V.
SOMEWHERE IN BETWEEN THE DAYS my mum had been home forcing me to receive her lectures about my glasses and how I should take better care of my things, acting as if I broke them intentionally. As well as avoiding my mother I was also trying to avoid the trio while I was at school, taking dodges around the corner and into random closets and classrooms, leaving me to think of a way to get out of having to meet up with DeCeno.
The only thing I could come up with was to just ask what I can do and get it done on my own then I won't have to see her until it was presentation day, however, there was one problem, we still haven't decided on what topic to settle on. Hopefully, we agree upon something before class was over to give me a chance to sort this mess out. I just wanted to get today over and done with so I can go home and carry on with doing nothing because nothing is better than being with one of the Jockey-Jerkers.
I looked up from the table when I heard Amanda mutter 'morning' under her breath and take the seat next to me, sitting up straight a gave her a simple nod of the head while I kept telling myself over and over that, I didn't want to be here. I didn't want to be with her.
Either way, I spoke to her when she'd ask me a question other than that, I kept to myself and made the odd occasional noise to show I was listening. I felt her eyes looking at me when I glanced sideways, her eyebrows knitted together the longer she stared at me. I breathed out a quick sigh when I turned around to face her, her deep brown eyes looking into mine while her chin was supported in the palm of her hand.
The minutes passed and the stares grew colder I finally looked away when I started to feel intimidated by her, neither one of us attempted to make a conversation. To be honest, I don't even know why she is annoyed with me.
"Cat got your tongue?" her voice piped up while she flipped through the index of the textbook.
"Excuse me?" Not in the mood for games. Not in the mood for her shit.
She rolled her eyes and went back to the textbook, at least she wasn't willing to have a fight making the rest of the class time easy. We swapped a few words here and there but not enough to get into a conversation going but it didn't stop her from talking to the boys at the desk beside us, her laughter ringing through my ears when Catherine looked over to our table with narrowed eyes. Not sure if the look were for me or Amanda.
I haven't said a word her way other than a few days ago that consisted of no more than five words. Not wanting to spend my morning talking about Ryan, having to put up with him is more than enough without someone pining after him.
The likelihood of the look being for Amanda seemed plausible since she snaps and gets mad over the smallest of things. How she is right now would be a perfect excuse except she didn't verbally express it, she decided upon ignoring me instead.
As childish as it is to ignore someone it was probably the most effective. You could go through a whole list of things you could have done and probably won't even touch the reason why. When it came to DeCeno, she didn't seem to care if you ignored her, she would join you in the silent fight and give you the coldest shoulder.
During the almost two hour class to help us get a jump start on the project, I had the maximum of three sentences for a few project ideas that I copied from Amanda's notebook, her handwriting neat and perfected with every curve of the words while mine was quick and scruffy when it came to note-taking or jotting down ideas.
She gave me one last look and mouthed the word 'whatever' when she stood up and grabbed her belongings, a heavy sigh slipping through her lips as she ran her fingers through her hair when she walked away. I felt something small tug inside of me, a really small feeling of guilt for ignoring her until I remember what they did a few days ago. Thinking about it I instinctively ran my tongue over the nearly healed cut.
I watched the handful of students leave the classroom while a few stayed behind, knowing Amanda and I would have been one of the pairs staying behind since we can't agree upon a topic to do the project on. The feeling of frustration ran through my body when I finally stood up and gathered my things.
"Sir, can I speak to you please," drowning the thoughts of her.
"I don't know, can you?" He responded his usual reply if your grammar was incorrect.
With an exasperated sigh I tried again, "may I talk with you please?"
"How may I help?" Looking up at me when he finished typing on his laptop, a warm smile on his face.
"Sir, I can't work with her. I tried and it's not working out. Is there any way I can swap or just do the whole thing on my own?" I ranted, clearly taking the best option of telling the truth.
"No. The pairs stay the same, if I do it for one person then everyone will be wanting to swap. The whole point is to show you can work together." Shaking his head no before turning back to his computer.
"What about doing it on my own?" feeling hopeful.
"No." His voice making it known he was done talking about the situation.
"Sir, please I-" I began to push further when he cut me off by holding his hand up in the air to silence me.
