“What’s been up with you?”
‘Nothing.’ I mouth, refusing to turn my head to look at him.
“Something is obviously up. I mean we just passed a fucking meadow and you didn’t say shit about it.” Coop continues and I just groan, wanting this conversation to end.
My phone is resting on my lap, one of the headphones in while the other one is dangling over my chest. We’re driving in his precious bus, the lavender aroma smelling forced since Fifi made him spray air freshener all over the inside of his car a few days ago.
“Don’t groan at me if you’re alright as you say. It justifies the fact that you’re not.”
He keeps on glancing at me, waiting for my say and I just turn the volume up on my phone.
“Did you ju- You’re acting super immature!”
A small evil grin forms on my lips, my eyes still on the window on my side and I’m about to close them until I feel him grab a hold of my free headphone.
I make some weird inhumane noise, my muffled sounds expressing my shock and annoyance.
The whole vehicle itself swivels a bit as Coop turns his attention towards my earbud, placing it in his ear immediately before his eyes retreat quickly back to the road.
A few cars behind us honk violently at Coop’s dumb ass move there, and I begin to repeatedly slap his shoulder as I try to retrieve my beloved headphone back, my head dragged towards him since he pulled me along when he grabbed the damn thing.
“No fucking way.” He comments as I steal it back, quickly pausing the song on my phone and covering everything with my hands just in case he attempts to do anything again.
‘What? What is it?’
I’m unsure if he caught what I said since he didn’t seem to be really paying attention, an amused smile on his face.
I roll my eyes, turning my head back towards the window.
“You miss him don’t you?”
He doesn’t even have to say his name. Those blue eyes just appear in my head automatically.
I make a monotone sound as response, turning my body more towards the door.
“You do! That’s why you’ve been listening to that song for the past week.”
I shuffle my body a bit in place and I hear him laugh.
He’s really beginning to piss me the fuck off.
I mean yes I miss Louis but not as much as Coop’s implying. Like yes he’s my friend but I’ve only known the guy for less than even half a year. I mean like I wish he texted me more and I possibly miss seeing his new t-shirts everyday or something but I mean that’s a normal thing. Like his t-shirts are cool and who wouldn’t miss seeing them, you know?
And yeah maybe I’ve been listening to Wonderwall on repeat for a while but I just like that song a lot. It has nothing to do with the fact that Louis and I both like that song and have both listened to it together in numerous occasions.
Nope.
That would be weird and very non platonic.
We’re just friends anyway.
I mean yeah he did kind of say he liked me more than that but that was just because it was obviously an ‘in the moment’ kind of deal. Even though he didn’t take it back or anything, but still I mean he wouldn’t actually think that.
No one has or will think that way about me so Louis was obviously just very happy in that moment and all that dopamine in his body made him a bit loopy.
“You have to admit it to yourself one day you know.”
I feel my eyes adjust as a bright beam of light hits my face from the glass of the window and I don’t say a word.
My mind just begins to think about windows and now I’m wondering whether or not Louis is near a window and if it’s opened or lowered down for him to see.
I sigh silently.
It’s probably not.
Especially since he’s in America right now.
“He’s been gone for two weeks already. In a few days it’s going to be three and then the week after that four and then the week after that five and etcetera.”
I pull the headphones end from the device, turning up the volume and beginning to type from the app that Coop recently bought from my phone. I don’t have to carry around that Ipad anymore.
I didn’t mind though really.
‘What’s your point?’ It reads for me, the sound not as loud as the bigger device, but still coherent nonetheless.
His tone doesn’t sound so amused anymore.
Whenever he get’s serious like this his voice gets deeper and I feel as if I’m talking to yet another therapist which sorta aggravates me at times. However, I know that it’s just because he cares so I usually push those feelings aside.
“He’s not going to come back for a while. Maybe even a long time.”
‘So you’re saying I should just give up? I thought you wanted me to try this time.’
“I do want you to try. That’s my point.”
I raise an eyebrow and I sit myself up, his words making me so lost that I turn completely to look at him.
‘What?’ I mouth.
