Miss Americana & The Heartbre...

By mochacherie

688K 27.3K 20.1K

'Pranks and Perverts and Padfoot, oh my!' Meet Kelsey 'Kelpie' Jones: Miss Americana, Comic lover and the Hu... More

1. I Knew You Were Trouble
2. I Did Something Bad
3. Mean
4. So It Goes...
5. "You play stupid games, you win stupid prizes"
6. mad woman
7. This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things
8. ...Ready For It?
10. Call It What You Want
11. The Man
12. Never Grow Up
13. Innocent
14. It's Nice to Have a Friend
15. You Need To Calm Down
16. Breathless
17. Treacherous
18. If This Was A Movie
19. hoax
20. Don't Blame Me
21. Superman
22. Sweeter Than Fiction
23. Enchanted
24. Jump Then Fall
25. epiphany
26. I Almost Do
27. The Moment I Knew
28. Delicate
29. How You Get the Girl
30. Lover
31. illicit affairs
32. Everything Has Changed
33. The Archer
34. New Romantics
35. dorothea
36. Only The Young
37. Mine
38. Speak Now
39. Tell Me Why
40. no body, no crime
41. exile
42. the lakes
43. Fearless
44. Eyes Open
45. Out of the Woods
46. We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together
47. Mary's Song (Oh My My My)
48. the last great american dynasty
49. Love Story
50. The Story of Us (Epilogue)

9. Look What You Made Me Do

16K 653 123
By mochacherie


September 5, 1977

"Our baby's all grown up," Theo Jones exclaimed, wiping a fake tear off his cheek at Kelsey's pre-seventh year party. A party that consisted of her and her parents.

"Senior year! Woo!" her mom shouted, emulating her enthusiasm for what she thought would be a senior year experience like her own in high school. Amelia Jones waved the punk rock-and-roll hand sign.

It was almost as if Kelsey was the sole parent here.

"What the fu-" Kelsey stopped herself before finishing that sentence. "Mum! It's my seventh year. Not senior year! I've been telling you that since my fourth year!" Kelsey complained.

"Was that your freshman year?" her mother asked.

"I think so, dear," her father confirmed.

"Oh, these Brits! You just never know with them. Dealing with primary was bad enough when you were a kid. Anyway- just don't go too crazy having fun. I know it's senior year but still," her mum wagged a finger at her. 

On the second day of classes, Kelsey woke up at 5 am after recalling this scene. She never woke up this early. As much as her parents had insisted she enjoy her last year, she doubted they meant waking up at 5 am to prank Sirius Black. Which is exactly what she was doing right now.

But as established before, Kelsey had a plan. Several parts of a plan actually - that she had spent summer perfecting. Much of which included mastering charms and spells. It's a good thing she turned seventeen before school started. 

Haha, suck it, Black! Kelsey thought to herself as she threw on some clothes quietly. In the bed next to hers, Astrid stirred but didn't wake up. She knew that Kelsey was doing what she was about to but hadn't been bothered enough to wake up and witness it.

Her loss, Kelsey thought and crept down to the common room. It was deserted. 

Kelsey waited a few seconds to make sure no one had followed her downstairs before using the disillusionment charm on herself. It had taken her two whole weeks to get this right. The way she saw it was that at least this way she was preparing for the NEWTs. She was nothing if not determined.

Hidden in plain view, Kelsey crept out of the common room with the bottle of green hair dye she had acquired at the muggle hair salon her mother frequented. Vibrant colours were very punk rock apparently. She carefully but nimbly made her way to the Gryffindor Tower, stopping every few minutes to make sure she wasn't being followed.

"Who's there?" she heard the Fat Lady's portrait ask.

"A student," she peeped.

"I can't see you," the portrait wondered.

"Draconis caput," she whispered and the door swung open nevertheless. She had acquired the password by creeping on a first-year student yesterday as they entered their common room without checking to see if the coast was clear.

"Oh, it's one of you lot again. Reckless boys. Always staying out late. Doing the unthinkable. Hiding as if I don't know it's you four under that cloak," she heard the Fat Lady mutter to herself as she entered. 

Although Kelsey hoped that she sounded nothing like a boy, she didn't bother asking the Fat Lady who she had been talking about. She didn't have time to mull over those words.

At 5.15 am, the common room was empty.

Score! Kelsey rejoiced.  

Six years of being friends with Lily, Mary and Marlene had given her an idea of where the Marauders' dorm was. So she stealthily made her way up hoping that she wouldn't come across anyone.

Ok, this is it. She took a deep breath right outside their door and slowly opened it.

