I woke up without her. Not being able to see her or hold her as soon as my eyes were open was one of the worst feelings I’ve experienced. It wasn’t the worst—her leaving without a word was the worst. But this feeling was like having a piece missing from you.
I never did well without all of my pieces.
My gait was lazy as I left my room to search for her. No one seemed to be home, and I understood that considering it was Monday. Most everyone was at school which left the house available to me if I couldn’t find Savannah. At that moment I wasn’t so sure I’d find her. She wasn’t in Maddie’s nor Natalie’s room, the guest room was unoccupied as was Jack’s, the living room lacked any sign of life, and nothing about the kitchen said anyone had been in there since breakfast. There was only one other room she could possibly be in and that option was highly unlikely.
As I rounded the corner to the office, I heard her soft humming. It wasn’t familiar to me, the tune, but it was catchy and whispered happiness. I stood in the doorway and watched her spin slowly in the office chair as she read from a book. Her eyes were bright and alive like she’d just had the best sleep of her life. Her red hair was down and sticking up in certain directions like she hadn’t cared to really worry about a shower yet. The shirt that she’d worn last night was wrinkled as were the oversized basketball shorts. This was her morning glory and it was messier and more beautiful than I could ever remember.
“She had a mind like a box of fireworks and hands that played recklessly with matches,” she said and slowly came to a stop from her spinning. Then she dog-eared the page she was on and put the book down.
“What’s that from?” I asked.
“Not what, but who,” she replied then turned her eyes on me. “Michael Faudet is that who. He’s great with words, don’t you think?”
I nodded because I couldn’t find the right words to reply to her with. That happened often I noticed as of late. Savannah had started to say things that didn’t warrant a reply, and I knew if I tried that I’d just make myself look incredibly dumb.
Savannah picked up the book beside it and opened it to a dog-eared page. Her eyes smiled as she skimmed over it before saying aloud, “Her bow is drawn to worlds of dark where arrows spring and miss their mark. She’ll turn their heads but not their hearts.”
I leaned against the doorway and thought for a second as to why she would say that. There was no real reason that I could find that would cause her to read something so…haunting. It wasn’t a sweet thing. It didn’t make anyone happy. It made me feel like utter shit.
“That’s a poem by Lang Leav. Beautiful, isn’t it?”
“No,” I replied. From there we were silent until she put the book down on top of the other one and walked towards me. Her eyes traced me from head to toe and back up again. I fought off the urge to ask her if she liked what she saw. Now didn’t seem to be the time for sexual jokes and smirking.
“Do you know what it’s about?” she asked as she stopped in front of me.
I stood up from my leaning position against the frame and took those few seconds to think. The poem made sense to me as something to make people uncomfortable. I didn’t like being uncomfortable despite the fact that I normally was.
“It’s about a curse—a curse of beauty. This girl wants love but can’t have it in the way she really wants because people fall in love with the way she looks and not the way she is,” she explained and took a small step forward as if asking me to challenge her.
So I did.
“Or maybe the only beautiful thing about her is on the outside,” I countered.
We were toe to toe now. She looked up at me and me down at her. Her eyes were a fierce hazel that carried the empirical gold; lips were in a flat, pink line; and there was a simple pimple near her hair line. She looked like she was ready to fight.
Then all of a sudden, she turned her back to me and grabbed the books from the desk before leaving the room. I followed after her without question until she shut the door to the guest room in my face. Apparently I stood there long enough for her to gather her things for a shower.
“Be ready in half an hour,” she commanded as she marched down the hall to one of the bathrooms.
*
An hour later we were somewhere between our small town and one of the major cities surrounding us. Savannah made me drive so she could paint her toenails a blood red. I didn’t understand why she was painting them if she was just going to put on her boots soon. Then out of the corner of my eye, I watched her slowly begin to paint her fingernails the same color.
And I was thrown back to the first time she’d ever worn red fingernail polish around me:
I had started to go up to the door to get her but she was headed outside by the time I got halfway. That wasn’t the first time she’d done it, and I thought for a while that she was embarrassed to have her parents meet me and know that we were dating. I never did ask why she came running out whenever she heard my pickup. That was just her thing.
Savannah took my hand and kissed my cheek as we walked back to the vehicle. Her eyes glittered in the sunset as did the necklaces she wore. I didn’t want to go out tonight, but seeing her in that pretty black dress and olive green jacket made me rethink my whole perspective.
She got in on her own accord and gave me the directions to the party. Her hands moved as she talked and directed. It was adorable until I caught site of the red-tipped fingers. I grabbed one of her flailing wrists and stared for a minute at the red nail polish.
“Why’d you paint them red?” I asked angrily. Red wasn’t a color I wanted her to associate with. It looked too good on her and made people stare. I didn’t care if it was nail polish.
“I like the way it looks,” she said before cupping my face with her free hand and kissing me softly.
That was the first time I’d ever gone into the ditch unintentionally. It wasn’t the last time either because every single time she wanted to kiss me was when I was driving. There was no way I could drive and kiss her at the same time.
I looked at her for a second in that old flannel and jean shorts. She was so focused on her nails that she didn’t even look up when the song we’d danced to in front of the pickup had come on. Casually I turned it up and hummed along since the song was still new to me. No one said anything until the song was over.
