"When you know, you know."
Margaret (feat. Bleachers) Lana Del Ray & Bleachers
R U T H
The office door shut behind me and Ander made sure to lock it before escorting me down to the kitchen. It was well past midnight, and he'd gotten worried that I was overworking myself. Reese had called the office numerous of times, and I recognised his number. I only answered one call and it consisted of him telling me to have something to eat and me saying 'later'.
But now Ander wasn't giving me a choice. He threatened to unplug the computer from the powerpoint. The document I'd written up wouldn't have saved if he did that, so, naturally, I complied.
"Tell me you found something." Reese met us in the hallway and attacked me with his questions. "How much did you get done? You've been up there all day and night. What did you find? There must've been something, right? Anything you know?"
Ander waved him off. "We can discuss this after she's eaten."
Minutes later, while I waited beside the kitchen island, Ander cooked up a meal for three. The mellow lights above the counter were the only sources of light, but I guessed werewolf vision included night vision, so Ander couldn't have burned himself if he tried.
"How long will he be gone?" I asked into the stillness.
Reese emerged from the pantry with a bunch of snacks and sprawled them out before me. Ander turned at the sound of plastic rustling and glared at Reese.
"I'm making a meal. Pack those away."
"No."
Ander shook his head and returned to the pasta boiling in the pot on the stove.
"Ander told you, then?"
"He slipped up. He didn't tell me," I said, picking out a small snack to occupy myself with before the meal.
Reese sighed, then walked over to the two wide doors separating us from anyone else who might've been awake. He shut them before taking a spot beside me. He raked a hand through his messy hair and dispelled a short breath.
"Zephaniah and Angelo have been trying to cooperate with Rueben to fight the bigger of evils. Again, it all links back to the Galilean War. Our Alpha has asked for their help with this evil, too, but they've got their own problems to worry about. They refuse to help on matters other than the one linking them all together."
"What bigger evil?"
"I'll tell you about it after we've killed the lesser evil."
"Jerome?" I shuddered just thinking of him as the lesser evil.
"Yes," Reese answered truthfully.
"There's a bigger evil than him," I stated in a daze, losing a breath trying to think of what greater evils there were in the werewolf world.
"We'll deal with them one at a time, Ruth," Reese assured me. "And you don't have to fight them on your own. Our pack is a pack for a reason. We fight together."
"We have to get them to help. The rest of the pack. I see the way they fear Rueben. My town used to look at me like that. After the thing with Jerome, they assumed I'd killed him, and the talk around the town tore me apart. They looked at me like I was the monster. That's the way this pack sees Rueben. We need to change that."
Reese merely smiled, and Ander lowered his head as his shoulders moved up and down. Was he chuckling?
"You being here, leading the pack, caring for our Alpha in ways so many people didn't bother to - you're already changing it. You're giving our pack hope again. You're giving Rueben hope again."
Hope. I'd lost so much of it along the way, but this new world was giving it back. Despite Jerome and the trails of terror he left behind, hope came back stronger. It was something we had against him. Jerome was evil. He clung to murderous rage - not hope.
"Move over," Ander told Reese as he set plates of pasta and red sauce before us.
"Where'd you learn to cook?" I asked Ander as we all took seats and began devouring our servings. He usually cooked for small pack gatherings, or helped out the most in the kitchen when more people came in.
"I used to watch my grandmother around the kitchen when I was little, back in Egypt. But after we migrated and found a home here, my mother made sure that I watched her, too. Habits and interests often come from childhood. Cooking is mine."
I hummed along and listened to Reese when he tried to recall his particular interests. He came up short, and I chuckled. His eyes warmed at the sound of it, and I realised what they'd been doing.
Reese and Ander. Beta and Gamma of our pack. They were trying to keep their Luna sane. They were just trying to keep me. From running, from crying, from breaking down through all this confusion.
And, to their credit, they were doing a great job of it.