He stops at a red light, his left hand remained on the steering wheel as he uses the other to emphasize his words like he usually does.
“Like right now it’s only been two weeks and you’re already moping. You’re not trying hard enough.”
‘I am!’ I defend, my eyebrows now furrowed.
“No you haven’t! All you’ve been doing is sitting around all day with Izzy with your fucking sour ass face.”
I open my mouth for a second, quickly closing it before licking my lips and slumping myself back into the seat.
The light turns green and he begins driving again.
I begin to count each passing car in my mind, wanting everything to blur in color for a while.
One….two..three…..four
“I know you can do it.”
Seven…...eight….
“I believe in you.”
Twelve….thirteen...fourteen..fifteen….
…
Coop walks ahead of me, his hands in his pockets as he looks around as if to see if he’s being watched.
I cock an eyebrow from behind him, my feet walking a bit faster for me so I can catch up.
He looks a bit nervous yet excited as we both walk up to the doorstep, a man in a plain black t-shirt standing in the front with his phone in his ear, chatting on about some bloke he lost a bet to through the device. We’re practically in the middle of nowhere, the parking lot of this place empty besides the two or three cars that seem to all be owned by the possible security inside.
I feel as if I’m in a top secret combat zone of the sort and that people are just surrounding the building, waiting to shoot me if I make the wrong move.
Then again maybe I’ve just been watching too much Law and Order with Izzy.
I tap Coop on the shoulder, my eyes going from him to the well built man.
He glances at me and shrugs and I shrug back, the guy finally noticing us as he tells the person he was conversing with to hold on.
Coop has told me how private these meetings with his boyfriend Danny usually have to be, no one being able to find out about the player’s sexuality just yet. However, I didn’t think it would be like this.
The man asked for Coop’s ID and nodded when his eyes read his name on the plastic card, his attention landing immediately on me soon after.
“She’s with me. Danny invited her along as well.” Coop announced, his chest popped out slightly in a way to show how lacking the effect of the man’s intimidation has on him.
He reminds me sometimes of a male peacock that shows off his long colored tail feathers to show dominance.
I stifle a bit of a giggle.
After showing my ID as well, he moved aside and Coop and I walked in arm and arm linked together.
He’s holding me close to him and I don’t mind really. Whether it be to parties, family gatherings, or whenever we are doing something that is important to Cooper, he always in some way grips on to me. I’m unsure if it’s because he wants me to feel included or because he wants to comfort himself due to his riled up nerves.
What ever the case is, I never move and always make sure I’m near by him at all times during events like this so he doesn’t ever feel alone and anxious if something unexpected happens that throws him off completely.
The building resembles some luxurious apartment complex/warm cottage hybrid. The walls, floor, and ceiling are all made out of this light and slightly tanned colored wood and the whole place all in all smells like peppermint and burnt charcoal.
“This is where Danny and his teammates hang out together after games.” Coop comments, my eyes tracing the swirl patterns right above our heads.
I make a ‘mhmm’ noise and he holds me closer as we both begin to hear some chattering coming from a room in the corner.
I just continue looking around, feeling as if I’m in the home of a very hard working lumberjack that collects the heads of the animals he hunts as a way to remind himself of a victory he thinks he achieved when all he did was shoot a helpless and innocent deer and use its body as tacky house decor.
I wonder if Louis hung out here.
“Danny?” Coop suddenly yells out, my mind coming out of a growing haze that was leading me to thoughts about an enigma I don’t think I could handle at the moment.
The sound of footsteps begins growing more and more audible until recognizable blonde hair strands begin appearing, my arm automatically loosening from Coop’s hold so he could release faster when the time comes.
Danny looks pretty hot today in his plain teal colored shirt and light colored jeans, the shade of blue matching Coop’s contacts.
A huge smile grows on his face and he quickly saunters himself towards his boyfriend, Coop finally letting go as they share a quick embrace.
Coop leaves a small kiss on Danny’s cheek and moves aside briefly so we can both greet one another.
He gives me a quick pat on the back and I just nod my head at him with a small grin on my lips.
