one year earlier.
...
"so i leave town for a week and zayn starts dating a slag the moment he transfers?" justin asks. it's just the three of them, liam, justin and him in zayn's dorm. zayn has known justin since he was a kid, liam and him became friends much later when zayn started to smoke weed. it was one of the reasons zayn chose this college, because he's friends with two people in it already.
"don't call him that," zayn says, defending harry. "and we're not dating yet."
"good. there's still hope," he says. "liam, how could you let this happen?"
"i just wanted him to get laid, i didn't think he'd actually fall for him," liam defends himself.
"what the hell is wrong with you both? you're talking about him like he isn't human. you don't know anything about him,"
"and you know him? you literally just met him zayn. you have no idea what you're dealing with. you've gotten laid, that's what he's for so you're better off cutting ties with him now,"
"dude, fuck you," zayn says to justin, getting annoyed with him.
"c'mon zayn. liam tell him how much of an idiot he's being,"
"i'm actually on zayn's side in this. i've spoken to harry a couple of times and he isn't that bad. if anyone can make him a boyfriend, it's zayn," liam says.
"thank you liam."
"y'all are tripping," justin says. "harry styles is definitely not boyfriend material."
"i'll prove you wrong," zayn insists.
"dude, this isn't going to end well," justin shakes his head. "don't say i didn't warn you."
later, zayn goes to harry's apartment. harry had invited him over, and of course he couldn't say no. they watch a movie, order pizza and when it starts to get late harry asks him to stay over.
zayn meanwhile is a bit distracted, he's thinking of a way he could ask harry to officially be his boyfriend. it feels like the right time so he decides to just get over it.
"harry?" he starts. harry turns to him, waiting for him to continue. "do you want to go out with me?"
"like now? where are we going?"
zayn chuckles, shaking his head.
"i meant, would you want to be my boyfriend?" he asks. there's a long silence that follows after it.
"um..." harry trails, looking confused.
zayn's heart starts beating a million times per minute. he was sure that harry would say yes, but has he misread what they have together? he thought it meant something but maybe it's just not what he thought.
"it's fine if you don't want to," he clarifies.
"no, no, it's not that. it's just-"
"-you don't like me like that? i get it," zayn says, looking away, feeling very hurt.
"let me finish," harry chuckles. "i kind of thought we were already dating."
he looks away, blushing after saying that.
"oh, really?"
"yeah, i mean we hang out a lot, we're intimate and we aren't seeing other people. i just assumed that's what a relationship meant," he says.
"you're right," zayn agrees. "we've been dating all this time. i was just focused on titles. what we have is more special than any title."
"sap," harry says. he's smiling and blushing still, zayn pokes at his dimples.
"but i do like the sound of harry styles, my boyfriend,"
"me too," harry says.
zayn pulls harry towards him by his hair and kissed him passionately. harry reciprocates the kiss, mirroring zayn's movements.
"wanna get high and have mindblowing sex?" zayn asks as he gropes at harry's bottom.
"definitely," harry replies.
...
present day
harry finally summons enough courage to go talk to niall. niall is one of the only few people he can trusts and he can't afford to lose him. he sends niall a text asking if they could meet up, niall responds telling him to come over so harry does. he knocks at niall's door before niall is opening it.
"took you long enough," niall says, leading him in. he doesn't seem like he's angry with harry but harry needs to know for sure.
"i got pizza," harry replies, handing the box to his friend. "it's your favorite, pineapple and anchovies."
"yay, yum," niall says excitedly. "thanks."
"i don't understand how you eat that. i felt shame ordering it," harry says.
"only elite tastebuds can get it," niall retorts. "also you live on vodka and iced coffee, you're not exactly in the position to judge me."
"true," harry laughs. "i'm glad you're not mad at me anymore."
"harry, i was never mad at you," niall says honestly. "i was just worried. i'm always worried about you."
"you shouldn't be, that's not your job,"
"well for the past year i've watched you go through a self destructive cycle that's only brought pain for you. i'm tired of it, i'm your friend and it hurts me too, of course i'm worried,"
"niall..."
"i know you don't like talking about it but you've got to realize you have a problem by now,"
"i-i may have a drinking problem," he admits, and it's the first time he's ever said it. niall is taken aback too, harry would never admit to this. niall just goes over to him to hug him, harry accepts the hug with no hesitation. this is what he needs right now, warmth.
"we can talk about it, you're not alone in this," niall offers.
"i don't know what's wrong with me," harry says. "i think i'm too far gone to seek help."
"it's never too late for help harry," niall says. "whatever you need, i'll support you. we'll take this one step at a time."
"where do i even start from?" he laments.
"i don't know, but we'll figure it out together," niall assures his friend. he pulls and upset harry towards him and gives him a hug.
"thank you niall," harry says. "you've always had my back."
