As noticed, this shitpost was originally its own chaptered story on my account, but it felt too short and weak to be a standalone story, so I injected it into this book and slapped an ending onto it. A few of the jokes had to be rewritten but otherwise it's literally the same.
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"ooooooooohhhh firey" leafy said as he walked and then firey approached and slapped her and burned her hahaha funny and said "ur bad" and left and then leafy started cryinf and then pin showed up. "wuts wrong leaf" and then leafy slapped pin but then they both got slapped my coiny (author note dont ask how) and then gelatin appeared and made a snarky comment before vanishing for 400 paragraphs with donut.
leafy gots her weapon and said "i will kill him" and then she transformed into magical yoyle girl and went to kill firey. "wut we do" pin and coiny said before being tagged in the fanfic.
leafy ran and she had the weapon and she was crying and then she approached firey and said "i will kill u" and firey was like "nuuuu i want attention" and then teardrop said nothing and then firey died and leafy died haha
firey woke up "wtf was that shit" and then he looked around and he was in hell and he said "oh this isnt so bad" but then leafy was here and firey started cryinf so loud and he would've died but he was already ded! "firey shut up nobody likes you they only like me" and firey was crying even more and in pain from the crying. and leafy was like "wowww urr soooo borin outside our ship" and firey couldnt take it and he killed her and beat her up and default danced on her corpse.
"wait" firey said "since she died here is she in 2nd hell" and then alastor from hazbin hote was there and he said "no shes alive and ur not" and firey cried and played the drums and said "thats it im going backl and put on his frisk bracelet and jumped out of hell.
meanwhile pen and eraser were existing and blocky screamed "its JOOOOOOOKEEEEEEE" at the top of his voice and everyone screamed and cried and 4 started flossing.
remember how donut and gelateen would appear 400 paragraphs later well its time! well donut just killed gelatin and then liy came over and said "thats nice may i make a tiktok of it" and donut said yeah.
leafy appeared from hell and said "ok campers i'm back!" And everyoen cried except for BEST GIRL BRACELETI who was busy cheering for her waifu ice cube we stan. then firey appeared and everyone cried even more. firey frowned and said "what are u all cryinf about" and coiny said "well u and leafy suck without fireafy so get kissing" but firey couldnt and he played the Barney theme song and Dora started dancibg until david slapped her so sad waaaaaaaaaa.
but dora doesnt cry because she's good. bell looked at firey and said "its as though everytime you open your mouth, you become less and less likable" and everyone said OooOooooohhhh and leafy smirked. Firey cried and ran offf to mourn and write in his diary.
"dear diary" firey said "today i couldnt find my diary so im writing on my two shrek dvds" and shrek was on the dvds and he winked at him and firey squealed and said "omg" and he was dancing but then he burned the dvds omg. "nUUUUUUU" said firey but then meanwhile grassy was there and he said "im grassy" and firey was so mad that he killed grassy and he said "yeah and im firey so die" and grassy died omg so sad.
Blocky showed up and be said "what the heck why did you kill grassy u firey" he said and firey sighed and said "because my dear love shrekathon was slaughtered" and blocky said "well leafy is your true love" and firey blushed and said "SHIT THE FUCK UP SHIT THE FUCK UP" and left the roblox server.
"sad" said leafy before chasing after firey.
firey logged off and got out of his gamer chair which was next to his gamer equipment and he said "wow im glad thats over" but then firey jr came and he said "i want to play fortnite" and then firey said "no" and firey jr was so mad that he burned down all the gaming stuff and firey cried and said "WHY" but firey jr had already gone downstairs to eat lunch.
firey punched the wall with his arm and then he said "grrrrr IM MAD firey jr burned down all my gaming equipment THIS IS SO UNFAIR" and then he went downstairs and firey jr was there and he was eating a peanut butter sandwich and firey said "bruh u eat it without juice" and firey jr said "yuh cuz juice will literally kill us" and firey shoved firey jr into the sink and turned on the water and firey jr evaporated and died.
firey smiled and turned to open the freezer except leafy was in there and she said "hi firey sorry i came out of the closet" and firey said "but this is a freezer and you're straight" and leafy chucked a football at firey except it burned up oop and firey said "wut do we do now"
leafy smiled and said "i have an idea" and ran up the stairs and firey chased her and they were in his room and firey said "we can't play gameu because firey jr burned all my gaming equipment" and leafy smiled again and said "i have an idea" and she hit the floor and the computer reconstruced itself.
firey said "i do not want to join the bfb server again because everyone is mean and ships me with you" and leafy said "shut up underwear boi im tryna log into club penguin" and firey blushed and said "im not underwear boi" and leafy shrugged and slammed both of them into the pc and they were in club penguin and everyone there was penguins except for them and firey immediately went to go breakdance at the night club.
green leaf sighed and walked over to the iceberg and started drilling it with a jackhammer and the fucker flipped and she started screaming and screaming and screaming and then she swam to the coffee shop and rockhopper the pirate was there so they drank tea and talked about stuff but then she walked out snd firey was there and he said "im leaving" and leafy said "oh no u dont" and pushed him and he fell and melted the entire island because it was made of snow and they both fell into the water and firey evaporated.
water and water and water and water and leafy blinked and started swimming and she saw a giant shark and she said "O-O" and began to scream except she would die from doing that so she started choking and flailing but then the shark spit a map at her and it said bfb land and she held it and she gasped and said "skeedle skaddle i shall now paddle" and swam to get to bfb land and she was there and everyone was there except for firey.
