When I walked outside it was sprinkling but the weather wasn't what was making me shiver at the moment. It was the way Darius was looking at me as I approached his car and the smile he gave me as he held the door open for me.
"Thank you," I said. I got in the passenger seat and put on my seatbelt. He already had the car running so it was warm inside. "So, where are we getting pancakes at?"
"I was thinking this place by my house it's not that far," Darius said as he began driving.
"Will we make it back in time?"
"We should. Why? You gone turn into a pumpkin or something if I don't have you back at a certain time?"
I snorted.
"Maybe," I said. "But seriously I have to be back before brunch."
"Don't worry." Darius didn't question my urgency although I could tell he was curious on why I was in a rush. The car was silent but not awkward. I cleared my throat anyways.
"How are your classes going?" I asked.
"Alright," Darius responded. "I'm not doing the best in chemistry." Darius glanced at me and I don't know why but I found myself blushing.
"You should get a tutor grades are important especially since you're an athlete."
"Maybe I should. You offering?"
"No, I'm barely passing it."
"We should help each other then."
"I'll see."
Eventually Darius pulled into the parking lot of a diner. We got out of the car and walked inside. It wasn't that busy so the hostess quickly led us to an available booth. I looked around the diner making sure there were no familiar faces. Other than my anxiety about the potential of Jay finding out I was here, I found myself quite relaxed around Darius. It felt good to be comfortable and not have to watch what I say or do.
"How many girls do you take to get pancakes?" I asked after a waitress took our orders.
Darius chuckled and smiled.
"Not many," he said. "I mean I get my fair share of females but I only bring the special ones here."
I let out a nervous laugh.
"How are you and Jay?" Darius asked.
"Um we're fine," I said. I wasn't prepared for this topic.
"Is your arm healing good?"
"Yeah, hopefully it will be off by my birthday in a few weeks."
"Oh really your birthday coming up? I gotta remember to get you something."
"You don't have to do that. Plus, my birthday is during winter break so it's not like we'll see each other."
"Damn you don't even want to hang out? I'm hurt."
I laughed.
"I think Jay wants me all to himself."
"I'm sure he does his jealous ass. Does he know you're here with me?"
I shook my head violently.
"No he doesn't and please don't tell him," I said.
"Woah, chill," Darius said holding his hands up.
My face probably looked crazed and fearful so I quickly relaxed.
"I just don't want any tension between you two..." I trailed off.
"Is that why you want to be back before brunch so he doesn't find out?"
I nodded.
"Alright, don't worry," Darius said.
Our waitress came to our table holding a tray with our plates of food. She placed mine in front of me and I didn't realize how hungry I was until my stomach growled instinctively. I had ordered hash browns and a stack of three pancakes with strawberries and whipped cream. I immediately poured warm syrup on them and started eating.
"What I tell you?" Darius said with a grin.
I rolled my eyes but smiled back.
"I still like waffles better but these are good," I said.
"Alright so you like waffles, cheerleading, what else should I know about you?" Darius asked.
"Why do you want to know me so bad?"
Darius didn't answer me right away. He drank some of his orange juice and it appeared his hand was shaking but I could have just been seeing things.
"I like you," he said finally. "You a cool person."
"Oh," I said. I knew of this already but was still shocked to hear it come from his mouth.
"I know you're with Jay and all but I got feelings for you. I've been had them since I met you on the bus."
I slowly swallowed the forkful of pancakes that had been sitting in my mouth for a while. I was trying to process what he'd just said. It seemed like everyone was finally admitting things today. Chantel and now Darius.
"Thank you for being honest," I said. "But I'm with Jay."
"I know that, but I just had to let you know."
"Who else knows?"
"Probably everyone on the team to be honest."
"Even Jay?"
"Hell no. At least I hope not he probably has his suspicions though."
"And you're okay with liking your best friend's girlfriend?"
"It's not like he treats you right. You need to be with somebody who will like me."
"I appreciate that but I'm in love with Jay."
"I know and I respect that but I'll always be an option if you change your mind."
I glanced at my phone.
"Shit, we need to leave now," I said. "Second period ends in like twenty minutes."
"Alright," Darius said. His demeanor seemed a lot different from earlier but I was more worried about getting back to school on time.
After getting the bill paid Darius and I headed back to his car. We drove back to school in silence.
***
We made it back on campus just as the bell rang. I didn't even say bye to Darius I just rushed back into the school building speed walking, practically running. My arm made the task difficult, but I made it to my class. I was out of breath and I saw Jay approaching me. By the time he got to me my breathing had slowed down and I smiled trying to hide any sign of suspicion. Jay smiled back which relieved me.
"Hey, handsome," I said. I stood on my tip-toes and kissed him.
"You ready to go?" Jay asked.
"Yes."
"Where's your backpack?"
"Huh?" I patted my shoulder and froze when I didn't feel the familiar strap wrapped around it. I had been in such a rush that I left it in Darius's car.
"I put it in my locker," I said.
"Let's go get it then," Jay said. He took my hand and started to pull me in the direction of my locker.
"I don't need it, babe," I said. "I'll get it later let's just go."
"You sure?"
"Yeah."
Jay nodded and I let out a silent sigh of relief. We walked outside to the student parking lot where a few people were lingering. I spotted Darius sitting in the passenger seat of his car with the door open, my backpack was sitting right underneath the glove compartment. My stomach twisted as my nerves began settling in. Jay walked over to him and his group of friends to talk.
