CHAPTER 45: Trust
The snow outside made it increasingly difficult to even step out of the mansion, so I remained inside, leaving the room when I couldn't sleep at night or didn't feel up to eating dinner. I barely spoke to Edmund, but it wasn't his lack of trying as it was of my lack in wanting to speak with him. The fireplace of the library in front of me, that I'd found on the second floor of my mindless walking, caught my attention. The patterning was beautiful, it was dark and mysterious, alluding at best.
I gathered three novels and sat closest to the round window that stared outside, it was dark and dreary, a whitish midnight storm. Having my laptop with me, I ran through scans of old files from William Myers' servers, when I missed hearing the distant door opening not too long ago. Though, it could have been any door for that matter.
I open the first novel, sighing in defeat as I begin reading the first page of the fictionalised entrepreneurship, and a gradual romance, by the look of the blurb. I read the words closely, only noticing a certain high top in my peripheral vision, I sigh, "Are you just going to stand there and stare?" I wonder, aloud.
He's silent in his movements, before a desk chair is moved in front of me, "You came out of your room?" He whispers, gently.
I shrug, still staring at the page, "It's not healthy to just sit there and think up a way to talk to you, Edmund. You punched my brother just because he mentioned another man's name. It isn't about whether you and I are worthy of each other, it's about trusting each other, I just don't understand why you brought up more lies about your parents. I found out and I didn't look at you differently, only when I found out about your group, it was..." I couldn't truly explain how numb I felt when I saw that guilty look on his face, regretful eyes. I slowly look up to meet silver orb eyes, that stare through me almost.
He closes his eyes, "I'm sorry about punching your brother," He whispers, slowly, I see it in the tremble of his lips, yet it wasn't in his voice, as he slowly turns his eyes back to mine, he hesitates as he reaches over for my hand, he grips it in both his hands and slowly trail his eyes up to me.
"I lied because I was ashamed, Melanie. It's as simple as that, but there's nothing simple or good about lying to you. I hadn't gotten so practiced with it that the instinct to continue with that story was natural, it shouldn't have been like that with you. You were so upset the first time you found out part of the lie, I was afraid that if I went all the way and told you of every single beating I went through as a child, you would leave me in fear that my past dictates my person now. It doesn't, lemon. I would never try to hurt you, I shouldn't have done that to your brother, but it's been a long time coming with him. You weren't there all those weeks I had to pull answers about your whereabouts." He whispers, staring deeply into my eyes. I gaze in his, losing interest in the book and the laptop as I stare moonlit oceans into his eyes.
He lowers his lips to the back of my hand, "My past has already put you in danger, more than once, and my choices when you first arrived at the academy were blinded and mindless, I don't work that way and I shouldn't have for them." He murmurs.
I just stare closely at his slouched posture, his unshaven face, that annoying stubble on his chin, he sighs, "Lemon, the orphanage changed me in ways I wish I was a normal child, who had a normal childhood. Their teachings weren't ethical and they were not right, but I didn't know any better, I grew up like that. Violence is something I am very much accustomed to, but I don't want you thinking-for even one second-that I'd ever lay a hand on you." He says, the sound of his voice cracking, something clogs in my throat as I look up into his eyes, he moves closer and sits on the side, directly in front of me as I pull my legs up and stare into his frame. He turns to me, with his arm around my legs.
I close my eyes, "I'm sorry I acted that way, but right now, I'm not strong enough to handle this. Mentally and physically, not to mention, emotionally, Edmund. I would have been able to bite back if I was. I was scared of Forthright, Edmund, during those months when Erik planted the drive to cover-up his infidelity and Iris' schemes, even Talon-what he did because you asked him too. Marvin was right in saying you're not reliable-" Before he lets me finish, he stands abruptly at my words, I sigh and grab his coat as he stands there with his back to me, "-let me finish. You're not reliable, you've lied and deceived me at just about every turn, you've broken me in more ways than one, but nothing can remove the truth in which I am in love with you." I whisper, in the dimmed, cold air, he stops moving.
I let his jacket sleeve drop.