"oh hi leafy" ruby said and leafy laughed and smacked her to death and said "has firey respawned" and donut said "wait hes dead" and leafy flushed and said "uh oh" and two showed up and said "it's time for the total drama musical number" and everyone approached leafy and she gulped and said "i didnt kill him because technically the water did" but everyone frowned and continued to approach her and two respawned firey into a jail cell labeled gay baby jail before singing "a little beating lesson for you" and to the beat of a chinese lesson.
"man man chi means we'll beat you up" everyone said and leafy said "thats not how it goes" before getting judo kicked by marker who said "thiiisssss is hooow it goes!" but then stapy said "i want to kill leafy" and impaled with a staple and marker died and two respawned marker into the gay baby jail and firey glared at him before two was continuing and said "a little killing lesson time" to the beat again and everyone said "man man chi means time to dieeeee" and leafy backed up against a cliff and said "no i dont feel like dying" but ruby said "too bad you will die for slapping me you meanie jerk" and leafy cried like a little bitch baby and loser posted this on his instagram before flicking the leaf and leafy was so mad she jumped on him and crushed him to death and cake cried as well.
two sighed before respawning loser into gay baby jail before they said "a little snapping lesson for you" and everyone said "man man chi means im about to lose it" and leafy smiled and said "not if i do it first" and pulled out her knife and killed pencil and bell and tv did a robotic scream and two said "well what are we going to do i only made a gay baby jail" and bracelety smiled and said "not to worry i made a lesbian club" and two thanked her before respawning pencil and bell into it and slamming the door and meanwhile firey slapped the cell and said "forget this im going to go eat ravioli" and marker said "there is like nooo way to escape" and firey said "dude the cell is literally made out of wood" and woody screamed next to the cell and firey set them both on fire but two continued.
two said "a little death sentence for you" and everyone said "man man chi its due quite soon" and they all charged at her and leafy gulped but then firey waltzed out of the gay baby jail and said to the beat of end of the chinese lesson song "im feeling quite straight and also watch thisssssss" and he did a floss so awesome everyone walked off and leafy said "wow thanks firey" and firey said "yeah well you're overrated so you have no rights" before walking away to go play breath of the wild and leafy smirked before throwing the knife into the ground and causing an earthquake.
the entire planet began to shake and leafy laughed like a crazy old lady and earth split apart as rocky was yeeted into the underworld and balloony was so sad and match ran into the lesbian club to hidd and firey's pc fell off the gamer table and broke and firey said "FUUUCKKKK YOOOUUUU LEEEAAAAFFFFFFYYYYY" and marched out to the earthquake and slapped her and burned her and beat her up before lifting the knife from the ground and the earthquake stopped and wow that entire conflict was resolved very quickly.
leafy was really upset and said "why did you stop the earthquake it was a gift for pin" and firey said "we have never interacted before" and coiny said "wHat i hate you" and slapped him and firey did the harlem shake to assert his superiority and coiny cried wow coiny you couldnt beat another overrated nobody what a loser and pin said "well thats fine i dont really care" and leafy sighed and then there was silence.
coiny began to sing a song "it seems today that all you see" and firey said "is violence and movies and sex and tv" and leafy said "but where are those good old fashioned values" and pin said "on which we used to relllyyyyyy" and they all put on golden hats and sang "lucky theressss a familly guy lucky theres a man who positively can do all the things that make us" and cake said "pumpkin pie!" and everyone stopped and glared and cake said "uhhh ohhh" but then pin put a golden hat on his head and said "continue" and everyone said "he's our family gayyyyy" and started laughing.
"hey i have an idea lets go on a road trip" firey said and coiny was like "holy shit that sucks but sure lets go on a trip" and they all hopped into the freesmart supervan and drove into the sunset.
everyone drove into the sunset and were set on fire but then cake threw a giant ice cube at the sun and it flew away and coiny said "isnt that kind of dumb" and leafy said "well wait until you see bfb 20" and they all laughed except for firey who was not an ice cube kinnie like the rest of these losers and leafy slapped him into laughing as he cried and then died but then four recovered firey and flicked him all the way back into the van and firey said "wheres our next destination" and pin said "we're going to inanimate insanity area" and coiny said "oh maybe we will interact with the other contestants and have unique interactions" and pin said "no this is a wattpad fic there is no fun" and coiny started drinking and became an alcholic. alocjaildj. HELP.