…
We were lead into this room filled with two security guards by the windows, a circular shaped table that also happened to be wooden but with a white table cloth, accompanied by three chairs (Wooden of course because why the fuck not), white marbled plates, champagne glasses, and silverware.
It was a bit fancy for a small lunch as Coop had told me, but I don’t complain. I can tell that Danny really wanted his boyfriend’s best friend to accept him so he went a little bit overboard. It’s actually charming now that I think about it even though just a simple order of pizza outside on the porch would have been enough for me really.
However, when I sit down, I comment on how nice everything is, immediately receiving an appreciative smile from Danny.
I’ve begun to notice that whenever Danny smiles, he looks like he’s about to just pop out a tube of toothpaste and explain its good values, Coop just staring at him as if he would pay all the money in the world for that toothpaste as long as it would make Danny smile again.
It’s endearing as well as sickening.
I don’t comment on neither thing though.
Coop sits right beside me, Danny sitting across and I quickly take a sip of the golden drink in front of me as I await for the conversation to begin.
“I hope you don’t mind, Winnie but I ordered each of us this really good citrus salad and lentil soup. It tastes delicious, trust me. But if you don’t like it, I can order you something else.” Danny begins, Coop glancing at me with raised eyebrows.
I shrug and nod, mouthing a ‘Fine with me.’ before holding my hands with one another on top of the table.
Danny smiles again.
“Okay. Good. It will be coming out in a few so I guess we have some time to talk for a while before they show up.”
Coop and I both nod in unison and my right hand goes to my pocket, sliding out my phone and placing it on the table so I’m ready to speak.
Danny just stares at it for a bit and Coop clears his throat.
“Oh yeah. Sorry I just day dreamed a bit there.”
I don’t say anything.
“So. How have you been since we saw each other last?”
Usually when Coop is with me when I have to converse with people, he just translates everything I sign but, for this event I wanted to do something different.
Even though I dread the monotone voice, I much rather prefer that instead of Coop having to speak the whole time.
I type into my phone and it brings my words to life.
‘Good I suppose. How about you?’
“Great actually. The Rovers and I have been winning many games lately and it’s been nice to actually have someone to go home to, you know?”
Coop blushes a bit.
“Sap.” He comments, rolling his eyes and giggling like a small child before his boyfriend turns his way.
“What? It’s true. I mean you can’t cook for shit and you eat all my food, but you are one adorable bugger to have around.”
He tangles his fingers in his hair and Coop smiles so wide it almosts looks as if he’s squinting.
I smile at that too, a few chuckles releasing from my lips.
‘I agree. Coop, you are one cute twat.’ I type, Danny’s eyes widening before he begins to laugh, one of his hands going over to his stomach.
Coop scrunches up his nose at me and fixes the collar of his dark red Celine Paris shirt.
“No, just the other day, you know what this one does?” Danny goes on, my eyebrows now being the ones that raise as I await him to continue.
His eyes remain on me as his finger is pointed towards Coop.
“I asked him to come to one of my practices right and he says that he can’t because he had to go get the oil of his bus changed. So I’m like ‘alright’ and when I get to the apartment, alllllllll of the floor was covered with rose petals.”
I wiggle my eyebrows at both of them, Coop’s hand going straight to his forehead as he begins laughing.
“Oh my god, you’re not going to fucking tell her. I said I was sorry.” Coop mumbles, his eyes closed and his small smile hiding behind a few hair strands that are near his mouth.
“Yes I’m going to tell her. She needs to know.”
“Dear god. Please don’t.”
“Shhhh. I’m trying to tell a story here.”
Coop makes a sound that makes him sound as if he’s fucking constipated and my interest just grows more and more.
‘Tell me.’ I mouth.
Danny leans in closer, moving his drink aside to the right so it doesn’t tip over and Coop makes the same sound again.
I move in closer too, my discomfort from the beginning fading away.
“He forgot I was allergic to roses.”
I gasp.
‘No.’
“Yes.”
“Oh my god you told her.”
