Recommended Song(s): Feel Better by Penelope Scott
223 days/seven months and six days
Eclypse's POV
This morning I got up a drowsily in a cold bed. The night before wasn't much fun. I was really tired but there's no way I would resort to sleep. The nightmares still won't go away. When Kylo is there with me they aren't as bad but he hasn't been over in a while.
He actually hasn't been doing much with me lately besides work but I don't care.
Or do I?
I don't know I'm really confused with my feelings lately.
He just... stopped coming over and rarely talks to me now... But when I do get to have some kind of word with him regarding work he's always tense...
I wonder why.
I stretched then went to get ready for the day but skipping a shower because I have absolutely no motivation to take one. I'm fine either way. My left foot made a clunking sound as I walked towards the washroom anyways to fix up my hair which I knew was full of tangles. I tried brushing it but my hair has been known to be stubborn just like me so I gave up about five minutes in. At least it looked decent and not a complete mess. "I guess brushing it out is not happening..." I mumbled putting the brush down on the counter. I stared at myself in the large mirror saying nothing. The four scars going across the right side of my face made it look like an animal of some sorts scratched me even though that's not how it happened. I wasn't paying attention and it got me hurt. Now I have to see my failure every time I look in the mirror.
I don't even know who I'm looking at in the mirror anymore. Because the reflection is someone I don't know.
Sighing deeply, I left the washroom and went back over to my bed sitting on the edge. I glanced quickly at the long black lightsaber hilt sitting on the nightstand then over to the datapad which I normally only use for work when I need it. I picked it up and signed in. I scoffed as I ignored and deleted some of the unimportant things and went to the section where I can send messages.
'General S, I will be taking the day off.
I will return to all of my duties tomorrow, Miss Reed will be fine training on her own. Let both her and the Supreme Leader know.
Sincerely, Commander N.'
As soon as the message was sent, I plopped myself onto the bed and let myself sink into the soft mattress. I was still very exhausted.
For a few hours I just relaxed around my chambers, losing all track of time. At first, I had thought about maybe leaving the Steadfast just for the hell of it but I remembered what Kylo said...
"You are not to leave the Steadfast without my permission. Do it again and you will be punished. Severely."
He obviously doesn't want to be bothered with me at the moment so I didn't want to ask. And anyways I was still tired so why did I even consider it?
I was halfway through drinking a glass of milk when I heard a knock on the door.
"Speak of the Devil." I said to myself.
I sat down the glass and went over and opened the door.
Low and behold, Supreme Leader Kylo Ren was the one at my door, hands behind his back and no emotions visible.
"Hello there, Supreme Leader, Sir." I said politely. "What brings you to my quarters?"
"I'd like to know why have you taken the day to yourself, Commander." He asked in a low tone.
That's none of your f*cking business.
"Oh, my own reasons. I have been very exhausted lately." I answered. Ren paused for a moment then said; "Come with me. You may stay in my chambers for the rest of the day."
He held out a gloved hand for me to take and I guess you could say I was lost for words.
Wow, you're really going to basically ignore me for weeks and now say come stay in my room. Very nice way to be a gentleman, Ren.
I sighed and took his hand and took a step forward closing the door behind me.
******
Both Ren and I were silent as he led me to his Quarters. I didn't really feel too talkative today so I was glad about that. When we arrived, he typed the code in and the metal door opened. "After you, Commander?" Ren gestured. I said nothing as I walked inside. His living space was bigger than mine considering that he's the Supreme Leader, technically Emperor of the entire Empire so it's very much expected. I don't really go into his Quarters much, he normally comes to mine but I know my way around enough.
After Ren closed the door he took off his coat and set it on the rack. I raised an eyebrow. Doesn't he have work to do?
Then he went over to the living room picking up the datapad that was on the coffee table and sat down on the black leather couch.
"You are not very yippy today, Little Fox...." Kylo said, not even sparing me a glance.
I took a few steps forward looking all around the room still saying nothing.
"Why are you staying here with me?" I asked eventually.
"Because I need to make sure that my Little Fox is safe and won't get into herself any kind of trouble." He replied.
"And what makes you think that I would do anything to get myself into 'trouble' as you call it?" I folded my arms close to my chest in a defensive way to which he smirked.
Ah, so she can still yip. Very surprising.
He thought.
I scoffed. "So, what do you expect me to do for the rest of the day here because I know that I can't leave. I was doing just fine on my own."
"I don't know. Figure that out on your own, I know Foxes are known to be curious." Kylo remarked.
I sighed then walked around a bit trying to find absolutely anything that I could do for the time being. Nothing really interested me though. I got the impulse to go into his closet and see if I could find something there. Since Ren wasn't paying attention I went as quickly as I could making no noise. Once I entered the vast closet I saw that there was a black pedestal with a cover over it in the middle of the room. I tilted my head in confusion. What is inside? I approached it cautiously, scanning it with my eyes. With my hand reached out, I hesitantly latched it around the cover and lifted it ever so slightly then crouched down to see into it without taking it off completely. But I immediately closed it back when I saw what was inside.
On a pile of ashes was the damaged helmet of Darth Vader.
Kylo Ren's grandfather.
I gulped and backed away. If I got caught even near it who knows what could happen. And actually, I understand why Ren would keep though it would seem odd to others. He idolizes Vader. He wants to keep what he fought for alive.
I did the same years ago. I keep my grandfather's Ring Seal on a necklace which I wear every so often, he never took that thing off. I understand Kylo's intentions and I respect them.
Deciding to leave it alone, I continued to look around the room until I looked down. I saw a black piece of cloth on the floor so I picked it up to see that it was a large soft Sweater. I'm guessing that it's Kylo's because of the size. I grinned and pulled it over my head and put my arms in the sleeves, it was big on me but I didn't care and also it was really comfortable.