they landed in inanimate insanity and nobody was there but there was a popcorn machine that was labeled "beve bobs" so firey got some popcorn and then burnt it and then gifted it to cake and laughed at how offended he was wow what a jerk and pin saw this weird glass vial and stepped on it lmaoooo goodbye test tube she's dead but then pin got glass in her point and cried like a baby and coiny laughed and wow i'm just destroying all the ships in this crackfic and firey ripped the glass out and tossed it into cake's popcorn and cake ate the popcorn and shattered his.... teeth? idk
"this is so boring can we go to another destination" pin said and leafy said "fine we're going to discord" and cake said "no i cant go there im banned for saying i wouldnt vote bracelety for rejoin" and leafy said "damnit cake now the entire trip is ruined" and began speeding off a cliff and firey said "leafy stop we actually will die" and leafy said "idc blame cake and dont be a hypocrite" but then they crashed into rocky who was on his way to hot topic and they went flying into the opposite direction and into a building and coiny said "this isnt what i thought the lesbian club would look like"
coiny said "this isnt what i thought the lesbian club would look like" and cake said "wait didnt you already say that" and coiny took another sip of alcohol and leafy said "it's because we're not in it, we're literally in a basketball court" and she looked around and it was in fact a basketball court and firey said "wow, time to get myself drawn as victory" and he drew himself
pin slapped him and said "firey u cant do that it takes up the budget and you probably added a white line to the bottom of the photo because you know it takes money" and firey said "but we dont have a budget" and pin growled but leafy cut in and said "cheer up we can use gacha life" and they all turned into gacha life characters and they were humanized like this
"why are we humans" coiny said and leafy said "because gacha life is humans" and pin said "well now i can do a decent dora cosplay" and firey said "why do i look like an anime fuckboy" and leafy said "because gacha" and they all laughed and walked out of the basketball court only to find themselves in a classroom wow who wouldve thought and they all started discussing anime without even changing their poses.
leafy suddenly looked around the classroom and said "wait guys we're human and in a classroom" and cake said "what does that mean" and leafy said "this means we're in highschool au" and pin said "NOOOOOOOOOOOOO" and cried and stop crying omfg and firey said "wait then whos veronica" and they all looked at pin crying and pin said "fine but only if jd is coiny" and firey nodded and shoved him out the window and they all ran off stage and ran.
"wow i cannot beleeve it took 4 months for us to set up the play" cake said and pin slapped him 50 times and left him on the side of the road and firey and leafy were kissing and coiny cried and ran out to join cake on the road and said "NOBODY HERE LIKES ME" and cake was too dead to respond
pin threw on her wig and walked around the stage and the audience teleported in and snatched her wig and pin cried so she blew up the stage causing her firey and leafy to go flying into the road and a car approached and they all thought they was gonna die but then cake became a banana peel and the car slipped and went flying into the ocean and died and firey sat up and said "where are we" and leafy said "ITS MARIO KART U STUPID FUCK" and firey ran her over with a hot wheels
"wait wait" pin said and she became an object again because gacha humans are dumb and everyone became objects and they ran to the start of the race
leafy hopped into a bomb and popped a wheelie and Cake said "I hate you all" and started the race without them and Firey growled and transformed into a hot wheels and
and
and
"Hold up," Pin inquired, "Why does every sentence drag on and on and on?" Coiny turned to stare at her, "You didn't notice before?"
"...No."
Coiny blew up Pin's car and sped off and ran Cake off a cliff and Leafy drove after him and said "That's for killing my friend" and Coiny said "That was 10 years ago" and then Firey hit them both with blue shells and was goingb super sexcily to the finish line when Pin said "THERES 3 laps" and Firey went flying off a cliff and died from the water and then leafy stole dream island and won and cheered and said "I won"
Well Cake climbed up the cliff and said "Ok Leafy wins what do we do know-" and then Pin noticed a portrait and pushed everyone into it and matio music I MEAN MARIO MUSIC played im so sorry for my gamer sins and also this is one of the last paragraphs cuz im bored
pin and coiny and leafy and cake fell out of the portal and into a house and it was literally the crustiest house ive ever seen like u could lick it and itd be soooo nasty and pin looned (I MEANT LOOKED OH NO NOW PIN STANS LOONA) down and saw a script and she picked it up and said "what the point pun fuck is this" and everyone turned and made out the script and NOT by kissing and cake said "let me read bitches" and ate the script and lit up his eyes and said "i know how this works" and he went idol pose in the middle of the room. No seriously he did a hatsune miku pose
and uhm coiny said "how's this reference gonna work if most of us dont have 4 letter names" and cake angrily ate coiny and said "Its my time to shine" and pin looked out the window and saw a meteor and she realized it was homiestuck and she screamed and farted on an apple and instantly teh crusty house was teleported and OWWWW MY HAND HURTS FROM TYPING I HATE THIS STORY OW WOWWWWWW OWWW ITS SO SORE OUCHHHH AHHHUH and they all landed in
in
in
BFB land... the server... oh my god the one from the beginning of the story. Leafy looked around, softly smiled, and said "This is the beginning of the end." B UT NOT LIKE THE EDDSWORLD COMIC WHY WHY and pin cried cutely
"STOP CRYING" cake boomed and exploded and slapped pin so hard that everyone came back to life including him and they were all gathered and gelatin said "what do we do know *now" and four said "its time to party" and they all partied thats how i met your mother and look we even have pincoin and fireafy shoved in as well for the kiddos
The End.