Everything went on well till 6th grade. She took part in every competition, scored well and in between she used to get some extra perks than others, but she don’t know why. Liya made her to join in all the extra-curricular activities with the motive of keeping her busy. Radha performed well. Her left hand was not at all a problem to her as she won't use it often and about her walk, sometimes she feels it strange. When she enquired about this to liya, she said “Listen Radha, you just can’t run. That’s it. It’s not a big deal”. End of conversation. See how awesome it is. You can say the same thing in two different ways. One is “You cannot run!” And the other one is, “You just can’t run”. Same words, but the way we say it will have a distinctive impact on people. Radha believed it. So everything went on well until one day.
“Ma, am I disabled?”
Liya is dumbstruck.
6 hours before....
It was her first day on 6th grade. New class, new friends, new environment. What remained the same is Radha. The office staff is going over every class to check over the number of students.
“Is Radha here?” The staff asked.
“Yes, there are two Radha. Which one you need?” The teacher asked.
“Disabled one” the staff said, mistakingly.
The teacher throws a furious look at the staff.
Now our Radha is looking at the other Radha. And the other Radha is looking at our Radha.
Later she realised everyone in the class is looking at her.
Radha involuntarily gets up from her place. She was totally confused as she almost forgot what the word disabled mean. “ I just can’t run” she blurted out.
“I’m sor..ry. I didn’t mean to..” the staff stammered.
No, Radha cannot comprehend anything. Her mind is rewinding the same question again and again “Am I disabled?” “Am I disabled?”
“Radha, you can sit down,” the teacher said.
“Am I disabled?” “Am I disabled”. She didn’t hear a thing.
This time, the teacher went near and made her to sit. “Don’t worry, Radha. Everything is going to be fine”
Radha is further more confused. Every word seems to be new to her. “No need to worry?. So that means I am disabled? What is happening?” she asked herself.
She sat down.
“Don’t worry, Radha,”. Everyone consoled her. Now she was like, “Do I really need to worry? Or do I need to pretend like worrying?”
The class went on and question rewinded again, “Am I disabled?”
Present..
“Ma, I’m asking you. Am I d...” Radha demanded the answer.
“DONT SAY THAT WORD AGAIN!!” liya bursted out. “YOU ARE NOT”
“I doubt it, ma,”. Her voice is breaking now. “Everyone consoled me in the school. But no one said YOU ARE NOT,”
“Do you remember what I used to say from kindergarten?” Liya asked.
“Yes, ma. But..”
“Say that!!” Liya demanded.
“The way you see the world must not be decided by others,” Radha said, bitterly.
“Now you got the answer,” liya said.
“Ma, it’s not about others, it’s about me!. Do you know how it felt when I hear that word?. I literally searched for that person in the classroom without knowing that it’s me!!” Radha vented.
“Radha...”
“Wait, ma. Let me complete,”
Liya listened.
“Everyone said “Don’t worry”. But I don’t know what to worry about, ma. I’m asking you again. Please tell the truth" Radha said, eyes filled with tears.
Avi returned from school. He was shocked to see Radha.
“What happened?, Radha,” Avi asked,
“Do you know that I’m d.....”
“DIFFERENTLY ABLED?” liya completed the sentence.
Radha is terrified and Avi understood the situation.
“What do you mean by DIFFERENTLY ABLED?”
“Don’t panic, Radha. Let me clarify, ” Avi said after realising that liya is hunting for words.
“So you know it before,” Radha said.
Liya intervened. “What did you lose because of not knowing that, Radha?”
“So I am disabled, right?”
“Stop! Stop! Saying that, Radha. You are hurting me. Listen to what I’m trying to say,”
“I’m not saying that, ma. Everyone out there is...”. Her tears said the rest.
“I understand, Radha,” liya said, hugging her tight. “No one out there knows who you really are other than you, Radha,”
“I don’t know it either, ma” Radha said, in between her sobs.