I plant my face in my hands, trying to wipe away the essence of my sadness, he doesn't turn to me, I swallow, "Edmund, just because I know Kenji, just because he's family, it doesn't mean that I could ever have with him, what I have with you. It is going to take us time before we're closer with one another, but I need you to be slow with me, not jump straight into bed with me or punch my brother just because he gave me the advice of keeping my options open." I murmur. He's still in his form, a statue-I didn't see him move one accented muscle, all until he turns one-hundred and eighty degrees, standing there as he looks forward, giving me his profile.
"I understand." Is all he says, before I watch him turn back again, leading a rough strut towards the entrance of the library. I close my eyes, he could have stayed.
He could have stayed.
"You shouldn't be so tough on him, Melanie."
I spin my head at the male, standing next to the isle with a cigarette between his fingers. Sampson stands there, wearing only a black t-shirt and grey trousers, his feet bare against the carpeted floor, he stares at me with dark eyes, a natural colour of shades of brown.
I lock eyes with him, "You may not even know the whole story, Sampson-"
He interrupts me, "I know everything to the single detail and I'm telling you that you're being too hard on a man that's clearly in love with you." He says, swiftly.
I give him a long look, "You are not in any position to express such anger on something I don't believe you fully understand, Sampson and you shouldn't have eavesdropped either." I say to him, sharply.
He raises an eyebrow, stepping forward, "Edmund went down, unconscious with close to brain damage from many clots in his brain, after the amount of hits he took in those games before I ensured his protection in the group, he became one of my best fighters before the roles between us were switched. He's been through enough hell, Melanie and he made a mistake in hurting you, he lied to you about his past for a damn good reason, if only you'd see that." He says, not-so-nicely.
"You'll back off now, Sampson. Before, I make you." A dark voice mutters behind me. Edmund somehow never left, somewhere behind me, his voice echoed, the baritone was precise, clear and deadly.
Sampson doesn't stray his eyes from mine, "You refuse to tell her all the gory details, Edmund," He speaks to Edmund, before speaking to me, "-Melanie, our team is greatly interconnected, we take care of one another because we are indeed a family like no other. Open your eyes before what is right in front of you, disappears before you can clear that otherwise blinded vision in front of you." He says to me.
I purse my lips, "Says the man who held a gun to my head and immediately assumed I was the enemy. You lured me to the academy by giving me the location to those two graves. You made your teammate almost strangle me to death if I had not complied. I infiltrated that academy for the pure reason to find out more about the man who would not tell me the truth, I needed reassurance because my family are built on trust." I say to him.
He smirks, "Don't tell me what I already know. You cherish reliability and just because Edmund has held back on his past, he's automatically untrustworthy and you'd rather go for safe and daintily perfect. Kenji Tsuen, the boys decided to look up your little set of open options. He's a lanky thing compared to your man right there." He gestures behind me.
I clench a fist, "Do not speak of him like that." Kenji wasn't lanky and the one in front of me knew nothing but to stick up for the man behind me, the one who now steps around me and pushes Sampson backwards lightly, staring down at him with an authoritative voice.
"You will be quiet, now."
His warning has Sampson giving him a long look, "You prepared to lose her?" He asks him.
Edmund tightens his hands around Sampson's collar, the whiten under the tension, "Leave." He says to him, once again. Sampson puffs a puff of smoke in his face, Edmund doesn't turn away, but he shoves an immovable Sampson towards the door-the direction of the door anyway.
I fold my arms, slowly, carefully. Looking up at him, his eyes are closed as he runs his slender, pale fingers through straightened strands, "I'm sorry, he didn't have the right to say that." He mutters, sighing in annoyance too as he turns away from me.
I swallow, "Headmistress Zoysia showed me your file, Edmund." I murmur.
He doesn't turn to me, he doesn't move, "Which one?" He asks me, stoically.
