October 10th, 2020
Shit. We're late. Again !
I jump out of bed and hit my foot on the hotel's -very solid- night stand. Again...
Third time in three days, I think I'm working on a new world record here.
"What's with all this noise?" I hear a familiar voice asking from the bathroom.
My best friend walks out, casually brushing his teeth as if we weren't running late. I mean...technically, I'm the one who woke up thirty seconds ago, so I can't really blame him for brushing his teeth.
"Um...we're late Tommy ! We are so late and we are sooo screwed if we get there late, come on let's go !" I urge him, throwing on some random clothes from my open suitcase that has been laying on the floor of our hotel room since we arrived, three days ago. In my defense, we're only staying for a week, so I don't think that emptying my suitcase just to pack it back up in a few days is really necessary. Plus I really hate packing up.
"Oh baby, YOU are late, I'm not going anywhere today, I am on my tourist mode and nothing is going to change that" he answers, walking back to the bathroom to spit out the toothpaste.
"Are you serious Tom? You're not coming?" I ask him, refusing to believe what he just said "Today could be a huge turning point in your career, and you're telling me that you're not going cause you're on tourist mode ? What does that even mean Tom?"
"It's New York, baby, how do you expect me to just attend meetings and shoot with this or that photographer all day? I need to walk these streets, I need to explore, I need to taste all the delicious food that you find at every corner! You know, just... live a bit !" he answers, throwing a large sweater on.
He's very serious. He's in trouble. Actually, no. I'm in trouble.
"Tommy, seriously, you can't do that to me, they want to work with you, they really want to, but if you don't show up, you're just gonna blow it all off ! I'm sorry, I can't let you do that, you know we'll have the two last days to visit New York, and that's way enough. Don't make me call them to reschedule something, cause I'm not doing it this time." I snap a little, hoping that it might make him change his mind.
"Listen, Star, you know I love you, and you know I'm aware that I am the luckiest person on the planet because you're my best friend, and you take care of me, and you get me the best jobs, with the best photographers, and you always manage something when I can't go-"
"-when you don't want to go" I correct him.
"-when I don't want to go, okay, if you want to put it like that. My point is : it's okay, Star. Really, it is. And if they don't want to work with us anymore after today, so be it ! That means they weren't good people to begin with." he says and I sigh. "Now, listen, you're gonna call them, and say that I'm...very tired cause I couldn't sleep last night because of how thrilled I was to do this shoot today with them, it's gonna flatter their ego, they're gonna love it, and WE are going to go explore New York City and have a bit of fun, alright?" He tells me with a soft smile, holding both of my hands.
"I hate you, Tom. I hope you know this. This is the last time you cancel something so important at the last minute. Do you hear me? You will be calling them next time you suddenly wanna 'have a bit of fun' on a work day, today's the last time I'm doing it for you" I pull my hands from him, grab my phone and sit back on the bed, still half dressed. I bring the phone to my ear, trying to concentrate to sound, at least, a bit truthful.
"You got this, I love you!" he whispers, giving me two thumbs up.
I roll my eyes and answer him with a very well executed middle finger. He laughs and starts lacing his shoes.
"Hi, Starla? What's wrong? Are you guys on the way here? Mike is stuck in traffic right now, he just called me... I have a bad feeling about today, why are you calling me?" Judy starts rambling at the second she picks up. Judy's a friend of mine, from College. Right after we graduated she got a job at a pretty cool magazine, and from there she worked her way up, and now works as an artistic director on shoots for Vogue. Yeah... Vogue. That's what I had gotten for Tommy today. And he's making me cancel it.
"Hi...um...Judy, listen, I hate to tell you this right now but I don't think we-" I start but she cuts me off quickly.
"Hold on, Star, just a second, Mike's calling me back !" she says and hangs up the phone, before I even got the chance to tell her we're not coming.
She calls back a minute later and I take a deep breath before picking up.
"Starla I'm so sorry, but Mike said he won't be able to make it on time and he needed to start early for some lightning reasons, or I don't know exactly what... I'm really sorry, Tom and you are probably gonna hate me for this, but we're gonna have to reschedule the shoot." She tells me.
