November, here and I'm still stuck on the same path. It's been almost two months, and she is still there. She is with me wherever I am, at school, practice, and home. It came to a point where I had to ask dad on how to make it stop. He responded that it would take time. I don't have time; I can't concentrate, and I have lost all focus on soccer. Coach Warren had to switch me out in the last game because I was that bad.
I'm frustrated because I keep on forgetting things, and every time I have a conversation with Lynda, I seem to lose interest. My mind drifts away to Nico. I always wonder what she is doing and where she is. When Lynda and I are at the Dinner, I gaze upon the door each time it's opened. Hope is created in my chest, begging that it would be her. But she hasn't been around for a couple of weeks now. At least we haven't crossed roads yet.
I was on the way to my grandparents, but I stopped as I saw Nico's house. Every part of me screams for me to go and knock on the door. But I have been remained seated for the past half an hour. I don't know why I'm still here. Perhaps the silence is pleasant, and it's what I need to be able to accept that I can't go there.
"Hi, number ten," I jumped in my seat and turned with my hands over my heart. My window is halfway open, and Nico is grinning at me.
"What are you doing here?" She asks, leaning on my truck as I take down the rest of the window.
"I got a bit lost," I say, not sure how to respond to her.
"I saw your truck and thought I would pay you a visit," She smiles.
"You mean, scaring me?" I tell her, offended.
"Yeah, I kinda sneaked through the trees and behind your truck," She explains, pointing down the road.
"Well, since you are lost, would you like to come inside?" She offers nicely with a small pull of her shoulders; as much as I would love to, I have to decline.
"No, thank you," I tell her lightly, and she presses her lips together, disappointed with my answer. The look on her face hurt as if someone punched me in the chest.
"But would you like to go somewhere with me?" I ask, and Nico's face lit up right away, which is captivating. How can someone like me create such a beautiful smile in someone? It might just be the most delightful thing I have ever done in my life.
I take her in as she seated herself next to me as she pulls her brown hair up in a ponytail. The dark jeans hug her long legs, but it all turned around when I saw her blue hoodie.
"What?" She asks as she noticed I was frowning.
"You can't wear that in my car," I point at her Griffits hoodie. She looks down at herself and raises her eyebrow.
"Are you serious?"
"Yes, pretty much," I tell her, at first it was a joke, but the way she reacted made it funnier to keep it going.
"I only have a t-shirt underneath, and it's cold," She crosses her arms over her chest, but I indicate that it does not matter to me.
"Fine," She muttered and pulled her hoodie off.
"Better?"
"It would have been better if you thew it out the window, but I'm not that mean," I made her laugh as she shook her head in disbelieve.
"Oh, you are mean, Wilder, it's freaking cold," She hugs herself with her arms as she is shaking.
"I have an extra hoodie in the bag," I point at the one next to her feet. She pulls it out as I started driving in the direction of our destination. It's on the way to my grandparent's house, but it's a rough way up to where we are going. I could have let Nico put her hoodie back on, but I'm a bit scared someone might see her in it. People are too nosy in this town, and I don't want anyone to know that I spend time with a rival. But she doesn't seem to mind wearing one of mine, even though it's a bit short on the sleeves.
"Where are we going?" Nico asks, seeming excited as she leans forward in her seat. She looks adorable.
"You have to wait and see," I look up to the sky, hoping the sun will remain up for the next half hour, at least.
"Fine," She leans back into the seat with a thud. I put on the blinker as I need to cross, and I start driving up the steep gravel road. Nico seems confused as she looked at me. We drive through the dark forest, through the bushes and trees along the way up.
"You sure this truck can take it?" She asks, and I nod.
"Yes, I have been here many times before," I assure her, and she raised her eyebrows playfully with a vicious smile.
"You take all your girls up here," She said, and I bite my lower lip while shaking my head. My face turned warmed. I should feel embarrassed, but I can't contain the laughter that burst out of me. That was a good one, though.
"No, I have never brought anyone here with me," I say, rubbing my eyes as tears almost came out. But then I stop the smile on my face as I thought about what Nico said.
"Why did you say that?" I wonder as I push the car the last couple of meters up the hill until we stop. Her eyes widened as she looked over the view of the town. You can see it all from here, our schools, which look a lot closer to each other, but they really aren't. I turn to Nico, who seems fascinated. Her eyes sparkle with interest as she is searching through the town, along with a bright smile.
"It's amazing," She says, and I nod.
I decided to turn the pickup truck around so we could sit in the back of it instead. Nico got cold, so I had to bring a blanket that was in my bag. She doesn't shake anymore as she is seated next to me.
"How did you find this place?" She asks, astonished.
"Oh, my dad brought me here when I was a child," I explain and breathe in the fresh cold air.
"You see that little farm there?" I point down to the left, and she leaned into me, her cheek touching my shoulder. I know she only did to see, but I still found myself stopping to breathe for a second.
"My grandparents live there," I tell her and turn to see her expression. But I switched to the side as she was too close to me.
"Oh, okay, that is not far from where I live," She smiles and won't stop gazing at me.