All of them, "You were eleven-twelve, maybe. Your arm was in a cast...I saw what he did to you, Edmund. I know you don't want an apology or pity, I'm not giving you that. I know why you didn't want to tell me about those parts of your life, Edmund. I partly understand why you didn't discuss those events, but you lied about your Mother to me, about that festival, about your family knowing about me and your father wanting to meet me. You purposely lied to me." And, I couldn't get over it so easily, because what would I do? How would I cope if all he did was use another lie?
I wasn't comparing him to anyone, I just wish he'd chosen differently, even over the past few months, he talked some sense into Iris, stop her pathetic schemes that made me more afraid of Forthright, when even he was playing a game.
Forthright did make himself appear as the bad guy, he used what knowledge he believed I had and tried to manipulate me into giving him what I thought he was giving me. Information, regarding both of what I knew and of who I thought he was. I grab my laptop and close the book, deciding to borrow them as I turn back to Edmund, who still has his back to me.
"Why didn't you stop Iris from doing what she did to me?" I whisper through the air.
He's silent.
He doesn't move.
I couldn't even hear him breathe, until his voice spoke, "Because I was afraid you'd crawl your way into my heart and snap off what last of me I believe I have. I didn't know I'd fall in love with you, I didn't know I'd find it hard to breathe without you, yet I'm standing here speaking to you about what I could have done that could have stopped your decision to stop seeing me. You look at me like I'm the enemy now, Melanie." He whispers.
I step forward, "I don't, your letting your emotions get the better of you." I say, strictly.
He turns with in humane speed, my eyes couldn't catch that kind of momentum as he turns on his side and tilts his head my way, "You know everything now, Melanie. I know you have our files, you have the resources, the technique, you already know everything. You can't stop looking at me like you're waiting for the next lie." He says, he knows it's the truth.
Silver meets my amethyst eyes, "How can I know?"
"You can trust me, just once more. Go to dinner with me, Melanie?" He asks me, a question that had caught me off-guard, I stare at him, at all of him. Why did I still feel as though this was too soon? Why was I not ready for this, not completely anyway?
He awaits my answer in stoic control, masking for whatever the outcome, I close my eyes, this could define everything to come, or it could rip my heart out of its seams and crack like every other fragile little thing. I didn't want to say anything, and I should have been more focused on my family, on Mom, Dad, my brother-the one the man in front of me, punched, to show how he felt about the advice my brother gave me.
"The kind of dinner that we should have had a long time ago, Melanie." He says once more, in more words.
I trail my eyes back towards his, "I don't think I'm ready."
"I'm not asking you to 'be mine', Melanie. I'm asking you if you would care to join me for dinner this evening?" He says, slowly. One nod, one quick, hesitant movement, I gave him an affirmation that I wasn't certain about as I drift myself forward and take another leap of faith. Edmund stares down at me, towering over me.
"Dress warm, I'm taking you out." He whispers, before moving behind me like a shadow through the night, leaving before I could take it back...or ask in regards to where he's proposing such a...moment, that could connect us, or kill us both.
I dressed warmly and I was early on my watch, at least I thought I was when I see Edmund in a tuxedo under his long coat, standing at the door as he fixes a masculine scarf around his neck. He's shaved, thankfully. I keep my coat wrapped over the dress I chose to wear underneath. He gives me a long look, first watching the heels that I walk down in, my red fur coat, the soft brown gloves, my curls clipped only partly, he straightens his black and golden tie, "You're beautiful." He murmurs, my heart withered for just one annoying moment as I duck my head a little, stepping down to the last step and towards him.
He fixes one of his metal cuffs, "You're not curious of where I've chosen we have tea?" He asks me.
I shake my head slowly, "You implied it as a surprise, I'm indulging your efforts." I say to him, politely, but there wasn't a series of raw emotion that made this romantic in any way. Of course, I wanted this to be romantic, but when I look at Edmund, there are almost too many masks I see him wear. What's worse, is I see Iris and Talon, Erik and Lyndon look at us from the library on this bottom level, from the side of me.
I refuse to look at them, but then think better on that choice, when I meet Iris's eyes, I see what she's done to me and I'm sure she does to when we lock and we wait, she moves to step forward, I give her a stiff tilt of the head and she stops her movements, she retreats back. Erik swallows. Lyndon pales. Talon stiffens.
