guarantee that it wouldn't take much for him to do more.
Louis goes to say something, but I put my hand up, giving him a look to say 'not now' and he seems to understand as he motions for Avery to follow him into the other room.
Harry sits there, face flushed with anger and sadness as he watches Avery stand up and walk away. I shake my head and cautiously sit down beside him.
"You know you need her Harry, just as much as she needs you." I say quietly, staring ahead at the shattered glass in front of us.
"Yeah, and I just fucked that up too, didn't I?" He says, his voice barely audible despite the lingering silence that fills the room.
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Ugh i have been sick all day and i hate it :(
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