"What ya'll getting into?" Darius asked us.
"We about to go to my place, don't feel like being at school," Jay said.
"I feel it." Darius glanced at me and I looked down.
"We should go before brunch is over," I said to Jay.
"Yeah, we should."
Darius stood up to fist bump Jay and I caught Jay's eyes land on my backpack. My body instantly began shaking.
"What the hell is your backpack doing in there?" Jay asked. Even though he was asking me the question his gaze was on Darius who looked worried.
"I don't know," I said. Maybe I could get out of this one by playing dumb. It could've been any girl's backpack; I wasn't the only one at this school with one.
"What you mean you don't know?" Jay's voice was getting loud and I saw a few heads turn in our direction.
"Man, relax," Darius said. "How you know that's her backpack?"
"Don't try to make me seem dumb. You were with my girl or something? Just be honest."
I looked at Darius and gave him a pleading look just as Jay turned to look at me. He nodded and I saw "the look". The one where his eyes got distant and dark, his face got cold and his fist curling up. The look that sent pure fear in me. I expected whatever punch he wanted to throw was going to be aimed at Darius but to my surprise and everyone else who was around, it went in my direction. Jay struck me on the side of my head causing me to lose my balance and fall to the ground.
"What the fuck is your problem?" I heard Darius yell.
When I looked up I saw a few people looking over at me in shock but I also saw some people look away. Most of those looking away were Jay's close friends or people who knew him, but I didn't expect them to just dismiss the fact that I got hit.
"I didn't have a problem but you just started one," Jay said.
The bell rang and I was still on the ground too embarrassed to even stand. As everyone who was in the parking lot headed back inside the school building, I caught a few of them looking down at me with concern but otherwise they kept walking. It wasn't their business that I'd gotten hit but it made me feel helpless that no one was willing to help me. No one even attempted to go get help. I sniffed and used all my strength to stand back up.
"Amore, are you okay?" Darius asked.
"Why are you talking to her?" Jay asked. "Mind your business and get the fuck out of here before I knock you out too."
"Nigga, I'm not scared of you. You hit a girl, I see you as nothing but a bitch now."
Jay looked ready to fight but was interrupted by Ms. Brown, one of the school patrol monitors pulling up in her golf cart.
"All ya'll need to get to class or I'll gladly hand out some detention slips," she said.
Without arguing, Darius put his backpack over his shoulder. He grabbed mine from his car and held it out to me but Jay snatched it from his hand. Darius proceeded to go into the school and Jay and I followed. Once we were all in the building I heard Ms. Brown drive off in her cart. The coast was clear for Jay and he immediately grabbed me by my hair and slammed me into a nearby row of lockers. My injured arm banged against a locker and a stinging pain shot up it. A stream of tears went down my cheeks which annoyed Jay.
"Stop crying," he snapped.
His words only made me cry harder and he got close to me pushing me against a locker.
"Do you want a black eye again?" he asked me.
I shook my head.
"Then shut up."
I took some deep breaths trying to control myself. By now all I was doing was sniffling.
"See what you make me do?" Jay said. "You just like to piss me off, fuck other guys and cry."
"I-I don't fuck other guys," I said between my sniffling.
"You think I'm stupid? Why were you with Darius today?"
"He wanted to hang out with me as a friend."
"You better not ever do that again. You make me look like a dumbass. You act like a hoe, dress like one and expect me not to get upset."
I didn't say anything and just wiped my face.
"I don't even want to be near you," Jay said.
That was fine by me. Jay dropped my backpack on the floor and I had to bend down to pick it up. When I had it on, Jay roughly grabbed my hand and we walked to my class down the hall. Jay watched me walk in and even when I was in my seat I could feel he was still outside. Waiting.
***
I was grateful when school finally ended. Other than a few looks I received I felt the incident that happened was just another rumor people chose to forget about. I heard some people whispering about it in several classes, but now that the day was over it had been completely forgotten. Only a small group had been in the parking lot and surprisingly no one had spread the word around. I was guessing it was because Jay was the most popular guy in school and no one wanted to risk bad mouthing him. I also doubted anyone would believe what went down since he was seen as nothing but a charming, popular athlete who could do no wrong. I was sort of thankful no one was gossiping about it and I was old news because it seemed Chris was oblivious at lunch. I didn't have any energy to deal with his questions and potential anger if he found out Jay had punched me.
Our school team didn't make it to the football championship so Jay no longer had practices which meant I was stuck with him after school. I was surprised he hadn't been mad we'd lost last game, but he was probably happy I'd be in his sight even more now. When we got to his house all he wanted to do was have sex with me. It no longer felt intimate and I found myself feeling sad and used. Then again, it put him in a better mood and I was able to temporarily avoid any outbursts.
I sighed. This had gone too far. Why was I still here?
"What's wrong?" Jay asked me. We were now in the living room and Jay was holding me.
"Nothing," I said.
"I didn't mean to hurt you earlier. I get jealous."
"You always apologize. It's getting old."
"I won't do it again. I mean it."
"Jay-"
There was a hard knock on the front door. Jay stood up and walked over to the door. He looked into the peephole and his body got stiff.
"Who is it?" I asked.
Jay turned around and narrowed his eyes.
"Your brother is here," he said.
"I didn't invite him," I said quickly before he could accuse me of anything.
"He looks mad. What did you tell him?"
"Nothing!"
The knocking persisted and sounded more like banging now. I didn't know what Chris was doing here but I had a feeling it wasn't going to be good.