Recommended Song(s): Everything I wanted by Billie Eilish and Dark Red by Steve Lacy (please play in order)
223 days/seven months and six days
Overtaken by sleep, I started to dream. But I was afraid.
Dreams are not dreams.
They are battles with the mind.
And the mind takes joy in reminding you of your mistakes....
"B-but, I do-n't-t wa-nt to-to go t-to bed..." I whined as Mommy tucked me into the covers next to Eyra who was sleeping.
"My love you have to..." Mommy said. "See, Eyra is already asleep and it's getting really late. You can go look at the stars with your father tomorrow."
"Don't cry love, you'll see us again soon, it's only a matter of time...." Mommy hugged me really tightly. I don't know why she's saying not to cry when she's crying too. Maybe she'll tell me later...
"Aren't you supposed to be asleep my little Stargazer?" Daddy asked tapping my nose with his finger.
"O-oh." I said in realization. "I j-ju-ust really w-w-wanted to wait f-f-fo-or y-you."
"And that's quite alright." He said taking me into the kitchen and sitting down on a chair and putting me in his lap. "But you know you are supposed to get sleep so you grow big and strong, right?"
I grinned and nodded.
"I wanna b-be just like y-y-you!" I said.
"Oh you don't to be like me! Now go get some sleep, Eclypse." said Daddy putting me on the floor and ruffing my hair.
"Ok." I said. "I l-l-love y-you, Dad-ddy."
"I love you too, Stargazer."
"Eclypse don't!" Daddy grabbed me and hugged me really tight just like Mommy did. I don't know what happened to her and Snowflake. There's a lot of red stuff coming out of them and they aren't moving. I don't like that red stuff... It's scary. It makes me sick and it makes me want to cry.
"How could you... HOW COULD YOU?!" Daddy yelled, looking at Grandfather. "Father, Eclypse is just a child! How could you kill them in front of her! In front of me!" "It had to be done, Takud. You know this. I only spared Eclypse because she is the oldest and carries our bloodline. Your wife and daughter were not required and you have been blinded by love. You needed to be taught a lesson, my son."
"I am no son of yours."
"I-I'm gonna m-m-miss you, Daddy." I said letting my tears fall.
"I'm g-gonna miss you too, Eclypse." Daddy said, his voice breaking. "You need to be strong for me. Ok? Please stay as my little Stargazer forever. Promise me that."
I nodded.
"Look at you. Pathetic. Weak. Still a little girl afraid of her own shadow. That's what you are and that's what you'll always be. Never forget it, Gray Scum."
"No." I cut in. I took my lightsaber from my belt and ignited it. "Don't. I h-hate you. I wish my father had left me on the streets, I would have had a better fighting chance. You don't care about anyone but yourself!"
I felt this.....darkness come over me and a shudder went down my spine. It felt good.
Skywalker ignited his saber.
"Eclypse...... Don't give into the dark."
I retracted my saber.
My Daddy collapsed in my arms and I held him in my lap because he was too heavy.
"I'm sorry, Daddy." I said my eyes filled with tears.
"You killed your father?" He asked as read more and more. "Wise choice."
I woke up on the sofa with a jolt, tears already falling down my cheeks. It was cold and dark. I was alone. Where is Kylo?
"I already know what you were sent here to do." Daddy cut in.
I pulled my knees to my chest as my tears started to fall more rapidly and soak Kylo's sweater.
"Tell me about Mother and Eyra...." I said, looking out into the forest.
"I'm sorry." I mumbled as I cried.
"I know Stargazer, and it's ok." Daddy said. "I support you...... In anything you do. That's what a true parent does."
"Please bring them back!" I begged, squinting my eyes shut. I screamed after I brought my hands up to my face but took them away upon feeling my scars. The scars that hurt me emotionally. "No!" I cried, seeing blood drip down from my cold hands. "No! I'm sorry!!! Bring them back!!! Please!!! I'll do anything!!! Take me instead!!! I deserve to die not them!!"
I was shaking, seeing everything that's been taken from me as I sobbed, unable to control myself.
I felt a hand on my shoulder but I jumped and pushed it off. "Don't touch me!" I snapped.