☽
The pack house bristled with the presence of warriors and Rueben's immediate family members. His mother was glued to the twins, who held her when she spoke with courage to her people. Josiah, their brother, crammed himself into a corner, his eyes watchful and his face taut.
There was talk of Rueben's father getting worse in the hospital. His sickness was spreading, and he was no longer able to stay awake for long periods of time. The news was a heavy weight amongst these people. They were grieving two losses.
I didn't know how these people believed that their Alpha was dead. Did they feel empty? Did they feel the connection snap? Did they feel anything at all?
Ander's sister, Layla, emerged from the foyer and into the formal living space. She didn't look at anyone but Josiah as she made her way to him. It was as if he sensed her the moment she'd stepped inside the house and tracked her with his gaze. They held eye contact until Layla stopped before him. A silent conversation ran between them before she placed a hand on his forearm. Josiah didn't waste a second after that. He pulled her to him and held her. She held on tighter.
My gut churned, my palms dampened, and my heart felt as if it were going to burst out of my chest and never return.
"Ruth." Reese found me standing in my own corner and watched me. I didn't look at him, but I knew he felt my anxiety. "Want some fresh air?"
I shook my head, watching the living room pool with more members. These were also my people, and though most didn't approach me, I was sure they would've appreciated my presence.
"You want some fresh air, Ruth."
Something about Reese's firm statement had me turning my gaze to find him. His face gave nothing away, but then he nodded once, and I knew he wanted to talk privately.
Moments later, when he'd pulled me outside, we began to walk toward the glade, where the trees began to rocket toward the cloudy sky. I hadn't realised it had been dark until I glanced upward and saw that the sun was blocked by rainclouds.
"What's happening? Any updates?" I returned my eyes to Reese, who was staring into the forest before us.
"He wants to see you."
My breath caught in my throat and I stopped walking.
"What?"
Reese nodded his head toward the trees. A raindrop fell between us.
"Rueben?" I dared to ask, my voice barely a whisper.
Reese glanced at me from the side of his eyes, a sarcastic retort on the tip of his tongue. Another raindrop.
"Now?"
He pursed his lips.
"Here?"
Raised his eyebrows. The sky slowly gave way to the rain.
"But, now?"
My heart was leaping up my throat, and my legs tingled as they itched to run towards the bleakness of the woods, knowing my mate would be there. Alive.
"Go, Ruth. I'm here to watch over you both. You don't have much time before people start to catch on. Go."
I didn't waste another breath as I walked further to the edge of the clearing. The closer I got, the faster my legs took me. My breaths were uneven, and my hands trembled with excitement. They didn't know whether they wanted to slap or hug Rueben first.
Splinters of raindrops fell heavier than mere seconds ago, but the leaves caught them before they dripped down to reach me. They didn't yet fog my vision of the woods. Tree trunks, bark, leaves, grass. No sign of my mate.
"Rueben?"
A figure moved beside me, and I spun. No one was there.
"Where are you?"
A rustle a few feet away from me made me pause. I suddenly remembered that if Rueben was in his wolf form, he'd have to shift back into his human form. The process seemed excruciating, and oddly intimate. I wasn't sure if he wanted me to see it yet, so I lowered my gaze to the ground and closed my eyes.
"I'm waiting here," I warned.
"Ruth."
Several seconds passed by. I didn't say anything. I just listened because I wanted to hear him say my name again. I wanted to know if this was real.
"Panemorfi." [Beautiful]
My eyes squeezed shut, and I tried to banish the sting within them. But something about Rueben's voice. The tone in which he used to call me something in his language. My heart felt it. My soul sang with it. I missed him. I thought that was the reason my stomach was churning, and my heart was yearning to meet with is.
I needed our hearts to be pressed against one another. To let them hear the other beat. I just needed to feel that he was alive and safe. Not dead. Not because of me or my problems. Alive.