Everything in me tightened as I mail over what they did, Talon couldn't defend me and I feel like I should have kicked him harder between the legs, he was fine with leaving me on the brink of death, of breaking my neck in that library. Lyndon aided in tormenting me with that note, he may not have known its meaning, but it sure as hell stung when the man before me, one I thought brought light, laughter, innocence into the group was another liar in the infamous Elite. Erik had the decency to appear broken, the look in his eyes said it all, one picture said one-thousand words. He was sorry. Iris just believed she was wrong, and I still had nightmares.
Edmund stares at my profile, "Melanie." He says but my name.
I move around him and out the door without one look back, I opened my own door to the SUV, with a personal driver already in the front, waiting and looking to be scheduled as Edmund gets in on the other side. The car drives around the bend as I stare straight forward. A black, leather, taunting seat in between us both crisps the air.
Edmund side-glances me and watches me, his own frame was tense too, he looks as though he'd say something, but his mouth never opens and no words are spread between us, the only thing dissipating is the burning in my lungs that tasted acidic and bitter when I looked at them.
Edmund leans back in his seat, "Seeing them made it worse, didn't it?"
I couldn't physically answer him, I stared out the opposite window in a numbed position, my hands on my lap, my breathing was almost non-existent if it weren't for my diaphragm moving upwards when I breathed in and downwards when I expired the air from my lips, that bitterly bristled air.
Edmund didn't speak again as he helped me out of the car on his side, gesturing to the driver that he'll call once he's ready. I look up to a flight of outside stares, leading to what looks like a museum of art, and an obvious event that looked grand, was on. He leads me behind the paparazzi whom were passing a few other celebrities and leads me towards the steps.
I give him a raised eyebrow, "An art expedition?" I wonder, aloud.
He nods once, handing the tickets over to the main reception, who widens her eyes as she says, "Mr Creed, welcome." She practically bows to him as he places a hand on my lower back, leading us inside the architecturally complicated museum in the arts, famous paintings were displayed with waiters and waitresses moving around the room, spontaneous beverages on trays. Edmund helps me remove my trench coat first, whipping his head back when he sees I've chosen one of the covered gowns he supposedly had his maids choose out. That's when I notice he two was wearing shades of black and gold, the same colours as my tight-fitted gown. He does a double-take at it discretely, as he removes his own long coat.
A couple spots Edmund and immediately smile his way, "Edmund, this turn out is absolutely grand." One of the female's spoke first, offering him her gloved hand, to which he merely shakes as his arm curls in closer as his knuckles run up my clothed ribs and down.
"Thank you, I hope the design of the layout accented the paintings and sculptures, it's certainly what I was going for." He says, politely towards one of the males who gives him a gracious nod, shaking his hand.
"You've done well, Creed Industries is flying through smoothly, we look forward to your expansion." The older male says, I don't look at Edmund, but rather sense around the room. The Creed banner was above a large sculpture of...Edmund himself, by the bloody look of it. When I glance around the room, I'm even more astonished when I see Iris and the others, surprisingly standing in front of the sculpture of Edmund. Sampson and his crew were not too far from them.
I looked around for my brother, just as I hear, "Who's the mistress next to you, Edmund?" The same female spoke, Edmund tucked me in closer.
"She's not my mistress, this is my fiancée, Melanie." When I hear those words leave Edmund's lips, I stiffen immediately. I tense under his traitorous, burly arm. He decided that for dinner, he'd escort me to an art expedition that he'd already orchestrated and calls that a 'forgiving date'. He has got to be kidding me.
"Melanie?" He asks me, quietly.
I turn stoically towards the older gentleman, nodding towards him, "Melanie Myers. It's lovely to meet you." I say, stoically.
The man chuckles, "So well trained." He whispers under his breath.
Edmund tightens his arm when I'm close to moving away, "Ford, I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't speak that way about Melanie. She is not my personal spice of entertainment." He says, lowly. The girl in front of me flinches.
Nor am I his soon-to-be wife.
