Sidharth
"Hold her tight sometimes
For no reason at all
And if she asks why
Hold her tighter
Keep holding her until
She is in the moment
With you and the why
Of it all has faded into
Nothingness"
You know when you have your first ever date? The nervousness, butterflies, anticipation or even just the body language and constant look arounds? Or perhaps the crimson lining your cheeks? Or even the urge to boast about the complete goddess you'd brought along?
Yeah well, I, Sidharth Ashok Shukla, was feeling all of that on a date far from my first. Weird? Definitely. I couldnt seem to keep still, my leg bouncing constantly under the table as I fiddled with my hands every now and then. She sat in front of me completely calm, the only clue towards how she was feeling were the shaky hands or sudden loss of words. The both of us seemed to have thrown this much too out of proportion. I'd never really liked coffee, not the type of person but right now I sat, midst the commotion of the public in the lobby of the cafe sipping on something she'd ordered. I like it too, much more than usual coffee's. She'd said I would. She lets out an almost silent mewl taking another bite into the sandwich she'd ordered. I'd already finished mine, the hastily eating another reason I hated eating out. "Sidharth schiii mein bohut yummy hai yeh, try kr na ek baar? Tune vaise bhi itna thoda sa khaya hai, kha le na please?" She said breaking the silence hosting our table. I shook my head yet gave in the moment her whiny eyes and pout made way to her face, the contradicting giggles following right behind.
I drop her off at Kens, half wishing I could take her shopping myself. I wanted myself to be the one to show her around but I knew better than to keep her locked until I had time for the same. I sat back relaxing in my seat having reached the location earlier than I needed to. I call up Kaushal like I'd promised a while earlier. He seemingly had a few other projects we were supposed to do together. The first one being the Mirchi awards. I agreed almost instantly telling him to leave it to me to tell her. The agreement was influenced by knowing how much she wanted to be on stage. She'd said it so many times in the house, talking about shows she'd watched and wanted to take part in herself. Dancing seemed to be another one of her usuals. Mostly everything did. She could sing, act, mimic, and very obviously dance too. An all in one. That did nothing but make me more insecure. I was successful no doubt but the potential she had was something I didn't want to restrict by bounding her to my life. She could get offers I may not like seeing her do and knowing her and what she'd done just a few days ago... she'd leave the role. A career she fought at home to build would be at risk because of me. I sighed moving into the shoot location, I didn't need more insecurities than I already had.
I head home a innumerable hours later, being scheduled for a quick interview right after the photoshoot wasnt what I'd expected initially. I didn't know about it until having to give the interview halfway home. Ken had called a while earlier saying he'd dropped Shehnaaz back at the building and that her phone was dead, hence why I wasn't getting a response. I'd thought she found something to piss her off, perhaps having met someone who meant no good. I head upstairs finding her right where I expected. Riya and her sat on the sofa munching on a bunch of foods that lay in front of them whilst watching episodes from our own season. I winced seeing the one they'd chosen. She looked so damn good in that blue and gold suit I was planned to match. Well that was before the entire stupid fight. One she didn't even know the base of. I look away not liking how exactly broken she looked on screen as I clarified the Arti matter. I hated myself for not noticing back then. I shouldnt have said all that. I walk in taking a seat beside her, passing Riya a quick smile. "Itna late kaise ho gya?" Shehnaaz hummed, eyes still fixed on the screen as she rested her head against the arm I'd put around her shoulder. "Untimed interview schedule krdiya tha, dena prha nhi toh faltu mein unproffesional lgta.Aur yeh kyun dekh rahe ho tum dono?"
"Maine lgaya, woh Sanu ko chair tootne wala scene dikhana tha" Riya mumble a smug smirk lying against her cheeks.
"Abey yaar, abhi tu mat shuru ho ja, subah se 3 log puch chuke hai mujhe ki kursi kaise tooti? Mtlb hadd hai, toot gyi toh toot gyi na, kaise kya hota hai?" I reply knowing within that neither of them were stupid enough to fall for my response. Neither were the fans who'd apparently had that trend the night of the episode. They knew what exactly happened. The point the other two significant fandoms were trying to prove as a delusion was as real as it could possibly be. I mean of course it was, there was no science to it. I wasnt weirdly fond of breaking chairs, it wasnt a normality either. "Sidharth pr sachi mein bol na, kursi kaise tooti?" Shehnaaz giggled passing me a questioning look. I hit her head playfully continuing to look anywhere but the screen. We walk back to my own flat, hand in hand after a quick dinner. With the number of bags she held, I knew for a fact I had a lot of pending shopping stories to listen to. She dropped the bags on the floor landing on the sofa herself. "Kya hua moti baby? Itna thak gyi?" I chuckle sitting down beside her after putting away my keys and wallet.
