a/n: things are heating up ;) ; this chapter does include some biting/choking. there's no smut...yet ; also some blood and slight gore (bullet wounds and such)
also, i don't know if this was stated previously, but feitan is rumored to be around 28 years old, for this story he's in his twenties just like the reader.
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The barely visible sun had already sunk below the horizon as storm clouds still flooded the sky. With the moon trying its best to shine through the thick clouds, it seemed eerily dark outside.
Rain hit against the windows of the room upstairs above the bar as you ate in silence save for the few crunching noises that came every time Feitan took a bite of his pizza.
Roky had suggested it be best if the two of you hide out above the bar for a bit while he took care of the mess back at your apartment. You'd ordered and paid for some food and now you were here.
"You confuse...me." Feitan broke the silence having finished his pizza. You turned and looked at him, tilting your head in confusion.
"What's that supposed to mean?" You ask, worried about what he was going to say next.
"You act...like you hate me...all the time. But you also...care for me." Feitan pointed out. You bit the inside of your cheek and turned away.
He'd called your bluff, though you'd made it pretty obvious. You did have mixed feelings. When you let your brain lead, you were furious at him, you wanted absolutely nothing to do with the spider.
But letting your heart lead, it took you straight back to him and you had no choice but to care about him.
There was always some confusion when it came to deciding on which gets to lead, but whenever you stopped to think on it, whichever seemed rational always seemed to take the lead, leaving you no choice.
"It's hard to explain and I highly doubt you'd understand." You shake your head, trying to avoid answering the question upfront.
"Do you...not think I'm...experienced?" Feitan asks, causing your eyes to go wide.
So much for getting out of it.
"You've experienced conflicting feelings when it comes to love?" You whip around and suddenly you feel like you're at a slumber party, gossiping about the cute new transfer student over the suffocating smell of nail polish and hairspray.
"One...could say that." Feitan got comfortable on the bed, staring down at you on the floor. He glanced at the empty spot, inviting you to come sit with him. YOu sighed and got up off the floor, joining him on the bed.
You crossed your legs and stared at the floor.
"It's a bit of a brain vs. heart thing. My brain wants me to think rationally and leave you behind, knowing there's only suffering and pain the more I stay around you." You begin. The words definitely affect Feitan. He wouldn't say being around himself is full of suffering. He'd prefer to say he deals a lot of suffering, not necessarily that he emits suffering.
"But...your heart." Feitan starts up your next sentence for you.
"But my heart. It wants me to stay. Stay with you, and fight alongside you. I've somehow made some sort of cursed connection with you and now whenever I see you hurt, I just kick into this emotional overdrive." You finish, feeling a mysterious weight dissipate from off your shoulders.
"Don't...they always tell you...to follow...your heart?" Feitan questions, wondering why someone as smart as you wouldn't just do what everyone else seemed to do.
"It's not as easy as it seems. On the one hand, I could follow my heart, follow you to the ends of the Earth, and be satisfied in your presence, but what am I willing to sacrifice to do that? My humanity? My morals? Yeah, I don't think so." You nod, glancing over at him. Feitan's grey eyes sparkled in the dull yellow light of the room.
"I gave up...all I had...to be with...the troupe." Feitan's statement is meant to be a sort of 'it's not that hard' kind of comparison.
"We're very different people, Feitan." You decide it's best to just end the conversation where it's at. You didn't want to fight him on why you couldn't just drop everything and go with him like your heart so desperately wanted you to do.
Going to stand up, you stretch your legs out and over the side of the bed, pushing your feet down on the floor and raising your body up off the mattress.
A monochromatic blur of black and grey flashes in your vision and suddenly you're resting back on the mattress again.
Feitan hovers over you, his eyes peering into yours. His hands begin to wander, leaving your shoulders and trailing down your arms, his fingers tracing your skin, giving you goosebumps.
As you stared up at him, the all too familiar scene of his dark hair falling around his face as he stared down at you came into view.
A smile played at his lips, something you'd rarely seen, due to both the fact that he usually wore a bandana that covered the bottom portion of his face and the fact that he barely smiled when it was off.
"You leave...yourself wide open." Feitan leaned down and pressed his lips to your neck, kissing your skin carefully. It was an odd feeling at first, especially for someone who clearly had no earthly idea what they were doing.
You began to wonder who'd taught him about neck kissing because a few weeks ago he'd never even kissed anyone on the mouth before.
