Spin-off of Fine Mini-Series
Through the eyes of her.
✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ༶•┈┈⛧┈♛ ♛┈⛧┈┈•༶ *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧
To you, having someone that you could love until the end of time was surely a blessing. For the past years of your life, you had that. For the past years of your life, you were blessed by the existence of someone that made you feel complete, that made you feel so alive every time you woke up with him by your side.
His touch was so gentle. His fingers always tucked the strands of your hair behind your ear. The reason for that was simple — he wanted to see you more clearly. He wanted to gaze at your eyes, the gentle, warm orbs that filled with love.
The love that you had for him was something out of this world. Something that even his twin brother and teammates get jealous of. You dropped everything, your long time dream which, if you had pursued it, would take you thousands of kilometres apart from him. Why? Because you wanted to be with him — and every dream that he had was bound to be yours in the end.
So you couldn't really blame them if he would be treated differently after what he had done to you.
Sometimes you asked yourself what would happen if you didn't fall in love with him, you wanted to know another scenario that could have unfurled in your life if only he was not the one who had your heart. Would it be the same? Would you still feel this immense pain that kept hurting you with every breath that you take?
Or would you get your happily ever after?
You eyed two bottles of sleeping pills in your hand. One that felt like hope since the dose was lowered, a sign that you were starting to get better. But the other one, you needed to lie to get the other one.
Your upperclassmen was sharp, you could see the hesitation on his face as he got the sleeping pills for you. You shouldn't have asked him, you shouldn't have lied and given him hope that you would be fine. Saying that you would be there standing tall at the wedding venue of your brother and someone that you loved.
It was all a lie, you had lost in this game of life as it brought you nothing but guilt and heartbreak. So you opened up the two bottles simultaneously.
"I am sorry, Akagi-san."
Because now, falling into a deep slumber until someone woke you up, sounded like the best decision that you could take.
"Slow down or you will choke yourself, dumdum." Hearing the nickname made you roll your eyes. You didn't hear him out though, and kept shoving the quiche in front of you without resting. "(Y/n), oi!"
As if on cue, you swallowed a little too fast and choked at the food. The blonde setter could only shake his head in disappointment on seeing you like this, but the way his lips quirked up in amusement could make everyone see how the man was not really disgruntled by your action. "I told you so." He opened up a bottle of mineral water and handed it to you.
You snatched the drink from his hand and gulped it all down in one take. The second you slammed the bottle on the table, you eyed the expression that belonged to your company. His amber orbs looked at you with shock written all over his face, mouth agape as he couldn't believe you just gulped down half a litre of water.
"What?"
"You are one crazy bitch." He chuckled before his fork took the last bite of your quiche and threw it inside his mouth. And before you could protest, he opened up his lips once again. "I am the one who paid." He said it with his mouth still full with the bite, making some of the crumbs spills all over the table.
Grimacing, you dusted away all the grains with a tissue. Somehow wondering why you agreed to go out with him in the first place.
"Ugh, fine."
You groaned and averted your gaze outside the window, occupying yourself while waiting for him to finish his own meal. You remembered that he was the one who treated you today, saying that it was a celebration since it was the first time you were out of your hours after weeks swallowing yourself with pain and tears all alone.
There was something about Atsumu that somehow gave you warm feelings that you thought you would never have again. The night you stepped outside your home without a ring band adorning your finger, you were sure that you left all the love and joy inside that place.
You were sure that you would never have a chance to feel the same warmth that you used to share with the black-haired man.
Yet you felt it, you didn't know what kind of miracle happened every time the blonde setter popped out in front of your house, but you felt like your heart was never shattered in the first place — as if it was always intact, as if all of the pain that you felt was just a nightmare that was gone the second you wake up.
You kept falling deep into his eyes, the beautiful shape of orbs that captivated you every time his gaze fell on your face. It was filled with affection and care, a gaze that you were addicted to. Since sometimes you could see him looking at you with — fondness.