The one named 'Ford' gives me a curious look, "You have a certain eye colour I rather recognise, and your hair. You must be none other than Melanie Myers?" He says, slightly surprised as the girl then looks at me with wide eyes, I pinch Edmund's hand hard and subtly remove it from my waist.
"Indeed, and if you ever derail a woman like that again-well, you already know my family. Excuse me a moment." I bite at him, moving past his wide eyes as Edmund excuses himself, I stare down at my phone, making sure I collected Ford's data, along with the others once I updated the algorithm and was able to download data from more than one phone at a time.
Edmund moves around me, "Lemon, that was a part of my cover." He explains quickly, trying to get my eyes, I stick the heel of my foot in his, glaring up at him as he winces in close to me. I give him narrowed eyes as I move past him without a single word, he curses aloud and proceeds to continue after me, he tries to softly reach for my arm.
"I knew they were a part of The Cordial Matrix, I looked into it once you told me. Did you hack their devices?" He asks me, telling me only now. I slip my phone back inside and nod once, looking at that pathetically large sculpture of him in the middle.
He furrows his eyebrows down at me, "Melanie, I didn't mean anything of what I said." He mutters, staring only into my eyes, I purse my lips.
"So, you don't want to marry me and you just had to stick up for me as well. Oh, and your choice of a next date, consisted of a freaking art expedition with your bloody statue on the front cover, you invited your derailing fucking friends here and you labelled me, as a fucking cover because you knew someone or many someone's regarding the Matrix would be here. This isn't a date, you bloody imbecile and I am leaving, you can stay here, and I swear, if you follow me, we're done, do you understand?" I say to him, darkly.
"This isn't the date, Melanie. I had to come here merely for that job, I knew you would want to be in on it and this is us, building on trust, working together again. My fucking derailing friends are here on look-out for your protection, you've been hurt enough on my watch." He says, gesturing towards my back.
I scoff, "No doubt most of those times were because of you. I'm going for a walk and I'd really not be escorted by my apparent fiancé." I say to him, glaring into his silver eyes that stare at me, I turn around, walking past the gowns and tuxedos. I just wanted a simple date, with a nice dinner and a dessert, where we could talk and be alone, that's all I bloody well wanted and the idiot takes me on a mission.
I walk outside after collecting my jacket, hauling for a taxi that stops immediately for me, I close the door and gesture he drive as Edmund stands at the entrance, Sampson by his side, "Bumblebee's cafe on the seaside, please." I say to the driver, it was a tiny restaurant that I had wanted to try since I'd first arrived to New York. It took forty-five minutes, I pay the driver generously, thanking him as I step out and look towards the place close to the waterfront, there were already many couples sitting together for a candlelit dinner. I ask for a table of one as I step inside.
The waitress leads me over to the main waterfront, where less couples were, she smiles, "I'll get your menu, ma'am. Would you like anything to drink?" She asks me.
I nod with a caring smile, "Yes, please. Grape juice, if you have it?" I ask, she nods as she moves away, after lighting the candle in front of me and the sweetest aroma of lemongrass citrus and mixed lavender wafts through my nostrils. I lean back against the seat, relaxing as I look out at the moon across the water, fairy lights above me.
I stare at the water, for once not imagining myself drowning in it as this setting reminds me of a time Dad took Mom to a place much like this, bought her a hot chocolate with marshmallows, before they danced. Dad said it was the most imaginably beautiful time of his life when he got Mom in his arms.
They were a hard feat.
Edmund and I were far from perfect, but it was all I couldn't do, but compare him and just wish we were like that. I mean, we use to be like that, until everything got in the way. I was so stuck in figuring out who killed those girls and why did it have anything to do with me? Edmund lied about his involvement, his friends' involvement in something that still haunts my dreams every night.
After ordering a lamb with a side-salad, I sip slowly on my juice, staring out at the water, "Is this seat taken?" I hear a deep baritone behind me. Edmund stands there, looking down at me, I gesture to the chair, he looks at the candles at the set-up and takes a slow seat.
"You wanted a candlelit dinner?" He whispers, the emotion that set across his lips merely had me nodding as I stare at the water down below, the light trickled on it so nicely, so hypnotically.
