Shay
I step into South Bridge Prison with confidence and ease. I've been coming here for over a week now, and I've been in prisons before anyway (well, I visited Axel during his first stint in Juvie if that counts) so it's no sweat off my back. Places like this don't scare me. My pulse won't react to the faces of criminals or the yells and the jeers as I walk down the the hallway towards the visitation room. I don't feel like I'm in the presence of criminals. You don't get good and bad people, only people. Some of those people have done bad things, and most of them probably had good reason to. I don't see the crime, I see the haunted past of the person that committed it.
My cousin Axel included.
I sit down at my allocated visitation booth, just like the ones you see in the movies - plastic phone on the wall, bulletproof glass partition separating me from the plastic chair on the other side of the booth. He's gonna get open visits soon, apparently these closed off types of visits are standard protocol for new admissions. Soon, we'll be sitting within touching distance at a table with no plastic phones, no partition separating us, and I won't need to look at him through glass like he's a dangerous animal in a zoo. I'm excited about that. Every cloud, and all.
I casually inspect my chipped black nail polish as I wait for Axel to arrive, and my mind drifts back to last week, to our first visit...
______
Within moments the door on the other side of the booth opens and Axel walks in. He's a vision in his orange jump suit, I gotta say. The colour doesn't suit him at all but the image only makes him look more badass than he usually looks. As much as I wanna cry over seeing him like this, I can't help but snicker as he pulls out the plastic chair opposite me, sweeping his messy, overgrown black hair out of his face as he reaches for the telephone receiver. I pick up mine simultaneously.
"Well don't you look like shit." I comment lightly. He runs his tongue along his metal-free bottom lip and shakes his head slightly while looking away from me. I know I haven't offended him. He's my blood and he's one of the only people on this hell we call earth that I actually care about.
"Orange is the new black, right?" His deep voice fills my ear and I swallow down the emotion threatening to leak out of my eyes. Just from the sound of his voice. He sounds good, he does.
"I would have come sooner, but -"
"Sooner? Shay, it's barely been twenty-four since I was arrested. You've been busy." He says like it's so obvious. "Honestly, I didn't expect to see you this soon."
"Are you kidding me?" I exclaim, horrified by his lack of faith in me. "Axel you're only in here because of me. If you hadn't taken the fall -"
"Shay." He silences me with a sharp glare and an inked finger tapping the phone receiver in his hand. Our conversation isn't private, of course.
"Sorry." I murmur down the line. "But you know what I'm talking about."
"I do." He deadpans. "And we don't need to talk about it. It's done and I'd do it again in a heartbeat. So how are you? How's your new life in North Bridge?"
I tense at his question and his reluctance to discuss the very reason he's the one sitting in the jumpsuit. I should be in here for shooting Jason, not him. But we can't talk about it as much as I'd like to. We can talk strategy though.
"Your lawyers have a plan, I assume?" I ask him with a raised eyebrow. He bites back a laugh and looks towards the ceiling before levelling his dark eyes with mine again. He doesn't wanna talk about the shooting at all it seems. I had a feeling he wouldn't.
"Don't worry about it, Shay. I'm not." He reclines back in his chair and studies me with his signature flawless smile. He's perfected it over the years and I know he's fully capable of turning it on, even when he doesn't feel like smiling inside. I narrow my eyes on him, unconvinced.
"You're sure?" I press.
"Yes. I assume the guy's gonna be okay?"
Jason. He is okay. The bullet didn't hit anything major. He's gonna be in a cast for a while, but he's absolutely living to tell the tale.
"Yeah, he had surgery. He's fine." I answer, and Axel nods.
"Good. Now talk to me about North Bridge. You've made friends?" His smile widens.
I roll my eyes and he laughs openly at me. I'm not here to discuss my sham of a new life, and he fucking knows that. But I guess - he's interested in Penn. How could he not be?
"They're moving in together for when the baby comes." I inform. He nods his head like it's obvious.
"So what about Thornton House?" He asks. "Where does this leave you?"
I shift in my seat a little, unwilling to talk about the current state of my living arrangements.
"I've been living in an apartment actually, Penn pays the rent. Not sure if he's gonna keep that up now..."
"Doubtful. But no matter. You didn't wanna stay there anyway, so it's fine." Axel says. It's a statement, not a question. He knows I felt badly taking a cent of Penn's money. I've lied to Penn about so much already and I haven't heard from him yet. I've texted him a bunch of times and tried calling, but he's busy with Jax today I guess. I gotta give the boy some time.
