Three months have passed since he last saw him. The air became cooler, the trees slightly changed into warmer, orangey colors with the changing seasons. It was mid-September, everything went back to normal; just how things were, well, except their relationship.
Their relationship continued as a platonic one, but his feelings were still there. They were stronger than ever, never leaving his mind. He spent a couple of nights crying; wishing he was besides him. Sometimes he found it ridiculous how he spent so much time crying over a boy, it was like being a middle-schooler all over again. But there was nothing he could do, it was up to George to see that he loved him, he's tried everything, hoping he could see. But the risk was greater than the benefit; a sick feeling held him back from confessing his love.
There were two possible outcomes:
He confesses his love to George, and they end up together forever.
Or,
He confesses his love to George, gets rejected and forever ruins their relationship.
The first option seems like a fantasy, an impossible fairytale; the one he always dreamed of. The second option seemed too realistic, the most likely outcome of the two, the most painful one. Clay imagined the infinite amount of possible scenarios and outcomes of their future, and every time he did; it always came out they same way.
Together forever.
Clay looked down at his ring. It glistened in the sunlight. The image of George's teary face was heart wrenching, always stabbing at his heart.
What was he thinking?
Why was he so emotional?
Does ... he have feelings for me?
No, there's no way.
Clay stared at the ceiling. His apartment only grew more cold, missing it's final piece to the puzzle. The feeling of loneliness became too familiar after each passing day.
He let out a sigh. Their uploading schedule returned back to normal, releasing a video every week or so. His voice was so charismatic, so bright. George never failed to make him laugh. He couldn't help but notice that George had two different persona's; two versions of himself. He was used to George appearing so happy and excited, their calls never signaled any reason to be worried about anything.
But something was wrong, seriously wrong.
Those nightmares, what are they about?
What's bothering him so much?
It wasn't his place to ask or know. Or is it? They've been best friends for so many years; wouldn't George be comfortable enough to tell him? To take that next step to become even closer than before? Clay turned to his side, laying on his bed.
Both of their channels have been growing steadily, and more attention has been shining on George; he couldn't help but feel more happy for him. He wondered how he was taking everything in. Although, some distance has been pushing them apart, well of course physically, but connectively. George took too long to respond, longer than Clay felt comfortable with. He didn't want to become a bug, a pest of some kind. Asking didn't help, it achieved nothing, George always hit him with the "I'm okay, There's nothing to worry about, Sorry I was sleeping."
All he wants to do it fix him, love him, hold him tight, be his world. But something was in the way, and Clay was deemed to get through it, even if it would hurt.
He remembers when they first met, exchanging their skype usernames on that old, outdated Minecraft server chat. Because of George, he experienced so much happiness and joy, but it isn't the same anymore, everything feels different. Sometimes he wished he could go back in time, when they were children and nothing else in the world mattered, just playing Minecraft.
He became fidgety, tapping his fingers on the bed.
Should I call him?
He took out his phone and called George. The taunting ringing went on for a couple of seconds, and a couple more.
Please pick up, I miss you.
The ringing stopped.
"Hello?" His sweet, cute voice traveled in his ears.
"Hey! What's up?" Clay's face lit up.
"Nothing really, just tired."
Tired? God, I wish I could cuddle you right now.
"Yeah, I was gonna get to editing the video we did the other day, so, how was your day?" Clay asked.
Fuck, that's so cheesy
"Oh, uh, It was okay, I didn't do much. You?" His sweet voice was enough to make him blush.
"Honestly same, I don't know, it's been boring lately," Clay laughed, "I wish I had something else to do."
Clay has been dying at the thought of visiting George. He kept replaying what he said right before he boarded the plane;
"Can you promise to visit me soon?"
How much time did "soon" mean? A couple of weeks? Months? A year? Clay didn't want to pressure George into having him visit. Although, basing off this on how he's been acting, he needed space. But his tears, his voice, what does it all mean? Maybe George was waiting for him to say something about it, or, maybe he should wait for George to bring it up.
Fuck.
Not today, maybe another day.
George chuckled, "Me too, uh, Nick and I recorded a video the other day so I'm editing that right now actually."
"Wow, without me?!" Clay laughed.
"Yeah sorry," George laughed along with him, "I was planning on streaming later, you could join if you want too."
Clay smiled, "Yeah! Just text me when!"
"Sounds good, well I'm gonna try to get some work done, I'll message you later," George said.
"Okay, bye."
"Bye." He heard George hang up the phone.
Clay got up from his bed and headed downstairs to his kitchen. He was greeted by his cat, patches. She crawled over to his feet, purring. He kneeled down, petting her.
"I'm glad I have you, you must be hungry."