He was the one who you usually saw in the morning, he was the one who offered you his embrace for you to cry on, he was the one who kept putting a smile on your face even without him trying. And somewhere along the line, you felt like he always owned your heart.
"Hey, (Y/n)."
You smiled as you peered outside the window and noticed the dark skies. Then again, even though the freezing rain started to fall outside, you were sure that it would not make you feel any less warm as long as you were with him.
"(Y/n)?"
"Yes, love?"
And then there was silence.
His orbs blinked as he could not believe to hear such nicknames coming from your lips. It was so natural the way you said it, as if you practised that for hours in front of the mirror. No, not like that. It was as if you had called him like that for the past years of your life.
Your whole body tensed as you saw something else inside his orbs. There was something — yearning, lingering there as his face lit up. But it was amber, the gaze that now met with yours was amber. Not silver, not the greyish stone colour that you always ended up staring at for hours.
You inhaled sharply as your mind tried to tell you something, something so wrong that you were now disgusted with yourself as the realisation sunk in.
Without wasting another second, you immediately grabbed your bag and stood up, striding towards the exit and kept your head hanging low. You kept your gaze to the front and just barged into the heavy rain, not caring at how he shouted out your name from inside the cafe.
You really wanted to take another look at him, just to lock the realisation deep inside your soul. You wanted to be selfish, just for once.
But you couldn't.
You felt someone gripped on your wrist, so tight as if they knew you would be gone if they let you go. It was so rough, calloused fingers wrapped around your wrist to remind you that he was not the same person that broke your heart — yet it was the same contact that you used to feel.
You missed this kind of touch, the sign of hard work that for the past year you couldn't find from someone who was once your lover, Miya Osamu. Ever since he was focused more on the business and spending more time with you, his hands became so different. It became — soft.
From cutting ingredients on the kitchen, to typing away reports inside the office. From spending time on different kinds of branches, to lazing around inside the house that you two shared. From having you in his embrace, to getting into bed with another person.
And right now as you turned your head to face the man who had been trying to pick up all of your shattered pieces, you couldn't look at him the same anymore.
Because when you looked at his amber eyes, you could only think of the silvery one.
"Hey, what happened?" His voice was so soft, filled with worry as he tried to pull you to shelter, yet you didn't budge. "(Y/n), I am sorry. Did I do something wrong?"
It was not fair, not fair to him. All this time you have been looking at him while thinking of someone else. Every time you saw him smile at you as he greeted you in front of your door, it was his twin that always popped out in your mind. And yet he was here right now, gazing at you with the same look that he always gave to you.
"N-No, you didn't say or do anything wrong." Your mind tried to utter any words that could make him understand. "It was me, A-Atsumu. Not you, I am the one who did something."
"Alright, we can talk it out." His grip was now loosened, eyes begging for you to follow him back inside. "You can always talk to me about anything, I will listen."
"You won't like this one." You snorted as your empty heart now started to get filled with something else. "You will hate me, Atsumu." Something else called guilt.
The blonde setter cocked one of his eyebrows in confusion, eyes scanning yours in search of some kind of sign. You looked so scared, and he wanted nothing more than to pull you into his embrace. But as he took another step toward you, you immediately took a step backwards.
"I could never hate you, (Y/n)." He whispered under his breath. So low, yet enough for you to hear. "From all things that I have ever seen in life, you are one that I could never hate. Even if I tried to."
There was sincerity lingered on his voice, and it made you feel even worse for every second passed he stood here with you under the rain. "Nothing, there's nothing you could do to make me hate you."
"Because you don't know what's inside my head, Atsumu."
"Still, I am sure that—"
"I see Samu in you for god sake!"
And when you could not feel his hand wrapped around your wrist anymore, you knew that your confession was so much more impactful than it was supposed to.
From the ten years of knowing Miya Atsumu, you could see that he was a man full of pride. He refused to be acknowledged as the same as his twin brother. The two of them were always so competitive, almost about anything that they encountered. Even if they cared for each other, even if they always had each other's back, they never liked to be seen as the other twin.
"What? What do you mean?"