The two of us burst into a small fit of laughter at Coop’s expense and after a few seconds, he finally reveals himself again, his embarrassed smile evident to the world.
I think I could even hear the security men laughing a bit.
“I was trying to be romantic.”
“No. You were trying to kill me.”
I give Coop a shake of the head and he groans before Danny continues.
“My whole face swelled up and I couldn’t breathe.”
My eyebrows raise again.
‘Oh my god.’ I mouth.
He nods.
“Yeah. And a few minutes later there my idiot was with my emergency inhaler in one hand, an epinephrine needle in the other; all while wearing a ridiculous leopard print underwear and a godfather robe.”
My hand quickly goes to my mouth as I begin to laugh so hard, tears begin to well up in my eyes.
Now all I can fucking think about is the twenty-five year old injecting a damn needle into his boyfriend’s thigh while dressed as a pimp from the 70’s.
Holy shit. It sounds like something that would happen in some lame sitcom about gay mafia members.
I’m never going to let him live this down.
“Great. She’s never going to let me live this down.”
Oh how this child reads me.
Danny releases his last bit of laughter before tapping Coop on his shoulder.
“Good.”
...
The lunch was quite tasty, my mind adding this salad to my mental list of vegan foods that weren’t bad at all.
The soup, being the complete opposite as I felt that it dried my throat as I swallowed, the texture itself mushy and disappointing. However, the company made up for it.
All three of us dined and spoke, my laughter so abrupt and consistent that my stomach began to sore.
We mostly discussed their relationship really, my inner file of blackmail I can use against Coop piling up by the stack loads and even though I plan to never even use any of this information against him for real, I don’t think I won’t be able to forget them.
The man has fucked up so many times.
However, Danny obviously is very infatuated with him and that warms my heart.
He looked at Coop the way a person like Coop deserves to be looked at.
The admiration in his eyes practically flooded the whole room and after a while it seemed to sadden me for a reason.
The way they looked at each other.
The way that they clicked.
The way that they corresponded when they would speak of things.
I felt so envious, so green to the face and I grew mad at myself.
I didn’t let anything show though, everything locked up as I stuffed another bland spoonful of that soup down my throat with a forced smile.
Oh what a selfish buffoon I can be.
Letting this frustration over my friend’s happiness overcome me was grotesque and I felt like a flower. One egotistical flower that wanted to keep on growing taller and taller as I sat in front of these two elated weeds.
Just thinking about it makes me sick to my stomach and I hope to never think that way again.
But even if I were to go back in time, I don’t think I would still even be able to control my own thoughts.
Everything was darkness and smoke and as I was trying to think about rain, blue came to mind which lead to blue eyes which led to Louis and I wanted to explode.
I stopped eating at that and self consciously checked my phone as Coop was discussing his distaste for french food, not even one message appearing.
I huffed and continued listening, my mood dropping.
After lunch we walked for a while outside, Coop telling Danny about some of the bands I listen to that he agrees with and Danny playing a few songs from his phone that seemed to have a similar sound to the songs I usually listen to.
I even wrote some down, listening to them on the way back to my house.
Coop seemed quiet when we left, leaving me completely confused since I expected him to just be beaming over the great afternoon he obviously had. However, his blissful smile was gone and I just put my headphones on, seeing how he was thinking to himself and most likely did not want to be disturbed.
The driveway of my house was empty, a silent sigh releasing from my lips once we stopped right in front.
As I was about to open the door to finally return to homebase, he told me to hold on for a second.
I did and he asked me a question that took me completely off guard.
“Why are you so afraid to text him?” He asked.
Coop doesn’t know about the words that were said two weeks ago.
He doesn’t know about the sudden blast of euphoria I felt when Louis spoke those exact sentences.
He doesn’t know these things and even though I feel guilty about it since I almost always tell him everything, I still didn’t mutter a word about the subject.
Instead I said something that was vague yet still made me feel completely naked.
‘I’m afraid I will say too much.’
He just stared at me, all narrowed eyed and intense with his plastic pigment.
“You know it’s okay to care about someone.”