Liya is trying her best to control her tears. She cupped Radha's face and added, “Look at me, Radha”
Radha looked straight into her eyes.
“You are not DISABLED. You hear me?. You are NOT. If someone is claiming you as disabled then look straight into their eyes and say, “I’m not DISABLED. I’m DIFFERENTLY ABLED”. You got me?"
“How come?”
“Wait, ma. Let me explain.” Avi said.
“Get up, Radha!” Avi helped her.
She went along with Avi to the entrance of the house.
“Do what I do. Okay?. But wait for your turn,”
Radha cannot guess anything. She nodded.
Avi moved forward by counting his steps “1, 2, 3, 4....10” and he stopped in front of the room.
Radha watched it from the front.
“Now it’s your turn, Radha. Do what I did. Don’t forget to count the steps, ” Avi shouted from the entrance of the room.
Liya understood what he is trying to say. She is proud, actually.
Now Radha limped forward by counting her steps “1, 2, 3, 4.......15” and she stopped near Avi.
“Now what?”
“Congratulations, you passed the test,” Avi said with a smile.
“Are you kidding, na?. I’m damn serious!!” Radha outraged.
“Patience is very important, Radha,”
Avi is trying to bring her out from the desperate mode.
Radha folded her hands and waited.
“See, you and I covered the same distance from the entrance till here, right?”
“Yeah,”
“But the count is different. You took 15 and me only 10. So?”
“So?”
“So, if you can cover the same distance as mine, then how can you be called as disabled?” Avi paused. “You are just doing it in a different way, Radha. Only the count is different. But that’s not a big deal because at the end, we both are at the same place.”
Radha is trying to grasp it.
“Okay, see”. He went and brought a jar filled with water up to the brim. “I’m holding it right now, right?. Now it’s your turn”. He handed it to Radha.
“Na, it’s heavy!” Radha said, by holding in her right hand.
“Use your left hand!”
Radha brought her left hand but she knows that her left hand can’t hold it. So she laid the full weight in her right and used her left hand just for support.
“You can hold it right?” Avi said. “Just in a different way,”
Radha is getting it.
“But others....?”
“You cannot go and explain it to everyone, Radha. Everyone is programmed to see like that. It’s not their fault either.” Liya said.
“I’m not asking about others, ma. I’m asking about others like me out there. You and Anna explained to me that I’m not disabled, just differently abled. But what if people like me don’t have anyone like you and anna?” Radha said, anxiously. “They would’ve been lived as disabled for their entire life!. Everyone is different. How can one call someone as disabled when they have many abilities within them? When I heard that word for the first time, it brought some kind of negative vibe, ma. I felt like useless. I felt like I don’t have any abilities!”
“Radha, we cannot do anything about it.” liya said, without looking up.
“I know, ma. I know!!. At least I can vent it out, right!!” Radha said in a low voice, rushed to the room, slammed the door behind her.
“Radha!!” Liya thumped the door.
“Ma, let her be alone for a while,” Avi said
Radha doesn’t show up for the whole day.
Ajith was stunned after hearing all those things from liya. But men are super heroes in these scenarios. Even though it’s tearing them apart they’ll be like as if they glued everything as whole. It’s an art!!
“It’ll be okay, liya” Ajith consoled her.
“I don’t think so, Ajith” liya said.
“Where is she?”
“In the room,”
“Don’t worry, liya. I know very well that my Radha will come out of it. She will come out of everything”
.................
Days passed. Everything starts to make sense to her. She is no longer little princess. She could differentiate the sympathy and kindness in the people's eyes. She stopped talking. She stopped participating in competitions. She could not concentrate on her studies. She could see the word disabled everywhere.
Her backpack seems to be heavier than before. She could hear the assembly bell but could not take one step further. Her legs are not cooperating with her. Someone deep inside her is saying “I’m differently abled, I’m differently abled, I’m differently abled”. But her mind is not ready to listen. She fainted slowly.
How can one walk with pride when you know that everything is a lie?
To be continued....