Why is Tom literally the luckiest person on the planet? She cancelled it before I could. Let's be honest, it kinda makes me feel a lot better, cause I wasn't too excited about letting her know that we wouldn't be able to come and giving her the world's worst excuse : "he's tired".
"Oh...it's...it's fine Judy ! It's totally fine, we'll just find another time to make it happen there's no problem" I tell her, pushing Tommy away as he tries to hug me for saving his ass. I mean, technically Mike saved his ass by cancelling the shoot himself.
Mike is a really famous photographer who's worked with the biggest magazines, and the biggest celebrities on the planet. I met him once, at a charity dinner that Tom and I were invited to, and I managed to talk to him for a solid 10min, without passing out. I'm a huge fan of his work, all of his pictures are just so alive, so different, so simple yet so effective. It's captivating.
"Listen I'll...talk to you later today, or text you whenever I find a new time slot for the shoot, sorry again Star..." she says before hanging up.
Well, at least I didn't have to lie. That's great !
"Alright, you are a very very lucky bastard..." I tell Tom, who's already walking towards the door.
"The Universe loves me, what d'you want me to say? Come on darling let's go now!" he says to me, quickly tapping his foot on the floor to show his impatience.
I throw on a random shirt and an oversized jeans jacket that I left on a chair last night and we walk out.
"Alright, let's have a 'bit of fun' then, I say we start with coffee and something to eat, like um..."
"Cinnamon Rolls !!" Tommy screams, finishing my sentence.
"Cinnamon rolls is exactly what I had in mind actually" I tell him and he gives me his -very famous and apparently irresistible, according to every single person we've ever been around- soft grin.
I gotta say, the day went pretty well, except for the fact that we had to walk everywhere cause Tommy refused to get his ass in a taxi, saying he needed to 'feel' the streets or something like that. When we were on our way back to the hotel, I decided that you can feel the streets pretty well from inside a taxi when you've already been feeling them from outside of the said taxi all day.
"Come on Tommy, we're getting a taxi now, I'm exhausted, literally can't walk anymore so you might have to leave me here if you wanna walk all the way back to the hotel...besides, the iconic yellow taxi is a part of New York, so I say it would be a crime not to get the full experience by riding one" I tell him, already raising my hand to stop one of the many yellow cars, ready to jump in and finally rest my sore feet.
"Oh. My. God." I hear him saying behind me.
"No, Tom, there's no trying to convince me to walk anymore, we're getting a taxi right here, right now !" I repeat. Authority's never been my forte, but it usually works with Tom, maybe because he ends up feeling sorry for literally being a child that I have to take care of every single day...yeah, that's probably why actually, but whatever, as long as it works, I'm satisfied.
"No, no, Star look !" he says nervously. I turn around and see that he's pointing at something on the other side of the street.
Or, more precisely, pointing at someone.
My first thought is 'what is he doing here?', followed really quickly by 'what is he doing with him?' as I see the second person walking behind him.
The one Tom was pointing at is Mike. Yes, the same Mike that we were supposed to work with today, who cancelled saying he was stuck in traffic.
The one walking -and now laughing- with him can't be who I think it is. Yet, I don't think anyone could ever confuse him with anybody else. Especially not me.
At that precise moment, I tried my hardest to look away before one of them noticed Tom and I standing on the other side of the street, starring at them, but I simply couldn't. I couldn't take my eyes off him. I had heard somewhere that this is usually what happens to the people who see him, but experiencing it is different. I felt like he might disappear if I looked away just for a second. I still felt like he wasn't really here...
"Starla? Star ! Are my eyes failing me or is that really who I think it is...with Mike?" I hear Tommy saying, but I don't answer yet, still looking at him as they both cross the street now, just a few meters away from us.
"It is him." I just say before quickly blinking and looking away, at last. I start waving my hand vigorously. I stop a taxi and open the door for Tom to get in, but when I turn around Tom isn't behind me anymore.
In fact, Tom is exactly where I didn't want him to be : shaking hands with Mike.
'Get in the taxi, and go back to the hotel while they still haven't seen you' I think to myself, but I see Tom turning around and Mike's face lighting up when he sees me, awkwardly standing next to the open car door. Shit. I close the door and the taxi leaves without anyone in it, probably just pissed that we made him stop for no reason.
