Chapter 15
The automatic doors opened in front of Chloe and a cool blast from the air conditioner kissed her cheek. Feeling goose bumps prickle along the top of her skin, she rubbed her hands over her arms in a feeble attempt to warm them.
Swallowing, Chloe forced herself to walk through those harrowing doors, nervous as hell but more determined than ever. If it hadn’t been for her, John wouldn’t be here. She, at the very least, owed his parents an apology, she told herself. And if they wanted to take charges out on her, then so be it. She was ready to accept whatever came at her.
You do the crime, and then you serve the time seemed quite fitting in this instance, she thought to herself. Chloe had been so stupid to let her own past impair some of the decisions that she made today. All because of one stupid night, one stupid party and her own selfish desire to be wanted. Chloe knew that she had been left sorely damaged after that night, beyond any normal type of repair.
No more! No more would she allow her past to rule her life. What happened back then, happened. There isn’t a damn thing that she can do about it now. All Chloe has is today and starting now, she was going to make a change.
“Excuse me Miss, do you need any help?”
Chloe stopped at the front counter, realizing she didn’t have a clue as to where to she needed to go. Looking up, there was a young woman, maybe in her mid-twenties, smiling back at her. Glancing around, she saw the signs showing the way to X-ray, Emergency and Patient rooms but from what she had heard, John was in intensive care and there was nothing showing her the direction to that area. “Um, yeah,” she said, walking up closer to the counter. “I’m looking for John Rhodes.”
The nurse nodded and turned to the computer that Chloe hadn't seen when she first walked up. It had been hidden just behind the counter. She watched her as she tapped on the keyboard and then she stopped, looking up at Chloe and frowning. “I’m sorry,” she said, “But he’s in intensive care and no visitors are allowed except immediate family members.”
“Oh.” Was all that Chloe could manage to say and then let out a ragged sigh. The young woman went back to tapping at her keyboard and knowing it was useless, she started to turn away. She had only taken three steps before she turned back around and faced her. “Ma’am?” she called out.
The nurse lifted her face up and looked at her expectantly. “Yes.”
Feeling uncomfortable, Chloe started to nervously wring her hands over and over. “Well,” she started, glancing down the empty corridor and then turning back to her, “It’s just…hmm. The ones that I really want to talk to are his parents.” She looked up at her with hope filled eyes. “Is there anyway to see if they are here?”
She frowned again but at least she seemed to be contemplating it. “It’s not really normal protocol to reveal that…"
Quickly, Chloe stepped back up to the counter. “I’ll only be a minute,” she confessed trying not to sound too needy. “I just need to tell them one thing and then I’m out of here.”
The nurse sighed and stared back down at her computer for a long minute. Shaking her head she continued to look at her computer. “I’m not supposed to do this, but…,-
Chloe held her breath when she paused and looked back up at her, “I’m going to give you ten minutes.” Pointing at her, the nurse added, “You have to promise me that you’ll come back down in ten minutes because I can get in a heap of trouble for this.”
Chloe couldn’t believe her luck. Finally, something was going her way. “I promise,” she told her. “Ten minutes should be plenty of time for me to say what I needed to say.”
“Alright.” The nurse cocked her thumb over her shoulder and pointed to a small elevator behind her. “Take that to the seventh floor. That’s the intensive care unit. You have to be buzzed in to access it. Once you get off the elevator, go to your right and about twenty feet down, you’ll see the waiting room. If they are there, then you can speak with them. If not, them I’m afraid you’ll have to come back down and try to get them some other time.”
After carefully listening to her instructions, Chloe nodded. “Got it,” she replied and offered her a small smile. “Thank you so much for doing this. You don’t know how much this means to me.”
She returned Chloe's smile with one of her own. “You look like you have something really important to say,” she commented. “Go on, and I’ll buzz you in.”
“Thank you,” she told her again and hurried past the counter to the elevator that she had indicated. Chloe was all too aware of the ten minute time limit the nurse had given her. The elevator door buzzed and then opened. Not wanting to waste any time, she rushed onto the elevator and pressed the button that lit up the number seven. The doors slowly closed and Chloe took a deep breath as the elevator dipped and then began to take its flight.
With each new floor that brought her closer, she tried to plan out the words in her head, what she was going to say, how she was going to say it. Chloe didn’t think that it would do her any good to just walk up to them and say “Hi Mr. and Mrs. Rhodes. I was the one that laced your son’s jock strap with the itching powder that caused the violent allergic reaction which put him into a coma. Just wanted to tell you I’m sorry and have a good day.”
Yeah, she thought mockingly to herself that would go over just splendidly- not!
The elevator door opened and Chloe stared straight ahead at the bright white wall in front of her. Fortifying herself, she stepped off the elevator and took the right as the woman down stairs had suggested. With careful measured strides she counted out the appropriated twenty feet that would take her to the waiting room. Gripping the door handle, Chloe took one more deep breath and opened the door, thinking ready or not, here I come.
But when she walked in, the room was empty. The waiting room was completely empty of any life whatsoever. She should have known that would be her luck. After all the preparation, the soul gathering, and the steely determination, the Rhodes weren’t even here.
She closed her eyes and leaned her head up against the wall. She wasn’t all too sure that she would have the strength to do this again. It was hard enough for her just getting here, much less facing the truth of the matter.
Frustrated with herself more than anything, Chloe pushed herself off of the wall and left the waiting room. "Might as well go home," she murmured. There was nothing here for her to see.
Slowly, she began to retrace her steps back down the hall, watching her feet as they moved, when someone’s name caught her attention. John’s name, to be exact.
