I awoke to the familiar sound of various vehicles speeding past my window, as if not getting to their destinations immediately would be the difference between life and death. I then Pulled my duvet over my head in a failed attempt to block out the sound of modern civilization I curl up into my silky blanket on my seemingly cloud like mattress in an endeavour to fall back into a peaceful slumber, only to be interrupted by my alarm clock. I sighed knowing that I had to get out of my cocoon of pillows and soft blanket. I reach over to my phone and press 'snooze' as I did everyday and reached over for my glasses, but didn't put them on. Instead I just laid back into my mattress and stared at the empty ceiling, lost in thought. This had become a very frequent occurrence lately, simply laying down looking at the white ceiling and prepping myself for the day ahead.
My alarm went off, again. The loud beeping pulled me out of my semi-conscious state by spitting me back into reality, the reality I dreaded to enter. I sighed yet again, put my glasses on after swinging my legs off of then bed, struggling to find the motivation to actually get up and do something productive. Eventually finding one last strand of hope and positivity I lazily stand up simultaneously scooping up my phone from my bedside cabinet and sleepily walked through the front room into the kitchen.
It was quite lonely in this small flat to be honest, the only thing that kept me company was my cute stuffed lion but sometimes I needed more, sometimes I wished I had someone that I could talk to, someone that would listen and love me unconditionally. Isn't that what everyone wants? Sure I have my subscribers but I don’t actually know them. It’s quite sad knowing that so many people know me but I can’t even put a face on their names, especially because if it wasn’t for them, I probably wouldn’t still be here.
I turned the kettle on and started to prepare a cup of tea, as I did everyday around this time in my very repetitive life. I then made my way over to the living room and sat on the couch, just looked blankly at the wall blocking out all noise except the rhythmic sound the almost boiling water coming from the kitchen. I heard the familiar click of the kettle telling me that it had boiled. I stood up and hastily dragged myself into the kitchen again and finished preparing my tea, then resumed my position on the couch. I settled my tea on the table and grabbed the TV remote.
After finishing my tea and watching half a dare I say dramatic episode of American Horror Story, I turn off the TV and stroll into the bathroom. I turned the shower on and fiddled with the temperature until I was satisfied. I then quickly got undressed and hopped into it without a second thought. The warmth of the water was a nice change to the cold British winter I had become custom to. This created small moment of tranquillity as I felt water run through my ebony hair and down my body. Once doing the usual body cleanse I stepped out of the shower still intoxicated by the strawberry body wash that I have become obsessed with. I reached over to the towel rack and my favourite towel around my waist slowly walked over to the mirror hanging off of the wall only a few metres away. I look into the mirror barely able to see myself due to the condensation as I rested my hands on the sink leaned my body weight onto them. I didn’t know why it did this, I just have moments where I feel the need to pull myself together or just process what is going on at the time, for me it was normal although it seemed to happen every few hours or so. I took another deep breath and turned around to grab my PJ’s, threw them into the washing pile that had seemed to have been big enough to inhabit several dirty washing monsters that could awake at anytime. I knew I had to wash them at some point, but I had put it off so long it would take hours to finish and I just couldn’t be bothered.
I headed to my bedroom holding my phone and glasses in one hand, I couldn’t see very well at all without my glasses but putting them on before I got dressed seemed pointless considering I already knew where my clothes were. I grabbed my clothes and walked into the living room and turned the TV on immediately ready to watch the rest of the half finished episode of American Horror Story I had left on pause previously this morning. I watched the drama unfold in the fictional world I had become obsessed with over the last few weeks as I struggled to tug my black skinny jeans on followed by a red and black checker shirt, only to let myself rest back down into the sofa after putting my slightly damp towel over the radiator and brushing through my hair and dried it with a towel. My hair straighteners were already in the living room so I reached behind the sofa and plugged them in. After messily straightening my hair I turned them off and settled back down into the sofa and ate an apple from the fruit bowl.