"Starla ! Oh how beautiful you look, darling, absolutely stunning !" Mike starts saying, opening his arms to give me a hug, as he walks towards me. "I'm so sorry about today...poor Judy girl, I thought she was going to cry when I cancelled the shoot ! I got an emergency call, as you can see, and I couldn't say no to Mr. Styles, you know" he explains himself.
I give him a small smile and hug him with one arm, telling him that it's fine and that it's good it is to see him, cause it's been such a long time.
That's when he looked straight in my eyes for the first time. Everything seemed to freeze around me, I just heard a confused noise that I understood to be Mike saying something to me, or to Tommy. He had the brightest, most beautiful eyes you could ever think about. The only thing I could think of was that I probably looked stupid, and that I probably should say something but he did before I even managed to form some kind of sentence in my head.
"Hi, it's really nice to meet you Starla, I see you're friends with Mike ! I'm Harry...another friend of Mike...I guess !" he just says, with a large, genuine, smile hugging me quickly, one arm around my shoulders.
"Hi Harry, Mike's other friend" I say, unable to contain a large smile as well, that even grows bigger when he laughs at my answer. "I do know Mike, yeah, we were supposed to see each other today, in fact but I think you stole him from us..." I tell him.
"Um...yeah, sorry about that...technically it's not my fault, my manager called him and I had no idea" he shrugs.
"Mmmh...it's alright, just for today though !" I smile, noticing that he's still looking into my eyes, even as he talks to me. That's unusual, but again, I heard that's what he does.
"Well, Star I wanna make up to you and Tom for today, what do you say we go out together tonight? The four of us, maybe a few other friends if you have any in town at the moment, does that sound good ?" Mike tells us.
Wonderful. This is the reason why I didn't want for him to see us. I knew he would want to go out cause that's just the way Mike is : he always wants to make sure that everything is alright, and that things are fixed. Even when they don't necessarily need to be fixed.
Do I want to go out tonight with him and Tom? Not sure, but I know the both of them, and I could probably sneak out and leave without them noticing.
Do I want Harry Styles to be here too? That is debatable.
Not that I don't like Harry, I love Harry. And that's exactly the problem. Yes, I have managed not to pass out as he literally hugged me and introduced himself to me, and I even spoke to him a bit. Fine. But going out with normal people that I have known for years is already not my cup of tea, so going to a random bar with Harry Styles is honestly terrifying.
"Absolutely ! Yes, Star and I would be more than happy to go out a bit ! Thank God you're here to get her out of that hotel room Mike, I thought I was going to die of boredom" Tom agrees, without letting me find an excuse not to come. I give him my best death stare, that intensifies when Harry, still standing right next to me adds that he wouldn't be against a bit of fun.
If you could murder someone just by looking at them, I think Tom would be extremely dead right now.
"Yeah, um...we just...need to go back to our hotel right now but um...just text me the address and we'll be there alright ? We really have to go right now, sorry, we'll see you guys...tonight" I say waving quickly, grabbing Tom's arm and pulling him away.
I'm going to kill him, for real this time. Let me just find a dark alley where I can do that, I'm sure no one would know...
"Are you fucking serious right now Thomas ?" I whisper, calling him by his actual name -which is a thing I've only done a few times, just when I'm really mad at him.
"What? Star, I'm doing you a favor right now ! Harry freaking Styles wants to hangout and you were going to say no, I know you, love. And 'no' isn't the correct answer in a situation like that" he answers.
"Styles wasn't even the one to come up with the idea, Tom, he just...politely agreed after you said we'd be 'more than happy to go'. I'm not more than happy to go. Really not !" I tell him, stopping a taxi and getting in without waiting this time. Tom follows me and I can feel him looking at me after giving the driver the Hotel's address.
"What?" I sigh, shaking my head.
"You're not gonna make me believe that deep down, you're not a little happy about what just happened Star. I mean, come on, I know you. You love this guy. And I love him too, I mean everyone does to be honest. But I'm sure you guys have a lot in common !" he tells me, smiling and clearly very proud of himself.
"A lot in common? You think I have a lot of things in common with a fucking rockstar? You can't be serious, Tom. But you know what, you won already, so cut the bullshit now, we're going cause I can't say no anymore, end of discussion."
