As always i was woken up by a nurse who brought me breakfast and my meds.
What was differnt this morning was that Michael came to check on me instead of Calum
"Theres my little troublemaker." Michael said as he walked into my room.
"You heard about us sneaking out?" I said as i stretched.
He nodded with a smile. "You guys are celebrities."
I laughed when he said that.
"Is Calum in surgery?"
Michael only visited me when Calum had a surgery. He was kinda like my backup doctor.
He nodded as he inspected my chart. "Yes he'll be done in an hour or two."
"You seems to doing okay." He said after he had checked my vitals.
"Do you also feel okay?"
I shrugged. "I feel alright."
He noticed the flyer for the talent show on the wall.
"Are you going to participate?" He aksed poiting to it.
"River wants me to sing while he plays the guitar but i don't even know if i can sing."
"Let's hear something and then we decide if you can or can't."
"What am i supposed to sing?" I aksed nervously.
He shrugged. "Anything that you want."
"Give me a song and I'll try to sing it."
He grabbed his phone to search for a song.
"Here try this one." He said as he handed me his phone.
They song that he had chosen was complicated by Avril Lavigne.
"Are you sure?" I asked him.
He nodded. "It's an easy song to sing and it sounds good.
I cleared my troat and started singing.
I only dared to sing half of the song because i didn't really think that it sounded that good.
"Damm Kate do you have any other secret talents i should know about?" Michael asked.
"Did it sound alright?"
"Of course it did. You sounded amazing. The only thing that is stopping you is lack of confidence in singing."
I sighed and looked down. "I don't think this is a good idea."
He genlty lifted my chin. "It definitely is. I'll help you improve your singing skills."
"You can sing?"
He smiled proudly as he nodded. "I used to be in a band back in highschool."
I laughed a little. "I don't believe that."
"I'll proof it some other time to you. But right now you should go to River and tell that you're joining that competition."
I smiled and thanked him.
I walked to River's room to let him know that i wanted to join the talent showwith him. I was so excited to do so that i was basically running.
I was about to enter his room but stopped myself when i heard voices coming from his room.
I layed my ear on the door so i could what they were talking about.
"I'm done for." River cried out.
"Please don't say this. We both knew that this was inevitable. " A female voice spoke.
I accidentally leaned against the doorhandle causing it to fly open. I fell on the ground as i heard nothing but silence.
I quickly stood up and tried to hide my embarrassment. "I'm sorry. I was just about to knock but uhm...yeah."
River's mother smiled at me. "It's okay. I think it's best if you talk to River. You can probably cheer him up better than i can."
Before i could say anything else the mother had left the room.
I awkwardly turned to River who was sitting on his bed with his back to me.
"What were you guys talking about?" I asked him.
"Surgery."
"What kind of surgery?"
"They're going to amputate my leg."
"Why?"
He shrugged. "They had to sooner or later."
I could tell that he didn't want to talk about it so i tried to cheer him up instead.
"Well atleast you don't have to worry about wearing two different socks."
He didn't laugh or say anything so i continued.
"Mabye you get to keep it and you can scare people with it."
This made him turn around with an angry look on his face "It's not a fucking joke Kate. Stop being such a bitch."
"Jeez I'm just trying to help you."
"No you're not. You don't even think about the things you say to other people."
"What's that supposed to mean?" I asked offened.
"You're hurting people with the insensitive shit you always say. That's why you don't have any real connection with people."
"Don't try to play a fucking therapist." I said slightly angry.
"Don't have to be one to see that you're just a coldharded bitch who's not even sick."
"You don't think that i feel sick every second of the godamm day."
He laughed. "Fuck you. You don't have the right to lie like that. You can't even begin to image in how much pain i am. You and your little pathetic disease."
"Why would you say that? It's not a fucking competion!"
"It is to you apparently!" He yelled back.
I took a step back as i was surprised by the things he was saying.
"Why are you saying all these things to me." I said with tears in my eyes.
"Because I'm in fucking pain and it hurts to see you running around like that. You don't deserve to feel that well. "
I was absolutely speechless.
"You don't even want to get better so why should you! You're like a godamm leech who is sucking the happiness out of people." He yelled at me.
"River stop it. You don't mean it." I said as i slowy stepped back.
He shook his head as he was crying. "I mean it Kate. I really do."
"Fuck you River." I whispered to him before i ran out of room.
Why was it so goddam easy to believe the words he had said?
I ran to my room and slammed the door shut behind me. I didn't ask to be here and i definitely didn't aksed to be cured.
I grabbed the scale and trew it against the wall. I destroyed every one who was close to me. I didn't deserve to be here.
The scale shattered into a million pieces which caused a lot of noice.
I quickly ran to the door and put my chair infornt of it. I didn't want anyone to come in.
I grabbed a piece of glass and held tightly on to it. I didn't want to hurt myself but a part if me was telling that i deserved it and that it needed to be done.
I cried as the glass cut into my hand.
"Kate are you okay?"Calum said as he knocked on the door.
I ignored him and let the glass slide across my thigh.
"Kate open this door!" Calum said panicked.
Not even a second later i heard a loud bang as the door swang open.
It felt as everything was happening in slow motion.
Calum ran to me and took the glass from me. He fall to the floor and hugged me as thight as possible.
I cried into his chest as i was fighting to urge to pass out.
"You're going to be okay." Calum whispered into my ear.
I shook my head. "I don't want to. I don't deserve to be."
He didn't answer me. He slowly rocked me back and forth as he stroked my hair. His silence made me slowy calm down.
"I don't want to be here." I whispered to him before i felt myself pass out.