"Penn hates me now, and he knows the truth." As in - he knows who was really responsible for the bullet in Jason's arm. "And as far as his friends go, the truth's gonna come out. It always does." I say on a sigh.
"It doesn't need to. No matter the outcome at court." He says cryptically. My mouth opens slightly as I analyse his features, but he gives me nothing. Is he suggesting that he might get off? Do his lawyers have a bulletproof defence after all? I'm hopeful, and hopefully Axel will share more with me once the lawyers start building their case.
"Why'd you move here, Shay? Huh? Why'd you do it?" He blurts out randomly while sitting forward in the chair. His eyes search mine and I heave a deep breath, knowing that my life in North Bridge is all we're gonna talk about today. He won't tell me anything about the past three years of his life, or the court case. Fine, I'll accept that for now.
"Penn found out about me and he hired Jason to find me. They found me, Penn offered me a new life, I took him up on his offer." I say blandly, knowing it won't be enough. Axel bites down on his pierced lip like he's biting back any further questions, allowing me to go on.
"I talked to my parents." I say carefully, and he nods his head. He knows I'm talking about Annette and Tony Del Testa and he knows I wouldn't dare utter their names under these circumstances. "They agreed to cut me loose because all they want is for me to be happy. They know Penn has plenty money and they know he's a good guy. They let me go."
"Just like that?" He comes back immediately. I nod and he laughs.
"Come on, Shay. Your parents would never agree to let you walk out of their lives that way. Not in a million years." He frowns at me and I shrug my shoulders, unsure how to convince him. I'm a first class liar with everyone other than Axel. He always could see through me.
"Alright, asshole. Fine. They wanted me home for Christmas, but that's no longer the case." I get real. "Based on your current residential status, they're letting me stay here to keep your ass company."
"So you have to go home when I get out?" He asks with a frown. I nod my head, knowing Axel has no intention of returning to Chicago. Ever. If he wanted to go back there he would have done it already. He wouldn't have stuck around in North Bridge, in the labyrinth.
And on that note.
"You stuck around here for the reason I'm assuming?" I venture, quirking an eyebrow at him. He flashes me that flawless smile, but his jaw ticks. A tell of his.
"Depends on what you're assuming." He counters. A tight smirk pulls at my lips.
"You wanted to make amends. For what you did. For what your dad did."
The Radium Room. Joaquin. All that shit.
"You know me well, cousin." He says with a small laugh, leaning back on his chair. "You understand, right?"
He's asking if I understand his thought process, the headspace he was in after the Radium Room, the reasons he decided not to return to Chicago. I understand completely. The Radium Room didn't happen the way Axel (or Joaquin, god rest his soul...) had planned. Hell, Jess sure as shit never planned on ending up in rehab, did she? No one was supposed to die on Axel's watch, and his father is now six feet under. It didn't go to plan, and I know that the only plan Axel had was to extort some money of out Penn. My brother I never knew, the lucky son of a bitch (literally) that ended up inheriting millions. Axel wanted a slice, he didn't wanna see anybody die. Well, Axel didn't get what he wanted twice over. Joaquin died (pity, not) and nobody got any of Penn's money.
But, Axel got more than he bargained for. He devoted a lot of time to watching Penn, and I think as time went on Axel realised he liked what he saw. He could see that Penn isn't some asshole Quantrell that gets trigger happy on us Del Testa's. He could see that Penn is actually a decent guy. He could see that Penn didn't deserve anything that happened, same with Jax and Scar. Axel has morals, swear to god, and his moral compass is now firmly pointed in Penn's direction. Axel wants to - no needs to - make amends for the part he played in the Radium Room. He won't stop until my brother believes that.
"So your parents were happy to send you packing to a different state - what about your big brother?" He queries. I tighten my grip on the phone and my entire body tenses, because he isn't talking about Penn. I know exactly who Axel's referring to of course, and I don't like where this conversation is going.
"He had no say in the matter." I whisper down the line while Axel watches my reaction to his question intently.
"Have you talked to him since you left home?" Axel tilts his head slightly. I shake my head, unwilling to talk about Hunter. Not right now, not when there are so many other important things to talk about.