S - "Bohuttt, Ken ne itna shops ghuma ghuma k paagal krdiya mujhe. Pr kapre bhi itne ache the fir mere se ruka hi nhi gya, Baaz aur baaki sab k liye bhi liya maine bohut kuch, uss ke paas bhi gye thoda time hum log"
I sit down beside her listening to the ongoing talk of shopping. She turned continuing to tell the stories whilst laying her feet in my lap, taking a quick sigh as I let my hands rub them subconsciously. "I love you, please dba de ache se" she chimed flashing a smile up at me. I chuckle yet again realizing how truly herself she'd been in a game show. The antics I was completely in love with were just as true as herself and that seemingly made me fall deeper. I continue lightly pressing her feet, listening keenly to all she had to say. "Acha sun, abhi gifts khole tere? Ya aaj bhi aise hi chhodne hai?" I ask slightly tugging her feet.
S - "Main toh bhul hi gyi thi hye rabba! Chal abhi kholte hai fir tujhe sab kuch dikhaungi, tere liye bhi liya maine kuch."
She moves hastily sitting on the floor beside both the bags and the box we'd left half open for longer than we should've. I move sitting beside her unwrapping the immense amounts of love both her and our fans had sent. The framed pictures, the little gift boxes and the messages pasted on them making my own heart swell. "Sidharthhhh yeh dekh kitni cute hai na sab pictures? Kitne ache lgg rahe hai hum dono... tu toh schi mein ghar le aa mujhe apne" she chimed remembering the "drunk" conversation we'd had in the initial days of the house. I laugh myself too, remembering the entirety of the conversation. I take the picture from her hand admiring how good we really did look ... together. There were more pictures too, ones I admired just as much as I did our first snapped picture. The one I had still packed away in my closet. "Bebu? Sun na, abhi ek picture le ke post karein? Hum dono ki? Pleasee? Fans khush ho jayenge" Shehnaaz suggested breaking my trance.
Si - "Nhi baby bas is sab ki picture leke post krde, woh issi mein khush ho jayenge."
S - "Tujhe problem hai mere saath picture lene se? Finale party mein bhi sab k saath li bas mujhe chhod kr. Mere saath post krdeta toh shaadi nhi krva dete woh humari.. har baar mood khrab krva lo isse"
I pull her back, landing her in my lap as she begins to walk away. "Pagal hai bey tu? Huh bol pagal hai? Maine bola ki problem hai? Bola maine? Tere lgne pe duniya kyun chalti hai teri?" I ask baffled at the made up thoughts she was thinking. None of which were true. The only reason we had no picture was because she'd left without even congratulating me properly. I'd waited the entire time, looking for her even as I went to cut the cake. I wanted her beside me but she hadnt even left that as an option. "Tune kyun mnna kiya fir?" She asked, her wide eyes staring up with doubt now replaced with innocence. "Abhi aise nhi daal skte na baby? Mere ghar se? Mujhe tere yaha hone se problem nhi hai, family ko bhi nhi hai pr bahar sab logo ke apne apne perspectives hai. Yeh sab daalne se mnna kiya teko? Nhi na? Problem hoti toh krta. Aur party ki baat mat hi kr tu. Tere bhoot ke saath photo khichwata? Tu toh chali gyi thi bina btaye" I explain keeping my tone soft knowing she'd get further pissed off if I used a rough tone on her. "Woh bhi teri glti thi, tujhe mere saath mein jaana chahiye tha, woh teri ex aur Arti aur Mahira aise chipak rahe the jaise tere pe sona lgga ho free ka. Mtlb jeet gya toh post daal kr pyaar lelo, itna hi tha toh andar kyun itna sab bhonka tha tere baare mein." She complained wrapping her hands around my neck as she settled herself flush against me.
Si - "Hogya na abhi? Uske baad baat ki maine un se? Nhi na? Tujhe bola tha us ghar mein koi rishta nhi hai mera, tere saath tha, hai aur rahega."