The end credits had started to roll across the screen accompanied by the sinister music that the show was famously recognisable for, I had finished the series. That couldn’t be it. No, that can’t be the end! I need to know what happened! What would Tate’s baby grow up to be like? How will they stop people from moving into the house in the future? Will she take Tate back? What do I do with my life now? All these questions spun through my head as the screen went blank suggesting that it had finished. I felt kind of empty, like everything was meaningless. Although this was a familiar feeling after finishing several other books, TV shows and cliff hanging movies I still hadn’t become used to it. I sat up accepting defeat and decided that I would do something productive. Yes, this was something I would say that to myself on a daily basis but that day was different. Walking out of the messy pit I call an apartment and going outside into civilisation for once wasn’t desirable to me but it had to be done. With that thought I stood up and immediately reached for my phone and walked over to the front door and tugged my coat on before I could change my mind. I picked up keys and childish wallet. I walked out the door and skipped down the seemingly never ending flights of stairs and reached the door, I took a deep breath as I opened it, and I was greeted by a comforting cold breeze. I love the feeling of the wind blowing through my hair, it was a feeling rare considering I hardly went outside but that made me cherish the feeling even more.
I Realised that I probably should have at least come up with a plan of where I was going before hand but I wondered down the street heading towards the main road and decided that I would let fate take we to where I needed to go.
“This was a bad idea.” I grumbled to myself.
I didn’t have any money on me and couldn’t be bothered to walk back so I kept on walking, hoping I would see another NatWest bank and then found myself in the middle of nowhere. So I sat down at a fountain I had come across while I wallowing in my own confusion and got out my phone and realised that I had ran out of 3G so I couldn’t even look on Google maps to see where I was. My only option was to ask someone. General human interaction has never been my strong point, but actually speaking to someone was the only way I was going to find my way back home. So stood up and started to look for someone that could help me. I spotted an old man with a beard but opted not to approach him because he seemed like the type of person that would abduct me at any given opportunity, so I carried on looking hoping I would find someone more friendly looking. Just as I was about to give up I saw someone on the opposite side of the fountain, he had dark brown hair styled in a similar way to mine. He was just sitting there, so I decided I’d ask him. He looked friendly enough and he was quite attractive.
I’m not gay. I’m not really sure what my sexual orientation is to be honest. I’ve had girlfriends in the past but the relationships never lasted long, more or less two months. I guess you could say I identified as bisexual, but I had never really told anyone.
I cautiously walk over to the very cute slightly tanned looking boy and said “Erm, excuse me... but I have no idea where I am, erm-m... c-could you please help me? He looked up and I was immediately absorbed into his beautiful cinnamon eyes, they were gorgeous. I snapped myself out of the trace just in time to hear his reply. “Sorry but I literally have no idea where I am either to be honest.” He paused, trying to force a smile onto his face trying to not show his confused expression. I couldn’t help but smile at his failed attempt to not look weird, a skill I had also not perfected. “It’s okay, thanks anyway. Glad I’m not the only one to get lost though.” I chuckled still smiling and then proceeding to turn around to look for someone els I could ask, only to be interrupted by the cute boy speaking up and saying “Hey, this might sound weird but as we are both lost, you want to go to StarBucks get a coffee and steal their Wi-Fi to find out which direction we need to go in?” I paused for a moment, I was seriously considering the idea of getting a coffee with the complete stranger then I realised “I don’t have any money on me...that’s kind of why I got lost in the first place.” I said quietly looking down. He then stood up grabbing his phone from the side of him and looked down at me. He was taller than I thought he would be, but he wasn’t too tall. In fact he was only about two inches taller than me.
“It’s on me.” He said smirking a bit. “Okay then.” I said grinning slightly at him awkwardly. For some reason I was strongly attracted to this boy, unlike any other I had met but even if I wasn’t, I couldn’t have said no to those gorgeous cinnamon orbs especially when they were offering to buy me a drink.
We walked, to the edge of the road and waited until the cars had stopped so we could walk to the StarBucks opposite us. He walked in front of me as we approached the door and opened it. Gesturing for me to go first he said “Ladies first.” He then cheekily smirked. I rolled my eyes at his comment but walked in front of him anyway smiling to myself after I had walked past. We found a table and sat down as we both took our jackets off awkwardly when he finally spoke up, breaking the silence. “So-oo what would you like?” he said dragging out the o’s. I pondered for a few seconds deciding what I wanted and then answered. “Erm, a Caramel Latte please.” He then nodded and stood up “I’ll be back.” he said mockingly in a terminator voice. I chuckled as he walked towards the counter.