‘Okay.’
“Yeah.”
The atmosphere grew a bit thick for my liking and I quickly commented about how I had a good time and he nodded and I nodded before he finally said a goodbye and I waved.
I began picking at my bare nails as I walked inside my house, Sylvia greeting me briefly as she was taking the dirty clothes bin to the laundry room. I offered my assistance and she declined kindly before I nodded and walked awkwardly up to my room.
Everything seemed quieter than usual, my ears focusing on the sound of the air releasing from the vents above as I stared at Elvis.
‘He probably doesn’t even want me to text him.’ I mouthed at the poster, receiving nothing but that same ol’ golden smile.
‘I mean he’s probably singing to some girl at a gig or something.’
Silence.
‘Maybe even two girls.’
More silence.
‘Maybe a stampede of females.’
Nothing.
He just continued on being still as he held that ukulele in his hands, mocking me.
I took a deep breath, my whole body falling backwards on my bed, the ceiling looking even more popcorny than it usually does.
It was only four in the afternoon and I was bored out of mind, Izzy still in the hospital and Coop probably worrying about my sanity.
I was going to just go down stairs and talk to Sylvia, but then I remembered that,
A.) She’s working.
B.) I would have nothing to talk about.
and
C.) I didn’t want to walk.
so it wasn’t really the greatest idea to go by.
I just layed there….
Staring up above and thinking.
I thought about Coop and Danny and how much I liked them together.
I thought about Coop in general and how I wish he would worry less about others and focus more on himself because god damn he deserves that.
I thought about his words over and over again for a while.
Then I thought about Louis’ words and why I haven’t told neither Izzy nor Coop about it.
Then I thought about Louis with his fucking beautiful blue eyes that always change a different fucking color.
Then I thought about how damn of a good person he is.
Then I felt my stomach drop.
And now my phone is being held in my hand as I remain laying down, praying that the device won’t fall on my face.
I open Louis’ contact and next thing you know I begin typing, my heart racing for some reason.
To: Llama Tomlinson
Question. Does popcorn ceiling taste like popcorn?
It is literally the stupidest fucking message I have ever composed but saying hello just to receive one back takes too much of my time. I just want to jump into a conversation already. I want to pretend as if everything already has been said.
He texted back.
From: Llama Tomlinson
Hmmm. I’m not quite sure, Winifred. I mean mashed potatoes look like ice cream yet it tastes quite the opposite. So that is really a troubling question.
I release a breath I realize I’ve been holding and I smile, sitting myself up quickly.
To: Llama Tomlinson
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. True. We’ll leave that for the scientists then. So other quick question. What’s the difference between an ice cream scooper and a mashed potatoes scooper now that you brought up the subject.
From: Llama Tomlinson
Nothing. They’re the same damn thing.
My eyebrows raise at his response, my bottom lip being bitten down as I quickly copy a link to an article about the differences between the two scoops even though I agree completely with him.
I text it to him and laugh aloud as he responds with a frustrated response.
From: Llama Tomlinson
Oh my gosh. You’re not one of thoseeeee.
To: Llama Tomlinson
One of thoseeeee?
From: Llama Tomlinson
Yes one of thoseeeee. One of ‘those’ people that defend similar looking inanimate objects.
To: Llama Tomlinson
They have feelings to you know.
From: Llama Tomlinson
Yeah keep telling yourself that as you put them in your mouth and place them in a dishwasher where they are forcefully washed with steaming hot water.
To: Llama Tomlinson
Many people care about them you know. I’m not the only one.
From: Llama Tomlinson
It is literally one in the morning right now, but I will wake everyone up and risk my life just to prove to you that that is not true if you tempt me any further.
I feel my smile drop a little. It’s four here and one over there.
To: Llama Tomlinson
It’s one over there?
From: Llama Tomlinson
Yeah. We’re in Cali now and I can’t sleep.
To: Llama Tomlinson
Why? Rough day?
From: Llama Tomlinson
Nah. It was actually pretty cool. The concert was pretty wicked and Zayn almost fell into a pool.
