Author's Notes:
The theme song for this chapter (mostly the last half of the chapter) is:
"Follow You Down" by The Gin Blossoms
~-~
As soon as I woke that morning, I grabbed some paper and started to write a list. Thank God it was a Saturday, because Andrew was one of the few people I knew who could (and would) sleep in even later than I would.
My rumbling stomach would usually wake me up around nine o'clock and then I would spend hours begging and pleading for him to get awake and out of bed on the one day a week when we could actually have breakfast someone else would cook for us. I had learned years ago that you can't keep your body trim and healthy living on burgers and fries, but French toast and bacon was my one indulgence that I allowed myself once a week, and there was usually nothing that could stop me from eating it.
For once, I ate my typical weekday protein shake for breakfast and left it at that, and then I began to make my list. And re-make my list. And make my list again. I must have gone through at least twenty different men's names that were horrible ideas before Andrew woke and joined me in the dining room.
"Vi," he asked, "Not that I mind, but why didn't you wake me? You always want me up early for breakfast on a Saturday."
I blew out an exhausted breath that puffed my bangs up in the air. "It's this damn list. I think I finally got it, though. I'm just not sure about the order of them all."
"Did you write anything on the list to indicate who they were? Something to let me know about them as people?"
I assured him, "I didn't, but I can. But if you need to, you can see pictures of them, too. Well, what I have, anyways."
Andrew took a sip of coffee that I somehow hadn't noticed was in his hands until that moment and replied, "I'll tell you what; write that out and rate the guys' appearance on a scale of one to ten and write it on the paper. I don't need to see pictures. I'll make my list while you're writing that down."
"You can make your list that quickly?" I asked.
"Funny thing is, Todd suggested I go through this whole process of, 'what would I be giving up the chance at?' before I proposed to you. Part of that was coming up with what other women I would want to have," Andrew laughed. He actually fucking laughed. I was seeing red until he added, "I wasn't missing out on anything. Every other woman paled in comparison to you, Vi."
"Alright," I agreed, "Give me a few minutes and I'll write up who they are and what I'd rate them. But you have to do the same for your list."
"Fine," he offered, "Five minutes or less."
As if he had a timer set, Andrew was back at almost exactly the five minute mark.
"Okay," he said, "Let me see it."
We exchanged our sheets of paper and I handed him my list. On it, was written:
1. Sam Torrence - 6 - Had a big crush on me in high school
2. Nick (?) - 7 - Dating site "relationship" a few months before our first date - never met in person
3. Antonio Bianchi - 10 - Coworker from the Italy home office
On his own list, he had written:
1. Jessica Radulovich - 10 - Cheerleader I banged in college
2. Brianna Banasiewicz - 10 - Long-term high school girlfriend
3. Brooke Miller - 10 - Was my secretary before she moved last year
I didn't quite know how to feel about his last list item, nor the fact that everyone on his list was a ten.
~-~
Fourteen years ago ...
Everything in me was dreading those words, but I knew that they were coming. "Violet, can I give you a ride home from school today?"
"Sure," I capitulated, forcing a smile at him.
I knew Sam had a crush on me. He was a nice guy and he was really cute, but that was pretty much where it ended. I'd had the worst day in a while and I just wanted some comfort, though. Riding the bus didn't seem like the way to get that.
As we drove, Sam tried to make me feel at ease, at first just talking mindlessly about the basketball game coming up against our rivals next week with such enthusiasm that it almost broke my heart to change the subject.
"Sam," I told him, "Would it be okay if I just vented for a minute? I think I just ruined my future with what happened today."
Sam was so sweet. He dropped all of the sports talk immediately and turned to me, worry lacing his brow. "What happened?"
I tried not to cry as I mustered up the words. "I've always wanted to be an actress. Today, during play practice, I screwed up my part pretty badly. Ms. Simmons yelled at me for twenty minutes about how I was unprofessional and not taking it seriously, telling me how I would never make it as an actress, and then kicked me out of the production. She's going to use my understudy."
Sam put his hand on my knee. "Violet, if you want to act, you can act. I've seen you. You're good. It doesn't matter what Ms. Simmons thinks."
I looked at him, no longer able to hold back those tears. "But what if she's right? What if I'm never an actress?"
"Maybe you'll never be an actress, Violet. Ninety percent of the people out there in acting never make it. It doesn't mean you can't use that. And it doesn't mean that you won't be successful."
I sniffed, giving him a smile. "Yeah, you're probably right."
In another few seconds, we were sitting in my driveway. "Are you going to be alright?" Sam asked me.
Sam's hand was still on my knee. The look Sam was giving me was just too much. He was so sweet and patient, so unwilling to make the first move, but I knew that he wanted more.
Maybe more was exactly what I needed.
Hesitantly, I began, "Sam, can I ... can I kiss you?"
He looked at me, his eyes wide, and nodded wordlessly.
"No," I said, "I mean, really, really kiss you. Like with tongues and everything."
Sam looked like he was about to laugh. "Vi, I don't know if there's anything you could do to me that I wouldn't let you do."
I leaned across the seat and put my arms around Sam's neck, pulling him closer and bringing my lips to his. As soon as our mouths met, I parted my lips and he did the same.
The kiss was scalding, the wild dance of our tongues was nearly incomprehensible. I'd never felt so alive in my whole life. I ran my fingers through his hair, gently scraping my nails along his scalp as I panted into Sam's hot and extremely talented mouth.
I pressed my chest against his, trying to draw myself even closer to him. Sam's hands circled my waist and explored my back. He never ventured anywhere less than honorable, but I almost wished that he had.
I let the kiss go on for another few minutes and then backed away, gasping for air. My eyes locked on his. Looking into Sam's crystal blue eyes, I couldn't believe what I had just done. It was maybe the best, most mind-numbing kiss of my entire teenage life, but I felt nothing for him except for maybe brotherly affection.
Had I just led him on?
"I'm sorry; this was such a mistake."
I hefted my bag into my arms and exited the car, slamming the door behind me and running quickly into my house.
~-~
Two years ago ...
Opening up my Instagram feed for the first time after getting back to work with a new last name, I found that Andrew had tagged me in all of our very publicly available honeymoon photos. I never used Facebook anymore, but my insta and Facebook accounts were connected.
At least half of my high school class had connected to me on Facebook for our ten-year reunion and could now see all of my Instagram posts. Not surprisingly, this included the ones where I was in my bikini. One where Andrew had taken a photo right after he had stolen my bikini top while I was sunning and I was covering 'the girls' with just my hands that had a shocking number of likes.
In the messages on the picture, I saw:
torrencial_downpour @andrew.m.riley, you're officially the luckiest man on the planet.
In my notifications:
torrencial_downpour started following you.
Sam Torrence. He had definitely changed since high school, but he was still Sam. And he was still cute. Not hot, but cute. His hairline might have receded a teeny bit and he looked like he had a little bit of a couch physique, but he still had the same blond hair and blue eyes, the same dimple near his mouth from his welcoming smile that always made everyone feel at home.
And Sam had told my new husband he was the luckiest man on the planet.
~-~
Author Notes:
Have you ever kissed someone you didn't have feelings for? If so, what was it like?