I stare only at the water, "My father once surprised my mother into a small place in London, a romantic setting where he bought her, her favourite. A creamy coco hot chocolate with white marshmallows because she didn't like the artificial taste of the pink ones. He told me how he got the chance to hand-feed the first one, a cliche type of romance. There's nothing stereotypical about either of them, he adores Mom, you can see it so clearly. They spent the night dancing to Hungry Eyes by Eric Carmen. He said she taught him how to dance in high school, Uncle Carter was the first one to tell him she was a natural. So, my Dad gathered his entire Elite, and begged my Mother's close friends, Lorraine's parents to show him how to dance properly for my Mom." I explain to him, sighing in defeat as he sits there quietly.
I turn to him slowly with glassy eyes, his face changes when he sees me, I give him a saddened smile, "I didn't want to go on any missions regarding the Matrix, Edmund. I just wanted to share a candlelit dinner with you."
He closes his eyes, I watch him wipe across his cheek when the waitress comes back with my lamb steak and salad, she gives Edmund a soft smile, "What would you like for this evening, Sir?" She asks him.
Edmund still stares at me, stilled to stone, unable to answer her, I turn to her, "Same as me, please." I say. For him, I was unsure of what he liked, but he seemed like he couldn't speak one word as he just looked hollow inside.
Edmund looked struck in the very least as I cut silently into my lamb, "He fell in love with my mother, in just fifteen minutes. Herself and her group had taken my father's designated table in high school, he was struck. He loved her, that was no doubt. Even when he found out she ran her own company and not a small one at that. He was hurt, yes, but my mother was kidnapped and held hostage, tortured for two months from an ex-builder in the company." I hold my breath, staring down at my plate.
"I wish I had her strength, I was gone for barely a week and I still think about it. About those girls, why they're similarities of appearance was a fascination to such a serial killer. I was about to be one of those girls...I felt what she felt and I shook, pathetically. That kind of pain, I hadn't experienced and it came on full throttle, I clutched onto the person I felt most protected by. I clutched onto you, Edmund. I know I shouldn't have, relying too much on someone else isn't healthy." I whisper, reaching for my drink, I still hadn't looked at him.
I close my eyes, "The pain won't stop, the nightmares will just progress. I just wanted to set aside another mission, and just stop worrying about us, our relationship. Just a candlelit dinner where we could really talk, you know? I don't think we ever really did." I tell him, looking over to meet his eyes.
He stares through me almost, I stare into his eyes, he rolls his lips in, "I-I'm so sorry I took you to that stupid..." He trails off, shaking his head, just as the waitress places his lamb and side salad, he leans back, positioning his napkin on his lap.
"Would you like any beverages for this evening, sir?" She asks him.
"Just water...thank you." He says to her, she nods, turning back towards the main bar.
I breathe calmly, taking a sip of my juice, he leans back, clicking his jaw as he stares at my profile, he swallows, "I haven't done this, Melanie. I'm not use to this, we've been in our waters for sometime. The expedition, it was a detour, I wanted to take you to an overpriced restaurant in the city with no sentimental value and no fucking idea what I'm doing. I have no idea what I'm doing, how we're suppose to act. I don't know what I'm doing, I don't know how to fix this. I've screwed up, I know that. I've fucking screwed up again by thinking we could work together in figuring this out, like a couple would. No matter what I try to do now, nothing is getting us anywhere, I'm just dropping further on the food chain." He says, folding his arms, bitterness and something else in his tone.
I give him a long look, "Edmund, we're not suppose to just click our fingers and figure everything out on the dot. I chose this place for us to talk, calmly. I don't want to continue fighting, I just need you to open up to me. You realise that through our fights, I haven't learnt anything new about you. I am wanting to communicate with you, civilly. This isn't about screwing up, Edmund. I just want to get to know you, better. Forget about all that happened tonight, just talk to me." I say to him, softly, gently.
He takes two deep breathes, then two more.
I think he finally calms down as he whispers to me, "What do you want to know?"