“Good memories,” she said as she capped her bottle and put it in one of the cup holders. I nodded but didn’t say a word.
We were quiet for twenty minutes until she pulled on her socks and boots. Savannah let out little grunts that made me chuckle. Once she was done, she punched my arm, put up the middle console, and laid down with her head on my leg, eyes staring up at me. Finally she let her eyes close so that I’d look at the road.
“Turn the radio off. I want to talk,” she said, keeping her eyes closed. I reached over and shut the radio off with a small smile. That’s when she launched into a series of questions. “How was your senior year? Who’d you take to prom? Who won fall homecoming and winter? How was my class’s graduation, the party, their prom…?”
I couldn’t help but laugh and then wonder why she hadn’t asked these questions earlier. This is the third day she’s been here and now she was wondering.
“One question at a time,” I replied with a chuckle. “I’ll start with your class as seniors, okay?”
She nodded as best as she could and kept her eyes shut.
“They were the best senior class I’ve ever dealt with. They were supportive and got everyone to go to things. They threw a hell of a lot of parties too that always made things easier during school. I don’t think any class will ever be as good as yours.
“The prom that we set up for them was good, but they made it great. The after party was amazing. They put tarp all over in an old shed, fill water balloons full of paint and let us throw them at each other. The paint never came out so now the clothes are used for working on vehicles.”
Savannah sat up quickly with a masterful smile, “They used my post-prom idea! I didn’t think that they would or that the school would approve!”
Immediately she curled up by my side and rested her head on my shoulder. This was her way of telling me to continue, but I was suddenly too distracted with thinking about all of the things they did in her memory. The seniors before them had lost a student to death and had done things but nothing like what they did for Savannah.
“Their graduation was pretty kick ass too. Martha did the speech but at the end of it they pulled up a video and said that this was actually your speech. I heard your speech that you wrote when you were a sophomore,” I said, staring straight at the road as the memory filled my head.
My family sat with the Ackers. They were emotional all day and had been at the house for the whole morning. Henry refused to show just how much not seeing Savannah graduate was killing him. I guess that was just how Henry worked though.
“Now Miss Martha Haven with the valedictorian speech,” Mrs. Dumont said and returned to her seat as Martha stood to go center stage.
There was a lot of clapping, especially from the class of 2016. They were all proud of Martha and how she’d made it to the position she was in now. I was happy for her too but nothing would make it better unless Savannah came crashing in and gave the speech.
“From a young age, we’re asked what we are going to be. I remember wanting to be president until this year when we learned about government. That is not some easy stuff. I also learned that high school is not as easy as you think and things change. People leave. But then you can’t just sit around and wait for them to come back.
“I also know that this isn’t my speech to give; Savannah Acker wrote a speech and here it is.”
The projector came on and the stage lights fell out. A video of her popped up automatically. Her hair was cut just below her chin and straightened like she did all the time her sophomore year. She wore her glasses and one of her many sweaters. Even all those years ago she was beautiful and I was foolish enough to not notice that until now.
“Ladies and gentlemen, family, friends, teachers, and of course my fellow graduates, it’s great to see you all in this atmosphere where everyone’s a bit nervous and suddenly four years isn’t anything but a memory. It seems like only yesterday we were walking in as awkward freshmen who just wanted to get through high school without being banged up,” she said with a sickly sweet smile. I nodded as if to agree and waited patiently for her to continue.
“But I was told once that high school was just a goal for college. I completely agree because high school is where you find what homely friends you really have and what you really like doing. It doesn’t exactly say what you want to do but it guides you. The guidance doesn’t only come from peers but the staff. So I want to say thank you to everyone who taught us and helped us not just book wise. I also want you thank you for dealing with our misfit class. You’re real peaches.
“Here in a few moments, we’re going to get our diplomas. Who knew that a piece of paper could control your life, eh? And honestly, I’m scared to receive that piece of paper. That diploma will signal the end of something we’d become accustomed to. It says that we belong in the real world now and there is no guarantee for what will happen tomorrow. But, ladies and gentlemen, if I have learned absolutely anything throughout my four years, it’s that my class is more than ready to take on the challenges. For that, I am proud.”
The clip ended and so many people stood and clapped. And me? Well, I just wanted to find her even more.
“I thought Mr. Beans had thrown that video away,” Savannah laughed and looked embarrassed.
“It was the best speech I had ever heard,” I complimented in hopes of making her feel better.
She smiled and asked, “What about your senior year?”
I wanted to pull the pickup over. I wanted to forget my senior year. I wanted to forget she left. I wanted to forget college in the fall. I wanted this every day. I wanted her in my life as a constant.
“It was average. I didn’t honestly feel like we were able to do anything that could make anyone else feel as good as your class made people feel. Prom was boring. Farrah and Greg won fall homecoming. Kiera and Jason won winter somehow; I swear that was rigged. Then you came back for graduation…” I trailed off and looked at her.
She understood what I was trying to say perfectly. Holy shit did I miss her. I don’t think I ever could stop either.
*^*
A/N: Just a boring chapter. It's more of a filler.
Who do you think could pass for Savannah? And Ollie? Comment!
xoxo