(30th June, 2011)
"NYX WAKE UP!" Noel let out a shouts vigorously shaking my shoulders, I sprung to my feet and pulled out my knife before I realise Noel is calm and smiling at me, "what's going on?" I ask him still half asleep as I tucked my knife away. "It's your birthday! You're 15." Noel chimes, I groan and crawl back into bed pulling the blankets over me and blocking the light as well as Noel. "Why so early?" I whispered to him angrily once I saw it was 8am. For the past three days I've been pulling all-nighters due to either having patrol or watch or joining Carl on watch.
"The others told me to wait another hour but I was too excited for the party." I roll my eyes, reminding Noel that we don't throw parties for birthdays because they're too loud. Then I heard a loud gunshot, I jump up not caring that I'm in my pyjamas as I run to the sound. I see Sydney in the last cell of C, a bullet hole between her eyes and Oliver shaking standing over her with a gun outstretched.
I slowly place my hand on the gun, lowering it before taking it off Oliver, who was now broken out of his shocked trance and looked at me with rage filled eyes. Before I could blink Oliver tackled me to the ground, I threw my hands in front of my face to shield his punches as he repeatedly hits me. The first three hurt a lot, but slowly each punch had less power. Oliver was now sobbing as he straddled me his fists brushing against my arms. I slowly take a hold of Oliver's two wrists, flipping us over and then I stood up, as Oliver's body shook in devastation. I slowly help him up off the floor and walk him away from the crowd of onlookers, that consisted of a lot of angry looking people.
I walked him into a cell, helped him lay down before pulling out a picture I took yesterday. "Here, so you'll always have a piece of her with you." I slipped the polaroid into Oliver's hand, the picture was him and Sydney, Oliver had his arm wrapped around her and the both of them were laughing. "T-th-thank you, I-I'm s-s-sorry for, for hitting you." Oliver stumbled and choked on his tears, "I forgive you.." I whisper to him before walking out of the cell.
I spot Danny nearby we make eye contact and I nudged my head towards the cell door, telling Danny to go comfort his friend without words. Danny slowly made his way into the cell Oliver was in as I made my way to the eating area for breakfast. "Let me see." Daryl grabbed my arms raising them to display the bruises Oliver left on my skin, "I'mma kill him." I grabbed Daryl's wrist stopping him from going anywhere, "he just had to shoot his girlfriend in the head, leave him be." Daryl hesitated but seeing the look on my face, he sighs and nods sitting back down and letting me sit down next to him.
I scan the courtyard, there was so much tension in the air, people sent me some sympathetic look, my eyes still as I see Tyreese and George filling in Sydney's grave, a frown etched its way onto my face. "You okay Nyx?" Noel questions, I flinched as he poked my bruises, "I'm fine just stop poking." Noel stopped, I tear my eyes away from her grave. I do feel responsible for Sydney's death, after the Butlers turned I should've did a cell block inspection to make sure no one was bitten. I could've saved her if I would've just searched them, I would've found the bite, organise someone to put Mrs McLeod down before she turned.
"Stop that." Carl spoke, using his spoon to gesture to the look on my face, "it wasn't you fault." Carl told me, I sigh and looked down at my food playing with it with my spoon. "If I was more cautious after the Butlers, she might still be alive right now." I admit that Carl was right on suggesting I was blaming myself and how much guilt I was rolling around with in my thoughts. "Don't think like that Nyx, when it's your time to go, it's your time to go, you can't prevent death." Beth spoke up, I wasn't the only surprised by her statement, it was very unlike Beth. "But you can save someone." I state shoving my breakfast away loosing my appetite once again, but Daryl shoved the food in front of me again, "finish that, you've barely eaten in the last three days." I went to argue that he was wrong, but I closed my mouth as it dawned on me that he was right. Whenever I saw Sydney or Oliver made a remark about me killing her, I would lose my appetite and give my food to someone else.
I look up at Carl to see his jaw was set, I noticed everyone else's expression mirror his, all of them looking behind me, my eyebrows knitted together, slowly spinning around to see Oliver awkwardly standing in front of me. "Everything okay?" I question him, he shook his head no. "I know you said you forgive me for what I did but I can't except your forgiveness." Now I was even more confused, I slowly stood up in the least threatening way I could, "why?" I question him, "because I need to hate you to do this." Oliver raised a hand gun pointing it to my head.