She stood at the corner of an open door and listened to a woman that Chloe assumed was probably a nurse speak. “It’s so tragic,” she said, “The poor boy had some type of allergic reaction in his nether regions. He was alone when his glands began to swell and went some time without oxygen. So far, tests have been inconclusive on his level of brain activity.” Another, more feminine voice replied. “That is sad, I feel bad for his parents and that little girl that I’ve seen around, his sister I think.”
Retreating back a few steps, she didn’t want to hear anymore. She had possibly ruined this family’s life. How could she ever expect them to forgive her, especially if he never wakes up?
Chloe stopped; her back pressed against the wall and cradled her temples with her hands. How could something meant to be nothing more than a practical joke go so wrong? Her head suddenly throbbed with pain from the earlier beating that she took from John’s sister. Her chest ached for all that could be lost. She felt like the very breath in her lungs was being strangled out of her and worst of all, there was nothing that she could do about it. All Chloe could do was witness it all and live with the consequences.
The same two voices that she heard moments before grew louder again. Dropping her hands to her sides, she looked up and watched as the two women exited the room that she had been eavesdropping at.
She stared at the open door and felt this magnetic pull towards it. John was in there, she knew that- she could feel it with her very being. Chloe had come here to admit what she had done and apologize to his parents. But maybe, just maybe, she told herself, the person who deserved her apology the most was John.
Making a last second decision, Chloe started towards the room and very quietly slipped into the door. For the longest time, all she could do was stand there. Stand there and watch him. She wasn't sure what she was expecting but he just lay there, his hands by his sides, a tube in his mouth and several other wires attached to his chest. He didn’t look sick really, he just looked like he was asleep.
Finally, when she gathered up the nerve, she decided to get closer. Taking baby steps, she moved closer to the side of his bed. Once Chloe was there, the realization of it all finally hit her, fast and hard- this was her fault. John lay here in this bed because of her. The hot tears soon began to cloud her eyes, blurring her vision.
Standing there, she watched John for a good long minute. The slow, steady beep on the machines sounded rhythmic to her ears and in a strange way it calmed her. With each new beat of the machine, it reminded Chloe that he was alive. A single tear escaped, slipping down her cheek and landing on the bed right beside his hand.
Chloe continued to stand there, staring at that lonely tear that had just fallen on the bed. That one tear seemed to express everything she was feeling right then. She was feeling so alone and no matter what she did, it didn’t seem to please anyone, not even herself. She had hurt an innocent person because of her own personal insecurities.
Chloe looked back up at John and he seemed ever so peaceful. Not like the vibrant boy that she had come to know at school, but more angelic. Unable to stop herself, she lifted her hand and moved it towards the wet spot that had captured her attention. Her hand inched it's way towards that spot, lightly brushing the back of his hand.
When she felt the warm contact of his skin, a volt of electricity ran through her. Feeling this shock, she jumped and jerked her hand back to her chest wondering if there was any way that he felt it too. Chloe just didn’t want to hurt him anymore than she already had.
But then she remembered why she had come in here to begin with. Ever so slowly, she slid her hand back to the bed and gently placed it under his. This time soaking up the warmth that his large hand provided.
Letting out a slow breath, she looked at their joined hands and tried to swallow past the tennis ball sized lump that had formed in her throat. “I’m sorry, John,” she whispered, keeping her gaze fixed on their hands. “I never meant for this to happen, I didn’t think you would get hurt like this. If I could take back that night, believe me, I would. Instead, I would have gone to that stupid dance with you, and get this,” she laughed humorlessly, “I would have even saved you a dance.”
Stopping when she felt the sting of tears in the back of her lids, Chloe lifted her head and stared at the blank wall, closing her eyes. “I’m sorry,” she said again, not sure how many other ways that she could say those two words. “I’m so damn sorry.”
Sitting there, she felt something squeeze her hand. At first, Chloe thought it might be a reflex but then she looked down at his face and John’s groggy eyes were watching her. “John?” she spoke again, not quite believing what she was seeing.
He lightly squeezed her hand again.
“Oh my god!” she squealed, her voice rising in pitch, “You’re…you’re awake.”
He lifted the hand that she wasn’t holding to his mouth, feeling the tube that was there. Chloe reached for his hand and shook her head. “Don’t,” she whispered hoarsely, “You’ve been out for a while, let me get a doctor.”
She started to stand but he held onto her hand, weakly squeezing it yet again. Chloe looked up at him and their eyes met, his eyes saying everything that he couldn’t say. He didn’t want her to leave. “John, I… I have to…”
“Excuse me, who may I ask are you and why are you in my son‘s room?”
Whipping her head around, Chloe was surprised to see a small woman that, in so many ways, looked like John. She stood in the door way, her hand on her hip, looking incredulous. “I.. I..” she started and then stopped, at a total loss for words. Looking back at her Chloe finally wrangled out the two words that just mere moments before had escaped her. "He's awake!" she said as she watched her.
John's mother advanced in Chloe's direction, acting like she didn't hear her. She stiffened, not sure what to do or what to say. Hell, what was she supposed to say to her? Feeling a weak tug on her hand, Chloe turned around to see John staring back up at her again.
“I don’t care who you are, I want you out of-” the woman started, and stopped when she turned and caught a glimpse of her son, his eyes open wide. “John,” she whispered, ignoring the strange girl completely, “You…you’re awake,” she exclaimed.
He turned to catch his mother's gaze and as he did Chloe pulled her hand away from his, taking a step back so that the woman could get closer to her son. She noticed his mothers shoulders begin to shake and soon after, a strangled sob escaped her throat as she reached for his hand. Feeling more like an intruder than anything else, Chloe slowly started to back herself towards the door. Once she hit the door she pivoted and fled the room, fast walking towards the elevator.
He was awake, she reminded herself, stepping back on to the elevator. Chloe couldn‘t help but to smile at the revelation. Her life may be one humongous effed up mess but at least John was awake and hopefully, God willing, he would now be okay.