Let's be honest, deep down, I am very happy of course. I mean, who wouldn't want to spend a night out in New York with Harry. But considering I'm not really into going out to begin with, it's hard to imagine that it's gonna be a lot of fun for me. For Tom I know it will, and for Mike too and even Harry. It's their world.
The only thing I can think about right now is the last time I've gone out with friends. It was here in New York, actually. Tom wasn't here that time. He was at home.
It was 6 months ago...
We finally make it to the Hotel and I let Tom pay for the ride, already getting out, suddenly in desperate need of air. 'Stop thinking about that' I tell myself firmly. Maybe all I need is to go out tonight, try to have fun, forget about the rest.
"You good Star? If you really don't wanna go I can cal-" Tom starts saying, sounding almost apologetic, as we walk in but I cut him quickly.
"No. You're right. It's gonna be fun, I'm glad you said yes!" I say. And I mean it. Or at least, I try to convince myself that I do.
Tonight could be my way out. To forget and start over again.
"Geez, I thought you were never going to admit that I'm your hero !" he says and I jump on his back as we get in our bedroom.
"Don't get too confident, I still hate you for kinda forcing me into this...completely forcing me into this actually !"
"Blah-blah-blah....go get ready, I need you to be the one person that everyone looks at tonight Star!" he says, throwing me on the bed.
When I walk out of the bathroom, 45 minutes later, I'm wearing high waisted large white pants and a one shoulder camel top. I didn't do too much for makeup. Simple, but definitely cute.
"Ummmm...okay girl, I see you ! You pretend to be mad about going out but then show up looking like a goddess, I like that attitude" Tom says, his eyes wide open.
"Yeah, well, not my fault if I look good without trying...I'll teach you if you want !" I joke and I hear my phone buzzing on the night stand.
Judy's calling back. Do I tell her to come? Does she even know that Mike was actually in town today? Does she even know who he was with?
"Shit...it's Judy, what do I tell her?" I ask Tom, panicking a bit.
"Why are you asking me, I don't know just...say that we're going out with friends tonight and that you'll call her back tomorrow !" he tells me with a shrug. He's really good at giving bad excuses, kinda like a special, secret talent. Can be useful in some specific situations.
"Hey..Judy ! What's up? I'm so sorry can I call you back tomorrow, Tommy and I are going out with an old friend of his that we ran into at the...airport the other day ! They haven't seen each other in years and now Tom's forcing me to go with him!" I make a face, cringing at my own words. "Alright, tomorrow I promise!" I tell her, trying to deal with it fast so that I don't get lost in my own lie.
"No problem, you guys have fun alright?" she starts saying "Hold on, Star, have you heard the news ? Harry Styles. He's here, in New York, right now, he's been photographed in the streets today ! Isn't it amazing? I know you're a big fan, and so am I. Get a picture with him for me if you see him, in whatever bar or club you're going to, okay?" she asks, clearly extremely excited about the possibility of me meeting Harry.
I really had no clue that Harry Styles was in New York...not at all. And he really isn't the person that Tom and I are going out with tonight. Absolutely not.
"Oh...um, I didn't know but yeah sure, I mean it would be pretty crazy to just casually run into him but don't worry, if I do you'll be the first one to know! Alright, I really have to go Judy, talk to you later!" I hang up the phone and notice that Mike just texted me the address of the bar we're going to.
The same bar than the one from six months ago.
"You did great. You did really great ! Seriously, I can feel you getting better at making up excuses, can't you feel it too? Anyways... Let's go, what's the address?" I hear Tom asking in the distance.
Six months ago.
At the exact same place.
"Star? Come on, I don't wanna be late!" Tom tells me, grabbing my hand and pulling me out of my thoughts.
The only reason why I got out of the room was Tom's hand in mine, pulling me along as he walked towards the elevator. I couldn't go. I thought it would help me forget. But it's the same place. That's where it happened. That's where it all changed.
"Shit, Tommy I forgot my wallet, and my ID's in it !" I say, staying in the elevator when he gets out. "Give me the key, I'll catch you up on the way or get a taxi if you're too far, don't worry, I won't be long"
I don't let him protest, aware of the absurdity of my words, already pushing the 16th floor button.