"Eclypse, it's me." I heard, for I would not open my eyes. But I know this voice. I trust this voice. It was Kylo. "I'm not going to hurt you."
He didn't sound emotionless like normal.
He sounded like he... cared.
"No!" I protested still crying. "Go away! Go away! Go away!"
I felt him pick me up and I tried fighting against him but it was no use. He held me tight, almost to the point where I couldn't move. He carried me around and laid me on the bed. Kylo then snuggled up to me and held me close in his arms. Immediately warmth engulfed my body and the slight feeling of safety was in my mind. "Tell me what happened." He whispered, stroking my hair softly.
"I... killed my Daddy and I didn't stop them from getting killed!" I gulped. "They're gone! He killed them! He killed them! I should have been the one who died! He should've killed me!" Kylo let me cry into his chest for who knows how long and just listened to my pleas.
"I just want them back...."
He started to hum again and move his finger down the bridge of my nose making me more drowsy than ever.
Under the influence of Kylo's spell, I fell into a deep dreamless sleep, his song again being the last thing I heard before I drifted off.
And it was the first time in years I had slept soundly without a single night terror to haunt me...
Kylo's POV
Once I was sure Eclypse was asleep, I sighed and kissed her forehead. I've never seen her in so much pain. And I know she tries to hide it but eventually, it will show. I had used a trick my mother taught me years ago to make Eclypse fall asleep with a little bit of the force in it so she wouldn't have another night terror. That song is also from my mother, one she would sing to me.
It hurts me to see Eclypse like this, because, well, when I see her I see myself.
Someone who is hurt inside and no one can help them fix it.
Seeing the moonlight hit her dark skin, I was reminded of that one night on Naboo...
There we were free.
I wish we could be free again.
"I love you, Eclypse York, but..." I whispered. "I just... can't tell you yet."
******
I woke up in the morning, exhaustion washed over me from last night. It was a very long night with what happened and I made sure that Eclypse stayed asleep so that kept me from sleeping.
As everything formed in my view, I realized that Eclypse was holding onto me, her head laying on my chest, clinging tightly for dear life. A grin formed on my lips. She's never done that before since it's rare that I hold her like this. Yes, I did it once on Naboo but I figured that would only be a one-time thing. Turns out it wasn't and I'm pleased with that. I went to stroke her hair but decided not to at the last moment.
I don't want to wake her because if I do then she might freak out and never want me to hold her like this again, and I wouldn't blame her. With everything she's been through she pushes away any and everything. I do it too.
But maybe letting her get close could help me...
Maybe it could help both of us...
I heard Eclypse's soft moan and she gripped me tighter. Then apparently, she woke up and realized how close we were and sat up quickly. "Oh, my Stars!" She exclaimed, getting up from my bed. "I-I'm so sorry, I sh-sh-should g-go." I love it so much when she stutters like that. "Nova, you're fine." I stood up and went to her. "I don't mind it."
"No, I... I have to go. You shouldn't have seen me like that..." A blush spread across her freckled cheeks as she looked down yet I lifted her chin so she could look back at me. "But I did. And it's okay. Come on, lay back down, you're probably still tired."
"I just..." Eclypse tried her hardest to get her words out, her breathing started to speed up and tears formed in her eyes. "I just don't want to d-dr-dream about them again... I don't want to dream about G-Gacrux again..."
"Nova, listen to me. You won't. And if you do then I'll be right here beside you. Gacrux can't hurt you. He's dead, you're safe and he is never going to hurt you ever again. I'm here now. Understand? I'll never let anyone hurt you." I almost expected Eclypse to push me away but... she didn't-
instead she relaxed a little and let out a breath. "I..."
"It's okay." I said, grinned, then pulled her into a hug I'm surprised she didn't resist. "I'm here."
"Thank you, Kylo." She whispered softly and held on to me tightly.
I fought back the urge to tell her 'I love you' so she would know that I care even more than she thinks but that would definitely make her want to push me away.
I'd never know if she loves me back if I don't say something though...
My thoughts interrupted.
I barely even know how to love...
How could I give her what she needs?
And besides, all the things I did to her... They're unforgivable.
But I can't hold this in, I'm pretty sure even Vicrul knows.
Just wait a little longer, Ben Solo.
Just a little longer.