"I said no, that is my final answer." His voice going deeper, "now, unless you have questions about the project, you are free to leave." His voice going stern while I let out a heavy sigh and left the classroom.
When I finally clambered on inside my car I slammed the door shut, the frustration growing from deep inside me with the urge to scream. Instead, I let it boil my blood while I argued with myself on the drive home. I know I'm going to have to put up and shut up and just get on with it whether I like it or not.
When I got home I was glad to come back to an empty house. I kicked the door shut and slung my bag down the hallway almost sliding into the kitchen, I crawled up the stairs like an animal into my bedroom to end up lying on the floor outstretched. A single groan escaping my mouth to slowly turn into a huff of air.
From now on, it will probably be easier to keep Amanda at arm's length, get this project over and done with then part ways. The quicker this is done the quicker I can say bye. I don't know how I'm going to deal with Ryan and his new hip accessory, who has made it as one of the Three Musketeers. En grade.
I felt my phone vibrate making me grumble when I slide it from the pocket of my jeans, an exasperated sigh coming from me when I read Ryans name followed by confusion when I saw Amanda's name above his. I opened up Ryan's message first to read that he wouldn't be coming around later due to being held up at work, I didn't bother to reply to him when I locked my phone back up, not bothering to open up Amanda's message when I threw my phone onto the bed while I got up from the floor.
I knew I was going to have to speak to her at some point but right now I didn't feel like doing anything. I knew I was grouching because I couldn't change partners, I shouldn't complain, it could have been someone else like Robert.
Robert was the boy who would sit there waiting for his chance to turn somebody's statement into an innuendo, being the typical guy to turn around and say 'that's what she said,' followed by a short laugh. He is also the kind of guy who's ego is so big he can't keep his head up from tripping over it. Whenever he got the chance or maybe I should say, if Amanda ever gave him the time of day then he would spend the lesson trying to chat her up while she would reject him and try to shut down his advances. Her replies back were funny, catching myself chuckling a few times but he never gave up.
Robert has made a few comments my way which were more along the lines of me being wild in bed because the quiet ones always are. Then he'd offer me his 'manhood,' which he states is a whole eight-inches. I'd just sit there and shake my head and to my surprise when he is pushing well over the invisible line, Amanda would tell him to reign it in and to stop. She has told Robert to back off a few times from what I can remember. I guess I could say she was nice now and then.
With a click of the tongue against the roof of my mouth, I grabbed my phone to see what Amanda had messaged me only to read it was about school and when we can next meet up. I mean I didn't exactly speak to her today in class to make a start instead of reading and collecting notes to finally decide what we are going to focus it on.
I text her back and gave her a day, deciding for it to be this Saturday coming, leaving the rest of the week to myself. I did wonder if Ryan and I would be doing anything unless he was too busy seeing his lap dog. Out of all the girls, why her.
Okay, yes, all this put aside, Catherine was pretty, especially her eyes when they go a blue-grey colour. Her main downfall is that Chrissy has her nails sunk deeply into her, now becoming a puppet, a new toy for her to play with. I mean, after all, she is the daughter of the priest and I think she needs to be exorcised to relieve the evil inside her. Or at least give the demon that hides inside of her a chance to escape.
If only her dad knew about his daughter, this pride he has for his daughter won't be the only sin he will feel when it gets out. I'll be there in front row eating popcorn and watching the drama roll out.
Don't get me wrong, I hate her, really hate her. That doesn't mean I'm going to rat her out to her dad, I will leave that down to the good old fashion karma, wanting to see whether the phrase of 'what goes around, comes around,' act out before me, however, I feel like karma bites the wrong people in the ass. Skipping idly by the people who deserve it to land on some poor soul who hasn't done anything wrong, probably have a better chance at Russian-Roulette with a loaded gun.
With a sigh I decided that the day was over with as I crawled into bed and got comfortable, tiredness hitting me all of a sudden when I shut my eyes.
The rest of the evening when I woke up dragged on by with me spending the rest of the night catching up on T.V shows that I had missed before calling it an early night when nothing exciting was going to happen, for the first time in a long time I didn't have Ryan gate crashing my night and dragging me out somewhere.