"Have you?" I challenge him. I haven't forgotten what Axel said to me back then. He wanted to tag along to South Bridge to try and control Joaquin's actions, but he also wanted space from Harm. From Hunter. In all the time Axel was gone, Hunter didn't mention a single conversation with him. Even back before the Radium Room, when River, Mac and I heard from Axel on a regular basis. I know Hunter didn't.
"We exchanged the odd text message." Axel informs me, and this is actually news to me. Hunter never mentioned that.
"So... you're cool with him now?" I venture.
"It's been three years, Shay." He says coldly, like I need the reminder. "Time heals all."
I purse my lips, biting back what I really wanna say. I never asked Axel about the underage girl. The reason he went to Juvie when he was seventeen. He never told me about it himself, so I never asked him. I want to know why Hunter reported him to the police back then, I want to know what the hell went on between the first two letters of Harm back then. But now ain't the time.
"You've been gone for years, A." I remind him right back, and his hard expression softens ever-so-slightly, from guilt I'm sure. "Things have changed. My big brother doesn't dominate my life anymore. I moved into my own place when I turned eighteen. I haven't spent much time around him since then."
"I see." Axel looks me over curiously. "And what about the guys?"
I smile at the mention of Macauley and River.
"They're getting leave for the holidays, they'll be here for Christmas." I inform him with a huge grin. His eyes widen for a moment and then he snickers at me, shaking his head slightly.
"Mac and River?" He checks. It's okay to use their names since they're gonna come here to visit him anyway.
"Yeah, just them. No one else." I confirm. Hunter (my 'big brother') will not be making the trip to South Bridge. As if he could leave his Del Testa lifestyle behind to come and check in on one of his oldest friends. God forbid.
"It's been so long, man. They miss you just as much as I do." I go on sincerely. Axel nods then moves his free hand, pulling it through his messy black hair. What, they don't get haircuts in prison?
"I've missed you guys too. Things have been...different, for me." He says, his voice dropping lower because he finds it difficult to talk about his feelings. Same as the rest of us.
"I know, but it's over now, A." I smile at him reassuringly. "You'll get out after your trial, then you and I can figure everything out from there."
"Where? Home?" He asks, his eyes significantly hardened. "I'm not going back. You know I'm not."
"So, what? You gonna creep around in North Bridge for the rest of your life?" I clip back.
"Maybe." He says quietly, looking away from me. "I have unfinished business, you know I do. Jax seems to be on side now, but it's not just about her. Penn. Scar. I need to... repent. I need them to understand. And there are other people too. North Bridge is the place for me."
"You've gotta be kidding me, A?!" I demand in disbelief. "Everyone hates you, everyone thinks you're a psycho stalker! They're not exactly gonna welcome you in with open arms, you know. And that's assuming you don't get handed twenty to life for what you did in the Radium Room -"
He silences me by pressing an inked finger against his lips. He doesn't want me mentioning the Radium Room? Interesting... Does that mean his lawyers are cooking up some way of getting him off on those charges? God, I hope so.
"I'm writing Jax a letter, I want you to give it to her for me." He says casually, sitting back in his plastic chair. "It's not ready yet, it'll take some time. I need to get my words out properly. Need it to be perfect."
"Always such a poet." I mumble, crossing my arms as he laughs. Axel isn't a poet, but he certainly has a way with words.
"Jax needs to hear my entire version of things, and it's hard to explain. I'll get it done, though." He says, nodding to himself.
"And Scar? Penn?" I query, quirking an eyebrow at him.
"Jax comes first, she'll understand." He states the obvious. "Scar will be difficult. I don't think she'll be as understand as Jax. And Penn... Goes without saying."
It most certainly does.
"But never mind me." He shakes it off, his smile back in place. "What about you? What's next for Shay?"
"There's a motel just down the street. I check in, I visit you as much as possible, I support you through this shit."
"I'd expect nothing less." He grins at me. "But like I said, never mind me. What about North Bridge?"
"All my stuff is at the apartment. I grabbed a bag before I drove out here, but the rest. I'll get it at some point." I answer awkwardly, shifting in my seat and bristling at the thought of facing anyone other than Jax right now. It's only been a day. They need time, all of them. I'm the bad guy, right? And it's all too fresh.
"You're in contact with Jax." Axel states, I nod my head. "And I assume that's because..."
He trails off, allowing me to fill in the blanks for him. I exhale sharply before speering him with a hard look.