His voice whispered my name again as the crunching of leaves raked around us. The sweet sound of his chuckle reverberated through my ears.
"You can open your eyes."
I hesitated to do so, but when I saw that he was clothed, I opened them completely. Rueben was right in front of me. If I reached out to touch him, he'd be real. Tall and broad, his frame towered over me. Eyes gold, but not as bright as they always were. Rueben's hair was becoming wet from the trickles of rain plummeting onto our skin. Brown and curly. I wanted to rake my fingers through them.
A soft breath escaped from my lips in a rush as I stepped closer, desperate to close the space between us.
"I think I hate you," were the first words to leave my mouth.
My eyebrows were drawn together and my breaths had quickened. I blinked the rain away from my eyelashes and shook my head.
"I think I really hate you."
"You do?" Rueben dipped his face down to be closer to mine; close and yet not enough.
His eyes gleamed with humour, and his mouth twitched upward as my face reddened.
"Mhm," I nodded, brushing a raindrop away from my cheek.
"Why?" A whisper.
"I thought- You made me think-" I stammered. "I truly believed you were dead."
Nothing but the pelting of rain followed for a few beats.
"Forgive me," Rueben murmured, reaching hand out to swipe at a raindrop that fell on my forehead with his thumb.
I stepped back, torn between my anger and a forceful feeling gnawing at my chest. Rueben frowned at the new distance between us but made no move to close it.
"Forgive me."
So he had been there that night I'd dreamed of the girl, the night he faked his death.
"You don't trust me?" I tried to make sense of his concealment from me.
"I do."
A firm, immediate answer. Smart man.
"Why didn't you tell me your plan?"
"It had to be believable. The traitor is among us. They see things you see, they feel things you feel. I couldn't risk it."
I allowed a moment to process his presence because the pounding of my heart was not slowing down.
"Everyone is okay?"
"Everyone is okay, Ruth."
Rain trickled from his hair to his cheekbones. I watched as more fell on his nose, his chin, his jaw, his lips. My heart ached. I wanted to hold him, but he was watching me. Hesitating.
"When will you be back again?" I asked, not taking my eyes away from his lips.
He darted his tongue out to capture the raindrop, and I shot my eyes back up to meet his. Only, Rueben's full attention was on my mouth. I wanted to fall to the ground right there and never get up if it meant that I could keep feeling the butterflies in my stomach that he was causing.
"In a few weeks."
And then my stomach churned for another reason entirely.
"I won't be seeing you for a few weeks?" I closed the gap between us again, worry etching my face.
Rueben shook his head, glancing away to catch a breath. When he looked at me again, his eyes seemed brighter. "I'll meet with you three times a week. Right here."
I closed my eyes and embraced the downpour. A breath so deep from my lungs rushed out as I lifted my head and felt the water tickle my skin.
"You stayed."
I didn't reply. He had to know by now that I would. There wasn't much in the world that would make me leave.
"Thank you."
A warm finger touched my cheek, and I didn't dare to move an inch as Rueben's hand slowly cupped the side of my face. His cool breath neared, tickling my nose. Another hand cupped the back of my neck, slender fingers burying themselves into the curly strands of my hair. His touch was kinetic, awakening each atom of my being.
"I want to see your eyes."
I opened them so he could. A tortured breath left his lips as he studied them. The soft movements of his fingers against my face sparked something from deep within. It was the mate bond, but it was also human. I really did miss him.
"Stay for tonight?" I stupidly asked, knowing it wouldn't be safe if he did.
Rueben's eyes drifted to my lips. "I can't."
I blinked fast as raindrops threatened to block my vision.
"Do you really hate me?"
Gold eyes met mine again, and up close, I saw every fleck. Dark brown weaved with the threads of gold in irises. I wanted to dive into those seas of gold and stay there a while. No body would be able to hurt me from there. My feelings wouldn't feel so tremendous in there.
"No," I told him truthfully.
His finger grazed the pulse on my neck.
