Alone again. I mean... i guess that's just what I'm used to.
Either the center of attention or forgotten...
not sure about you man but that shit makes you overly dependent.
Trust me, I know i am.
From all the times I've held tightly onto my "boyfriend" like a heavy chain that dragged behind him.
I wasn't in love with him though.
Ive never been in love before.
It was just the attention i so desperately craved.
Blame my parents for that.
Don't get me wrong, he's... or was... a great guy.
My whole family was.
Just my mom, my dad and I.
It did get hard sometimes with my mom always in and out of the military... but when she wasn't there... i still felt love.
Either in person from my dad or on the other end of a phone.
I felt love all throughout my life until it was so abruptly cut off at the age of 9.
That's when she died.
That's when all the attention died.
It's when i died... well... emotionally as you can tell.
My dad eventually remarried and didn't have time for me... he tried, he really did... but he couldn't.
It was no wonder to why my heart melts whenever someone just so happens to pay the slightest bit of attention to me...
not when i was treated like a princess for the most part of my life by people.
I would give random strangers too much kindness like they were my own family in hopes of actually getting one back.
Doesn't work. Ever. Usually ends up with a metaphorical, gaping wound in my back or me backing out last second when i realize that shit is getting too serious too fast
Jesus, ______, you're such a loser.
Well... then again its not my fault THE AUTHOR MAKES ALL HER READERS HAVE BAD RELATIONSHIPS WITH THEIR PARENTS THANK YOU VERY MUCH!
Moving past the daddy/mommy issues and passive aggressiveness, it was like any other normal morning.
Well... scratch that... it wasn't.
At least for me.
Rain pounded hard against the concrete ground, thick clouds layering up and shielding the sky.
Winter-like mist fogged the earth and filled my lungs like sharp icicles.
But that wasn't the only thing that stung with the frozen, dead temperatures, no.
With the combination of being completely drenched and cold winds pushing against my attempts to outrun the storm, the aftermath left my skin burning. Especially my finger tips. I would rather chop them off, not gonna lie.
Where's Sangwoo when you need him? Though it seems like his specialty is ankles... well, so much for that.
I guess i kinda deserve this to some degree.
When you're up studying till four in the fucking morning its bound to happen.
Though already being late for class as it is and putting a storm on top of it is just plain cruel.
I get it, i have to fix my sleeping schedule or whatever but really?
Ive already had enough punishments in my life to make me second guess everything except people.
I think i get the point.
Rushing down a street i almost find myself tripping over a tiny creature flapping around in a mud puddle.
Curiosity gets the best of me as i come to a stop, crouching down and holding my drenched umbrella over the animal.
A baby bird.
Perceives to be a common robin, not much older than around 8 weeks.
Hey, when you live at the edge of the forest and have birds crashing into your window as an alarm clock... you learn a thing or two.
The poor thing is a real fighter, struggling to live as it basically drowns under all the murky pollution.
My heart cant help but sink in pity.
Letting out one of the biggest groans known to mankind i gently scoop the creature up with my unoccupied hand, holding them close to my chest so they didn't accidentally squirm out and plummet to their death.
I'm already late, might as well not even show up at this point.
"You owe me a whole bird army to take the patriarchy down, you hear me little dude?"
I mumble to the little creature like they would actually respond, pulling myself back up and taking the route back home.
"Y'know... you're actually kinda cute... even if you wont stop moving around. Your name is Toby now.
Like that guy i met last night."
I must sound crazy to the people walking by.
Though on the subject of last night... I kinda wondered how Toby was doing.
We've only had one conversation but it was a nice one... I think.
Out of everyone I've ever came across in my life (and let me specify that's a LOT of people) there was no one truly like him.
The dull yet anxious expression on his face that rarely changed mixed with the inconsistency and flatness of his tone really set me on edge.
In the best and worst way possible.
His mannerisms gave off a weird vibe as well, the guy acted like he never socialized a day in his life yet he seemed to hold these dominating undertones... like a wild animal holding back.
That shit gives me the creeps, man... buuuut...
if I ever did see him again would I mind?
Probably not. As much as Toby slightly intimidates me he seems pretty cool, like his own personal mystery in a way.
One that draws you in no matter how frightened you are, it interests me the most.
I step down a muddy path leading deeper into the woods, the temperature seemingly dropping along with my grip on the earth below. No joke this place can be a slip and slide if you're not careful enough.
Thick canopies of trees above blocked off most of the rain, leaving the forest completely silent if you exclude the occasional echo of a raindrop or the constant chirping of dear Toby #2.
The little fucker wouldn't stop scratching at my hand or trying to eat my clothes.
Who knew something so tiny could be so feisty.
Though now that I think of it... it honestly does make sense, there's no actual place to hold all the anger so I assume it just spews out at every given chance.
"______?"
The sound of my name coming from a familiar, deep and raspy voice triggers my head to tilt up at the speaker.
Just as I expected, Toby stood there awkwardly, hands slightly fidgeting and shoulders cracking every now and then.
His gaze constantly switching between the ground and myself like an indecisive child.
"Hey, mister stranger,"
I chuckle, giving him a small wave to distract Toby from the bird that i held a little closer against my chest.
"When i said I'd see you around I didn't expect it to be this soon."
"Ye—ah... u-um... i l-live around here... sma—ll t-t-town I... I guess. Uh... wha-what's that?"
He takes one hand and gestures to a very unhappy Toby #2, wrist slightly flicking that generates another cracking sound, the sudden sharp noise echoing throughout the forest.
"Huh? Oh this! It's just a bird... he was drowning."
I look back down at the small creature who was now nibbling at my frozen finger tips, the feeling amplified by a thousand to create a pinching sensation.