She giggled holding me tighter before getting up emptying the bags on the floor to show me the dresses and the rest of the clothes she'd bought. The night suits she'd brought me were a lot like a few she'd bought herself, print with calming shades of blue and white. She took the next hour folding them back up before beginning to upload pictures of the gifts she'd received. I sat atop the sofa reading through the interview I'd given just a few hours back. I hated being asked about Shehnaaz slapping me. That was a topic for the both of us, a personal relationship and personal limits. That was in no way meant to be compared with what happened with Asim. I scrolled through a few more, moving to twitter to see a havoc. I groaned closing the screen running my hands through my hair tugging slightly as I let out a sigh. PR games really would take the most of what I'd earned. The entire good mood I'd kept up all day today vanished in a simple second. Just like always. Social media had barely grown over the Shilpa article and now they wanted to worsen it. The fixed winner articles filling all the tweets on my timeline. Why on earth was this even a topic? I throw my phone on the floor seemingly catching the attention of Shehnaaz who'd moved into the room. "Bebu? Kya hua? Phone kyun fek diya tune?" She questioned unknown to the irritation I was currently feeling. "Shehnaaz abhi nhi please" I sigh leaning back into my seat. The hoarse tone I knew wouldnt work well with her however I had nothing left in me to calm down.
S - "Hua kya hai lekin? Abhi toh theek tha na? Kya hogya?"
"Maine bola na Shehnaaz? Abhi mat kr please, 2 minute akela rehne de mujhe" I murmur clenching my fists to keep my voice low. She huffed picking up the phone from the floor reading through what was displayed on the screen. "Fixed winner?" She whispered considerably to herself more than me.
Shehnaaz POV :
S - "Is mein kyun irritate ho raha hai Sidharth? Itna overreact mat kr, normal hai na yeh toh?"
"Nhi smjh mein aa raha toh chhod de na? Har cheez mein part lena zaroori nhi hai. Nhi pasand mujhe bematlab ki negative publicity, nhi hai normal mere liye. Social media mein kal se pehle hi gandh bhara hua hai aur ab yeh alag se- Upr se reporters ko bhi chain nhi hai, professional life k ilawa sab kuch jaan na hai unhe, dimag kharab krdiya hai subah se ab tu mat sada please 2 minute rehnde mujhe chain se"
"Maine nhi kaha na kisi ko kuch bhi puchne ya likhne ko? Mere pe kyun gussa kr raha hai?" I complain frowning as I made way onto the dark kitchen restraining from switching on the light. I was very obviously annoyed by him bursting on me for no reason. He himself was the one who'd said all this was common back in the house, giving me examples of how even one person loving you was enough. I walk into the kitchen grabbing a quick drink of water heading to the table. I let myself fall into the train of thoughts losing focus of where I was headed until I walk into a chair dropping the half full glass on my foot. I sigh taking a step to grab a paper towel, stepping into a piece of the broken glass, hissing as it dug into my foot. I murmur a couple curses to myself in my mind. I limp back into the kitchen holding paper against the cut trying my best to find a first aid box before I did anything else to it. "Shit.." I whisper under my breath hearing him inch towards where I was, switching on all the lights I hadnt. Blood filled the small tissue I held against the base of my foot. He hissed kneeling beside me, hastily pushing me into the chair seat as he rushed to clean the floor, grabbing the first aid box I was looking for on his way back.
(Shehnaaz POV end)
Si - "Dimaag kaha chhod k aati hai tu? Owl hai? Andhere mein dikhta hai teko?"
S - "Tu rehne de main kr lungi, jaa tu baith ja-"
"Chup chap baithi reh abhi, dekhliya kya kiya tune ek minute attention kahi aur gaya toh. Bachon jaise harkat krti hai humesha. Lights on krne mein kya jaata?" I mumble wincing as blood continued to she'd through her foot.
S - "Sorry... maine aur preshaan krdiya na teko? Tu pehle hi tensed tha aur-"
Si - "tensed kisi aur wajah se tha, tere se nhi. Sorry bolne ki koi zaroorat nhi hai, koi bhi tension ki wajah se tujhe aise hi zakhmi nhi chhod dunga. Intentionally gussa nhi nikaal na tha tere pe."
"Pta hai.. pr tu control kiya kr na? Aise hr article pe tension lega toh kaise chalega? Nhi acha lgta mujhe jab tu faltu mein stress leta hai." She said in a hushed tone, wincing as I put the gel onto her cut, wrapping it up a second later. I pull her into a quick hug kissing the top of her head. "Tu change hogyi hai bahar aa kr, ghar mein aise gusse mein jaane ko bolta toh hug kr ke calm krti, abhi bola toh khud gussa ho kr chali gyi?" I say voicing the want for what I'd wanted in a way that was anything but direct. She let out a soft laugh hugging me tighter, "toh kya aise jhappi daalun?" She questioned pulling her head back a bit. I hum putting my chin against her head, "acha lgta hai mujhe" I disclose letting a blissful smile spread across my face as she tightened her hold.
"I love you" she reverted holding me just as tight, the soft of her lips brushing against my neck.