All four boys were knocked out. James and Sirius had fallen asleep on one of the beds next to each other fully-dressed. A piece of blank parchment lay open on the bed between them. Remus had fallen asleep upright on his and Peter was out on the floor with James' leg hanging right next to his head.

Typical boys. She did not have time to think about the weird knick-knacks that she saw laying around. She had to be quick.

Tiptoeing into their bathroom she looked around and saw four shelves on one side of the bathroom and two showerheads. It was almost identical to theirs, except a little more red. 

Figuring out which shelf belonged to Sirius was easy. It was the only one with more than one type of hair product. But just to be sure, she opened the shampoo and smelled it.

Definitely smells like him, she confirmed. Wait- since when did she know what Sirius Black's hair smelled like? Shaking her thoughts out, she pulled out the green hair dye she had bought from the muggle salon her mother often visited. 

She opened both Sirius' shampoo and conditioner and poured it in. For her next step, she pulled out her wand and muttered a special enchantment - an extra surprise for him if you will.

That'll make him think twice before dyeing my hair next time.

Walking back out she almost yelped when she saw Sirius sitting up on the bed in front of her. She clamped her hand to her mouth and froze.

Sirius looked at the bathroom door funny. He could have sworn he saw it move. Shrugging it off, he stretched his arms and got up from James' bed. The clock on the stand between their beds read 5.30 am. He still had two hours of sleep. 

Merry bloody Christmas to me, he mumbled. He took off his shirt with a yawn and fell on his bed. He was out like a light in under a minute.

Kelsey let out the breath she had been holding. Her heart was racing like a Comet 260. Having one of the boys wake up had been brought up in the worst-case scenarios by Astrid. But she had shrugged it off. 

What had not been brought up was the fact that she would have to look at a shirtless Sirius Black at the crack of dawn. Her heart was not prepared for that, she realised as she saw him tug off the shirt.

Sweet Circe's left tit, she wondered and looked at Sirius Black. Playing Beater on the Quidditch team had done him wonders. He was on his back with one arm over his abdomen, breathing softly. His curls fell over his face and Kelsey gulped as her eyes wandered to his chest. 

This would be the part of her retelling she left out later that day when talking to the girls. She wondered if Dorcas had seen him shirtless. Not that she cared. She definitely didn't. Nevertheless, she appreciated a well-toned body. Even if it coincidentally happened to be Sirius Black's.

Dazed and still high on the adrenaline, she left the Gryffindor common room and made her way back.

"And now, we wait," she whispered as she fell back asleep for the last hour of the morning at 6. 

ϟ

"MERLIN'S BALLS! MERLIN'S SAGGY BALLS! MERLIN SAGGY LEFT BA-"

"SIRIUS IT'S 7 AM. SHUT UP!" James yelled back, throwing a pillow over his head to drown out his shouts.

"MY HAIR IS GREEN!" Sirius rushed out of the bathroom.

"Blimey Pads! Is that a new style?" James asked in all honesty, peeking through the pillows. He got up for a better look.

"What the hell Prongs?!" Sirius sounded betrayed.

"Don't look at me like that! I didn't do nuffin!" The last part of James' statement was muffled by Sirius jumping on him to put him in a headlock.

"Change it back right now Prongsie or I will show Evans that polaroid of you as a baby in a tutu!" Sirius yelled, choking his friend. James was on the ground now, tapping out aggressively and Sirius let go.

"It wasn't me!"

"WHO ELSE WOULD DO SOMETHING SO RECKLESS? There are literally four of us. And we're all here!"

"Look at it this way," Remus called out as he exited the bathroom with a toothbrush in his hand and his towel around his neck. "It could have been Green AND Silv-" he started saying but froze halfway through the sentence. "Oh dear," he rasped fearfully.

"No! Don't 'Oh dear' me Moony! What is it?" Sirius cried as he ran back into the bathroom to check the mirror.

Between the emerald green, Kelsey's special enchantment sauce was doing its job. Silver streaks were slowly making their way into his locks. He ran a hand through his hair in dismay. He returned to his bed and started putting on his uniform in a hurry.

"Hey, didn't you dye Kelpie's hair Red and Gold last year?" Peter said groggily as he woke up and saw Sirius' new look.

"That Mother Kelper!"

"Although, well..look at it this way Pads.." Remus mused. Sirius looked at him in the middle of his fit. "..green is a good colour on you."

ϟ

A/N: Teehee. Hope you enjoyed it- please vote/comment if you did :3 

GIF: herondhales on Tumblr

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