He had bags under his eyes, his hair stuck up in different directions as if combing it was the last thing on his mind and his clothes were all rumpled.
Uncomfortable and tense silence encompassed us. Neither of us knew what to say or how to begin.
"So..."
"Um-" We began simultaneously.
"You go first." I said.
He sighed, "Lizzy, I'm so fucking sorry for saying all those stupid things and I owe you a huge ass apology for it." Saying this, he slid the poptart box across the table towards me. I caught it and he continued to speak, "I let my anger cloud my judgement and I removed all my frustration on you. I know it was unacceptable, but—"
"Caleb, cut the bullshit. There's a reason why you said all those things even if it was through your anger. What I want to know is if that's what think of me—"
"No, Lizzy. I would never ever thi—" He said agitatedly, leaning forward to emphasize his point.
I stopped him by holding up my hand, "I'm not done yet." He shut up and reclined back. "Your anger may have been part of the reason why you lashed out, but maybe unconsciously you do think of me that way and so does Jacob. So, please do me a favor and tell me the goddamn truth. I want to know if that's what you think of me; a weak and pathetic person who let's my past control me. The past that you know nothing about." I paused letting my words sink in.
"My past is my past, and I decide who to tell or who not to tell. I've never pretended or acted fake around the both of you. It is the real me. If you think secrets help in building a relationship then you are extremely mistaken. Maybe that's how your relationship with other people works, but I do not want to be a part of something like that.
"Don't get me wrong, I definitely appreciate your help through everything and I'm extremely grateful, but I know how to take care of myself. You used me as a punching bag to release your anger. You hurt me by using my insecurities, things that I trusted you with against me. It hurt so much."
He looked remorseful and guilty, as if he finally understood the effect his words had on me.
"Sue me for worrying about a bruised up Jacob, who by the way loathes violence or did you forget that? Would the both of you not act the same way I did if positions were switched? I'm sure the both of you would fucking freak and demand to know. Is it wrong that I worry about the both of you the same way you'll worry about me?"
A huge weight lifted off my chest once I was done and I had said whatever I had to say without breaking down which made me feel proud of myself.
"Lizzy, I....I'm so s-sorry. That day was such a fucking disaster, and I didn't even realize what I had said until it was too late. I'm so fucking sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you. You didn't deserve it, and I understand if you can't forgive me." His head hung low with shame.
"What happened that day?" I asked, giving him a chance hoping he would take it.
He remained silent which gave me my answer. I didn't want to lose them, but there was no other choice.
"Trust is a two-way street, Caleb, which is why I don't think this will work if you don't trust me." His head snapped up on hearing me, his eyes were red and filled with agony.
"I'm done getting hurt, Caleb." I picked up my things and before I could walk away—
"I'm so fucking sorry, Lizzy." He whispered lowly.
I walked out without another glance at him. I didn't stop until I reached my apartment, hands trembling as I searched for my keys. I had to stop myself for a few seconds to steady my trembling hands, so I could put the key in the keyhole.
I slid down my door once I was inside. Why did it hurt so much? It wasn't the first time I had been hurt, and it definitely wasn't the worst, but it still hurt the most.
Seconds, minutes and hours passed, and I finally decided to get up. My back and head were aching while my stomach was rumbling with hunger, I hadn't even eaten lunch. I went to the kitchen, took a painkiller for my headache and made myself a sandwich.
As I was devouring it, I recalled that I was supposed to go out with Greyson tonight.
Damn it, I didn't want to cancel again, but I couldn't pretend that my head was not throbbing with pain.
I sent a text to Greyson asking if I could have a raincheck. A few minutes later, my phone pinged alerting me of a new message.
Grey
Did something happen?
Me
No, nothing. I just don't feel well.
Grey
You were fine in the morning tho.
Me
I think today's day was too overwhelming.
Grey
Eli, you need to take care of yourself. Don't push yourself too much. We can go out another day, just please take care of yourself.
Me
Thanks, I will. I'm so sorry for canceling.
Grey
Don't make me come over there and kiss you.
I smiled as I shut off my phone. I didn't want to lay in bed and mope around, I needed distraction. Looking around my apartment, I realized it looked like a dump. There was my distraction.
I started with my long overdue laundry and proceeded to make my undone bed. I cleaned and tidied my closet, putting back the clothes that were strewn about. Once I was done with my bedroom, I started with the living room, which was more of a mess than I had expected and finally I moved onto the kitchen.
After I was done with my cleaning spree, I plopped down on the sofa; tired and a little breathless. I decided to watch a movie to reward myself, grabbing a bag of popcorn, I walked over to the couch.
Just as I was about to sit down, there was a knock on the door. Looking through the peephole, I shouldn't have been surprised to see who it was.
What was he doing here anyway?
I opened the door to see Greyson with a large grin on his face and a takeout bag in his hand. His eyes widened and trailed down my body when he saw me. I was wearing shorts and a baggy shirt which covered the shorts, leaving my legs bare.
Boys.
"Are you going to tell me what you're doing here or keep staring at me like you want to eat me?" I questioned.
His eyes snapped up to meet mine and a smirk graced his features, "If I say it's the second option then can I get a taste of those—"
"You disgusting prick." I exclaimed with wide eyes cutting him off.
"Apples, that I see on the table there." His smirk grew wider when he knew he had caught me, his head nodding to the bowl of apples that we were indeed there.
"I'm this close to slamming the door in your face." I said quickly, trying to hide my blush while holding my thumb and index finger close together.
He chuckled, "Well, I knew you were bullshitting when you said you were sick and even if you are I got some painkillers." He said, holding up a bag. "We can hang out here, that is if you're fine with it." He added.
The innocent smile and puppy eyes won me over; I opened the door a little wider and let him in, it's not like I had anything to do and it would be a good distraction.
"I brought Chinese since I didn't know what you would like to eat." He said while going towards the kitchen.
"Chinese is fine." I murmured, following him.
I took a seat on the barstool while Greyson proceeded to remove some plates that he had found, like it was his home rather than mine.
"Greyson?" I said, trying to figure out how to say what I wanted to say without sounding rude.
"Mm-mh?" He hummed, engrossed in trying to get the food onto the plates.
"What are you doing here?"
He lifted his head up to meet my gaze, a confused look on his face, "What do you mean? I'm here cause we made plans to hangout."
"Yeah, I know. But I told you I wasn't feeling it today and you still came over." I said as nicely as I could, I was curious.
"Honestly Eli, I knew something was up reading your dry ass texts and you weren't feeling sick in the morning. Today may have been overwhelming for you, but I figured you might want some company.
I tried to ignore the flutter in my chest at his concern, but another thought popped up in my head, "Did Caleb send you?"
The baffled expression on his face answered my question, "No, he did not. Why? What happened? And don't even think of lying to me."
I sighed and laid my head on my arms, turning my head in Greyson's direction, who now looked at me with concern and worry.
"Yesterday when you came over, I had a fight with Caleb and everything spiralled out of control from there, he said some things he didn't mean. I met up with him today and after the conversation I thought it was best that we not talk for sometime."
"Does he need to be punched?"
His question made me smile, I knew he wasn't serious. It made me feel slightly better; he always made me feel better.
Greyson walked over to me and pulled me into a tight hug.
Pulling away from the hug, he mumbled, "Eli." Looking into his captivating eyes and giving him the attention he wanted, he said, "I know what happened."