"No," I said quietly as I watch the sun about to settle. The sky is changing into a beautiful orange color, laying like a blanket over us. The wind is rattling through the leafless trees, but a few that remain flies through the air. An owl in the background is hooting through the evening. It's peaceful here, it always is, but it's something else when Nico is with me. It feels like the loneliness that I have been drowning in has dried up.
My eyes widened as Nico leaned her head on my shoulder, cuddling the blanket closer to herself. I should pull away, but I sort of like it. It's nice but also comforting. She kind of gives me the same feeling when I play soccer. There are a lot of nerves dancing around my body. It makes my hands shake, and it's hard to breathe as I am so nervous. But once I have found my place, it's exciting, and the adrenaline is pumping through my veins.
The most crucial part is that nothing else matters, except what happens at that moment. Thoughts that always worry me have drifted away. Switched into the focus of something else, someone else. Lynda is right; I am into too deep. I'm so far down at the bottom that I can't even see the surface anymore.
"Are you okay?" Nico asks as she raised herself, and I missed her right away.
"Yeah," I clear my throat as she stands up with the blanket around her. She jumped off the truck and stare down at the town below us. The darkness lit up with lights from every corner. I pushed myself forward and sit at the edge, wondering what she is thinking about right now. Then she faces me with a smile and finds her way slowly over to me. Her eyes glancing me all over as if there was something she wanted to say, perhaps ask. But instead, she took another step closer. Then placed her hands on each side of my legs on the truck.
I automatically leaned back from how near she was, but I stopped myself. She looks me right into the eyes, and a crooked smile appears on her lips. I take a deep low breath of how that made me feel. It's almost as if my heart was bouncing from side to side in there. Slowly she comes closer, resting her forehead on mine.
She looked down at my mouth quickly before we met eyes again. It felt almost like it was a question, asking if she would be allowed to cross that line. A line that I have built and maintained for a couple of months now. Was it a success? Defiantly not. Have I failed? Definitely, and how can I not. She is the most beautiful person I have ever encountered.
No one has made me feel the way I do when I'm around her. It's happiness, but a different kind, the type that should probably not exists because it's so powerful to the point where I have no control over anything, including myself. How can someone make you so defenseless and so weak? Nico is right, I have a weakness, and she is standing right in front of me.
Slowly she leaned forward to lay her lips onto mine. She is so warm and soft, as I have dreamed about for a while now. It feels more like an eternity I have waited for this to happen. I placed my hands onto her cheeks to pull her closer, lips wet and sweet as I taste her, and it's like I am drifting on a cloud far, far away from here.
How did I manage to keep myself away for so long? It's unbelievable. Nico smiles as she pulls back from me. Dazed, we both meet eyes, not sure what had happened or what struck us. There are so many emotions spinning in the air. It's overwhelming, but it feels incredible.
Nico places her hand on the side of my neck and brushes her thumb over my bottom lip. She seems lost in her thoughts as she isn't stopping, but the faraway look in her eyes is exceptional. I have never seen such a look on her before. It's almost as if she can't comprehend what just happened between us.
"Nico?" I whisper her name to capture her attention; me mentioning her name made her smile brighter than the sun could ever shine.
"Yes?" She answers. Nico trailed her fingers onto my cheek as if there was a path to follow on my skin.
"Are you okay?" I'm not sure where she is at this very moment or what she is feeling.
"Yeah," She answers quietly, but I'm a bit worried as she won't meet my eyes, just gazing along with the movement of her fingers on my cheek.
"What are you thinking about?" I question, but now she stares into my eyes.
"You," She smiles.
"Okay," I say slowly because she didn't really give me the answer I wanted, but she made my cheeks turn red, though. I grab both of her hands into mine and hold her close.
"Nico, I need you to talk to me because I have no idea what is going on in your head," I tell her, frustrated, and it made her chuckle at me.
"Do you know that when you smile, you get this dimple right there," She placed her fingertip on the right side of my cheek.
"At first, I thought your eyes were blue, but they are grey. It depends on the light because when the sun is shining, they turn a bit blueish," Nico's words left me motionless.
"And you are so light on your feet; you move so gracefully. The same way you do when you play soccer. It's amazing to watch you play," She narrowed her eyes now and looked away from me.
"I barely know you, but I feel like I need to. You pulled me in, and I can't seem to pull myself out," She explains, and I nod because I feel just the same way. At first, I thought she had regretted that we kissed, but knowing that she noticed such tiny details about me is something out of the ordinary.
"I like you, Wilder, more than I can explain, but I also know that us together is most likely our doom," She said sadly.
"But I can't seem to stay away," Her words took my gaze as I understand the pain. Because I also have tried, and I failed miserably.
"I don't know what to do," She sighs defeated and leans her forehead onto mine, staring into my eyes, hoping I have an answer for her.
"I think we have two options," I tell her, and it seems to bring some light into her eyes.
"We could end this right now and try to go back to our regular life," I swallowed hard by those heavy words. Because I know I can't possibly do that.
"Or?" She asks impatiently for the second option.
"Or, we can try and hide it," I say carefully, not to step on her toes.
"What if we get caught?" She asks worriedly.
"That is a possibility," I say, unfortunately, and she nods as she looks over town again. For a while, I waited for her to turn back to me, and when she does, it's not a good sight.
"Then we should end it,"