I stifle a yawn, writing today's date in my notebook. Annie texted me, saying she was running late. I hope she gets here before the first period starts. Our teacher isn't permissive when it comes to tardiness.
Brian wanted to take me to school, but I needed my usual morning walk to clear my head and put my thoughts in order. Yesterday's events and Brian's confessions left me drained.
As I let my eyes roam the classroom that is quickly filling with students, I wonder if Brian is truly happy. Things make much more sense now. Brian is used to hiding his pain and worries behind his carefree attitude. I know he loves bikes and his job in the garage, but a brain like his might require something more challenging.
Brian's reluctance to even consider going to college worries me. Inevitably, my thoughts drift to our future.
Do we even have a future together? I know the life my mom is leading isn't for me. I want to study and go places. Staying in a small town isn't what I see myself doing for the rest of my life. I might be naīve, but I do believe there's something else out there, something exciting waiting for me.
I glance at the clock on the wall. The class is about to start, and everyone is here, except for Annie.
Gavin is at his desk, and when my gaze lands on him, he rewards me with a look full of distaste.
I avert my eyes quickly. Luckily, I hear Annie's rushed footfalls as she hurries to take a seat next to me.
"Hey." She pants. "I'm so happy I'm not late. Kenzie and I argued, and-"
The teacher strolls into the classroom, and I groan, frustrated by not being able to talk to my friend.
"So, what happened?" I ask Annie as we sit at a table in the canteen later.
"Kenzie has been bugging me about college for weeks now. I find brochures in the most unexpected places. It's getting ridiculous."
"Don't you want to go to college?"
Annie lets out a deep sigh. "I don't know what I want, Leah. I don't know what I want to study. I am completely lost, and being bombarded with leaflets and prospects isn't making it easier."
"I'm sure Mac wants the best for you," I say. "I know he's a good guy, and he loves you. If he didn't, he wouldn't care. The easiest thing for him is to encourage you to stay in this town."
"I know. We made up because I can't stand being mad at him, and I promised Kenzie we would discuss the options tonight. Well, enough about me. What about you and Brian?"
"He told me his secrets," I admit.
Annie stares at me. "He did?"
"All of them. And I'm still trying to process that. Did you know?"
Trapping her bottom lip between her teeth, Annie nods. "I'm sorry for not saying anything to you before. Brian begged us to keep it secret, especially the part where he almost...you know. We wouldn't betray his trust."
"I'm not mad. He's your friend. I would have done the same. I just hope that he's better now."
"I said that you were good for each other for a reason, Leah. Brian is a good guy who still has to figure things out, and he might with your help."
I chew my sandwich for a moment. Then, I take a sip of my water and ask Annie, "Do you think he's happy with his life? I know he hates the idea of college. I'm worried about the time I have to choose one. If Brian stays here, and I have to move away-"
"Don't worry about things before they happen," Annie says, smiling. "Maybe you can talk to Brian and convince him."
"Like Mac did with you?"
Groaning, Annie covers her face with her hands. "See?" she mumbles. "I can't even be mad at him because he's always right in the end."
***
Brian's bike is the first thing I see when Annie and I leave the school building.
I say goodbye to my friend and rush toward Brian, equally nervous and excited about his surprise visit.
"Hey, Kitten," Brian says and leans in to kiss me. "I'm taking you somewhere if you don't mind."
"Where?"
"It's a surprise. Let's go?"
I hop on Brian's bike and put on the helmet. Whatever he has planned isn't in our town. We leave its confines and ride down the highway for almost an hour.
Everything becomes clear when Brian parks the bike next to a big mall.
"Shopping?" I ask.
Brian shrugs and takes my hand, gripping it as we stroll to the entrance. "I need to buy a couple of things, and you couldn't buy anything because of what happened. Besides, I wanted to spend time with you."
I nod and look at Brian's face. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah." He smiles. "I spent the morning with Jim, but I missed you. Are you hungry?"
"Not yet. I had a sandwich at the canteen."
"We'll eat later, then."
Brian leads me to a big store that sells all kinds of clothes. The selection is way better than what you can find in our town. I spot some dresses and walk up to them with Brian.
The first dress I lay my eyes on is very me. Not too short, it has a beautiful silhouette and a bit of cleavage. I don't have much to show, but wearing something like this would accentuate my chest in a nice way.
I look at Brian and catch him observing me. He says nothing, and I continue looking at the clothes displayed in front of us.