He was cute, funny and generally well spoken from what I could tell so far. He was also very awkward, this meant nothing to me, if I’m honest I’m accentually socially inept myself and I would never judge. In fact it kind of made him cuter. How the hell did I get into this situation? I’m never this lucky. I’m not very interesting but also really weird at the same time so not many people chose to talk to me and I had become used to it. But this, this was a nice change.
After about 5 minutes he returned with the two coffees and placed one in front of me on the table on the other in front of him. Just as he was about to sit down I noticed what shirt he had on, A Muse band tee.
‘Okay so he also has an amazing taste in music’ I thought.
” I like your shirt.” I said sipping at my piping hot coffee and regretting my decision immediately when it burnt my lips and tongue. I pulled away quickly trying not to show the pain, of which I obviously failed at. “Hot is it?” he chuckled “Oh and thanks, it’s one of my favourite bands...so yeah.” His words faded into a mumble as picked up his coffee and blew it in an attempt to help it cool down faster. “I love muse, they’re one of my favourite bands too” I said smiling and desperately not trying to screw this one up, maybe then leaving the house wouldn’t have seemed to be such a bad idea.
I turns out this boy and I have a lot in common. We both share interests in computer games, bands and love for random yet interesting facts. Even our personalities were similar other than his sarcastic speak pattern and pessimistic views, but I liked him nonetheless. We spoke for hours, enjoying each other’s company until he gained a worried expression about ten minutes before I asked him if he was okay to which he replied “My parents are probably waiting for me... I think I should leave.” He had a sad expression now on his face and looked down at his hands and with that I asked him to give me his phone. I had learnt that his password for everything was 6111. I didn’t know how I knew that, I guess it just came up in a conversation. So I assumed that it would be his phone password as well. He gave me his phone and I entered the digits finding I was correct, and casually added my number into his phone with a little smiley face next to my name, then handing the phone back to him smiling happily. We stood up and grabbed our jackets then walked out thanking a young woman who had held the door for us. We then both just stood outside of StarBucks looking at each other awkwardly with grins on our faces. I was the one to break the silence this time by saying “So erm...text me?” “Defiantly.” He replied smiling at me. Unfortunately we both had to head in opposite directions. We both found the opportunity to connect to the Wi-Fi and look on Google Maps whilst the other went to the toilet, in an effort to keep ourselves occupied while the other was gone.
So we gave each other short goodbyes and walked our separate ways. As I walked home I constantly found the urge to smile, but thought I may have looked slightly insane walking down the street with a huge smile on my face. So I fought against it. The Butterflies were still fluttering around my stomach. A feeling that I’d never felt before, but I kind of liked it.
Eventually I found a road that seemed familiar and then my way back home. By then the butterflies had settled and the familiar empty feeling had already rested onto my chest. I didn’t really have the energy left to walk up the stairs but I had too. Lazily and slowly I walked up them, one step at a time. Once I had gotten to my door I had to rummage through my pockets and search for my keys, when I had found them I couldn’t even find what key it was, this took me to the point where I was feeling extremely agitated. I found the key and slotted it into the key hole and stomped into my apartment, throwing the keys onto the cabinet and taking my coat off as fast as I could then throwing it onto the back of my front room door. I stormed over onto the kitchen, I wasn’t really mad at this point, just waiting for my body to catch up with my actual emotions. I then put the kettle on, and leaned against the counter and tried to relax myself, I was tired, and I mean really tired. All I really wanted to do was sleep if I’m honest.
I took out my phone to look at the time then seeing it was only 5:39. I decided it would be better just to take small nap. So I left the kitchen forgetting about the boiling kettle and lied down on the couch fully clothed. Within seconds I had already started to flutter my eyes closed. I then fell into a soft slumber, hugging a cushion from my sofa tightly.