"Just close your eyes, and you can feel me here."
From The Grave James Arthur
R U T H
The crisp air captured the sound of a grieving woman and let it ring through my ears moments after it had stopped.
Then nothing at all. Not even a whisper.
A dark chill straightened my spine as I tensed. Something akin to death entered the room, and my eyes went wide at the hollow feeling spreading within my chest. Heavy with panic, my heart raced faster, and the familiar tremble in my hands returned.
Blinking out of my shocked, languid state, I scrambled towards the door and opened it in time for another sharp cry to pass. My legs lost their feeling, and I didn't recall how I made it to the foyer downstairs without buckling.
"Do not be worried, Ruth." I suddenly remembered the woman in my dream.
It took all my energy not to collapse at the sight of Rueben's mother, who was being held down my Ander as Reese relayed information. The more he spoke, the more I understood I had every reason to be worried.
The walls, seemingly a fair distance away, seemed to cave in as my brain tried to process Reese's words.
"...went to meet with the neighbouring packs to ensure their safety, and, in turn, ensuring ours was guaranteed if they allied with us - just in case. He would've still wanted that. Rueben always put his pack first, no matter what, even now."
Why was he speaking in past tense?
I gaped at him, at Rueben's mum burying her sobs into Reese's chest. He held her with a distraught expression. Ander let go of her and allowed Reese to take over. He spotted me and took a deep breath.
"Why- What's wrong?" I tried my best to lower my voice and hide the panic in my voice. "I was only asleep for a few hours, I don't understand what's going on."
"He didn't want to tell you. He didn't want any of his family to know because they would've stopped him. He knew you would stop him."
"Who?"
I knew who, but I didn't want to acknowledge that horrific thought. I'd most likely overheard, or was still dreaming. I had to be.
"Where's Eve and Maeve?" I looked around, but Ander blocked my view of everything else as he leaned down to look me in the eyes.
"Ruth, you have to listen to me, please," He spoke firmly. "Rueben is not here anymore."
I shook my head, still numb to the very idea.
"Rueben is gone."
"To where? Where did he go?" I stammered over my words.
"A bomb went off as soon as he stepped into their pack house. All members were already dead. It was a trap. Jerome-"
"Don't! Don't say that name," I burst. "Don't say that. Don't lie to me. He's not gone. How could he be gone? He's Rueben. Show me where he is. Take me to him."
Ander made no move to say or do anything.
"Take. Me. To him."
"He is dead, Ruth."
"Liar," I seethed. "You're lying to me."
Ander stared at me for seconds at a time, his face reddening with grief and anger.
"He's here." The same dream entered my mind again.
I took a step back, unaware of the multiple footsteps entering the Pack House with rushed murmurs and soft cries of anguish. My eyes were on Ander, but I wasn't seeing him anymore. All I could picture was Rueben walking into a fire. Into a bomb. He couldn't have. He'd be able to sense it before it went off. He would've heard the ticking or smelt the chemicals about to explode. Rueben was not dead.
He'd been busy all week, attending meetings and being stuck in his office on many occasions since I'd gotten back a while ago. Rueben was too smart to be caught in traps. He was too smart.
"Luna," Ander followed me when I spun on my heels and walked up the staircase. "Ruth, what are you doing? Where are you going?"
"Show me his office."
"I can't do that."
I stopped in the middle of the hallways leading to Rueben's office and turned to face Ander. There was something off about his expression. The ticking of his jaw, the pursing of his lips, the rapid blinking when he spoke to me, the crease between his eyebrows as he furrowed them. He was hiding something, and I was going to make him tell me.
"Rueben is your Alpha." I didn't bother speaking in past tense because there was no way my mate was dead. Not when I was so sure he was going to give us a chance. "But he's not here right now, so what does that make me?"
Ander gulped and let out a sharp breath through his nose.
"Your Luna. I am your Luna, Ander, and you will listen to me now," I stepped closer to him, trying my best to intimidate him. I didn't care if my statement was impractical. Rueben most likely had to mark me before I could claim any status, but that didn't matter at the moment. "I need to know what's going on. I need to have facts and work around them. I obviously can't do it alone, and that's why I have you and Rueben. So you need to be honest with me right now, and you need to listen to me."
"I'll do it."
It wasn't Ander that spoke. It was Zeke who emerged from behind Ander and didn't spare a look at me before leading the way to the office further down. Ander's footsteps reluctantly trailed after us.