Another dress catches my eye. It's too short and tight, but for once, I want to try it on. It's not something I am comfortable wearing, but as I take it off the hanger, Bella's words ring in my ears. Brian would probably like it more.
I hesitate and then head to the fitting rooms. Brian leans against the wall outside and waits for me while I undress and put on the garment I've chosen.
The thin fabric hugs my body, and the color is nice enough. Despite that, the length of the dress makes it hard to move in it without worrying about exposing my underwear.
Brian draws the curtain and stares at me.
"What do you think?" I ask.
He clears his throat. "It's...short? It looks weird on you, Kitten."
I give myself a once-over. It does look weird. I am not really curvy, which doesn't help my case. I'm not Bella, and Brian sees it, too.
"Yeah. It's not for my body," I say, getting ready to get changed into my clothes.
The shift in Brian's mood is palpable when I am by his side. He is frowning and biting his lip as if he's restraining himself from saying something.
As I throw a glance at the first dress I saw and liked way more than the second, Brian takes my hand in his.
"I didn't say the dress looked weird on you because of your body, Kitten. Your body is beautiful, and the boy might have reminded me he was alive when I saw that piece of fabric clinging to your little round ass. I'm just pissed because that dress wasn't you. You didn't like it, and yet, you tried it on. Why? For me?"
"I guess," I say.
"I don't like that shit. I don't want you to change who you are and what you like. You shouldn't do it for anyone, especially not for a dude. Please, take the first dress and let me pay."
"I have money, Brian."
"And there might be other things you need to buy. I work, and I want to give something to you. Can I?"
Brian's gaze is soft, almost pleading. I nod, and he kisses me. "Thank you. You can wear it to my birthday party in a few days."
"Is there going to be a party?"
Brian grins. "Just booze and music at Lenny's. His folks will be away, and since his house is big, he offered to do it there. I don't think many people will turn up. I only invited some friends."
"I'll wear the dress, Brian, and I'm sure it's going to be fun."
After that, I choose some jeans and a top. The money I have is enough to pay for them. Brian buys the dress and picks up some plain T-shirts for himself in a different store.
As we wander around the mall, I don't fail to notice that Brian doesn't let go of my hand and doesn't miss a chance to kiss me. We eat in one of the cafes before heading home. I find myself wishing we didn't have to go back so soon.
"I'll walk you to your house," Brian says after parking his bike.
"You don't have to."
"That's what boyfriends do, Kitten. I want to kiss you goodnight at your door. Of course, if you agreed to sleep at my house, I would do way more than that."
"I can't do it every night," I say, smiling. "I don't want misunderstandings with your family."
"I told you it was cool, didn't I?" Brian says, leading me toward my house. As soon as we're next to it, he hugs me to him and places one of his palms on my cheek.
"Come here," Brian whispers, edging forward until there's no distance between our faces.
His lips barely touch mine, and the kiss is almost too soft, but then Brian slips his tongue into my mouth and kisses me hard, pressing my body to his and holding my head in place.
Eager, I kiss Brian back with equal passion. I press my mouth to his neck and suck just barely, knowing how much he likes it.
"You can't do it to me," Brian whispers, placing a wet kiss below my ear. "Now, I'm going to think about you all night and probably lose sleep."
"Sweet dreams about me, baby," I say to Brian and kiss him once more. He hands me the bags, and I rush to my front door, knowing that if I don't, I might change my mind and spend the night with him.
I am grinning like a fool as I unlock the door. The sight of my mom next to the window startles me. She isn't supposed to be at home. Judging by her expression laced with disappointment in me, I know she saw everything.
"Hey, Mom," I say.
"So, you lied." Mom sighs. "You are with that guy."
I nod. "Yeah, and I'm not breaking up with him."
"You are so naive, Leah. I thought I warned you enough times. That guy and his lifestyle, the bike-"
"What lifestyle, Mom? Brian is smart, and he works hard. He treats me well, and he's not a bad guy."
Mom sighs. "I don't want you to get your heart broken. Men like him don't change."
"Men like him, Mom? You don't even know him."
"I knew someone like him, and that's enough."
A flash of panic fleets across Mom's face. She looks elsewhere as if she realizes she's said too much.
I take a step toward her. My mouth is dry, and my palms turn clammy, but I somehow manage to rein in the nerves and ask, "Who is my dad, Mom?"