My grin grew wider as I looked at myself in the mirror and left the closet then went over to the couch and sat next to Kylo, snuggling up to him.
"You're wearing my sweater." He said, glancing at me then continued to do whatever he was doing on the Data-Pad.
"And?" I asked, batting my eyelashes, the action was meant to be sarcastic.
"It looks good on you..."
I sighed and laid my head on Kylo's lap which made him put down the Data-Pad. He chuckled at me. "You did that on purpose, didn't you, Little Fox?"
"I'm not sure what you're talking about." I lied with a sly smile. "Is it too much to ask for your attention? Since I'm stuck in here?"
"Alright." He sighed and started to stroke my hair softly. "But not for too long."
We just stayed there for a while just enjoying each other's presence. It felt... nice being near him again. I closed my eyes as Kylo started to hum something sweet, still petting my hair softly despite my messy curls.
That song sounds familiar...
I thought.
I could have fallen asleep right then from his humming but I held back. Soon it became harder to fight my drowsiness and I almost drifted off but was thankful(kind of) when Kylo asked softly; "Do you remember that game we played while on Naboo?"
I nodded my head lazily, not opening my eyes.
"I had asked you if you have any siblings but you passed the question.... Why?"
I sighed and turned my head so I could look up at him. His dark eyes were filled with concern.
"I do have a sibling..." I started. "A little sister. She is sweet and kind but quiet, her spirit is pure, and she is just delicate. Her name is Eyra. Eyra Aaru York. She's prettier than me too."
Kylo ginned a little. "I highly doubt that."
"No, it's true." I chuckled softly, remembering her appearance which I truly believed to be better than mine. "She has my same skin tone, no freckles, hazel eyes with the longest eyelashes, and her hair is so curly and dark but the ends naturally fade to blond. And her smile.... It is perfect. And when we were little we would always play outside together in the Snow. It was something I looked forward to each day. And because of that her nickname was Snowflake. I loved Eyra more than anything in my life. Even more than my father. And though I was young I would always choose her happiness over my own. She was my little Delicate Snowflake."
I didn't even notice that small tears were running down my cheeks or that I accidentally switched to past tense. I was just in deep reminisce.
His grin faded as he realized it, his eyebrows creasing.
"Eclypse.... What happened to her?" Kylo asked.
I gulped. "He killed her... My grandfather killed her. My grandfather killed his two-year-old granddaughter and the wife of his only son. Though I was so young when it happened I can still remember that dreadful night. My mother and father were arguing on whether we should leave the planet. Since my father was training to be a Sith he had responsibilities, rules. He broke one by marrying my mother. Then when they had Eyra and I, my grandfather was furious. They didn't know what he would do, so my parents made up a plan to escape and leave to go to Pillio. They had plenty of arguments about it. But this one was worse than any other.
But I guess Mother couldn't take the arguing anymore, she just bursted into tears and hugged my father so tightly.
Then there was a knock at the door.
It was my grandfather's soldiers. My father answered. I don't remember what they said but they had come there on an order to take my mother and sister to the Emperor, my Grandfather. When my mother heard this she immediately stopped sobbing and nodded. She picked up Eyra and Father held my hand, we all left being escorted by the soldiers. When we arrived at the temple and were just about to go inside the throne room, Mother kneeled down in front of me and she was still crying.
I asked her simply why she was crying.
She told me that Eyra and her h-had to go away for a while and I wouldn't be seeing them for a very, very l-long time. 'It's only a matter of time' is what she said.
My Grandfather slit their throats.
In front of me and my father.
I was only four. A mere child. And yet he made sure that I was there. I remember seeing their blood stain the floor. And from that moment on I've had an extreme fear of seeing that gorgeous red liquid because that is the only thing I remember when I see it. That... is why I passed the question. Because at that time I didn't want to be reminded of what has been taken from me. Because I didn't know what you would think of me. That I am just a helpless orphan. That I'm vulnerable."
Kylo moved his hand from my hair to my hands and held onto both of them tightly. "Darth Nova, I would never think anything like that about you." He said, looking deeply into my eyes to ensure that I was taking in his words. "You are the exact opposite of vulnerability. You have never been just some helpless orphan to me. You are way much more than that. You matter to me in a way no one ever has. I lo-" He stopped himself before he finished. I don't know why. It was as if there was a battle going on inside him and he were disgusted with himself.
And somewhere deep inside me I knew what he wanted to say...
Kylo sighed. "I just want you to know that you are not weak. Okay? Remember that. And never forget it."
He bent down and kissed my forehead then laid down to hold me close to him from behind.
"Don't you have work to-" I protested.
"It can wait." He cut in. "And anyway, it's late. And you need rest."
Was it really that late?
I whimpered. "But I-"
"If something happens then I'll be right here."
I sighed in defeat. He's really going to make me go to sleep like some child, isn't he? I just stared at the wall in silence, my heart beating fast in my chest.
Then an old unexpected question decided to pop up in my mind....
"Close your eyes, Nova. It will help." Kylo whispered in my ear but I asked quickly; "Kylo... What are we?"
"What do you mean?" He asked in return.
"I mean, a-are we... Partners?"
My nervousness with this question made my stutter come back just for a moment but I've had this question for a while especially when Alanya brought it up and I think now is the time for an answer.... Kylo's hesitation seemed like an eternity and made my heart beat faster with anticipation. Yet, he didn't answer, just sighed in.... defeat? Then nuzzled his face in my back.
Then he started to hum that song again to try to soothe me. It worked quickly. My breathing and heart rate slowed their pace. Not much time went by until I fell asleep. But I knew immediately that it was something I would regret.