The feeling soon became a bit more sensual, the tilting of your head to the side allowing Feitan more room to kiss your neck.
And then you felt it. His teeth sinking into your skin, providing the tiniest amount of discomfort, but not enough to actually make you uncomfortable. It felt oddly nice.
Feitan's hands crawled into yours, pulling them up and over your head as he moved his hands back down your arms, eventually pulling them down under your chest.
Resting just above your waist, his fingers caressed you through your shirt. It was by no means sexual, he just wanted to feel you.
"Fei-"
"Shhh. You...still talk too much." Feitan pulled away from your neck and sated down at you.
"What does....your heart want...right now?" He asked, straddling your hips. You could feel heat creep across your cheeks as Feitan lowered his head down toward your face again.
You remained quiet, both not knowing what to say and worried saying what you wanted would cause future damage.
"Don't tell me...you've gone all...quiet now?" Feitan brought a hand up your side and ran his fingers along your collarbone, trailing a finger up your neck, pointing your chin up as he brought his thumb down across your bottom lip.
Parting your lips with his thumb, he placed two fingers down on your tongue, forcing your mouth open.
"From the day...I met you...I wanted to torture you. Maybe...I'd break a finger...or dislocate your shoulder...but now...the only method of torture...I want to use...is love." His words echoed inside your head.
His sadistic ways hadn't left at all. He knew exactly what he was doing, and opening up to him had only given him that much more of an advantage. You were feeding right into his game.
He could easily be manipulating you and torturing you, just like he said he wanted to.
But it seemed all too real for it to just be torture. Surely even someone like Feitan was capable of feeling something, especially in a closely knitted intimate and romantic relationship.
Wrapping your lips around his fingers, you closed your mouth in petty defiance. Feitan cocked his head to the side, impressed by your sudden bold movement.
"Still...not gonna tell me?" Feitan questioned. Your arms rested above your head, your hands still right where Feitan had left them, and you had no intention of moving them unless it came down to it.
"We can...improvise then." Feitan pulled his fingers from your mouth, and the ghostly feeling of something resting against your tongue burned in your mouth.
His hand wrapped around your throat, fixing your head to look straight at him, your airway slowly becoming smaller as he applied ample pressure.
"Relax. I'm not...trying to kill you." Feitan could feel you tense up underneath him. Somehow his words soothed you.
It was instinct for your body to react to the feeling of being choked. But the feeling subsided as you put all your trust in Feitan, knowing he'd be smart to see all the signs if you couldn't breathe at all.
"See...surrendering yourself to me isn't all...that bad." Feitan cooed, moving his other hand that had been fixated on your waist up to stroke your hair, toying with strands, twisting them between his fingers.
"Kiss me." You breathed out, finally speaking after minutes of silence.
"She speaks." Feitan teases, stroking a finger against your cheek.
"Please, I need it." You couldn't take it anymore. The invisible feeling of his lips on yours, reminiscent from the times you'd spent together, both during moments of joy and angst.
"Be...more specific." Feitan was just toying with you at this point, doing what he did best.
He was torturing you.
"I need you, Feitan."
"Good girl." Feitan leaned down, his face hovering just above yours. His breath ghosted over your lips, the warm and satisfying feeling of his body heat radiating just close enough for you to feel.
His lips collided with yours, locking together and moving rhythmically as you kissed him back.
Feitan could feel how eager you were, the way you were practically pulling him in with your kiss, the small whines you'd let out whenever he pulled even the tiniest bit away.
The sound of a door unlocking scared you, and in a matter of seconds, Feitan had moved off you entirely and sat back where he'd originally been before things had heated up.
You sat up, still processing everything that had just occurred. You missed the feeling of his lips on your own.
Roky stepped into the room and sighed, giving you a worried glance.
"I've got both good and bad news." Roky closed and locked the door behind him, walking over to the bed.
"Good news first." You spoke softly, still frazzled from the kiss. Feitan remained quiet, but he sat smugly, knowing just how affected you were.
"Your apartment is spotless, and everything's back where it was." Roky said the good news, but he didn't seem to happy.
"Well, that's nice, no bloodstains or anything?" You question, tilting your head to the side.
"None at all." Roky nodded, heaving a sigh.
"So the bad news?" You bite your bottom lip, a bit worried by what he was going to say.
"We didn't clean it up." Roky's eyes were worried. He knew this wasn't going to be good.
"What?" You stand up off the bed.