He walked over to the cabinets, unveiling the cat food. He poured the food into her colorful bowl, she thanked him by meowing. Clay smiled.
Now thinking about it, he was hungry himself. He opened his fridge, revealing a variety of newly stocked ingredients. Clay let out a sigh.
Ugh, I don't wanna cook. Fuck it, I'll order McDonalds.
He took out his phone and opened the food delivery app. He placed his order, now he just has to wait.
Each day felt like it got slower, each second on the clock ticked slower than the one before it. Maybe he should just take the bullet, suffer the possible pain of asking to visit him. It's such a simple question; yet so terrifying.
What's the worst that could happen? If George said no, he's just busy - it's not that deep. And if he says yes, well, that's exactly what he wants. He wondered what he does all day, what we eats, what he wears, what he thinks about. He wondered if George ever thought about him, and if he did; what would he think about?
If anything, he hoped that George was feeling better. There is something deep inside him that is clawing away at him, making him suffer. Not knowing what it was scared Clay, it was truly horrifying. Seeing him tremble, shake and cry in his sleep even made him nervous. He couldn't help but feel disappointed in himself.
They've been best friends since they were kids. And now, George is starting to become a stranger. As much as thought he knew George, he felt like he knew nothing about him.
What is it?
A medical condition?
Health problems?
... Trauma?
Clay felt sick to his stomach. He let out a sigh.
What's wrong with you? I want to fix you. I want to love you.
He looked at his phone, staring at pictures of George edited by fans. He was perfect, there wasn't one flaw, not one imperfection. His beaming eyes, to his pale skin, all the way down to his toes; not one flaw. It amazed him how a single human being could be so perfect. The fact that we was his best friend proved that the universe wanted to make Clay suffer. It was a never ending game.
A knock on the door startled him.
Oh, my food must be here.
He opened the front door, revealing the McDonalds bag placed on the porch. He picked up the bag and went into the kitchen, opening it and began eating his food.
Clay couldn't wait to stream with George. Spending any time with him was always his favorite part of the day, it really kept him going. After eating, he cleaned up and headed into his room. As he sat down, his phone went off a couple times.
Georgie
Hey
I just started the stream, you can join now if you want
Clay smiled.
Clay
Alrigghttttttt
He ran to his computer, sat down on his chair and booted up twitch and Minecraft. The excitement to play with George never went away, especially when it was George who was the person to ask.
He joined the call and joined the stream. And there it was, his captivating, happy, smiling face; his voice matched the rest his beaming energy. Everyday he wished he could love him.
This is torture.
As expected, Nick joined the stream as well. They played on their survival world, arguing with each other while in the nether, then they moved over to hypixel, playing some of their mini-games. Clay caught himself distracted by George's voice, even the chat called him out on it.
"lmao this man is on drugs. DREAMS TOTALLY BLUSHING RN. simp simp simp." Clay laughed.
They continued to stream for a couple of hours, switching on and off between their Minecraft worlds and servers. Soon enough, George was getting tired, and eventually finished up. Everyone said their goodbyes to the viewers and shut of the stream. Nick left the discord call, complaining something about having to take the garbage out. Clay and George were the lasts one in the call.
"I think I'm gonna go now," George sleepily said.
"Wait!" Clay exclaimed, "Um, I wanna ask, or, bring something up." He suddenly became nervous, shaking his leg.
"Yeah?" George asked.
"So, remember before you left? Like, to board the plane? You uh, asked me to visit you soon," He paused, "And since it's been a couple of months now, I was wondering if you wanted me to come visit you." He prepared for impact, waiting for him to respond.
"Oh."
Huh? What?
"Y-yes, yes, of course you can come! How soon can you fly over here?" George asked.
Oh my god. He felt his heart beat faster, excitement rushed through his veins.
"Oh my gosh, literally tomorrow I don't care I just miss you so-" He stopped midsentence, his entire face turned red, his heart viciously beat even harder. He blankly stared at his computer screen.
What the fuck-
"Aw, I miss you too. Uh, you don't have to do that to yourself, that's a little too soon. When did you want to come?"
"I miss you too." His heart could explode.
Clay forced out a laugh, "Yeah I was kidding. Um, next week? Is that okay with you? Is that too soon?"
"Yeah! Sounds good to me." George sounded happy.
"Uh, okay! Well, it's probably late over there now. I'll text you to keep you updated then." Clay said.
"Okay, goodnight."
"Bye."
Clay left the call, then closing discord. He sat in his chair, looking at his computers home screen. Thousands of emotions rushed through his body.
Holy shit, I'm gonna see him again.
He wondered what they were going to do, what they were going to talk about. What does his place look like? What does his room look like in person? He wondered if they were going to cuddle like they did when they were on vacation.
I wonder what's going to happen.