"I fucking care about him, okay?" I mumble. I'm talking about Penn. My long lost brother, the guy that cared enough about my life to seek me out and offer me something better. The guy that smokes weed, shoots tequila, talks about Star Wars a tad too much for my liking, and has me laughing at nothing on the regular. My brother, my real brother. He's nothing like Hunter, fucking nothing. And... I wanna keep him.
"It's okay to care about him." Axel says softly. "You were guarded and hostile when you met me. I was the cousin you never knew, and you let me in back then. Pretty sure you're glad you did, or you wouldn't be sitting here today."
True.
The only problem?
"He hates me now." I say quietly, looking up at Axel through my lashes. I have no idea where to start on getting through to Penn. I have some serious bridges to re-build with him, and he's stubborn. I'm not so sure he'll give me a second chance. Holding a gun against his pregnant girlfriend's back and forcing her down into the labyrinth with me? Shooting Jace (I know Penn knows the truth, Jax told me). Doubt he has it in him to forgive any of that shit. He never forgave Jess for what she did in the Radium Room, even though Jess saved Penn's life that night. Very relevant.
"He'll forgive you." Axel deadpans. I shake my head immediately.
"I don't think so, A." I let out a long sigh. "He found out about me through Jess because he visited her in rehab one time, fucking months ago, and he's never been back. She saved his fucking life and still, he wants nothing to do with her."
"He thinks Jess saved his life? How so?" Axel queries, a puzzled look on his face.
I frown at him, unsure how much of this I should talk about here, over the prison phone.
"When Penn was shot..." I start cautiously. "Jess called out in distress or some shit and threw Joaquin's shot off. That's what Penn told me."
"Did he now?" Axel raises an eyebrow in definite interest, and immediately I know there's more to that story. Axel was there, when Penn walked into the Radium Room and Joaquin took a shot at him. But A won't talk about that, not when he's facing charges in relation to his involvement that night, as well as the charge for shooting Jace...
"We'll talk about that more, later." He says softly. "But getting back to the point - he will forgive you. You have Jax in your corner, she knows we aren't Bonnie and Clyde, she'll convince him."
I inhale deep, staring at Axel and trying to convince myself that he's right. He's rarely been wrong before, I trust him completely, and his opinion matters to me. So much. I wonder...
"I haven't talked to Drake yet." I say randomly, peeling my eyes away from Axel's and staring at the desk in front of me.
"You probably should." Axel replies, a new lightness to his tone. Still, I don't look up at him. "The guy was obviously totally confused in the labyrinth, and he's obviously totally into you. I have a feeling it runs both ways?"
I snap my eyes up and find an annoyingly self-sure gleam in Axel's eyes.
"Does River know? He'll be crushed." Axel says jokingly. I purse my lips and glower at him as he sits back in his chair, laughing at my expense. I am not fucking into Drake. And he may have told me he liked me before but... pretty sure that no longer stands. The way he looked at me in the labyrinth...
"I never should have told you about me and River." I huff, blowing a breath out and willing myself to think about anything other than Drake. I shouldn't have mentioned Drake, but he was there. Axel was bound to ask about him sooner or later.
"Shay, I'm cool with it. I'm just glad you chose River to deflower you rather than Mac." Axel says. He's still smiling, but I can tell he's being semi-serious. Macauley is a big guy, huge, he's like six foot five and bulky as hell. He would wreck a virgin, and I'm sure he has in the past.
"I needed someone I trusted." I explain, aware that Axel was already gone when I lost my virginity to River. We haven't talked about this properly, just briefly over the phone when Axel was living in South Bridge, prior to the events of the Radium Room.
"I understand completely." He says, his dark eyes softened on me. "And River's still alive, so I assume your big brother never found out about the two of you?"
Hunter. Of course not. As far as Hunter knows, I'm still an innocent little virgin. It's what made him so antsy about me moving into my own apartment in Chicago after I turned eighteen, and I'm sure it's what's making him so antsy about me being in Maryland, not Illinois. He can't keep an eye on me out here, and I'm sure it's killing him inside.
"He can never know. He would fight River for sure, and I don't think he'd be able to stop himself taking it too far."
By taking it too far, I mean murder. Hunter's killed before, plenty of times. He's ruthless and he's intimidating and he scares the hell out of most people. He doesn't scare me, but what he's capable of does.
"The first time River and I did it, I was physically sick afterwards." I inform Axel, shaking my head at the memory. He laughs.
"Well, that's an awesome review for River."