Toby's silence hopefully confirms understanding, his pointed hand slowly unraveling to an open palm.
His hand alone was dressed in various bite marks and scars, a lot of them probably infected.
"G—give."
It takes approximately five blinks of waiting for him to elaborate.
"What?"
"The b-bird. Gi- I n-need the bird."
"Why?"
"I'm go—going to k-kill it."
Fuck me gently with a chainsaw.
"What? No! What the hell?! I'm not gonna let you kill Tob- the bird! I missed class to keep this guy alive!"
His lids slightly lower as he raises an eyebrow. Mouth staying in a straight line to give one of those ice cold glares that instinctively made me feel like the dumbest person to walk the earth, even if I didn't do anything wrong to begin with.
"You na—named a b-b-bird af—ter m-me?"
"Yeah, and? Like i said, i would definitely name my son Toby."
I tilt my hip, keeping the oblivious creature out of his reach.
"You c—can't ju-just name animals and... a-and he isn't your son. Might a-as well just k-kill him."
He finally lowers his hand, shoving it into the pocket of his washed out, grass stained jeans.
"I swear you sound just like my boyfriend. Except he's not as much of a bird nazi like you."
Toby's posture visibly tenses, eyes narrowing even further as a crack in his neck causes him to tilt his head.
"Boyfriend?"
"Yeah, boyfriend... he's the one who usually picks me up."
His brows slightly furrowed as he gave out a few inaudible murmurs.
"You... y-you said he was j-just your friend la-last night..."
I did, didn't i?
A cold sweat hits the back of my neck, forcing me to push out a stiff chuckle through my frozen lungs.
"I... i know, mistakes happen, am i right? But... like... that's not the point,"
I swallow dryly, trying to form an actual plan.
"I need to go back home and help Toby the second, wanna come? I could try to bandage up the marks on your hands, only if you're comfortable with it, of course."
I could tell he wanted to ask more questions about the boyfriend thing.
It was obvious... yet he didn't... I'm truly grateful for that.
Instead Toby takes in a deep, shallow breath.
"s-sure... um... y—y'know how to t-treat stuff li—li-like this?"
"Of course! I'm a medical student, if I didn't know the basics then I wouldn't even be here."
I give him a slight nudge to the arm, walking deeper down the trail.
It takes him a minute to catch up, first he just stood there staring like a weirdo and now he's walking anxiously alongside me.
Progress people.
"You're n-not... you're not 24, a-are you?"
He remarks.
"Bingo. I'm actually 19, I honestly don't care if y0u know my age or not now. What gave it away?"
He gives a slight shrug, fully turning his head away to look up at the dark trees above.
"E-everything."
...
Fair enough.
"This... i-it doesn't seem v—very sa—sa-safe to just let me into y-your home. You ba-barely know m-me... i c-could be serial k-ki-killer."
"In that case feel free to come and commit an attempted homicide anytime. What can i say? I'm lonely and bored..."
I pause, scoffing to myself.
"Besides, helping people kinda helps me."
He gave no verbal response at that, instead just stopping abruptly in his tracks and staring lifelessly at a clearing in the distance.
In an attempt to understand what possibly spooked the male i take a step forward, my eyes slightly narrowing and following his gaze. What i was met with is... completely nothing. Just trees... a bunch of trees.
I look back at Toby, his blank expression remaining completely the same. The occasional twitches were the only things keeping me from being convinced he wasn't an actual mannequin.
"Uh... bro, you good?"
His head snaps to face me, his usual doe-like, brown eyes sharpened like a feral creature who hasn't eaten in days.
A small but deep animalistic growl erupting from within his throat.
Not gonna lie it scared the hell out of me. This really didn't help my confusion, rather made it increase to a huge amount.
My first initial reaction is to take a step back, shoulders slightly tensing up as the hairs on the back of my neck take a stand to do the Macarena.
"Toby?"
Maybe calling his name brought him back to focus or something?
Because just like that Toby's threatening behaviour died out as quick as it came.
His pupils dilate at a fast pace, the animalistic mannerisms coming to an end and instead washing up a perplexed and rather aggravated Toby.
Just like before he remains completely silent, grabbing onto my wrist rather painfully and attempting to yank me back up the trail.
All the unexpected force causes my chest to collide with Toby's own firm one, the bird at risk of falling out if
my hands didn't join together to be thrown over his shoulder.
Toby stumbles back due to the slippery earth underneath, his back hitting hard against a tree and his hand flying to wrap desperately around my waist.
And if that wasn't enough, my leg instinctively tangles up between his own to keep some sort of balance...
yeaaaaaah.
Luck is really on my side.
I assume that the way Toby's eyes slowly grow alongside the red tint on his cheeks only confirmed realization of our current position.
Before i had any chance to speak he frantically pushes me off, causing myself to stumble back and hit a tree as well.
Man i deserve an award for keeping little Toby #2 alive cause I swear the proximity between him and an accidental death right now is as thin as my internal patience.
He isn't even aware, my man right now is still just continuing to carelessly bite at my fingertips.
Oh to be an oblivious fluff baby.
"Sorry."
Toby blurts out gruffly, quickening his pace up the trail.
"Well... i just- hey wait!"
It takes me a minute to finally match Toby's determined strides.
Even then i could already feel the muscles in my thighs start to burn up while a cramp in the side of my stomach takes form.
Felt kind of humiliating if I'm being honest.
I keep my gaze lowered to the ground, not that i really cared about his judgment regarding my visible struggles, but more of to keep myself from tripping.
"Y'know if you're secretly a... a furry... you can just... tell me, man!"
Just as expected he gives no verbal response at all, keeping his head turned away and giving out a small grunt.
Classic Toby move.