"Anika was with Rueben," Zeke mumbled, his voice void of emotion as he reached the office door and merely stared at it as if all the answers were behind it. "So many warriors were with Rueben, and they're gone now. But I don't feel it in my heart as I should. Others do, and I don't know why I can't."
I couldn't either. Maybe it was because I was human and the mate bond wasn't as strong for me as it might've been between two werewolves. Still, there was hope in heart.
"He's here." I believed that voice in my dreams. Rueben was not gone.
Zeke moved aside for Ander. He reached into his pocket and brought a keychain holding a dozen keys. One of them opened the office, and he stepped aside to let me in first. I felt the two men behind me tense at the sight before us.
Rueben's office was a whirlwind of papers thrown across every inch of the space. His desk was covered in crumbled up papers, some ripped to shreds. The keyboard and computer were intact, the screen illuminating the room with a white glow. It was faced away from us and toward the seat Rueben often sat in. Shelves of books behind the desk and on the sides of the room were emptier than usual. Some items were missing.
"Was someone else in here?" I dared to ask.
"I can't sense anyone else but Rueben in here," Ander answered, stepping into the room to make sense of the mess.
"But if Anthony Hobart was able to mask his scent, then it is possible that there's another traitor," Zeke muttered, anger lacing his tone. "Shit. What if the bomb was a distraction?"
"No," Ander shook his head. "The borders are all guarded. No one else but our own are allowed in. If there's a threat to our pack and they're already here, they can't do much on their own."
My eyes wandered around the chaos one more time before settling on the computer. Rueben had every right to his privacy, but his pack was in danger. Our pack. This was our pack now, and since he was not here to protect it, I would.
"Rueben must've been in contact with other packs, right?" I didn't look at Ander as I waited for his reply. I was already making my way to the other side of the desk, where I got a better look at the screen. His mail was already open.
When Ander and Zeke didn't answer, I lifted my head and saw that they were in a mind-link. Not to each other, I assumed, but with someone else. It had to be Reese.
"They're back," Ander informed me with glazed eyes. "Half of the warriors that were missing after the bomb went off. They're back."
A small sigh of relief huffed out of my lips, and I murmured a prayer of thanks. Amid the mayhem, some good remained.
Both pairs of eyes returned to their natural shade. Zeke's eyes widened as a rush of air left his mouth. "Anika's with them," was the only explanation we received before he was dashing off to meet her.
Despite being grateful for Zeke's relief, I found myself envying his joy. His mate was back, and he was going to have her in his arms again. They'd laugh, embrace, kiss and cry. Their mate bond would dance, and their wolves would cling to the other and never let go.
I wanted to know what that was like. To have a wolf. It wasn't possible for me to experience that in my lifetime. I was born a human. Only those born a werewolf would have a wolf interlinked with their souls.
And I longed to have my mate back. No matter how hesitant he was to give in to our bond, I still cared for him and considered him a friend. Rueben, in just a short few months, had created a mark on my heart, one that went beyond the mate bond. He was what safe felt like, and without him around, I felt worried every second I dared to breathe.
A small part of my heart wished I didn't care for him as such so that I wouldn't feel so vulnerable, but the other, larger part was yearning for him again. That part had wished I'd kissed him when I had the chance. Hugged him. Held him. Laughed with him.
"I've made promises to my Alpha more than I've made promises to anyone I know," Ander began to snap me out of my thoughts when he caught me staring blankly at Rueben's keyboard. "Promises that not even my own mother would get me to break. Promises that I've had to withhold from my sister, promises I've had to uphold myself, even when I didn't agree with the logics or..."
He sighed, cutting himself off with a shake of his head. Ander dropped his gaze to the papers scattered on the floor. "Can you just trust me when I say that Rueben had a plan? That he'd been working on matters you haven't been introduced to yet because he wanted a life with you? That, if we make it through this, he'll give you the life you deserve?"
Our eyes met, and his didn't waver from mine. He wasn't lying.
But-
"He'll give me the life I deserve?" I murmured.
Ander realised his mistake and ran a hand over his face before turning to shut the door, creating a thick barrier between us and those downstairs.
"Rueben's not dead, is he?" I lowered my voice.
The realisation settled over my mind like a warm blanket, and my vision finally became a little more clearer. My eyes scanned Rueben's desk, looking for something, anything. A little sticky note with small sketches caught my attention. It was not helpful to this situation at all, but it revived my withering hope.