"Tell me again."
"I don't hate you, Rueben." I paused. "But I really wanted to slap you, or ignore you for however long I was able to. Not because I hate you. I don't. It was because you didn't tell me your plans."
He waited. He knew I had more to say.
"And because the thought of you dying before me - the thought of you leaving me here to fend for myself - scares me. It is utterly horrifying."
Rueben's forehead touched mine, and he didn't move, as if he was afraid of both himself and my reaction. "You would never be by yourself. My entire pack is behind you. They'll be with you when you need them."
I shook my head, and let his musky scent engulf me. "It wouldn't be the same."
"What do you mean?"
"None of them are you, Rueben."
My hands reached out to his chest, and I, too, paused to see if he was okay with it. He was. I held onto the thin material of his t-shirt and silently wished it were not there. I wanted to feel his skin, his warmth, to let him feel mine. I wanted to be as close to him as possible. For as long as time would let us be.
Rueben closed his eyes and relished my touch. He nuzzled his nose into mine, and I held my breath. Our lips were so close. So, so close. My lungs seized and my breaths stuttered. I closed my eyes in turn. What was he doing to me?
"I missed you," He breathed into me as if breathing life back into my soul. "I missed you like I've never missed anyone in my life."
I almost smiled because, though I felt the same, I teased, "It's only been a couple of days."
His grip tightened playfully on my face, and I snorted.
"My soul feels tethered to yours. Even now when we're not mated. It misses you when you're right here."
Rueben might as well have taken the breath from my lungs right out of me.
"How much?" I dared to ask.
"How much do I miss you?" He uttered, our lips brushing.
"Yes, tell me."
"I want to show you."
My stomach dipped.
"Then show me."
The first brush of his warm lips on mine made me freeze. Made me want to stay in this moment forever, to capture it and keep it safe in my heart. He only pressed a gentle kiss to my mouth before leaning away ever so slightly.
"You missed me that little?" A grin played at my lips.
Rueben's hand on the side of my face trembled with nerves while the one brushing through the hair at the back of my neck brought me closer. Our lips touched again, but none of us moved. We just breathed, and I tried not to do anything that would ruin the moment.
Time danced around us as the rain calmed, but Rueben did not. He was trying to control his breathing, I noticed. Shaky and afraid. He was scared he'd lose control and hurt me.
"I'm right here," I whispered against his lips, feeling the softness of them. "Just me, Rueben. Just me and you."
He sighed, pressing his forehead into mine with more pressure, but not enough that it pushed me away. "Just me and you."
I nodded.
Just Ruth and Rueben. In the forest. Kissing in the rain.
"I want to show you," He repeated, and I caught the vulnerability in his voice. "But I'm scared, Ruth."
"Alright. Alright, then will you let me show you? How much I missed you, I mean."
"Yeah." He brushed his lips against mine. "Show me, baby."
I didn't hesitate to bring our lips together again, until our bodies were almost as melded as our mouths. The rain drizzled against our faces, between us, and everywhere else. It cooled down the heat of my face as I kissed away the drops on Rueben's lips. But it did not cool down the thrill of the bond dancing in our veins as we touched. It didn't shower away the intensity of the kiss, nor chase away the sparks of electricity on my skin, on the places Rueben touched me.
Rueben caught my bottom lip, leaving sweet passionate nips against them, over and over, until my breath was lost. A breathy sound escaped me as I tried to keep up, and it only made Rueben hold me tighter against him. The kiss obliterated every negative thought I had and all I could think of was him. He angled his head to the side and I ran my fingers through his hair until his breath hitched.
When he pulled away, Rueben cupped my face in his hands and showered my face with small kisses until I was laughing and pulling away from him.
"Happy Birthday, panemorfi."
a/n: yayyyy they kissed!!!!
They were so beautiful to write, and I hope I did them justice.
Thank you for still being here and enjoying their story with me <3
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