I notice that the chamber was empty, he was hoping someone would kill him for 'attempting' to kill me. I held my hand up to stop the others, I took a couple of steps towards Oliver and place my forehead against the gun. Oliver was stunned by my action, I could feel everyone's eyes on us, "I forgive you, and I'm sorry I couldn't save Sydney." I whisper to him, I saw so much pain in his eyes, so much guilt, "and neither could you, and that's okay because she had time to come to peace with it and was able to tell you how much you meant to her." Oliver was shaking, tears swimming in his eyes, he dropped the gun and curled into me pulling me into a hug. I sigh in relief as I hugged him back, reminding him that he has someone who knows how much pain he feels. Oliver sobbed in my arms as I kicked the gun away, back towards the group, I lowly shushed him with care in my sounds.
Eventually he let go of me and walked away, everyone's eyes on him as he walked away, Danny got up and followed him. "Now, I'mma kill him." Daryl spoke up but I stopped him again, Daryl grunted in disbelief, "no," is all I said, I didn't give him a reason until we sat down and Carl asked me why not kill him, he's beaten me and threatened to kill me. "The chamber was empty, he wasn't going to kill me." I inform Carl, who still looked extremely pissed, "he was hoping one of us would've killed him." Noel spoke up in realisation, I saw the angry leave his expression and it just faded to sadness as another realisation dawned on him.
"He reminds you of me, what I was like after mom died." I nodded which caused everyone to freeze and look at Noel asking him what he meant, but they didn't receive anything they were expecting. Noel stood up quickly looking me dead in the eye, "you care too much and you trust people too much, it's what's gonna get you killed." My jaw dropped as Noel stormed off towards cell block C, everyone shifted uncomfortably at Noel's sudden exit. I blinked a few times trying to regain my composure but I was failing, I slowly stood again and made my way to the gate which Charlotte was manning today.
"Where are you off to today, Nyx?" Charlotte questioned, "home." Charlotte looked at me confused as I shut the gate behind me and took off.
I barged into my house, stamping my feet as I ran upstairs, and kept stamping until I reached the roof. I sighed as I laid down on the roof, my eyes watching the clouds pass me by, before closing them and allowing my ghost to come back and haunt me. First arrival was my mother, "how pathetic are you Nyx? Your little brother mouths off at you and you come back here to sulk. I was right about you, you're unlovable, and an intolerable waste of space. Why don't you just end it? and stop wasting oxygen." My heart dropped at my mother's points and suggestion, "awh did I hurt your feelings? Awh the poor crybaby." I shook my head, clearing my mother from my thoughts.
In my mother's absence Alex arrived, aka Noel's father, "well if it's the little whiny bitch. Do those bruises hurt? Do they sting like the one's I gave you?" Alex's voice taunts, "no because it was just a boy who beat ya and he didn't have the sense to slice your bruises. Didn't have the balls to do everyone a favour and kill you." I sigh as I shook my head again, trying to get rid of Alex.
A voice I haven't heard in so long surfaced, "Nyx darling, don't listen to them. You are stronger than they could ever imagine, you're the one that's still here, still surviving and still your beautiful caring self. You're the one who protected Noel and Naomi from all the abuse, you've sacrificed every ounce of your happiness for them, and it's perfectly okay to breakdown in this pie hole of a world." I chuckled at my gran's words, she was very against cussing, but she was a big believer in the big man in the sky.
"Gran, why did you believe in God? like why bother, if he did exist why the fuck would he do this?" I questioned the woman in my head, first she gave out to me about my foul mouth, "I didn't believe in God, I believed in you. You were like an angel blessed upon me, and no matter what, you never let the beatings change who you are. They might've left scars but you are still my beautiful granddaughter, who adapted to a new scary world and is thriving in it. You're still the little girl who used to hold onto my hand desperately as we walked around town, the one ready to stand up to someone way older than you when they were rude to me, the same little girl who held the biggest heart and loved so strong that it hurt whenever you frowned. The one who never ever fought against me, who trusted every word that left my mouth, the one that would do anything to protect her family..." My body shook whilst I sobbed as I heard gran's words but she faded away near the end, I opened my eyes and looked at the sky with tears in my eyes as I hummed lulling myself to peace. "Happy birthday." I heard gran whisper as a sun ray beamed in my eyes, as if the heavens opened up.