"When we arrived, everything was clean. Asu's body was gone." Roky elaborated. You could feel your world beginning to cave in again. Asu had to have called someone. Or someone had to have seen or-
"It was gone? Like just-"
"Y/n. Take a deep breath, it's going to be okay-"
"Something happened. He had to have called someone before he died. Bryce will know-"
"Breathe." Roky's voice boomed, his hands on your shoulders, planting you into the ground.
Feitan could see some resemblance between Uvogin and Roky again. Wanting nothing more than the best for you, Roky was a sort of protector.
"I have to stop him." You mumbled, staring at the ground, your thoughts clouding with everything you needed to do.
"No, you don't. You need to get out of town for a while and lay low while I figure out what to do next." Roky wasn't asking you, he was telling you.
Roky looked over at Feitan and sighed.
"I don't trust you, but we don't have many other options."
"They found us in Yorknew, they can find us anywhere else." You told Roky, shaking his hands off your shoulders.
You stepped away from Roky and stood by the window, staring down onto the dark street.
"Nothing is going to stop them from finding us-"
The ear-deafening sound of shattering glass startled everyone. A burning pain in your right shoulder caused you to glance down, and as you did you could see a bullet hole in the glass window.
"Y/n!" Roky shouted, yanking you away from in front of the window. Feitan's eyes widened as he saw the crimson blood leaking from your shoulder where you'd just been shot.
"Fuck." You grumbled, your head was much cloudier than before.
"Hey stay awake." Roky slapped your face, a little rougher than he intended.
"Apply...pressure." Feitan instructed.
"I know how to handle a bullet wound." Roky shouted. Feitan sighed and searched around for something to pull the pullet out with.
"What are you doing?" roky asked, pressing his hand against your wound to try and stop the bleeding.
"We have...to extract...the bullet." Feitan would have to work with his fingers. They were the only thing he had, and he frankly didn't want to risk giving you an infection with some sort of rusty tool.
"You're gonna use your fingers?!" Roky glared at Feitan as he knelt down next to you. You laid on the floor, your eyes looking up at you shifted uncomfortably.
"You...got any other...bright ideas?" Feitan asked, moving Roky's hand.
"Just hurry up." Roky was irritated. He didn't like Feitan at all, all he sensed was trouble with the guy. If it wasn't for the fact that he was a part of the Phantom Troupe, he might've been somewhat tolerable. But now so were you. His standards were a bit biased.
"This is gonna hurt." Roky whispered, his hand holding yours.
"Just...get it done." You groan, gripping his hand as Feitan digs his fingers into the wound. You writhed and let out a few groans of pain as Feitan's fingers dug and pulled out the fragmented bullet, tossing it on the floor.
"Wrap...her shoulder." Feitan instructed Roky to tie off your shoulder and stop the bleeding.
Staring at his fingers, coated in your blood, Feitan's body was going haywire. You were hurt. That's why he had blood on his hands. He turned his attention back to you and moved to sit by your head, lifting your head up and placing it in his lap.
Roky used a belt and some clean sheets to stop the bleeding, and it seemed to work pretty okay. It was dangerous to go outside, but for now, you'd just have to play it by ear.
"Here, for your hand." Roky handed Feitan a damp towel to clean the blood off. Feitan did so and handed it back to Roky. Glancing down at you, Feitan rubbed your cheek as you closed your eyes, your chest rising and falling as you breathed.
"I'm going to get her pain meds, she'll need medical attention if things get worse." Roky stared at Feitan, watching as he stroked your cheek. Feitan didn't look up, he simply nodded and continued stroking your cheek as you slept.
Your sleep wasn't entirely peaceful, it was more of an 'I'm in a lot of pain and this is just better for me right now' kind of sleep. Your body was trying to heal itself on its own. It needed rest, and you shouldn't be moving at all.
"Let's get her on the bed." Roky didn't want to disturb you too much, but with some help, Feitan was able to lay you out on the mattress like he'd been previously.
Roky left shortly after, taking the back route out, avoiding the front of the bar at all costs. He made it into town quite quickly and picked up as much pain medicine as he could as well as some first aid materials to tend to your wounds later.
Feitan laid beside you, admiring you as you slept. It probably looked weird for someone in their twenties to be staring at someone sleeping, but Feitan was worried. Though he'd be pretty calm about it, Feitan was holding your hand and laying closer to you.
Placing a small kiss on your uninjured shoulder, Feitan mumbled against your skin.
"My good girl."
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