Constellations. Rueben had drawn a scatter of constellations on the note, and my heart sighed at the sight. If I hadn't known we were soulmates already, this would've definitely made me believe it. We both loved the stars.
The small ink constellation that decorated Rueben's waist came to mind and I found myself longing to trace it.
"What is he planning?" I uttered, focusing on the computer screen.
It was opened to an email from Zephaniah Larsen, the Alpha of Adrastea. The subject read, 'Xarom.' I furrowed my eyebrows at the word. I didn't think it was one. It had to be a name or an anagram.
"Someone was going through his emails."
"That was part of the plan, Ruth," Ander moved in closer, peering over to the screen. "To make it look like someone had broken in."
"Oh, right."
"But we still have another traitor. They tried to hack into this computer, to see Rueben's plans and to get access to this building's blueprint. We had Reese build a protective system of some sorts. I've go no idea how to use technology, but Reese made sure no one would try again."
I sighed and took a seat in Rueben's chair. It felt like a gentle hug, and I settled into it comfortably as his scent enveloped me. I knew I wouldn't hesitate to hug him the next time I saw him. Maybe I'd give him silent treatment for keeping his plans from me first, but then I'd most certainly hug him.
"What was he planning? Was this meant to be a distraction? Was there really a bomb?"
I examined what I could from the papers and folders on the desk. Words mentioning decaying environments and animals were all I saw.
"He'll explain when he can. Right now, while his plans are working, you need to make yours," Ander suggested, grabbing ahold of the mouse and exiting Rueben's emails.
A document replaced the screen, its title reading, 'Environmental Chemistry.' The rest was empty.
"Write what you know on this sheet. Every little detail counts. If you think a point is irrelevant, it most likely is not. Werewolves exist here, and not in your world. You need to make the conclusions from what you know in both worlds, yes?"
I nodded wordlessly, already conjuring information from the deepest parts of my brain.
"Use as much time as you like. Research as much as you can," Ander assured me before giving me a short tutorial on where the resources could be found. "I'll be downstairs. If you need me or Reese, or anyone you think can help, Rueben keeps a list of phone numbers in the first drawer right next to you. He barely uses it because - mind link."
For the first time today, I didn't feel so hopeless.
"All good, Luna?"
Not yet, but everything would be soon enough.
☽
Hours later, a knock drew me out of my train of thought, and I saved the document before closing it. I didn't know who was behind the door, and I only trusted as many people as I could count on one hand.
My mother opened the door slowly when I allowed her to. I got up from the desk and almost sprinted to reach her. I'd missed her. Before I could embrace her, she held up a cupcake between us, a single candle flickering in the middle.
"Happy Birthday, my angel," She greeted in the most gentle voice, her eyes bright with the light from the candle. "I know you have a lot on your mind, and you forgot, but it is still your birthday."
How I forgot, I did not know. My mother always made it a point to remind me weeks before my birthday, and every day leading up to it. I guessed not having her around made it easy to forget.
"Oh, Ma, you really didn't have to." I gazed into her eyes with gratitude, trying my best not to look as if I knew Rueben was not dead.
If he didn't want anyone to know, it had to be for a reason. As much as I trusted my mum, I respected Rueben's wishes, too. I was sure she wouldn't be mad at me for it, either. She'd understand when the time came.
"Of course I had to," She scolded. "Now make a wish, mija."
I offered a restrained smile before closing my eyes.
I wish to live in peace with everyone I love.
When I blew the candle out, I realised the sun had begun to set, and the room was darker than it had been when I'd started. I was suddenly grateful Ander had made me do the research now rather than later. If I wasn't occupied with it today of all days, the hours would've dragged and I would've been drowned with worry about Rueben's whereabouts and his plans.
"Make sure you come down soon. Your people need you. They talk of you sometimes. They worry, but they have faith in you. In your heart," Ma pointed to my chest to emphasise her point. "I don't know much of what is happening around here, Ruth, but I know that these people need you. You need them, too. And you still need me, and I, you, sí?"
"Sí," I nodded immediately. I'd always need my mum.
"Don't forget to eat. I made this with Maeve. She's a sweet girl. She and her sister barely spoke to anyone, but I got them to help me bake. I hope I got their minds off their troubles for a little bit."
"I'm sure the twins were grateful for it. Thank you, Ma."
She handed me the cupcake and embraced me tightly before taking the candle and leaving me to work again.
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a/n: Stay safe and educated <3 and thank you for being patient with me. I'll try to get another chapter done next week and make it a regular thing again.
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