When we were wintergirls

Its only a little bit of pixie dust to help me fly over this place

She was the best distraction.
When she was gone I felt empty.
I let my entire life go!
For her.
The cutting engulfed my life when she wasn't. I wanted to make her proud. It became scheduled. I cut once in the morning before school, once in the afternoon after school, and once more right before bed. After a while I began taking my blades to school with me in case she turned me away or was too in love with Kalvin to notice me.
But up until this point her behaviours were pretty safe, I personally don't think cutting is that dangerous if you know what you're doing. So she was pretty safe at this point.
Then the drugs started.
She didn't text me all weekend, I sat in my bed against the wall and rocked until the tears stopped. I didn't even know what to do with myself. When I got back to school, I was almost angry. At least until I saw her face. I melted like putty in her hands, which I was.
But then I got closer.
Closer.
Closer.
Something was wrong.
Very wrong.
Her eyes were blood shot and swollen and she was dizzy. When I said hi she ignored me. I said it again. She ignored me. I got angry again.
"Why the fuck didn't you text me all weekend?"
Oh god. I didn't mean to say it like that.
She's going to hate me now.
She laughed airily. This wasn't like her. I was scared.
"Guess what what I did this weekend?" She said, breathily. Her mouth smelled like dirty laundry.
"Wh-what?" I stuttered nervously. I was honestly terrified to find out.
"My cousins were in town, so my one cousin and I went out and she had like a ton of weed so we went out and we smoked and then we went to this store and we bought paint and ran around the parking lot painting everything and huffing it!" She told me excitedly, her eyes lighting up.
It made sense now. Weed couldn't do that much damage, it was the paint.
It felt like someone had stabbed me in the heart, because
A) she had a new friend that was more fun than me
B) I knew that once she became obsessed with something, nothing that I could possibly say would make her stop.
C) she wasn't going to need me anymore.
My heart thudded in my chest and stopped.
"What's wrong?" She asked, patronising me.
"It's just weed."