It's Monday morning when a thunder rips the sky open and rain ambushes New York City. There is so much rain outside it feels like the universe is warning people to stay inside.
God, I wish I could heed this particular warning.
Not sure though, which one is worse: going outside in the rain and being miserable at work or staying home and being anxious on the couch.
With a deep sigh, I get out of bed and drag my feet to the shower.
The shower feels like one of the few safe spaces these days. Warm and full of possibilities.
I am listening to music on my Google Home and pretending everything is ok. I am pretending that we are not in a pandemic, that I am not terrified of losing my job (which I hate — making my life even more ironic), that I am not tired of 2020, and also that I am not lonely. Lonely is the wrong term. On my own? 2020 has made me acutely aware of fake personal relationships. At the beginning of quarantine, I cleaned my apartment and along with that I also let go of people in my life that just didn't feel right.
What I didn't realize is that now, 6 months post my very ambitious cleanup, I find myself with no new clothes or friends.
I have my family and my best friend but sometimes I wish I had more people in my life. I have come to replace that emptiness with TikTok. I watch funny and sad videos of people coming together or breaking up, and fill my need for human connection with TikTok couples, families, and friends. I don't really post on the app myself — too self-aware and awkward — but have accounts I keep close to my heart.
One of them, like millions of people on TikTok, is @t22felton. Tom Felton, the gorgeous actor who plays Draco in the super successful franchise Harry Potter.
#DracoTok to #TomTok is full of videos praising him, his acting, his music, offering alternative endings to his movies, and imagining alternate realities where he is part of people's lives. It's entertaining and has made me care for this one celebrity more than I am willing to publicly admit.
I am 30 and kinda in love with a celebrity on social media. I would die of mortification if anyone really knew. But I console myself that everyone needs serotonin from somewhere and my source just happens to be Tom Felton's social media.
I spend more time on his videos than on anything else. Old interviews and press conferences are my happy place. He seems like a genuinely nice person. Kind, warm, and funny. As far as I can discern from his videos there is no Draco-evilness in him.
So true to form, I spend my morning commute on this miserable Monday watching TikTok and of course a majority of them involve #TomTok. When I finally reach my subway stop I make sure to pop in the corner coffee shop for some needed caffeine without which I would not be able to start my day. I pay for my coffee and wait for it to be ready while scrolling away. From the corner of my eye, I see two teenagers close to the door pointing to this guy in the back corner. I can't see his face, it's covered by a mask. But I can see he is wearing light grey jeans, a long t-shirt and a white hoodie on top. He has a pink hat and dirty blonde hair. Nothing unusual about him. I look back at the girls and one of them says: "I am telling you it's him! Let's go ask!"
I then look back at the guy who has put his phone in his pocket and definitely took notice of the girls. He pulls his hoodie over his hat and I see a glimpse of his eyes. For a second I think they look extra blue, like Tom Felton's, but come on, what are the chances?
The barista, Suzie, is moving incredibly slow and I can tell that he is anxious to leave. I move closer to Suzie because I, too, want to leave. I am uncomfortable and not sure how to handle it if it is him. Better to never find out.
The barista knows me from my daily visits and looks up overwhelmed:
"Hey Charli, I will have your soy latte up in a second. This morning is crazy..."
I smile at her:
"Take your time, I understand." I can only imagine how crazy it must be to work at a coffee shop in New York City during rush hour, during a pandemic.
She gives me an appreciative smile and goes back to work.
I smile at her and look to my side and notice that the guy in the white hoodie is now right next to me and we make eye contact.
Oh, My ACTUAL GOD. It is him. Tom Felton is sitting right next to me. In New York City. In the coffee shop, I have been going to for almost two years. I look again and even though I can't see his mouth I can tell from his eyes that he is smiling at me.
I think my mouth opens, not in an attempt to speak, but mostly because that the only way it could find to express the shock.
Before I can say anything, not that I would know what to say, he smiles and places his index finger over his mask where his mouth is.
Suzie yells at that very moment:
"Latte for Tim! Or Tom?" She looks closer to the name on the cup.
And one of the teenage girls next to the exit squeaks louder than before:
"She said Tom! It's him! It's him!"
"Oh, I didn't hear her. I thought she said Tim." the other one replies.
He looks panicked as he picks up the coffee, he looks at the door and we both realize that there is no way he is going to exit with his identity undiscovered. I look at his flustered eyes and at the giggling girls taking out their phones and in a moment of intense craziness I say, entirely too loudly for a Monday morning in a New York coffee shop:
"Tim is that you?"
He looks at me like I am crazy.
"Oh my God, it is you! Haven't seen you since college! How have you been?"
I go in for an awkward hug, as I force him to turn his back to the girls and hug me. I question all of the life decisions that led me to this cringe-worthy Kodak moment.
"Just go with it," I whisper when we are literally in the middle of a 'Voldemort hug.' Oh, the irony of it all.
"Hiiii....darling," he says bemusedly in a normal tone.
By the mercy of the universe, my coffee is ready at that exact time so I grab it and his hand and drag us out of the store before the two girls get a closer look at his face.
I keep walking until we reach the corner of the block when I finally stop. I look down and realize I am still holding his hand. I immediately let go.
"You should be fine now. I don't think they followed us."
"That was...inspiring. Thank you...didn't catch your name?"
"No worries. It's Charli," I say dismissively. "I should go-"
"Wait - you want to take a picture? I feel the need to do something for you now. You did rescue me."
"Wow ha - no, I probably look like hell and honestly, you don't owe me anything."
"Why did you do it?"
"What? Take you out of there?"
"Yes, most people see me and start screaming and then ask for a pic and then it becomes a little bit of a mob. I love my fans, but this morning..."
"Oh - I am not sure why but I figured you deserved a break. If it were me I would want to be able to get a coffee in peace every now and then."
"Well listen - I do want to repay you. Do you want to drink these coffees together? I could use a guide in New York."
I give him a look:
"Really? I am sure you've been to New York before."
"I have, but nowhere cool where I could pretend I wasn't Tom Felton."
"Oh — I have to go to work..." I say looking up the block to the building where my office is.
"Oh, of course, I am being stupid."
"Ok, well....uhm bye and stay safe," I say like an idiot as I start walking away.
I can't believe that just happened. I am halfway down the block when I realize I am being an idiot. When will I ever have this chance? To hang out with someone so incredibly cool? I want to be old and tell all the people that I know that I once secretly hung out with Tom Felton. Given my current life trajectory that might be the coolest thing that will ever happen to me.
I pull out my phone and quickly send a message to work claiming I have a stomach bug today. I turn around and start running to see if I can catch Tom.
I see him in the crowd and I give to start screaming his name when I realize that would completely ruin his cover.
I haven't run this hard since high school but I somehow catch up with him.
"Tom!"
He turns around and looks happy to see me:
"Changed our minds, have we?"
"Let's go drink that coffee around New York!"
"Lead the way!"