"You're being so ridiculous Starla...you're not responsible for what happened. You're not responsible!" I tell myself out loud once I'm alone, suddenly finding it hard to breath, and holding myself onto the bar of the elevator. I can't do this.
I storm out as soon as the door opens and run to my room, slamming the door behind me. I can't breath anymore, my mouth is completely dry and my vision starts blurring.
"Not now Starla ! Not now, please, please, please... Shit ! Get it together girl, just focus, focus!" I tell myself, tears feeling my eyes as my breath gets louder and heavier. I manage to walk up to the window to try and open the top portion of it.
I breath slowly, my entire body shaking as I slowly calm down.
That's when I looked down at the street. He was standing right there, in front of the hotel, talking with Tom. Why did he even come here? And how did he know that was our hotel?
My eyes follow him as he walks to the door and probably gets in. Tommy gets in a taxi and leaves.
I stand there, next to the half-opened window as I hear three soft knocks on the door, a minute later.
"Starla? It's Harry. Tommy told me you'd be there...is everything alright?" He says with a calm voice. I walk to the door but freeze, my hand on the doorknob. What am I going to tell him? He's gonna see that I'm clearly not okay, you'd have to be blind not to notice that someone just had a panic attack.
"Starla? D'you want me to go? I just wanted to make sure that everything was okay, but I can leave you alone if you want" he adds.
"No I'm okay, just...one second" I answer quickly, wiping a small mascara trace left on my cheek by a tear. It's okay, I look just fine. I open the door and he's standing right there, one hand on the wall. I fake a smile "I'm ready ! I just forgot my wallet, that's my special talent !"
He raises an eyebrow, clearly doubting what I'm telling him, but he takes his hand off the wall and gets out of the way "Ladies first!" he says with a grin.
"What a gentleman..." I say, rolling my eyes and he laughs.
We get in the elevator and he's staying very quiet, but I can feel his eyes on me.
"I like your pants" he finally says.
"Oh ! Well thank you...cool suit !" I answer. I probably sound so stupid right now. Ugh, I seriously need help with human interaction. But why should I even care what he thinks, actually ?
We got in a taxi and made small talk on the way. I managed not to sound too cold, nor too excited. When we got out of the car, and walked in the bar, I was even relieved to have him walking next to me. I would have definitely ran away if he hadn't been here.
"Starla, you made it ! Oh you look amazing, darling ! Ask for whatever you want okay? It's all on me, and I want you to have fun tonight alright?" Mike starts saying -loud enough to cover the noise in the bar.
"I will, don't worry about me ! Where's Tommy?" I ask, getting closer so that he can hear me a little better. He shrugs, clearly unable to tell me. I laugh and start looking around, spotting Tom quickly, dancing with a group of girls in the middle of the room, which isn't surprising, let's be honest.
"What d'you wanna drink?" I hear Styles' familiar voice -despite the fact that I've actually only known him for less than two hours, but, you know, he has a recognizable voice- asking me, right next to my ear. I turn around and he's standing right behind me, closer than I had anticipated. I almost step on his foot, but he removes it quickly and puts one hand on the side of my arm, balancing me. I don't know why, but this small gesture makes me feel safe, for a split second, as he looks in my eyes. "Drink?"he asks again with his usual grin.
"Um...yeah, something that's alcohol free though" I tell him. He doesn't ask me why, the way most people do when I say that I don't drink, and I'm glad he doesn't.
I walk to a free table, focusing on my breath to stay calm despite the loud music and the amount of people all around me. He joins me, a minute later holding two drinks. We stay there, not saying a word for a second before he crossed his fingers, and places them under his chin.
"So, Starla. You don't like me very much do you? I can leave you alone if you want, you know, just tell me, I won't get offended...I mean, maybe I will...a bit" he tells me, very seriously, but with something so cute in his face at the same time, almost child-like.
'Good job Starla, now Harry Styles thinks you hate him and didn't want to come because of him' I think, honestly mad at myself.
"No, I do like you ! I...I'm a big fan actually, I mean, I really look up to you. Seriously, you're great! I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be cold or anything, I'm stupid" I tell him. Did I just admit that I'm 'a big fan' ? Just when I thought I couldn't do any worse. I'll always impress myself...