He knew, of course he knew what that meant. But he didn't want to believe that as he wanted to embrace the tingle inside his heart when you looked at him. Atsumu wanted to believe that when your orbs glimmered with love every time your eyes fell on his figure, it was him that you saw — not Osamu, not his twin brother who already wrecked your heart apart.
"I always see him, Atsumu." You continued your words as you wrapped your hands up and down on your arms. "When you smiled at me, it was the same smile that he always gave me." Your voice wavered as you stared at the man who had done nothing but care for your wellbeing. "And when I look at your eyes, Atsumu, I—"
I see love.
Your lips parted, not caring anymore as the droplets of rain made its way inside your mouth. The reason why you thought he was the answer to your prayer, why you thought he was the miracle that God bestowed upon you, why you thought maybe he could be the end of your suffering — it was not because he was the cure to your heart.
But it was because you saw someone who owned your heart and soul inside of him.
Because the amber orbs looked at you like how the black-haired man used to look at you — one gaze filled with love.
You found one expression dominating his facade right now. Hurt. It was shown all over his face as he realised what you were trying to say. It was as if he could read your mind as you took some steps backward, shaking your head softly, begging him not to follow you this time.
When your eyes lingered on his figure, shoulders slumped with remorse evident on his face, you wondered if that was how you looked the night Osamu confessed the things that he had done. Nothing but pain and betrayal that he couldn't seem to shake. Atsumu had given you the love that you lost, trying to aid your heart little by little.
But it wouldn't work, you knew your own heart — it would never work. You could never see him without seeing someone else, you could never see him without the shadows of his twin brother. So you had to leave, you needed to stop showing him something that you could never give.
You needed to stop giving him your love, one that was never meant for him.
Throwing the bottles of pills into the sink, you gulped down lots of water before letting your feet bring you towards the tub. You gently took off the bathrobe that wrapped around your figure, shielding you from the shivering atmosphere of winter.
Your orbs fell on the milky white water that filled your bathtub, caused by the bath bomb which you bought all those months ago. You remembered your love told you about how the aromas smelled like home. Like it was a fine morning where the two of you huddled up in the arms of each other.
He tended to love his coffee with milk, so one thing that you always did when you woke up first, was to make him a cup of coffee just how he likes it. A spoonful of sugar, a half-cup filled with black coffee, and the rest with full cream milk.
If you calling out his name couldn't even wake him up, the aroma of the freshly brewed coffee was enough. His nose would twitch as the smell fulfilled the entire room, and seconds later, his eyes would open and show off the beautiful silvery orbs that you could never get tired of.
And now as you rested your head at the edge of the tub, gazing at the ceiling, you wondered if it felt the same — every morning that he woke up to.
Your mind kept flickering back and forth to the twins. How one of them had your heart yet didn't need it anymore, while the other wanted your heart yet you could never give it to. It frustrated you beyond anything to know that someone held out his heart for you to take, yet you knew you couldn't do the same to him, since once you loved someone it was meant to last forever.
There would always be a trace, no matter how many years went by. Maybe once upon a time, you did love the blonde setter. But you never invested yourself in the feelings, making it difficult to make bloom the same kind of love like what you had for the black-haired man.
It was still engraved into your mind, the look on Atsumu's face as you confessed about how he was just a lookalike. That no matter how much effort that he did to you — at the end of the day everything about him only reminded you of his twin brother.
And you couldn't bear it anymore.
It was alright, to be the one who got hurt. To be the one who felt the pain of losing someone you loved until death came knocking at your door. It was alright to know that everything wouldn't be fine, as long as it was just you, it was fine, you could take it.
But to meet a pair of amber eyes, filled with hope as it asked for your love — it broke you beyond repair once you realised it would never be him that your heart wanted. Because when you gazed at those warm eyes, a flicker of someone else took over in an instant.
When you reached for Atsumu, you were reaching for his twin brother. When you laughed with him, you felt like you were laughing with the love of your life instead of him. And you knew damn well it was wrong, you knew that your existence became a curse.