"Shut up, that's not what I meant. I was sick because of guilt. Because I know exactly how Hunt... my brother would react if he ever found out. I should never have put River in that position."
"But it didn't stop you running back for more." Axel points out, knowing I've slept with River - and only River - on multiple occasions.
"The sex was good, and I wasn't about to try and get it from anybody else." I explain. "River was the perfect cover for me. He's part of Harm, I'm around him all the time anyway, Hunter never suspected a thing. And like you said, he was a better option than Mac."
Axel flexes the fingers of his free hand in front of him, flashing the HARM letters tattooed on each of his fingers. Harm; Hunter, Axel, River and Macauley. Del Testa boys through and through, blood brothers forever.
Maybe not anymore, though.
_________
That first visit was good. Could have been better though, no doubt about that. As soon as Axel is cleared for open visitation it'll be a hell of a lot better. The glass separating us and the stupid plastic phones are horrendous. I wanna sit in the same space as my cousin, breathe the same air as him, see him relax a little. One of the escorting wardens told me they do tea and coffee in the open visitation room too. And biscuits. Sounds like luxury.
I look up from my chipped nails, setting an internal reminder to scope out South Bridge for a decent nail salon, as the door on the other side of the booth opens. Axel walks in; a vision in orange. And ooh, he's had a hair cut.
"Looking good, cous." I quip the moment I press my phone against my ear. "'Bout time. That hair was giving me serious Severus Snape vibes."
"You and me both." He murmurs with a laugh as he settles himself back in his chair, phone pressed up to his ear. God, this is annoying. My arm is starting to ache every time I leave the prison.
"So, how's the new place in North Bridge?" He asks me with his signature smile. I told him all about how Jax invited me to move into her dorm and he was all for it.
"It's good. I think I fit in around the dorms." I inform. He nods his head while sweeping his eyes over my outfit.
"Hair dye. Piercings. Tattoos. Grunge clothes. You fit the old rock and roll NBU student stereotype perfectly." He says with a grin, biting down on his vacant lip piercing. Axel had to ditch his lip ring when he was admitted, but old ticks die hard. He constantly fucking plays with that lip ring of his. Some things never change.
"Yeah, well, if I can fly under the radar around the dorms that works for me." I say on a sigh, pushing my hair back over one shoulder before leaning in to catch him up. I skipped the evening visit session last night, so I haven't seen him since yesterday morning. Since before I gave Jax his letter.
"Jax spent the night with me last night. She was real excited about it. Kept calling it a girly sleepover." I grit out, knowing he'll find that hilarious. He does. He tilts his head back, laughing at me mockingly.
"Christ, she's so different than you." Axel says as his laughter subsides. "So different than the girls we're used to from back home. I can see what attracted Penn to her. She's a breath of fresh air."
I narrow my eyes on him as some type of far off look flashes through his eyes briefly. Blink and you'll miss it, but I didn't blink. So I didn't miss it.
"You like her." I accuse, tilting my head as he laughs again. We've talked about Jax a lot this past week, but that's the first time he's made me suspicious.
"I don't." He replies evenly.
That's good enough for me. I know Axel better than anyone, better than myself maybe. And he can't bullshit a bullshitter, especially not this bullshitter.
"Okay, so tell me something then." I go on, looking over my shoulder in case any of the wardens are listening in on this. Not that it matters, our conversations through these phone's aren't private anyway. I'll choose my words carefully, as always.
"We haven't properly discussed the first time you met Jax." - We haven't properly discussed the Radium Room.
"We haven't." He replies with a small smile. "But I know how much she talks. I assume she's filled you in now?" - I assume you know all the dirty details?
"She has indeed. Last night actually. During our sleepover." I go on, and he snickers. "She told me some of the shit you said to her that night, how you acted." - She told me you lightly grazed your knuckles over her cheek then called her 'sex on legs'.
Okay, could have just said that out loud. But talking in code like this is amusing for us both, I'll roll with it.
"Shay, spit it out." He says, shaking his head.
Damn, guess he isn't following.
"Alright, you want me to spell it out? Fine." I say, raising my free hand in a fist. "How much did Axel creep Jax out? Let me count the ways."
He laughs as I hold up a finger.
"Number one: you touched her face, actually trailed your knuckles over her cheek." I raise a second finger. "Number two: you called her sex on legs, fuckable, told her you'd like to bend her over and take her by the throat, among other equally romantic things. Should I continue?"