I smiled again at the last bit.
To: Llama Tomlinson
Lmao. Why couldn’t you sleep then?
He took a while to respond.
From: Llama Tomlinson
Idk. Was trying to stare out the window for a while but all I could see was people and buildings. Have been trying to make something out of something I guess. I'm not like you though.
To: Llama Tomlinson
Don’t worry. Buildings aren’t really that symbolic in my opinion anyway.
From: Llama Tomlinson
They can be. I’m just not clever enough to figure it out.
To: Llama Tomlinson
Yeah you are. They’re just buildings, Louis.
From: Llama Tomlinson
Yeah that’s the problem. Everything to me are ‘just buildings’.
I can sense that he’s frowning, that he’s probably staring out the closed window and thinking something negative about himself. I want to tell him that he can’t see anything because he’s probably the biggest form of symbolism there. That his presence alone is just so overpowering that everything else just seems like nothing compared to this man that is just so something and how that has been the only thing on my mind ever since I walked out that car door and saw him drive away.
But my fear kicks in, and the room begins to feel stuffier even though I actually felt cold a minute ago.
Then I remember what Coop told me.
‘You know it’s okay to care about someone.’ he said.
But then again, Louis isn’t just a someone.
He’s much more than that.
I type again.
To: Llama Tomlinson
Why would one need to understand the stars when it is the sun?
From: Llama Tomlinson
What are you trying to say?
To: Llama Tomlinson
I’m trying to say that it’s crazy how you’re thinking how you’re not intelligent when you are one of the most intelligent people I know. Damn it, you’re acting as if I’m better than you when I’m the one that has already been missing your voice and staring at an empty bench everyday when you’ve only been gone for two weeks. I’m already going insane and it’s only been 14 days, Louis.
I press send, my hands sweating and regret flourishing through me as I groan loudly and throw one of my throw pillows at one of my walls. It’s ruined.
Everything is fucking detonated and gone to hell because I did what I feared I would do.
This is why I only have two friends.
This is why I’m alone in my room right now wishing that I was in someone elses body in a completely different life.
After almost losing all hope in myself, I feel my phone vibrate, my eyes widening as I see it’s from him.
From: Llama Tomlinson
Don’t be alarmed.
Don’t be alarmed?
What does he possibl-
My phone begins ringing in my hand, my body flinching as I’m taken from utter fucking surprise.
His name is flashed on the screen, the answer and ignore buttons both at the bottom, nice and big.
No one has called me in years.
Is this some kind of joke?
Is he going to make fun of me?
After a few more rings, my shaky finger presses the green button, the phone going to my ear hesitantly.
My lips are separated and my knees are close to my chest as I bring them together with my free arm.
“Winnie?” I hear through the line, his voice sounding more pixelated and muffled yet still sounding like, Louis.
I make a ‘mhmm’ noise and I hear him breathe for a while through the line.
“I-I don’t really know what to say.” he whispers, most likely trying to keep his voice down to not wake up the others with him.
“I guess I can start off with saying what I just want to say.”
He laugh nervously and I pull my legs closer to my body.
“I’ve been missing you too, Winnie.”
My eyes close.
“So so much.”
________________________________________________________________________________
YES I AM A CHEESY PERSON BUT CHEESE IS THE BEES KNEES.
YES I JUST SAID THAT.
A BIT LENGTHY IM SRY BUT I DNT WNT TO SEPARATE EVERYYYY CHAPPY INTO TWO PARTS SO BEAR WITH ME.
So! WHTYA GUYS THINK??? Why was she so grumpy this whole chapter? My lil angry blonde being all sassy yet adorable with the blue eyed sunshine.
Yeah it's almost four in the morning and my mind is frumpy but whateva foreva.
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Love you all and happy Zayn Malik birthday week! Zaps and kisses to all! Side is gif of Winnie the queen B (You all can imagine her as anything you want btw like this is just my reference but it doesn't have to be that for you!) . And song is song that helped me write this chapter. It's a new one by my other queen Marina and the Diamonds. <3