September 13, 2015
Sunday
Dear Diary
I was looking forward to the choir today. I was doing a solo. The priest told me that I had a talent for singing, and I was lucky that my voice did not break. Then he went into a long speech on how sad it is when a voice breaks, saying that it is one of the greatest gifts from God.
The other boys were quiet as we got our robes on. This was until Noah started teasing and saying that I will never get a deep manly voice. He told me that I should just admit that I was a girl and accept my fate. I should have responded, but I did not want to cause a scene.
The time came for me to sing my solo. Then things went wrong. As I was singing, I could feel my legs get cold and wet. I continued to sing until I heard the other boys snickering and the people just looking in shock. Then I realized that I just wet myself! I looked down slightly and could see a small puddle at the bottom of my feet. I do not know how I finished the song.
When I was done, I walked out of the church and waited for my family. Mom rushed out and said that I should not worry. I have a lot of stress, Being a teenager and aunty in jail as well as that picture in the newspaper
How will I survive at school tomorrow?
I got a text from Mrs. Murphy. She wanted my help tomorrow to do some chores. I still do not have enough money for a new phone.
September 14, 2015
Monday
Dear Diary
I was surprised when no one teased me at school. I expected to be a hard day. I mean who wets themselves in Church while everyone can see?
Noah even came up to me and asked me why did I not say I was sick? Then after some silence, he admitted that I had no reason to tell anyone I had a sickness, as everyone was too busy teasing me. He put his arm around me and promised me he would no longer tease me.
I stood there thinking of why I did not tell him I was well. I think it was because I expected something else, I did not expect my greatest enemy to feel sorry for me. I know that I should have been honest and said that I was not sick. I was just too afraid of what would happen when people find out that I wet the bed, and it happened at the choir too!
Miss Murphy just wanted me to lift some boxes that day. After she invited me to have some cookies with a lot of warnings not to spread crumbs. She tried to be calm and told me I seemed to be sad. I told her everything that has been happening to me since I have become a teenager.
Miss Murphy sighed and said, "I blame the media. They have no role models that you can look up to. Your aunt seems like she was manipulating you as well, making you think that there is a reason you look feminine. I am sure cutting your hair will solve that. God created you for a purpose. You are a boy. Trust that he has a plan for you and this plan is for you as a boy. I am sure when you realize this, you will not be unhappy or confused."
Mrs. Murphy was right.
September 15, 2015
Tuesday
Dear Diary
Sarah was still not talking with me.
Today mom had an announcement at breakfast. She said she knew that Aunty was accused of trying to murder her. However, she felt that it was hard to believe. She wanted us to support our aunt this Saturday by visiting her. Billy said there was no way he was visiting her. She was a criminal and tried to kill his mother. Why should he give her the time of the day? Sarah mumbled as she asked if Aunty would be proud of me?
I went to school and was once again surprised that I was not teased. Everyone was so nice and even helped me as if I was dying. I did feel bad that they thought I was very sick. I wanted to be honest with them and say that I was not sick. However, I was not used to the friendliness everyone showed me. I was not ready for things to be the way they were before.
I was not even teased when mom came to the school in a panic and told me that I needed to have that pink tablet. Parents can be so embarrassing. Under normal circumstances, I would be called a mommas boy or something like that. Everyone just looked at me with a sad face. They thought it was a pill because I was dying.
On the way home, Bella talked about how strange parents can be. I like Bella. She does not care what others think of her. She does not care that she has few friends. Bella has a heart of gold. There is some mystery concerning Bella. As we said goodbye, she told me that she wished that I would not cut my hair.
Tonight, I started putting the girl's clothes I had not hidden in a plastic bag. Mrs. Murphey was right. God created me a boy! He had a plan for me.
September 16, 2015
Wednesday
Dear Diary
Today, things got back to normal. Someone from my class spoke with Sarah and told her that it must be so hard that I was very sick. Sarah told them that I was not sick. I wore diapers in bed because I wet the bed. This shocked so many people, as besides being a sissy, I now wet the bed. They also thought that it was so bad of me to lie about being sick.
I should be mad at Sarah. However, she is not to blame. She told the truth. It was me that did something wrong.
I was ignored. Even my best friend Andrew ignored me. After school. Bella told me that she wanted to walk home alone.
When I came home, Mom hugged me and told me she heard about what was happening at school. She sighed and said that the teenage years are so hard. She suggested that I relax and listen to the music that the doctor gave me.
I listened to music thinking I should use this time to finish packing the girl clothes. The music did relax me and I remember what Bella said about not cutting my hair. In a way she was right. It was part of my identity and I liked long hair. I shouldn't care if I looked like a girl. Who decided how a boy and girl should look and act anyway? I was a girl for a few weeks in Greece and I loved it. I was happy and I never was noticed so much. God could have made a mistake and gave me the wrong body! If I was meant to be a girl, should I ignore it?
September 17, 2015
Thursday
Dear Diary
Today I went to the doctor. She was a bit disappointed in seeing me in boy's clothes. I told her that I packed all my girl clothes and knew that I had a boy's body. I admitted to her that I like being a girl for two weeks in Greece. When I wore girl clothes, no one could see that I was a boy. It was fun to try. However since I came home, things have been very hard. I was bullied at school for being a sissy.
I also told her that everyone was telling me if I was a boy or a girl. This was confusing as I was sure no other boy at the school had to listen to things like this. I just wished people would stop and let me be who I was. If this meant I considered myself a boy, they should accept it and if this meant that I was transgender, they should accept it.
The doctor gave me that shot once again and it hurt! As she was giving it to me, she asked if I wanted my hair cut. I looked at mom and said just a small bit. I still wanted long hair as I liked it. Mom sighed and mumbled something about teenagers.
The doctor told me she could understand the confusion I had and how people were. She reminded me to listen to music she gave me and she would find other ways to help me.
September 18, 2015
Friday
Dear Diary
I was ignored again at school. Even Bella and Andrew ignored me. There were some comments that they could hardly see that my hair was cut. Then they just called it another one of my lies. I hated being called a liar! I knew now that I would never lie again. Would I ever be forgiven?
When I was home, I tried speaking with Sarah. She was still mad at me. She was drawing a picture. I looked at it. It was our family holding hands. The thing was that Sarah drew me as a girl, wearing the same dress she had. Then it hit me like lightning. Sarah liked it when I was her sister. She missed her sister!
September 19, 2015
Saturday
Dear Diary
Today we visited my aunt. Dad and Brian did not come. I joked to mom that we should take some bread with us with a file inside it. Needless to say, mom did not understand my humor.
Aunty was very quiet and so were we. I guessed that aunty had so much shame that she did not know what to say. What would mom say to a woman that tried to kill her? So we sat there until the time was up.
Mom promised that we would come again. Aunty looked at me and said that she hoped that I would visit her again.
To be continued