"Nah, next?" He replies, his eyes lit up at the mention of his depravity. I hold up another finger, continuing.
"Number three: you blew her a kiss when you left the room." He laughs as he reminisces. "Number four: you made her and Scar talk about confessions with you or some shit, all of them sexual, and all of them about Jax and Penn."
"Guilty." He quips with a grin. I shake my head at him.
"And number five: you called her Penn's little rose." I place my open palm against the glass between us and watch as a brief flicker of hardness overcomes him. It doesn't last long of course, in no time his smile is back.
"Those are just five creepy ass things you did that night, I could go on, but I'm outta fingers." I say, dropping my hand down and sitting back in my chair. "Care to explain yourself?"
"Do I need to?" He replies smoothly. "You know me. You know I'm a sick fuck."
"You are not." I mumble in response. He scratches the back of his neck while snickering and I roll my eyes.
We could hash out all of those details until we're blue in the face, and I'm sure we will when we can speak more openly, but for now? I don't give a damn. He says he's a sick fuck, and I guess... It's partly true. But the Axel I know wouldn't purposefully act that way to an innocent girl, especially not while she's tied up and fearing for her life. He always did kinda get off on fear... But nah, that's not it. When Jax told me all this shit last night, the only conclusion I could come up with was extremely fucking simple:
Axel was jealous of Penn. He'd been watching him with Jax, and he liked what he saw.
But I asked the question just now, and I got the answer. Axel doesn't like Jax, not like that.
So what the fuck was he thinking toying with her like that in the Radium Room?
"Were you drinking that night?" I ask, screwing my face up as I try to make sense of his actions.
"Not a drop." He replies. "I was in a frisky mood, that's all. And come on, Jax is hot. You've seen her."
He grins at me playfully and earns himself another eye roll. Jax is hot, but she's not Axel's usual type. Not at all.
"Little rose?" I ask, a touch of dry humour to my tone. Axel has a strange relationship with roses. Always has. He's got an assortment of roses tattooed all over his body, most visibly on his hands. I shift my gaze to his left hand, his knuckles are tightened around the plastic phone, but I can just make out the rose thorns extended a little further down his knuckles there than they do on his right hand. Cover up ink.
He follows my line of vision down to his left hand, knowing exactly what I'm looking at. He sighs as he tightens his grip on the phone, then he meets my eye again.
"You know I hate roses." He offers, plastering a small smirk onto his lips in an attempt to make me think this is all some kinda big joke to him. I'm not buying it, and he knows it.
"Yeah, I know that. But Jax sure as hell doesn't. Why the fuck did you call her Penn's little rose?" I persist, raising an accusatory eyebrow at him.
"Just one of my weird quirks, Shay." He says easily, breathing deep and shaking his head at me like I'm an annoying little kid. God, he can be so infuriatingly vague sometimes.
"Why did you cover the letters on your left-hand knuckles, A?" I ask him a question I have asked him many times in the past. He won't give me a straight answer, but it's worth a shot. Three years of distance, three years of living separate lives. Maybe he'll finally let me in on this weird rose shit now.
"I was sick of the sight of them." He says with a sweet smile. A completely forced, fake smile. He can't fool me.
"And what did the old tattoo say?" I press, flashing an equally fake smile back at him. He laughs. A hollow, nice try, laugh.
"R-O-S-E. I covered up the word rose with more roses. Poetic, isn't it?" He cocks his head and widens his smile. That asshole.
"Your knuckle tattoo did not spell out the word rose." I frown at him. "Why won't you tell me?"
"Because it's not important, like I said. Move this along Shay, you're wasting time with this." He flicks his tongue out, licking the metal-free part of his lip. Fine, I'll fucking move it along.
"Fine. But we're talking about the first time you met Jax more later." I say sternly, and he nods his head, accepting that I am gonna grill the hell out of him about the Radium Room just as soon as I can. I mean, the confession game?! It's very Axel, I gotta say. He's been known to pull that kinda shit on Quantrell informants, but not on scared, young, innocent girls. Very strange behaviour for him indeed. He had a stick up his ass that night for sure.
"I was a little jealous of Penn." Axel says randomly, his face completely devoid of anything other than amusement. "That satisfy your curiosity for the time being?"
I chew the inside of my cheek, trying to make sense of that. I can't.
"So... you do like Jax?"
"Nope." He shakes his head slowly. "I like the thought of having a hot piece of ass in my bed, money in my wallet, and a road of endless opportunity ahead of me."