"you'd do the same for me," he says. harry gives him a smile.
"i don't want to go to rehab," harry brings it up because he feels like niall is about to mention it.
"you don't have to," he says. "we can start with baby steps. when was the last time you drank?"
"before coming here," he admits. "i don't drink to get drunk anymore, i don't even know why i do it."
"it's alright harry. how about we go to your house and throw out all the drinks you have?"
harry physically shivers from that. he had just restocked recently so he wouldn't have to rely on going to parties to get drunk. but he realizes he has to do this, he knows that the process is not going to be easy.
"okay," he agrees reluctantly. "let's go."
niall drives them both to harry's house. harry stares at his reflection of himself in the mirror wondering how he let himself get this bad without realizing. but at least he's self-aware now, maybe there's still hope.
"i kissed zayn at that party," he says, deciding to break the silence.
"you did?" niall asks, though he doesn't really look surprised.
"it was a mistake," he says. "i was drunk, and he was right there. i couldn't resist."
"he's always been your weakness," niall says.
"but he has a boyfriend now. i shouldn't have done that," he actually feels really bad about it, and the words zayn said to him after it happened still haunts him. but he isn't going to tell niall that zayn called him a whore (again), niall already dislikes zayn and he would go
"we all make mistakes, don't beat yourself over it," he says.
"he's going to hate me forever," harry sighs.
"it doesn't matter, you should focus on yourself harry," niall says. "and i think that's for the best, cutting him off would be good for your mental health."
"but these past few months without him i've been miserable,"
"it'll be hard but you'll survive," he says. "you don't need him for anything."
when they get to harry's house, they begin to check every storage space for harry's stored bottles. harry cringes as he watches niall put them in an empty garbage bag.
"sure that's all?" niall asks. he's got about ten bottles in.
"yeah, that's it," harry says. "promise."
"i'm proud of you h," niall smiles at him.
"thank you niall," harry smiles back.
"this is only the first step," niall adds. "you can't keep attending parties, you know."
"i realized that," harry says. "it's for the best. i've gotten sick of them, they always leave me feeling empty."
"i won't attend any too so you won't feel alone,"
"you don't have to do that ni,"
"i want to," he says. "instead of partying, we could do something else together. we could play a sport or something."
"i suck at sports," harry huffs.
"with those long limbs? that's surprising," niall chuckles. "we could join a club!"
"oh yes! let's join theater," harry suggests. "i always wanted to join."
"why not something fun?" niall pouts.
"acting is fun,"
"to you," he says.
"c'mon niall, you offered so don't back down now,"
"alright, alright. i'll join," he agrees.
"great," harry grins. "i'm so excited. i think i might actually go through with this."
"i believe in you harry, i know you can do it,"
harry walks up to him to give his bestfriend a hug.
...
it's been absolute silence between zayn and caleb. so zayn decides to go pay him a visit. he texts caleb when he gets there and caleb let's him into his dorm.
"hey," he says. "still mad at me?"
"yes," caleb replies, crossing his arms. they sit down on his bed.
"i expected that," zayn says. "but can we talk? i don't like how we are right now."
"go talk to harry," caleb spats.
"what? why would i-"
"did you tell him we haven't had sex yet?" caleb interrupts.
"no, why would i do that?" zayn looks confused.
"then how does he know!"
"i have no idea what you're accusing me of," zayn says. "if you could just calm down and explain then we could get somewhere."
"i spoke to him," caleb starts.
"again?"
"yes. i told him to stay away from you,"
"why? you shouldn't have done that caleb,"
"so you're taking his side now?"
"no, of course not. can you stop accusing me?"
"he knows we haven't had sex yet. and he rubbed it on my face, how does he know that zayn?"
"i don't fucking know. this is why you shouldn't have spoken to him in the first place, i'm sure he just said anything to get you mad and you fell for it,"
"it was very specific zayn, it wasn't just anything!"
"you're making a problem out of nothing. yeah, i know i messed up but you should be mad at me for what i did, not this. this was beyond my control, i didn't ask you to speak to him, it's not my fault he said something that bothered you. what do you want me to do caleb?"
"i want you to take my side," he says.
"i'm on your side,"
"it doesn't feel that way," caleb says.
"i promise i am,"
"how can you be on my side when you love him but not me?" caleb asks solemnly. "it's true, isn't it? you don't love me."
"i care about you, a lot," zayn says. "i can love you. we just need more time together."
"what if you don't love me even then? i wouldn't be able to handle it," caleb says. "i think we should just end it here. i can't compete with him. it hurts too much."
"what are you saying?"
"i think we should break up, zayn."
...
is this the end of zayn and caleb? 😔💔
struggled to finish this chapter today to keep my promise to yall of one chapter a week! i'm actually excited about the next one so the next update might come even sooner!