—
The next morning, I was rudely woken up by a loud knocking on my front door my hand feeling blindly for my phone to check on the time to see it was a little past seven in the morning. Begrudgingly I got out of my nice warm, comfortable bed to see what asshole decided to wake me up.
When I got down the stairs the floor tiles were cold beneath my feet, wishing I put socks on when my skin started to get goosebumps. I wore my resting bitch face when I opened the front door, Leah was standing there with a sheepish look on her face. I was a little surprised to see her, usually, she rings to give a heads up, something must be wrong for her to show up here early in the morning without a warning.
I stepped aside and welcomed her inside as she made her way towards the kitchen, breathing out a long sigh across the distance of the hallway. She must be annoyed at something, guessing either Ryan has done something to upset her or she just needed a time out from her life, maybe it was both things.
"Is everything okay?" asking out of concern when she slumped over the island counter and sat in one of the stools, her head hanging in her hands.
I gave her back an encouraging rub when I walked past to fill up the kettle and boil some water, I leant on the counter across from her, my hand taking hold of hers when she looked up at me with her blue eyes.
"Right now? No," answering my question when she sat up straight as I stayed quiet for her to keep speaking. "Ryan is getting too much and all up in my space. I have no room to breathe, Becca." She groaned at the end, knowing exactly what she's feeling. He gets like it with me sometimes.
"Would you like a coffee, tea anything to drink?" offering her something after the kettle boiled when she muttered a coffee. "Unfortunately that's Ryan, and you are his little sister." Trying some way to excuse his behaviour before I learnt what he's been like towards her.
"I'm a year younger than you, he can't use that every time he decides to be an arsehole." I could feel the frustration roll from off of her as she tried to shake off her real feelings when she looks up at the ceiling with her lips pressed together.
I placed her mug of coffee in front of her while I tried to think of something to say but nothing came to mind, but she's right, he can't keep using that same excuse every time he decides to upset her. He's been pressing on that same excuse since I can remember.
"Since coming out, I feel like he has a problem with it." Her voice slightly wavering at the thought of her brother not liking her because of something she couldn't change, my heart slightly tugging at watching her get upset.
"Honestly Leah, I have nothing to say to make you feel better," being honest instead of throwing her the usual fake sympathy like I understand what she is going through.
For most of the morning, I allowed Leah to get her frustration out making a mental note to pull Ryan up on how he's been towards her. She may be his sister, but she was also my friend. When I take her back I'll confront him and pull him up on it. If he is edging towards homophobia then I'm going to give him a good slap in the face.
After several cups of coffee and running on caffeine, I quickly got dressed to take Leah home, not giving her the option of taking a taxi or walking, I was glad though by the end of her rant and frustrations she started to feel somewhat better.
However, part of me hoped Ryan was going to be there when I drop Leah home, wanting to stir the pot that little bit more since she had been with me for a few hours and I felt like winding him up a bit. If he is going to think I'm gay then I may as well give him a reason to be suspicious.
Nothing screams being petty like sleeping with your bestfriends sister.
The drive was quiet with nothing left to say other than the goodbyes that we swapped when I pulled up outside her house, Ryan's car not on the drive much to my disappoint already knowing he was probably with his flavour of the month. Either way, it was a guarantee he would come over later on since he didn't last night, for Leah's sake I'm going to tell him to ease up on her and stop hounding the poor girl.
The rest of the day ran relatively smooth, having Amanda text me a few topic ideas we could choose and begin to concentrate on. I decided to be awkward and not say much of anything to any of the topics, leaving it all in her hands while for once I was going to lay back and have a backup plan for when this backfires.
You should always make sure you have a safety net to fall back into when all else fails.
I know I was being childish but I was still angry about the other day and now with Ryan dating their new minion just adds salt to the wound. I wasn't ready to let it go. Why should I just shrug it off and be fake happy for the preppy Barbie bitch who would never throw a hello my way if we never got partnered up? I was holding a grudge for the sake of holding a grudge. With me being me, the grudge will probably dissipate and I'll end up messaging her back properly but for now, I wanted to be annoyed.