I widen my eyes, understanding dawning on me.
- I like the idea of not being a Del Testa.
He's not a Del Testa though, not anymore, he bought his way out with the money he got after Joaquin's death. I guess he just wishes he'd never been one in the first place. Funny, Joaquin pulled his son into that life, and Joaquin also helped get him out of it in the end (by dying, but still). Talk about poetic. And maybe now Axel's hoping his long lost mommy will give him fifty million dollars, and then a beautiful girl like Jax will get down on her knees in front of him and beg him to knock her up.
We can dream.
"I get it." I say seriously. "You can have all of that now. As soon as you get out of here, the sky's the limit for you."
"Hopefully." He gives me a thin smile, and I know he's not at all convinced about that.
But hell, we're getting too deep with this shit for now. And I'm wasting the precious time we have together in this visit. I need to fill him in on last night.
"So anyway, back to the sleepover." I wave my free hand, bringing the conversation back to the present. "I gave her the letter. She loved it, she's writing one back."
"Thought she might." He says with a grin. "Did you read it?"
I shake my head. "She didn't offer and I didn't ask. Whatever's in that letter, it's between you and Jax."
"I appreciate that, Shay." He replies seriously. Like he's proud of me or something? Damn, wish I had read the letter now.
Kidding of course. I respect his privacy.
"She burned it last night, right before we went to bed." I inform him, thinking back to how adamant Jax was about that. She read the letter on her own when I went to hang with Brent, then when I showed up at her dorm later she was re-reading it. She read it again, then again, and then she told me she was burning it. She did just that, and she smiled the entire time.
"Good. I asked her to do that. Last line of the letter was: burn after reading. I wasn't sure if she actually would, I took a leap of faith in her. I made the right decision." He looks off to the left, nodding his head slowly, thoughtfully.
"Why'd you want her to burn it?" I frown curiously.
"The content. It was for no one's eyes but hers. She obviously agreed with me on that. I'm glad." He says, still not looking up at me.
Fuck, what the hell was in that letter!? I'm so curious now. I'm gonna try something.
"Okay, I did read it." I say with a sly grin. He laughs openly.
"You didn't." He replies with complete confidence. "I would know if you had."
"Fine, you got me." I sulk, and he laughs again.
"Well, I know it wasn't a love letter." I go on. "So what the hell was it?"
I just assumed Axel wanted to fully apologise and explain his actions to Jax. He talked to her in the labyrinth a bit when I left them alone, but I know they didn't have enough time to fully put the Radium Room to bed. I assumed that's what his letter was for. But maybe not entirely.
"It was necessary." He says vaguely, great. Then he looks up at me again. "I started working on Scar's letter last night. It's gonna be a lot more straightforward. I should have it ready in a few days."
"You shitting me?" I murmur, frowning at him. Jax's letter took an entire week - and he already knows she doesn't hate him. Scarlett Moore most certainly does hate him, and what? He's just gonna breeze over her letter and hand it over to me without much thought? Seems a little backwards.
"I know exactly what I need to say to her, it won't take me long." He answers confidently. I open my mouth, confused and startled by this.
Aaand, I'm back to talking in code.
"Axel, don't you think Scar's letter deserves a little more thought than Jax's?" - Sure, you did fucked up things to both of them, but at least you told Jax no one was dying on your watch that night. You didn't say shit to Scar about your true motives.
"I've already given Scar's letter all the thought it needs." - I am aware of what I did to her, relax.
"Are you sure?!" - Dude, you held a fucking knife against Scar's throat and you licked her cheek!
"I'm sure." - Just fucking drop it.
For fuck sake, fine. I'll drop it.
"So, moving things along." He says with a small laugh. "You talked to Penn last night too?"
"I did. A little. Not a lot." I say quietly. Penn barely acknowledged me at all when I walked into Thornton House. He glared at me while I apologised to him, he stood stone-faced while I talked to Jax, then he turned around and left us alone in the living room. He didn't go far. He lingered in the kitchen, probably keeping an eye on things in case I pulled a hang gun out of my bag.
Please, as if I would.
Although... my track record isn't exactly great on that front.
"Progress." Axel says. "You've made more progress in a week than I made in a year."
"Yeeah..." I draw out. "We are having a long talk about that later. When exactly are you getting open visits?"