"Well, I'm reassured, thank you ! I thought you were trying to bail on us cause I was gonna be here" he says with a cheeky smile, clearly relieved by what I told him.
"No, I wasn't trying to bail on you guys, and especially not because of you" I say, looking away. I'm not really telling the truth : I did want to bail on them, but he isn't the reason why.
"Mmh..." he lets go, thinning his eyes and starring at me.
"What, Styles? You don't believe me?" I ask, noticing a small grin moving his lips the moment I called him Styles.
"I think you're lying. You obviously didn't want to be here tonight. What I need to understand now is why." he explains, tilting his head a bit still looking into my eyes.
"Oh...and what makes you think that I would wanna talk about it with a complete stranger?" I ask, mimicking his intonation and posture, tilting my head just like his.
Even though the stranger happens to be a famous stranger, that doesn't mean I'm willing to tell him the actual reason behind my whole 'I don't wanna be here' situation. Even Tom doesn't really know. I only told him a part of the truth when I came back from that week end in New York, last April. The only people who know everything are the people I was with.
And that's way enough.
"Well, maybe if I'm not a complete stranger anymore, you'll tell me...also, don't underestimate me like that ! If I wanna know, I will" he says with a serious face, a small crease forming between his eyebrows. I smile and shake my head, knowing that he's wrong, but not saying a thing.
'Try to make me speak big boy, good luck with that' I think and my smile gets wider.
"See, I'm already making progress, you're now smiling ! This is a victory, let's drink to that !" he raises his glass with a large childish smile on his face. I raise mine too and laugh.
Something's telling me that he's very serious about all of this, and he seems so genuinely interested that a tiny part of me wants to tell him. But he's still a stranger.
I have to say I actually had fun, we even danced a bit, which made Tommy and Mike really happy, cause they were scared I wouldn't enjoy myself. I was scared too. But Harry made things easy, he was actually really fun to be around. When I checked what time it was I couldn't believe it had already been three hours since we arrived. Midnight. I excused myself, saying I had to go to the bathroom real quick. Wasn't true.
I feel kinda bad as I'm walking towards the door to leave, they're gonna think I don't wanna be around them. But I don't stop. I push the large door and walk out.
The air is pretty cold. And I didn't think that taking a jacket was a good idea, thanks to my extremely powerful brain, so I just stand there, right in front of the bar, in a cold street of New York City, all alone. It's so quiet out here. I take a deep breath and exhale slowly.
I'm alright.
I start walking to the Avenue, to try and stop a taxi that will drive me back to the hotel. My feet are so sore from walking all day, and then dancing all night in heels. I hadn't done this in so long.
Despite the soreness, I end up walking all the way up the Avenue, and then, without even realizing it, I end up on Times Square. Feels like a different world, in the middle of New York itself. It's so bright and so noisy, even though it's almost one in the morning now. And, for once, the noise and the lights don't really bother me.
This is a new feeling for me.
No, actually, it feels like something I had forgotten, but already felt. Yes, that's what it is. Just like when a smelt, or someone's perfume brings you back to a certain memory, a certain person you knew who had the exact same smelt.
It had just been so long.
"So, you're telling me that you're happy about being at that bar but then you pretend to go to the bathroom and I find you on Times Square?" I hear the British accent I know so well say behind me. For some reason, I'm not even surprised that he followed me.
"Yeah... well, believe it or not, there was a magical portal in the bathroom that teleported me here ! Crazy, I know..." I joke and he laughs, shaking his head and looking at his feet.
He takes off his suit jacket and gives it to me. I would've preferred to refuse it, but I'm seriously freezing so I take it and thank him quickly, throwing it over my shoulders. I can't help but tell myself that I've never smelt any perfume like his before.
It's strong, and warm. It's safe.
"Mmh...so, what's your story, Starla? Don't lie to me this time, I know there's something going on in that pretty head of yo-" he starts, locking his eyes with mine, but I cut him off quickly.
"There's no story."