I was annoyed about too many small things which have me feeling like its one big, huge problem, instead of sorting them out straight away, I allowed the snowball effect kick in. I was angry that once again my mum would rather work every damn day and night, disappearing from the face of the earth to send a random text here and there. I'm sick of Ryan acting like an asshole and coming up with some half-hearted excuse for why he's being petty. Then last but not least, I'm still annoyed about having her as a partner. I'm sick of her friends. No. I'm sick of Chrissy existing.
Without a knock, I heard the front door open and Ryan announcing himself with an obnoxious 'yo,' with him walking into the lounge and throwing himself into the chair near me, his eyes looking my way.
"I heard Leah dropped by this morning," getting straight to the point with one of many questions I was going to have to answer.
"She came over for a coffee." Not needing to say any more than that.
"Is that all?"
"What other reason would there be?"
"I was just wondering," he tried to shrug it off like he was only interested in my day instead of trying to interrogate me.
"What have you been up to?" turning the questions on to him and off me.
"I had work, then I went to see Catherine and now I'm here. Did Leah say anything this morning?" I couldn't help but roll my eyes his way, he knew he overstepped a line this morning unless Leah wasn't talking to him.
"Other than the fact you were a complete dick to her this morning, so let's start there. Why?" I threw out there when I turned to look at him, his jaw muscle flexing as he clenched his teeth together.
"I was only asking about her having boyfriends and now all of a sudden, she's into girls. I don't get it." His face expressionless while mine frowned at him.
"Does that really matter?" I asked back, not understanding why this has anything to do with him about who she likes.
"Well, yes. You can't be one thing and then change to something else. I heard her talking to mum this morning and I guess I snapped." His voice sounding defensive.
"Then how did any of this involve you? She was speaking to your mum, not you."
"She's my sister, I-" I cut him off when I shook my hands to indicated I've heard enough.
"Who cares, Ryan. You are making this harder for her. When she came here she was upset because of what you said, she thinks you have changed your opinion about her, give her a break." Not wanting to listen to his shitty excuses. She's the one who has stepped into uncharted waters, this is the last thing she wants.
"You don't get it," his head shaking when he focused on the T.V. "You don't understand, you don't have a younger sister." Taking a jab my way.
I let out a small scoff grabbing his attention again, "Ryan. You're the one who doesn't understand. You can gallivant around picking up whatever girl you want, sleep with whoever you want, but your sister came out hoping you'd still support her not give her shit because she's interested in girls."
"Did you know, Amanda is gay?" changing the subject onto somebody else.
"No, why does that have anything to do with Leah? In fact why bother bringing that up. Do you have a problem with gay people?" shooting the question as I wait for his answer. Not understand what Amanda has to do with this conversation. The last time I saw her with anyone it was a guy.
"Catherine told me she was." Avoiding the question completely.
"Well since we are on your current girl, she is a bitch. She is now part of the group and was with them the other day when I got punched. So don't come here talking about other people when you're fucking one of them." Having enough of this. "Just leave Ryan, I'm not listening to this anymore."
"You being serious?" he laughed incredulously, looking over at me when he realised I wasn't joking. "Fine, guess I'll see you later." He sighed and stood up shaking his head.
I let out an exasperated sigh when he left the house, slamming the door a little too hard than it was needed. He completely avoided the answer making me feel like with what he didn't say he confirmed it. And with Amanda being gay, that can't be for real, unless Catherine is trying to spread shit, even if she was who cares.
I'm just tired of everyone this week and it's only on Tuesday. I am dreading what the rest of the week is going to throw at me, with Ryan skipping over my questions it allowed me to see him in a whole new light. I guess you don't ever know someone completely until they become something you dislike.
Leah had only just come out and I know her mum and dad fully support her and love her, Ryan acting like he is, is probably making everything that much harder for her. She just wants her family to be there and love her. Not throw judgement at her, but it makes sense as to why he is always obsessing over my sexuality just because I haven't had a boyfriend in a few years. If I'm being honest, I don't have time to fit a boyfriend in and everyone who I've met is immature and so not my type. I'm happy being single while I get my school work out of the way and get my life on track. Then maybe I'll think about dating, just not right now.