Am I hell gonna attempt to talk in code about Axel's gap year in the labyrinth. Alright, that's unfair. He lived in the labyrinth hideaway for a few months, but before that? He said he was shacking up with some chick in South Bridge. Interesting, and definitely worthy of a conversation.
"Soon, tomorrow maybe." He informs, and I beam at him. Tomorrow? That's awesome! No more plastic phones, no more stupid code-talk. Progress.
"So Jax moved you into her dorm after you guys talked at the house. Did Penn tag along?" He asks.
"No, he didn't. I met Jax at the dorms late, she said Penn wasn't happy about it but he's not the boss of her, you know? After I delivered your letter I met up with that guy Brent I told you about, Basketball Dude. He's been so nice to me. We got food and hung out. It was good to talk to someone about boring mundane things like basketball games and part-time jobs."
"Part-time jobs?" Axel asks curiously. "You gonna get one?"
"Think so." I chew my lip, knowing that I need to fill my free time somehow, and what better way than by working? I'm not exactly strapped for cash, but more money's never a bad thing. "Brent worked at one of the coffee joints at NBU during his freshman year. He said he'd talk to his old boss, put in a good word for me."
"You allowed to do that when you don't actually go to NBU?" Axel asks.
"Sure you are." I shrug my shoulders. "A job's a job, you don't need to be a student to work on campus."
"Makes sense." Axel raises his eyebrows. "I cannot picture you in an apron. Pouring coffee for people. Smiling at all the paying customers. Handing back change..."
He trails off with a grin, and I know the end of that sentence. - Handing back change instead of pocketing it on the sly.
I mean, I would never steal from anybody that doesn't deserve to be stolen from. Those rich, old sleezeballs in Chicago never even missed the money I took from them. Morally, it's wrong. I'm well aware of that but cut me some slack, a girl's gotta eat. Annette and Tony helped me out with my apartment, but they stopped paying my way the day I turned eighteen, just like they did with Hunter, so I had to get to work. And when you're an independent Del Testa girl, there aren't many work options outside of selling your own body. I wasn't about that, so I chose the other option. Flaunt my body. Use my feminine ways to exploit people. But only people that deserved to be exploited! Just call me Robin Hood.
"I told Brent I wasn't sure, but if the option's there for me I'm gonna take the job." I say decidedly, Axel's lack of belief in me spurring me on. "I can pour coffee. And the hours are flexible, it won't interfere in our visits."
"Thank the lord." Axel says on a laugh. "So you talked to Brent last night. Jax, Penn sort of. Anyone else?"
"No." I answer far too quickly, my mind snapping back to that moment in Drake's bedroom.
I'm a first class liar. Bullshit is my middle name. Manipulation, deception, I got it on lock. With fucking everyone... Besides Axel.
"You talked to Drake." He says without so much as blinking. God, he can read me like a book. "How was it?"
"Not good." I answer honestly, my tone stiff and my eyes back on my chipped nails. "It was barely even a conversation. He doesn't wanna hear it."
"He needs time. More than anybody else." Axel replies seriously.
I hear ya, cous. - He was in the labyrinth, he saw you shoot Jason. He doesn't accept us the way Jax does, and he hasn't witnessed shit like that the way Jason has. He. Needs. Time.
Just wish I knew how much.
After the visit, I collect my phone from the front desk of the prison (cell phones are total contraband in jails) and swipe it to life as I head outside. There's a new text from Brent telling me there's an impromptu party at Thornton House tonight. An excited text from Jax telling me the exact same thing, and asking me to call her before I ride back up to North Bridge because we apparently have exciting news to discuss. And surprisingly, a text from Penn. Holy shit.
I pause next to my bike, my eyes widening as I read the first words Penn has texted me since the labyrinth.
Penn, 18:09pm: Jax and I moved your stuff back into the house. I want you to stay here, not her dorm. Ryan and one of Drake's friends moved in tonight too, so there's a welcome party. Come, but don't piss anyone off. Especially me.
He wants me to move back into the house?
Not sure how I feel about that.
But fuck, sounds like all my shit's already there.
I swing a leg over my bike and pull on my helmet, wishing I'd taken my car instead of my Harley because I could really use some loud music and some weed on the drive back. I start my engine, deciding to skip the phone call to Jax because I need to drive right now. I need to hit the road and think. I can't handle her positivity right now, as much as I appreciate it. I'm gonna see her real soon anyway. I kick off and begin my journey.
Well then, destination Thornton House.