You didn't bother to wipe the tears that slowly cascaded down your cheek. It dripped, one by one, mixed with the milky white substance that enveloped your whole body.
Surely you never thought that someone like Miya Osamu would do something as low as cheating. To betray the love that you have given to him for the majority of your life. You had given everything to him, mustering all of your energy to make sure that you win in this life — together.
But he let go of your hand, leaving you alone as you get lost in the dark, aching for his hand to guide you back to life.
And when you could finally stand all alone, it was not tall and mighty like how it used to. Since every time you turned around you were haunted by him and how his hand held another. Someone that was not you, someone that tragically — you had given everything too.
"The superior twin is here!"
You bit your lips as his voice ranged through the entire room. How could he still sound so cheery, so carefree even though he must have known too well that you could never give him what he asked you to. "I am serious though, I am older, therefore I am superior."
He didn't deserve it, to be seen as someone else. He had his own halo, shone so bright as everyone could see that he was the sun while his twin brother was the moon. Yet there you were, always comparing, always seeing the black-haired man instead of him.
"I don't know where you got that way of thinking, but I will let it slide for you." You answered, cringing at your own voice as it sounded weak. Right now you hope that he couldn't hear the splash of water as you tried to be as still as ever.
"Ah, miss (Y/n), always so humble." He chuckled a little. It was contagious, how his laugh could make your lips shaped into a genuine smile. "Say, what have I done to get such privilege hearing your voice?"
You sighed softly, feeling that you were the one who had the privilege hearing his voice for the past few weeks. He could have gone to practice sooner, but he decided to check up on you first. He could have gone somewhere with his teammates, but he thought spending time with you was important.
He prioritised you more than anything, just like how you always prioritised his twin brother above anything else.
"I just need company, Atsumu." You breathed out softly, hands accidentally knocked the bottle of soap off to the tub. "Are you busy helping around the wedding?"
"No, I am not busy. Not at all." From how quiet the other line was, you knew that he was probably not going to the wedding. You really wanted to scold him, telling him that he should have gone there and supported his twin brother — but you didn't have the energy to do so. "I am here, (Y/n). I am always here if you need me."
"Yeah?" You purse your lips when the words rolled down his tongue. So honest as he gave you a flicker of warm that makes you feel wanted. "Then, would you tell me a story? Anything? I just want to listen to your voice."
His voice was a little more pitched than Osamu, intonation always went up and down, never once steady. But there was this similarity that you loved to hear as he talked to you. You felt like you were wanted, as if when he had a conversation with you he was talking to someone that he wanted to keep in his life.
And you were so disgusted with yourself all over again, for even when the countdown started, you still hoped for the love that you had lost from your brother.
"Since you asked so nicely."
He made you feel at peace. As you closed your eyes and listened on and on to his voice. Just like how you predicted, his intonation went up and down as he blurted out all random things that he could collect from his mind.
It made you remember all those beautiful high school days. Atsumu always jogged towards you the second you walked into the gymnasium with your brother and his twin. He loved to snitch Osamu so bad, making the poor younger twin tense up and pout since now you and the others knew all the embarrassing things that he had done.
Though you always stole a little bit of his time before practice started. Your hand interlaced with the silvery eyed man as you reassured him that no matter how many embarrassing things that he did, it could never change the way you looked at him.
The setter would boo at the two of you for sharing PDA inside the gymnasium, while your brother would mostly send a glare to the blonde for interrupting such a thing. You and him just chuckled at this, and he would give you a soft kiss on your lips — to tell you that he loves you — before finally running towards the court where the others were waiting.
Each one of them was your everything. So you knew it was the right thing to do to call someone that could bring you back to the happiest year of your life.
When life just seemed so perfect.
“Hey, Atsumu.”
“Hm?”
“Thank you.”
And you wished, that someday when God permits you to meet them again,
Everything would be just — fine.
✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ༶•┈┈⛧┈♛ ♛┈⛧┈┈•༶ *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧
The journey ends here. Thank you so much for all the kind words and support for this series!