He raises an eyebrow, not even answering and I sit on the red stairs, right in the middle of this crazy place. I can see everyone from here. I like that. They all have 'stories', as he just said, and I can almost imagine them as I watch these young people getting out of this or that bar, obviously drunk, all laughing together, or crying, or shouting; or these couples, walking out of restaurants, holding each other's hands, or arguing and breaking up, right in the middle of the street; or that family, probably tourists, starring at everything as if they had just arrived on another planet.
Harry has a story too. A beautiful, insane and long story, I'm sure.
Mine isn't beautiful. It isn't insane. And it definitely isn't long.
He sits next to me, still not speaking.
"Tell me, Starla. Just...something, anything. Tell me something. About you, or about your friends, or your parents, even your hometown, or your childhood. I would like to know. Because I know you have a story to tell. I see it in your eyes. It's here, somewhere. And now that I've seen it...I need to know." he explains slowly. I don't understand how he saw that, just by looking in my eyes. I don't understand why he would ever want to know. I don't understand any of this actually.
"I don't have a story to tell, Styles. Trust me, what you think you see in my eyes, you don't want to know about it. It isn't a story. And it certainly isn't mine. I'm sorry to disappoint you, but I don't have that kind of thing..." I lie again. "The whole city could be looking inside my brain, they wouldn't find a thing in the 'what's your story' portion. It's all empty. Trust me. I don't know anything I could tell you."
"Well...just pretend that you do, for a second ! Tell me something new, something people wouldn't know about you. And I'll tell you something that people don't know about me. How does that sound?" He says, turning to me, with a hopeful smile.
I could do that. I don't even have to talk about certain things if I don't want to. I could even lie and he wouldn't know. Or I could tell him the truth.
Or I could start with random things, and see where it leads me to be open, for once.
"I don't know..." I say, looking down.
"For instance, what do you like?" he asks.
"Um...I like...books and um...music?" I tell him, finally looking up, straight in his eyes.
"Books and music. Just what I thought. You like quiet places and being alone. You're a dreamer kind of girl aren't you?" he says with a grin.
I do like quiet places. I do like being alone. I do prefer to imagine how things could be, or could've been, instead of actually living in the real world.
"Yeah...you could say that" I simply tell him, trying my hardest to stay vague. He's way too good at reading people, probably cause he's met so many. I wonder how many times he did what he's trying to do right now.
"I have an idea, cause you seem to be tired right now, and I don't wanna be too annoying... even if I probably already am anyways, but listen. You like books, and you like music. So I say, if you agree, of course, and you don't have to say yes, but just know that even if you say no, I won't give u-" he starts mumbling, sounding almost nervous, which is funny on him. And unusual.
"You want me to give you songs?" I say before he finishes his sentence.
"Yes. That's exactly what I want. I want you to give me songs that are meaningful to you, songs that you like, songs that you dance to, songs that you cry to. And quotes from books that are special to you, that hit you when you first read them. Can you do that for me?" he explains.
"Okay, but here are my conditions." I nod.
"Oh so we're making this a contract, I see" he jokes and I push him with my shoulder.
"One song, or quote, a day. That's all you'll get. And you won't necessarily get the explanation behind that song or quote, until I'm comfortable giving it to you" I say, telling myself that, that way, if I end up trusting him enough to let him know about the hidden parts of my story, he could understand alone. I won't have to say it.
"One song a day...I think we have a deal ! Come on, time to go to sleep now !" he says, getting up and offering his hand for me to do the same.
We walked back to the hotel, that wasn't so far anymore, since I had already walked all the way to Times Square. Was I really capable of doing that? Why him? It could have been anyone, but right now, it started to feel like he was the one I would finally share my story with. Even if it would take a lot of time, which I wasn't sure he really understood.
Right as I'm pushing the front door to walk in the hotel, he grabs my arm to turn me around.
"What song shall I listen to tonight, Starla?" he asks gently.
It's funny, but at this precise moment, I know exactly which song I wanna pick. His song, actually.
"Ever Since New York...goodnight Styles, thanks for...tonight. It was cool."
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Okay so, this chapter is VERY long but it had to be, for the story to begin, the main characters to be introduced, etc.
I hope you like, this is new territory for me, and it's kinda scary I have to say ! Also, I have no idea why but I can't upload gifs on here which is making me really mad, but I'll try again with the next chapter !
Tell me what you think !
Love <3